think back to a past love that didn't end so well. We all have that one don't we? do you remember your emotions throughout that relationship? that love that made you so vulnerable; that love that opened your chest and your heart just so someone can get inside you and mess you up; so you then build up all these defenses. You build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you.
Or so you think.
But then that one person wanders into your life and you give them a piece of you. they didn't ask for it, and you'd never offer it but they sort of just magnetized themselves to you. they did something to you one day and that just let you know your life will never be the same.
this is my current boat. it was so weird, and we both tried to deny it but both couldn't. love wasn't always fuzzy bunnies and smiles. love was the enemy sometimes. it takes hostages. it gets inside you, and it eats you and leaves you crying in the darkness. so a simple phrase like "i don't need this.." turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart, just tearing at your heart valves. not just in the mind.. but in the soul. it's a "real gets inside you and rips you apart" pain that they have yet found an anecdote to.
some times i can honestly say i hate love... but i can't stop myself from denying it. what will it take to get it through my head that this can really end up badly? i guess i can say i am addicted to the pain. addicted to the excitement. addicted to the unknown. addicted to not knowing what the fuck, when the fuck where the fuck or how the fuck things will end up.. and i guess that and that alone is what keeps me hooked.
It's times like these that make me wonder if love is real. is there really an emotion that can last forever, through the ups and downs of a relationship, through thick and thin? or is "love" something we just make up in our heads to satisfy our emotion we feel at the time? Or maybe we use the word "love" as a safety blanket. love is for sure a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one
too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you
put into it. so when love comes around, you should def not think of it as so scary, but more enticing, and
definitely worth your while.
just as life, love isn't fair either. after a month or so of getting serious, I realized how selfish I was being towards him. He isnt the one who hurt me, who destroyed my entire being yet I was keeping him at arm's length as if he was. Just waiting for me to tell myself "i told you so" He was so patient and so kind, and so understanding. The countless kind gestures made it all clear to me I really can make something work with him.
i am now willing to do anything in the world for him as long as it's good for his well being. im always there by his side, helping him through everything.
You may ask if it is really worth it? Worth possibly losing your individuality for this person? Worth losing the freedom of doing what you want when you want? No one will ever know what you have for another person. It's hard to understand.
All I can recommend is you TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS.
So I've been on Facebook quite a bit lately, and I've been seeing so many different friends of mine saying how much they hate themselves, their lives, their family... And while I am sure all of them have their own version of each reason, I pretty much summed it up to a few reasons why:
(A) Rejection We all must face rejection in our lives. Rejection from members of the opposite sex, rejection over a promotion at work, rejection at a life that does not measure up to the big plans we once had. Rejection will come, but we must not let it consume us. I have learned in the past that when rejection comes, it is not the end of the world. Sure, there are times I am depressed for a little while and there is a lot of self-examination, but over time I learned that rejection is not the end, but the beginning of something else.. something so much more beautiful.
(B): Love and Acceptance It is human nature to want to feel the love and acceptance of others, but when it doesn't happen in our timetable, we often turn to ourselves as the source of our failure. When someone does not accept or show love to you, don't hate yourself for it. Rather, take time to consider the situation surrounding why you were not accepted or loved. In the end, you will realize (like I did) that not everyone is going to accept you and love you. If you stay true to who you are, sooner or later you will find the love and acceptance you are looking for.
(C): Hitting Rock Bottom Have you ever felt like you've hit bottom? I'm talking about those times when you say, "If I only had one break, I know I could get out of this situation I am in." I can't help but think of Eminem's song titled "Rock Bottom." At one time in my life, that song spoke to me clearer than I spoke to myself. I know I have had quite a few times like that in my life and it is not a nice feeling. Many times when we are at rock bottom, we become extremely depressed that can lead to self-pity and self-pity can cause us to say, "I hate myself" for not being able to get out of this... funk. That funk can lead us to a downward spiral of self destruction before we even realize it.
Most of the time when we hit rock bottom it is by circumstances of our own making. In our minds, we feel that since we are the one who caused the problem we should be the ones to get ourselves out of the problem. When things continue to spiral downward, we start to play the blame game which always leads to wrong conclusions about ourselves. In the end, we start to hate ourselves for allowing things to get this bad. When you hit bottom, don't hate yourself. Swallow your pride and seek help ...don't be in denial. Help should always be welcomes with a warm embrace.
Hold yourself accountable for what you did to get to this point.
I know my strengths and weaknesses, and GUESS WHAT? I am going to make more mistakes, but I can't let the mistakes get to me. I know it sounds simple and it will take work, but when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on.
The words "I hate myself" by themselves hold no power over us, but the problem starts when you begin to believe the words. There were times I hated who I was and wanted to change myself so I could be like everyone else. Then one day I realized that I am not like everyone else. I am me, so I set out to be me and I soon found that I really love who I am. I did not take the things that happened to me so personally anymore. I do not know if it will work for you, but isn't it worth a shot?
Trusting people can be one of the biggest mistakes of your life.
You are hated if you're rich, you're hated if you're poor, you are hated if you have big boobs, or if you're as flat as a board. no matter what you are or have, there will always be one person that will truly try to show you down as they always wish to see themselves in your position.
Let's all admit - listening to juicy gossip is always somewhat exhilarating but always keep in mind that you just have to JUST listen, no speaking in front of such people, because sooner rather than later it will eventually be you that will be the center of their gossip.
People just seem to thrive off of belittling others. this is their ultimate drive as they get very irritated by seeing others progressing in their lives. All these people do not like to make good relationships with the people of higher ranks or their colleagues, so they try to befriend people who they consider "less" than themselves. for instance you always see a pair of friends-- one is obviously considered the pretty one, and she becomes best friends with an ugly duckling. when in reality, that pretty girl has an uglier inside than any other female you've ever met, which in return makes that pretty girl super ugly to the intelligent eye.. but that is just the thing-- how many people really have anything more than common sense?
Imagine what our world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions or skin colors or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions or lack of possessions or religious beliefs or customs or their general tendency to just be whoever the hell they are..
All these people who envy others always try to prove themselves the best amid everyone. They compliment themselves, post dozens of pictures of their face in 20 different angles (ugh, soo annoying) and then post things like "i'm sooo insecure" or "this is such an ugly picture of me" which really makes them sound like fools. We all need that attention, I get it, we are women. But let's not be so dramatic, shall we?
Sometimes it was a female so close to me, it hurt to cope with knowing the fact that she was doing those things I said above. So I'd indiscreetly distant myself from them.. by skipping their requests to get together, not called them/answered their phone calls or texts, made up excuses as to not hang out with them, etc. because some of the shit they do is just not acceptable.i know this may be considered fake or whatever on my part, but it's really just me not having the ignorance and mean bone in my body to tell them to their face how messed up they are for doing what they are doing to me behind my back. Like I said, this female was close to me. I couldn't understand why she would say such mean things about me and all the other stuff she did. I was at a lost as to what to do really.
I finally came to understand that all the people are different and have different natures. If i make any effort to change them, then i am wasting my time... well my time is done being wasted. i'm done worrying about society, and trying to get into people's minds to 'heal them' if you will. psychology is amazing, and just a little bit of studying can truly open your eyes to the ways people operate and why. and a looooooooot of it revolves around jealousy.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion. it can be the reason you cheat, the reason you tease, and even the reason some kill. so the next time you feel the urge to ridicule Justin Bieber, homosexuals, your friends or anyone else, just think about what your motive is, and the consequences. the world is not perfect and never will it be, but if you fight for the cause--- regardless, one more person will be able to live their life to their potential.
Holding on to my bad feelings about this is doing nothing but harming me, and everyone else, and preventing me from enjoying my life fully. I am an awesome person. I choose to enjoy my life. I choose to let this go and to me, that almost seems worth it considering the meanies probably never will.
most people today do not realize just how important making choices in life is. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you make a decision. maybe you won't know for twenty years, or maybe you find out in a few seconds.. && sometimes you'll never ever be able to trace it to its source when other times it'll be right in front of your face. in most cases, you only get one chance to play it out. because after all, your fate is what you create. i know i know, that is debatable.
Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved... so many people waste their lives in regret and i just think it's such a waste of life, a waste of valuable time others would give a million dollars for..
i know i talk about life being wasted, while i turn around and do it. but it's like i want to achieve perfection and try to avoid bad things, but there’s a devil in everyone.. we can't all be the way we want to be. we can't be [the person we preach to be entirely... and most of all, i can't please anyone, nor do i try anymore.
i became this way because of trust.
yep. trust- the word is just plain half ignorance applied to the concept that nobody can use it correctly, and in fact often abused. i can't do anything when my back is turned, i am blind. i am afraid of myself and every human being that has the power in their hands to deceive me.
&& what many don't know is it corrupts my mind, and way of thinking. that's where i start to dig, i dig myself a hole, a hole that i don't plan on ever getting out of.. what is this hole ?
this hole is wisdom.
For everyone that lies or turns their back on me, I become wise and more observant. you make me stronger. yep. put that in your pipe and smoke it ;)
all jokes aside, let's face it-- i don’t get the option of picking or choosing when ill excite you, bore you or piss you off.
i’m a chick to wrapped up in her own business to notice your jealousy most of the time, and when i do, i become so consumed in what's wrong with you that i don't even know what to start to say to you. i can't help that i got that attitude where if I don’t mean shit to you, then you don’t mean shit to me, its not being bitchy -- its being wise, don't get it twisted. lesson to learn: pretty faces can be monsters in masks. i can either be the cancer or the light of your life.
Maybe sometimes it's best to put up a shield as you head into the battlefield of love. Because then when we find ourselves defenseless as our hearts become exploited, we wonder where we went wrong?
Who decides its fate? Who decides the direction? what constitutes who has the "power" in a relationship? Is one always held above the other?
a. the one who bases her every decision around what her man will think, the one who does not go somewhere because her man doesn't let her, the one who asks her man if what she is wearing is okay before walking out of the house, the one who will cater to her man not in a loving way like destiny's child meant, but in the puppy dog way where you are a servant behind him picking up after him---well then, maybe it's time to find your voice. Search deep inside for your inner-strength and have the confidence to stand up for your beliefs and opinions. Get some self -respect because while you may claim you have it, you don't. This relationship involves you, which means you are equally as important as your partner. If you truly believe you "aren't good enough" for him - leave.. that kind of attitude isn't doing either of you any good.
b. if you find yourself "dominating" all relationships you become involved in, that isn't good either.
Are you the sole bread winner, and maintaining the household together? If you are finding yourself being the main decision maker, and he not even attempting to assist, then I see this ending badly soon.
Relationships are about two people working as a team in a single unit. Both individuals need to be actively involved in decision making. Too often we become consumed in a relationship where we have to "become one." it took me a long time but i realized that dating is not about finding your other half. dating is more about really discovering yourself and accepting that you are already whole. your man's purpose is to complement you, not complete you. I think without that equality of power in a relationship, a couple cannot function successfully. Hearts will be broken and someone will get hurt... like 95% of relationships do.
Relationships like this are damaging for someone will always end up hurt. Maybe you've been on both ends of the spectrum. I have. I had a hard time seeing where i stood. Though when I really listed out scenario by scenario, I realized I was not in a healthy relationship.
I think that we all forget how great we truly are.
I think sometimes we get caught up in how everyone else is defining us, that we forget to remember that the only thing that really matters is HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF and there is NO REASON for you to be trying to get a guys attention every single day… If he’s too blind to see what’s right in front of him, he’s not worthy of you… plain and simple, because the guy who can’t get you off his mind, the one who can tell you’re beautiful and mean it with all his heart, is the one you want.. not the one who’s with you… while he’s still looking for the next best thing. Take it form me, I am all too familiar.
i know that some times i may not look like I’m not all “put together” as I seem. Yes, everything on the outside of me is always perfectly done. But on the inside I’m truly a fucking mess at times. there is a more to me than what meets the eye. From the looks of me, it is easy to make the following assumptions:
conceited: in fact, i have more insecurities than the next girl. we all do. Does that mean I have to let the world know it? No. i hold my head up high && come off confident because i am very confident in my knowledge, and ability to accept the fact that I am who I am. I cannot obsess over unrealistic expectations.
know-it-all:i always just give out enough information. (i never disclose it all, that would be my ultimate defeat.) i am DEEPER than you think. I have been through it all, and therefore help those I know are heading down the path I was on. If I had someone telling me the way at that age I would've very much appreciated it. If you would like to contradict me, I'm game. I can most likely figure you out within 5 minutes of having a conversation with you
Once I do, I thirst for YOU to figure ME out. I believe myself to be genuine and I would never betray the ones I love. I value my family and those who are REAL. I am constantly thinking and I love to write poetry. i have Loved... Lost... and Learned. (( the three things that every soul should feel. )) i yearn for those that put a smile on my face. I crave for the one that will give to me what I will give to those that give back.
for the past several years i've pretty much kept to myself. too much circulation makes the price go down, if ya catch my drift. The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired.
You must learn when to leave.
Create value through scarcity.. then when you reappear--everyone will be like "wooooww you look amazing!" i've never really accepted the roles that society foists on me. i've recreated myself by forging a new identity-- one that commands attention and never bores my audience.
it took me a while to understand I am the master of my own image as opposed to letting others define it for me. i believe by doing this my power will be enhanced and my character will seem larger than life.
this year has opened my eyes to so much, i do not even know where to begin. i am just so much happier, so much more .. free. i feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i am finally that person i've been dying to be. last year was full of setting goals, and wanting them-- but not having the motivation nor the means to meet them. it's like Tracy DiMarco explains .. "it's like my dream dress. i see it in the window, i want it so bad.. but when i reach out to grab it-- i just can't.." word for word what my year last year was like.
When I began dating my new boyfriend, I was more determined than ever to get my shit together. I wanted to be a person I am proud to give to someone. After my previous relationship, my self confidence and respect were tarnished to such a degree. With that being said, I created a post on listing things i love and dislike about myself. My point is to list everything out-- get it all in print. Then one by one start finding solutions to things i dislike about myself, and to eventually have nothing to list under that list. I know I'm hoping for a lot but hey, we got to start somewhere right? =] ** i recommend any of my readers to really do this as well. you might think it's ridiculous, but when you actually read things you like or hate about yourself-- it's as if it hits you that much harder. maybe it's just me. **
((disclaimer: now girls, this cannot be something you know you can't change. for instance, your nose or the size of your chest. plastic surgery is not a solution i want you to pursue. && if you think it is, then truly ask yourself who you're doing it for and why you want it done?))
1. i love the fact that i am a people person. i can get along with just about any one, my personality is so diverse. I am great at entertaining, putting a genuine smile on someone's face is such a rewarding feeling. i can make even the grumpiest of people laugh.. even if it is a laughing AT me laugh.. ;)
2. i love that i am the first person to offer the shirt off my back to the ones i love, and the ones that i think deserve it. i don't mind sharing my last piece of gum nor last $10 to a friend who needs to buy diapers for her baby girl. As stated above, that truly warms my heart.
3. i love that i am able to differentiate between people who appreciate my generosity and people who take my kindness for weakness & try to take advantage of me without thinking i notice. i have a knack for reading people down to their cores. This isn't always the case, and sometimes I allow people to do so because I feel for them, and know it's not hurting me to help them even if they are taking advantage -- but that never lasts very long.
4. I love that I wake up super positive! Every day! I am happy to see the sun, and to see life!
Now what I want is for all of my readers to do the same. You will be surprised with what you may find out about yourself. You will begin to realize "hey, I do have some killer legs. Maybe I'll sport those capri pants I've been neglecting." or "hey, i can get a job--and will refuse to let my background define who I am, whether in my eye's or in my future employer's eyes."
The dictionary defines the word "guilt" as a "feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined." Guilt is that part of the human conscience that brings us up short and convicts us for actions and thoughts. Guilt is an inherent human trait that we more often than not naturally attempt to rid our lives of it. Guilt means there is a right and wrong way for us to operate and there are standards of what is good and what is worthy of guilt. thankfully, this guilt "gene" is something that we are born with.
I remember when my younger sister Catfish loved to walk up to any window, and just stare out of it. One specific time, it was a warm day during the summer months, and naturally with a large family home-- we had my 5 brothers and their friends along with 4 Labrador dogs constantly going in and out of the house all throughout the day, least to say flies were a problem. To our luck, Catfish was fascinated with flies and she attempted to catch them almost every time she seen one.. as with any thing else that flied or made a funny noise, and was smaller than her. Whenever I caught her trying to catch the flies, I would smack her hand or mouth (depending on how quick she was lol).
One day, she managed to catch one just as I walked into the room. She quickly put the fly into her mouth. Gross, I know. When I asked her where the fly was, she shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, little shit she is lol Her face was a picture of guilt and I could hear the fly buzzing inside of her pursed lips. I was able to free the fly by prying that little mouth open and the fly flew away. Where she then said "how'd that get in there!?" with her big blue eyes popped wide open. too cute, but not good considering flies are soooo dirty and disgusting. yes, i'd brush her teeth and rinse her mouth out quite thoroughly every time i caught her doing it, which fortunately wasn't THAT often because she hated the consequences I had for her
My point is, guilt is like that fly, it keeps buzzing until we deal with it. It's a buzzing problem.
There is a right way and a wrong way to deal with guilt. Trying to hide it, as my sister did to that fly, does not work. Strangely enough, the more a person is developed and the more they love and they care, the more they might experience guilt.
I used to consider guilt and shame one in the same. But after really thinking about it... they are very different, very different. Shame is more of that uneasy feeling we might get when we might get caught up for what ever it is we may have done. We might not care whether it was right or wrong necessarily... but we do care whether anyone knows about it or not. Whereas guilt is more related to right and wrong. It is not so much a matter of what others might think but what we ourselves think. I think the main answer is forgiveness. forgiveness means to stop blaming or being angry at another for what they have done, or just coming to terms with that person as a sort of agreement to let itbe wate r under the bridge. not only that but it is ultimately freeing yourself and sometimes even others from an feeling so down.. you need to realize that forgiveness does not mean thinking that what they did was right. When we forgive we still think that what was done was wrong, but we give up punishing ourselves by holding a grudge for what we or another did. We release && let it go.
dealing with guilt
what i really wanted to point out in this blog was ways to deal with the guilt one may have. there are many different techniques that some may consider common sense, but believe it or not common sense is not so common these days. not to mention when one's mind has soo much weight on it-- you can't expect that person to be able to think clearly.. one simple, but highly effective way is to list all the things we consider we did wrong.
everrrrrrrything we did. everrrrrrything we said. everrrrrrything we thought.
we do this until we feel we have emptied our mind of all the considerations related to the guilt. The trick here is to note those things which we might not think, at first glance to be wrong. but these are things we did or said that led to the problem, and to feeling guilty. one time i even added "feeling guilty" to my list.. it is definitely a good candidate! having made a full list and now we feel much better, we review the list and note what we need to do in future to avoid the problem. i find myself doing this most often when i am feeling upset or have a lot of anger inside... my first coping strategy is to write. i put my pen to the paper and let it bleeeeeed.
you may laugh at this but guilt brought me to the realization that I was a sinner... go ahead like i said.. laugh, like its such a shocker. LOL I realized I could not do anything about that on my own because we are all sinners. I would clear my mind by saying I was sorry or asking for forgiveness of those I offended, but that did not quiet the guilty feelings. But then I was told that I could bring my emotional feelings into balance by trusting in someone else. When we trust someone else, its typically because we think we need that person in our lives. So we create that bond that will maybe bend, but never break.
I made a pretty big mistake today and though I am not going to go into detail about it I will just say that I aggravated what could possibly be the most important people in my life. This was done simply because I didn't look into the future consequences of my actions and do what I needed to do to have the best result. We have all done this before and with a mistake the size of the one I made today often times we quit. It would be very comfortable for me to just sink back into a sense of safety and obscurity, but that wouldn't make us any better would it?
So what is the plan when we run into a wall as hard as possible to realize we couldn't move it? We clean up our wounds we created first and foremost but then? The answer should be we don't run into it again, and if it is a wall that has to be moved we use the tools we know can accomplish the job to get it done.
Rihanna got a new tattoo that says "no failures in life, only lessons".
What wise words to instill especially at this time in our present life when more and more people are looking at life from a negative light. We all have lessons we need to learn and incorporate in our daily lives, and the larger the lesson the bigger the game we are playing.
There are times when I feel incredibly alone. Like there is not a soul on this earth that could possibly understand the thoughts in my head. Like I am screaming at the top of my lungs and there isn’t a single person that can hear me. Like I am drowning in frigid, unmerciful waters without any hope of someone throwing me a life saver. And although all of this is a good reason for me to hole up in my apartment and wish for death, it is essentially what makes me alive. What makes me human. We all have our battles and the lifestyles we choose determine just how great our personal war with the world will be. Some people are satisfied with their role as the innocent civilian, while others want nothing but the front lines and an AK-47.
Can you guess where I would be? Def on the front lines, runnin up on lawns with guns drawn. I also wouldn’t mind going to battle with some of the most daring people the world ever saw. The real fighters. The ones who defied society and basically gave the finger to every social rule there ever was.
I just think it's funny how people never improve unless they look to some standard or example higher or better than themselves. i personally think the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
Love is really like a roller coaster because for as many ups and downs you two have went through, you're still ready to throw up after all is said and done.
I have been thinking about break ups, and how females deal with them these days. no longer do i see girls crying about the ones they loved, but now in this anger phase and an almost vengeful manner on a road to fuck him over as hard as possible.. i mean, i know it almost embarrasses some girls to say that they loved their ex, but hey, we got to kiss a few frogs to find our prince right? sucks when the guy has the personality of a toad and the looks of a prince though. But if he's stupid enough to walk away, you have to be smart enough to let go right?
So it starts out as this.. while with him.. you swear the song "With You" by Jessica Simpson was your anthem. That's how happy you were. Everyone knew how insanely in love you were with him, and how he was your world. you cut off a lot of relationships with people for him, and put him in the center of your world. you went against my family for him. you would do anything to spend one minute with him.. ya'll were so happy. Then... **drum roll** everything came crashing down. && i swear this crash was bigger than the world trade center buildings collapsing. now your theme song at this time was "Why do I stay in Love?" by Mariah Carey.
Things just got wayyy out of hand. You cant believe the shit you were taking, and it always pissed you off to hear people tell you "oh you deserve better leave leave leave" blah blah blah. seriously. you know this. but at the time, you didn't have options. but the truth was, you were scared. no forget that, you were terrified_ of everything! you were so scared of walking out of that house believing you would never feel again.. believing there would never be another man for you.. believing you could never share all about you with someone else as you did with him.. not only that, but you just felt like you had no one because of all the burned bridges.
So of course, this breakup has to be the most challenging thing in the world. Is there a such thing as an easy break up? not in this world. Then you started thinking about him. family knew it all along, but you purposely ignored them. didnt want to believe it. and you still don't. but you have to. He tried to control the fuck out of you because he lacked stability elsewhere in his life. Because you loved him, you let him do this. Because he was the first and all youve ever knowm; you allowed it. you considered his jealousy his way of "Caring" but really he did not know what he had.
i think break ups are the biggest lessons to learn in life, they build at least 50% of your character, your friends don't understand your position and you didn't understand theirs. i think the funny thing about breakups is they point out what we didn't even know we had, but don't give us the option of going back into battle armed with that knowledge. if u knew what you know now, you would do a few things differently. you wouldn't have been such a fool to change every aspect of your life to suit his wants and needs. don't regret it because, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"..
So after the split, youre stuck listening to all the breakup songs in the world.. hence my list of theme songs within this blog alone. lol i swear if breakups never existed, the music industry would go bankrupt. Of course, you incessantly cry yourself stupid just figuring out what and how things got sooo bad.. where did it start? was it something you said? was it something we both are guilty of? how did it escalate so high and neither of us notice? but you know what girly?
time.
they say its never on our side but when it comes down to it -- there's a time for everything.. There's a time to speak up, and a time to be silent... there's a time to learn and a time to teach.. there's a time to listen and a time to be heard.. there's a time to LOSE and a time to gain.. and that time is now. Which is why you should no longer rebound your decision. don't go on saying you gave him up-- cus YOU did not give up ANYTHING-- he gave YOU up by treating you the way he did. he didn't think you'd leave, and took advantage of it and pushed it the furthest extent he could.. til u just snapped. your bond broke in two, beyond repair.
then you find yourself looking at all of your photos with him. pictures are what you have when you have lost everything else.. then it creeps into your dreams (or nightmares rather) but when u give up both the photos and the dreams.. the only thing left is bliss. so why do u still feel so shitty? i think i can take a guess.. because trying to forget about someone who was your world for years and years is like trying to remember somebody you never met. impossible. :( how can this be? I was always the girl that was going to be married before everyone else, settle down. i never got into the crazy single lifestyle.. i liked being tied down, why? because it felt safe. I was stable in life. i liked knowing what my plans were. i guess i was putting things backwards a bit.
pain is inevitable :: suffering is optional.
I always thought I was one of the lucky ones, ya know when the love was like lightning, short lived and intense. You spent days daydreaming and doodling his name over every inch of your notebook. Just thinking about holding hands was enough to give you butterflies. Then one way or another, he breaks your heart, and you feel every single shattered piece tearing you apart. For about a week. Then the next crush comes along and life is amazing again. I never went through the make up break up shit. it was different for me. him and i were together going strong for 8yrs years. Now it’s more like thunder. It starts off with an explosion and then slowly wears itself out. When you really want it, you can only hear it faintly in the distance, over some other town. And when you just want it to stop, it seems to linger on forever.. why can't it just be over with? do break ups really have to be this way?
there's always room for improvement, and Lord knows I have definitely got to realize what i can deserve, and that's more than an immature asshole. i now vow to always remember myself and what I want in every situation. I would respect myself enough to consider my own feelings. I’d learn how listen to gut feelings and realize that that’s my heart trying to give me a hint on where to go. I would never ever again allow someone to disrespect, neglect, or make me feel inferior.
I am done feeling inferior, considering I had a firm hand in all of it.
Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, and she’s right.
I had the power to ensure that I did not feel second best, but I had not yet realized where that power lied nor how to use it.
i've dealt with the most turmoil last year. i don't know how the people i've considered my heart can be so judgmental, deceitful, and most of all resentful. i wanted to dig into resentment because i think it can come from all different types of people you associate yourself with -- not just family but coworkers, friends, or even neighbors.. even people you only considered acquaintances. however first, i think in order to learn how to deal with all of this, one must truly have a good understanding of what resentment is, its causes and the thoughts that linger in the resentful person’s mind.
i think resentful people have this constant belief that someone or something has harmed his or her well being on intention, and therefore has to be a spiteful bitch in return in order to feel even and/or happy. Personally, i think resentful bitches are usually an indication of weakness as the resentful person is someone who has failed to defend herself or has failed to stop others from harming her and therefore have no better way than becoming resentful towards them... assuming this is the way to go.
in order for these people not to hurt their egos, to admit failure or to carry responsibility lots of people decide to become resentful in order to throw the blame of all the bad things that happened to them on someone else. Because , ya know, after all is said and done, its hurts wayy less to say "life is unfair or evil" than to say I should have worked harder or i am a lazy fat slob.
oh and, keep in mind i am talking about resentful haters who you have NOT hurt intentionally but they think you have.. if you are dealing with a resentful person who you have intentionally screwed, then you can deal with that your own way on your own, sorry but karma is a bitch.
but i think that in many cases a person can incorrectly perceive some facts and become resentful without even making sure of the information he or she has in the least bit factual.
when it comes to preventing resentment, your role should really be on making sure that you don’t let the other people get you wrong, after all good communication skills is about not being misunderstood as much as you can even if you are doing nothing wrong.
but in my case, a lot of the resentment stems from jealousy. i truly believe underlying resentment can be feelings of jealousy from one person to another. for instance, having a girl believe that your success has proved them to be failures (how can someone's success bring pain?) or how she believes you may be in possession of things like a job that you don't deserve or that she should have..
communication is the number one way to combat these type of females.
you have to be able to give an explanation of your actions as much as you can if your actions will affect them directly.. whether you realize it initially or not. the way i prevent resentment is all about being clear so that you don’t get misunderstood. when the resentment comes to a point that i am not sure why or have not done anything intentionally, that's when you really have to sit that person down and just c.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.e !!!!!!!
I swear whoever wrote the lyrics to "breaking up is hard to do" was right on the money. unfortunately the odds are not in us ladies' favors when it comes to this traumatic experience, lol. in fact, most of us will experience at least one heart breaking break up sometime in our lines, and 1 out of every 3 females experience one that leads them to having mental issues that can severely affect her life. although no one can fully prepare you for and there are a few breakup words that will ease your pain, i can at least try to.. lol i'll always still believe advice goes a long way.
So listen up biiiiiits!!! here is how you can be closer to healing your broken heart.
Here are my stages of grief that i think girls will most likely experience throughout a break up.. the five stages of grief as they apply to a breakup that is:
denial: && "no it's not just a river in Egypt". you deny the break-up has happened and isolate yourself from your loved ones. to help get through this stage, accept what has happened and don’t be afraid to ask for support from those who love you and are there for you.. i know you might not want to hear it but face the fucken truth && do it. without doing this first step, you will not make it to the second. you might tell yourself this is just a temporary separation; you’re bound to kiss and make up.
resisting the urge: i knowwww it’s difficult to fight the urge to get in touch with your ex, but you have to resist it. && yes, this means no making up excuses to see him (I have to get back my one sock back...) etc. been there done that .. and the visits only lead to hot, amazing sex that gives him the upper hand yet again. You have to say NO.
anger: it's only natural to become angry with your ex and maybe even with yourself for the cause or circumstances of the breakup. personally, what i did to help deal with my anger was wrote a letter addressed to my ex, without the intention of giving it to him of course, cus i'd probably hit a nerve no girl wants to hit. It is amazing how you can really get down and dirty with your feelings, and how you end up pouring your heart out once the point of your pen leaks onto the paper. After you’re done, put it aside and come back to it another day, reread it once, then toss it if you want. i actually saved all of mine, mainly because i didn't really write them when we broke up because we only have once, but more so when we got into an argument or at a time i felt incredibly hurt by him.. i go back to them after a while and it's weird how i have a totally new perspective on things. this eventually lead to me keeping a journal of my feelings. Looking back on the things I wrote reminded me of our low points. I needed that reminder to get away from him, and stay. Ladies, this method works best for me because i think writing can be incredibly therapeutic. i know most not feel this way, but obviously with my having my own blog site, i'm going to feel taht way.
bargaining: this is probably the most common thing females tend to do.. i can almost guarantee it, don't deny it. you bargain with your ex to take you back, telling him that you were wrong, what changes you’ll make, and so on. Or, you get others involved in trying to get him back for you. This stage often involves irrational actions such as calling him no matter how trivial the reason. don't fall lame to the game baby girls! you have to be on top of it, have HIM come crawling back to you!
acceptance: this is about the final stage of grief i think we all endure. the female typically comes to terms with the breakup, and she no longer feels anger or deep sadness about it. While thinking about your ex is still normal, you’re able to move on with your life to be productive and emotionally healthy again. Some females have a hard time coming to this stage, I think it takes an incredible amount of strength and dignity to even follow through with passing this stage. With acceptance comes the ability to move on.
But you shouldn’t expect all of the above to happen overnight. It will take time, faith in yourself and a supportive group of friends and family to get you through.
the most important thing i can say ladies is back away from zeee ex!!! real talk! i know you're in the bargaining stage of grieving the demise of a what seemed to be an amazing relationship, so you may try to get in touch with him. But, there are two reasons why calling, emailing or visiting his crib is a BAD idea. why? just because you convince yourself your ex is thinking about you just as much as you're thinking about him. he's not. but the next reason is the more contact you have with him, the less likely you’ll be able to move on. Every time you write to him, talk to him or visit his house, you’re taking a step backward instead of forward. not only that but it makes you look completely desperate and gives him the upper hand.
i seriously only think of these two specific quotes when i think of getting over a break up and/or when healing a broken heart: “Time heals all wounds” and “Where one door closes, another one opens.” i know, kind of cheesy but absolutely true . while you may not be able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel now, ii can guarantee that the day will come when you’ll know that your broken heart has officially healed.
