Sunday, March 01, 2020

Happiness is a state of being

If you’re serious about changing your life, you’ll find a way. If you’re not, you’ll find an excuse.

Money will not bring you happiness. The perfect banging bod will not bring you happiness. Your dream house will not bring you happiness. Having a partner will not bring you happiness.

But poverty won't bring you happiness either. Being sick and and unwell won't bring you happiness and being homeless most likely won't. Wandering alone the rest of your life probably isn't where happiness is either- unless that's truly your thing.

We're all searching for happiness and after a lot of my own searching this is what I have found:

Happiness is a state of being.

It's an inside thing. maybe, if you put your disbelief aside, roll up your sleeves, take some risks, and totally go for it, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re living the kind of life you used to be jealous of.

The outside details are up to you to fill in how YOU want to live this life. But most times the power we have to create our life gets tangled with the projection, shame, and "shoulds" floating around.

So if no one has told you:

This life is YOURS. And the best part is you get to create every juicy detail!!

Don't let anyone put limits on how you show up in this life, how you experience this life, and how you move through this life. You can have everything that your heart desires. But first, the inside thing must be worked on or none of the outside things will matter or show up even if you want them to.

Comparing what you have and your results to what other people have and have accomplished can really kill your motivation. There are always people ahead of you. Focus on you. On your results. And how you can and have improved your life.

What does happiness look like for you when you don't have to choose this or that??

I had to work on the inside- where happiness is cultivated and birthed, and I had to abandon every single notion that any one else shoved in front of me regarding what was acceptable for my life.

I get to decide. And so do you. How amazing is that?

Wednesday, January 01, 2020

Thank You Note

This is a note of thank you to the man who never had the balls to claim me.

Although I am a strong woman these days, I realize I still have so far to travel on this journey, I also feel immensely thankful for all those “maybes” and “what ifs.”

Thank you for teaching me to embrace, love and revel in my wild.

I am appreciative for those who I made uncomfortable with my truth. It was only through learning how much others don’t like the truth exposed, to learn for myself how much I crave its very existence—if truth were a drug it would be my favorite high.

Thank you for teaching me to never be afraid of the darkness that the truth may hold. 

I’m gratified for each and every time that I felt I wasn’t getting what I needed from a man—because in fact I wasn’t. It was only through looking at what I didn’t have that made me realize what I do want. While I may travel along empty back roads by myself at times, I also have realized that it’s okay to not accept less than what I deserve, regardless of if it makes sense to others or not.

Thank you for showing me everything that I don’t want, so that when I finally come face-to-face with what I do want—I’ll have the courage to go after it. 

I am thankful for the insecurities that your actions brought out in me, because if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. In looking at what emotions the behaviors of the others were triggering in me I had the ability to look at myself and make the choice on how I wanted to feel. It was only through this experience I learned no one can make me feel a certain way unless I give them permission to do so.

Thank you for helping make me into the strong confident woman that I am today. 

Even though at the time it is never easy, I am simply so grateful that you never loved me enough. We never love the same way twice, and while I know in your own way you did love me, it wasn’t the kind that could keep me warm on a blustery winter’s eve. Thank you for showing me that I don’t want someone to be only half in love with me, or to merely appreciate me--but to leave them breathless.

Thank you for teaching me the love I seek is the one that is extraordinary. 

I am so grateful that I was able to feel what it was like to be trapped by normality, because it taught me that I will never fit into any sort of box or label. I was not put here to make others feel comfortable, but instead to make them feel alive.

Thank you for never appreciating me for my individuality and spirit, because it taught me how important it is to stay true to myself. 

Although being alone was tinged in isolation at times, I realize now that it was in those moments that I was able to take root and bloom into myself. Finding our own way in this world where so many think they know what is right for each of us is the most difficult work we will do. I will always be grateful for you trying to change me so that I was able to realize I am exactly as I should be..

Thank you for leaving me with my loneliness so I could find my way back to myself.

I am so appreciative for you having tried to make me the woman behind the man, because it was there in the shadows I learned that I am meant to be a partner and nothing else. I can create a lot more trouble in this world next to a man who appreciates my fire.

Thank you for attempting to dim my light so I learned that I needed to burn as bright as I could.

Thank you for not being the man that I needed, so that instead I was able to see the woman I already was. 

Thank you for never having the balls to stake a claim on my heart, because it left the space and opportunity for someone who was brave enough to take a chance on the wonderful desire of the unknown, someone who cultivates every trait you tried to suppress...

Thank you for being all wrong, because it showed me what right looks like—and for that I will always be eternally grateful.

 Image may contain: 1 person, standing and dancing

“The right man will love all the things about you that the wrong man was intimidated by.”  ~ Unknown

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

That Simple, Folks!

Okay - so without going into details, I wanted to post about some revelations I have experienced the past couple years. While I mostly consider my life private, I also feel I have a lot to tell the world, to help the world, to help girls who were in my shoes 5 years ago. Thus the point of this post...
Image result for you have grown up
Some people really need to understand their complaints, drama, victim mentality, whining, blaming, and all excuses have NEVER gotten them even a single step closer to their goals or dreams. I just want to grab them and shout "Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it! Today is a new day!" but even that won't work for some. They have to learn on their own.. you can only hope they will.

I was in that same position. I felt there was no way out, so I had to do what i had to do to justify all the wrongdoing I did in my mind. I had to remind myself I am a good person, and I may be doing a bad thing but it is for a greater cause. Yeah, it was all bullshit. I was justifying being a piece of shit.

It took me a while to understand this. I still have my moments; but I have made peace with my past. I was so headstrong yet I allowed a person to control me. To hurt me. To hurt those I love. To kill everything that I ever loved.

My point is there comes in life you just get to that point.  There are times in my life when I have been medicine for some while poison for others. I used to think I was a victim of my story until I realized the truth; that I am the creator of my story. I choose what type of person I will be and what type of impact I will leave on others. I will never choose the destructive path of self and outward victimization again. You decide to become who you hang out with - So hang out with people who are living on purpose, who meet their challenges with a step aside, suckers attitude, who are dating super awesome people, making exactly the kind of money they want to be making (or working toward it) or taking the kinds of vacations they, and you, want to be taking, and you’ll not only see what’s possible for you

Life is not compassionate towards victims. The trick is not to see yourself as one. It's never too late! I know I've felt like the victim in various situations in my life, but, it's never too late for me to realize that it's my responsibility to stand on victorious ground and know that whatever it is I'm experiencing or going through, those are just the clouds rolling by while I stand here on the top of this mountain! 

Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions become our habits, and our habits become our realities

you grow the fuck up. 

Or, you don't - That simple, folks!

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

winter fashion xx

Winter is coming here full force, and i am dreading every minute. Chicago was recently hit with a couple inches of snow, and that alone was a nightmare. Luckily I got a car cover for the new car, sucks not having a garage lol anyway, so we all want to look our best, but it’s just so hard to bundle up and still score high in the looks department..

so instead of forfeiting style for comfort, i wanted to share my best kept secrets on items of clothing i have always been thrilled about wearing throughout these harsh winter months. drum
roll please...

winter accessories ;;
hats, gloves, scarves -- i used to dread all of these as a kid when my mother made me wear everrrryy single thing you can think of. I felt like the kid in a christmas story who couldn't put his arms down, lol these days, i am obsessed with hat, glove, and scarves sets. i have a nice soft set in white, red, and purple. White I wear on days I go more natural with make up because I don't want it rubbing off. Here are a few ways I rock them:

scarf knots

sweaters ;;
Every closet requires that one sweater that scores an A+ in comfiness, looks, and warmth. i copied +  pasted a picture of my two favorite sweaters i have that im obessed with. this first one is pretty light. it's good to work out in. I have no idea why but Gray is generally my go to color for the cold months. I love them because they go past my butt, providing added warmth. if i have to run errands to do, i throw leggings and my uggs on, & im ready to go. the second sweater much more heavier. this one is awesome for being on the go, keeping very warm, but also not easily moveable in it lol


these are my current go to pair to wear when running out of the house. they're warm, stylish, and keep the snow out of my ankles/feet! in Chicago, thats almost inevitable! it took me a while to hop on the ugg bandwagon because i used to think they were so ugly, but i can tolerate black uggs and leopard print ones like i have pictured below. the whole sequence and sparkle idea isn't really my thangg.

Knee high and over the knee high boots! I am OBSESSED. I get mine from Discovery, Forever 21, and -- Wait for their sales! Skinny jeans pair so well with them. I prefer ones with ties on the back for when I wear them with dresses though as they tend to slide down when I walk.

Trendy fall outfit ideas to inspire yourself 01

leggings ;;
leggings have always been a favorite to us ladies. the other day i went to Stratford mall in Bloomingdale, and saw 'sweater leggings' these ones below in the picture are ones i would wear lounging around the house, or on a day of running errands. Thick cozy ones! I am obsessed with leggings, and wear them every day!

leg warmers ;;
okay these are my #1 favorite winter accessory to wear. i love me some leggings! i have just about every color you can think of.. a whole drawer dedicated to them and my leggings. i like to wear them with my boots over leggings as pictured in the second image.


miscellaneous accessories;;

I want these soooo bad. Definitely adding them to the wishlist. I saw them on pinterest though... does any one know of a store/company who sells a pair similar to these pictured?? please tell me.
i have to have these by winter's end !!!

Who ever came up with this idea is genius. i have so many shoes i hate wearing no socks with. its like wearing gym shoes with no socks to sure you all can relate. therefore these would work perfectly for heels that i'd wear pants with. i have a few pairs this would suite well.

My absolute favourite textures that are winter appropriate are leather, flannel, velvet, knit, faux fur... what i can pass on are tweed, sequins, shearling...not my thing. i really enjoy watching the women of downtown chicago dress their winter finest. the outfits below are from my account

i would love to have just ONE of those outfits!! everyone in a cold state, stay warm!!

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

life is a gamble

Lately, it’s been hard for me to find the words.

I used to dream up blog ideas while standing in line at the grocery store, or while going on my numerous walks. Topics would hit me in the shower, while driving to work, during long drives to who knows where. And how I have lost this passion is beyond me. I have an idea, I draft it up, get about halfway, and stop. Not sure why, but I am just second guessing myself a lot lately. I  have been going through so much lately, and I just feel like I am losing control a bit.

In any case, I am working on getting out of this funk. When most kids were playing with dolls and toy cars, I was playing with words. Creating stories. Getting lost in worlds that were so much more peaceful than my own. How can I possibly regret this wonderful gift I was given? The answer is I don’t.

Life is a gamble. 

There are times when you are up and times when you are down. There are times when the house takes you for all you are worth and you are left broken and alone. But the point is to stay in the game. At casinos, this is point you need to call a gambling addiction hotline. In life, this is the point where you begin to fly.

Peace & Love <3

Sunday, October 01, 2017

Maintaining That Summer Glow..

Summer is over!

I am actually really sad; but I have so many things coming up the next few months so those events alone are keeping my spirits up! This is the season us ladies tend to hit the tanning beds most frequent to maintain a glow during this awfully cold season.. unless of course you are one of the lucky ducks that live in warm weather all year round! (So jealous!) Tanning Beds have got a lot of flack over the years, and for good reason! We all are aware of the dangers of UV rays & skin cancer & blah blah blah.. So we'll just skip all that lecturing stuff and jump right into what this post is really about. So, if you are looking for an alternative solution to the tanning bed, look no further. This is a rather long post so you might as well get a snack and a six pack, and enjoy!


Million Dollar Tan- Tan Icon Extreme

Rating: 9.0
If you're in with the beauty blogging world, you are probably aware this is the MOST endorsed self tanning product among the best gurus. I love this product for the tan guard, its spray formula, ease of use, and flawless finish. The brush allows better & more controlled blending than a glove (especially around the hands, elbows, and knees). With that said, for it being an "Extreme" tan it's really not that extreme... well until you shower... and then watch your tan swirling down the drain. What you are left with is still tan, just not extreme (on me at least. Keep your own skin tone in mind when comparing.... if you are really pale you might be blown away haha). Unless there is some secret to locking it in, that's why I knocked off some points. Otherwise, I do really love everything else about this product.

Million Dollar Tan- Cabana Tan Face
Rating: 10.0

When it comes to self tanners, I strongly believe for the best, streak less results, a tan guard is a MUST. This product is the exception.. and maybe it is because you can see the entire surface of your face versus the rest of your body so you can blend it better? Whatever it is, this tans my face so amazingly natural and flawless... not to mention the smell will literally drag you away into paradise. I cannot find one bad thing to say about this product, and in fact, I have become so obsessed with it I have ZERO desire to try any other face tanners. This is the STANDARD product for the face.. not the Extreme. I have medium skin and it tans my face to perfection.

St. Tropez Bronzing Mousse

So when it comes to St. Tropez versus MDT, I gave this one half a point more ONLY because of the color payoff. The color result you get (from standard variation) is almost identical to the color result of MDT Tan Icon Extreme. It is only slightly lighter.. slightly. I can't even imagine the result from the Dark variation. As far as watching it go down the drain after showering, this does the same thing... and also kind of stinks after 8 hours. I always apply my tanners before bed so it's not like I was running a marathon. The smell when I wake up kind of bothers me, my boyfriend too - but there is nothing soap & water can't fix!

L'Oreal Sublime Deep Natural Tan

Rating: 8
Straight up, this is a true dark tan.. and almost instantly. It develops quick. It is cheap, easy to obtain, and perfect if you're on a budget. A little bit goes a long way too. The only thing that bothers me is the shimmer that comes with it.. If I apply at night, a lot of the shimmer seems to be gone by
morning (thank you sheets). This DOES rub off on clothes slightly too. It claims it does not, but it does (Don't worry, it washes out). The smell is also a little too "sunscreeny" for my liking, but hey that's just me. All & all this honestly is a great tanner for the price and availability... plus it gets ya darker than both St. Tropez & MDT.. but again, downfall is it comes off quicker so you need to apply 2-3 times a week.

Available at any drug store.

Sephora Tinted Body Mist

Ratimg 7.5

Comparing this among the others really is not fair. As it is a "tinted mist" this is not typically meant for an all over color. I mean, I guess you can use it for that, but I personally don't think you will be impressed. I got it as a gift, and that is the only reason I am including this. I think it is the perfect product for touch ups or when you are running out the door. We've all been there.. put a little swanky top on to find your chest & arms are pasty as shit. That is when this product comes into play. Just spray and blend into desired areas and boom. Instant tan. Instant. (I apply 2 coats).

My favorite:

Fake Bake Flawless

The best tan, the one I rated number one and also the best I have ever used is FAKE BAKE FLAWLESS. It costs $20. This, to my surprise came not only with a latex glove but also a velvety textured mitten which ensured a more even and easy application. The absolute best and most positive thing about this product is the fact that it does not smell! Well it does, but it smells of soap or light perfume rather than chemical/product. My tanned skin after showering was amazing. I had finally achieved the perfect golden glow! It wasn't a harsh dull brown, it was golden. I also found that moisturizing every night means that this process only has to be repeated once per week which is obviously a huge bonus. This great fake tan has been awarded top marks by me and has earned itself a permanent place in my bathroom. :)

Self Tanner Crash Course
Tan Guards: If you have ever used a self tanner, you know some come in white lotions or are transparent when applied. And then there are others that are just straight up brown-- that's the tan guard. It allows you to see exactly where you are applying (my preferred method) to prevent streaks or missed areas. I will absolutely not use anything else.

Safety: My best friend recently complained to me about how pale she was, but did not want to use the tanning bed anymore. I suggested a self tanner to her and she replied back that "self tanners are harmful to your skin.. blah blah blah," so here's the truth:

The main ingredient in self tanners is DHA, a property derived directly from the sugar cane plant. When applied, DHA reacts with dead skin cells and leaves a temporary color. DHA is 100% approved by the FDA, and there is no evidence to support it is harmful, even for you prego ladies! However, it can enhance the reaction of UV rays, so always wear sunscreen when being exposed to the sun for a long period of time... especially when using self tanners. The bottom line: DHA is not a harmful chemical, it's a complex form of sugar. Who doesn't like sugar?? ;-)

Fading: Additionally, you should know this up front: If you are looking for a self tanner that is not going to become "blotchy" or "patchy" after a few days, you're never going to find one. Ever. That's just an overall con about self tanners that is inevitable. You shed millions of skin cells daily so when your tanner starts becoming "blotchy", it's not the tanner itself, it's your dead skin cells wearing away. Your activeness will determine how quick, and where you will start to find patchy spots. Sweat can also knock some time off your self tanner. As you sweat, it brings the tanner to the surface. So if you work out every day as I do, it will fade sooner. With that said, although a tanner last X amount of days, I tend to apply more frequently to prevent patchiness before it occurs. Ex: Million Dollar Tan lasts 5-7 days so I apply every 4 days because I work out 2-3 days a week.

Exfoliating: Although DHA reacts with dead skin, you want your epidermis (outer layer) to be even and free of impurities. Exfoliating before any tanning in general is very important to ensure an even tan. Exfoliating prior will help make your tan last longer too.

Removal: If you have ever used a self tanner, you know trying to remove it is a pain in the butt, especially if you have neglected your tan and are starting to look like you have a skin disease from the splotchy areas. We've all been there, right?! Fortunately, I know of a few methods to help. The first I stumbled upon by complete accident when I was testing eye shadow swatches on my arm. I took a makeup remover wipe and started wiping the swatches off (not gentle, but not too forceful either, just enough pressure) and noticed my tanner began lifting off my skin as well. it made my exfoliating process so much easier and more effective. It's like it had already done half the work and lifted most of it to the surface. So ever since, I do a quick rub down with makeup remover wipes before the 2 methods below. The other is just to exfoliate and use a stronger soap.

additional tips;;
please try your best to follow my tips as it really can make or break your tan.
[ 1 ] Forward planning is the key. You need at least two days of gentle exfoliation, do not try and scrub at your skin the day of tanning in one go, trust me it doesn’t work, especially if you already have a build up of tan on your skin. I recommend the Body Shop’s exfoliation gloves, $3.90 which are fantastic for boosting circulation and getting rid of dead skin. Always moisturize well afterwards for skin so smooth you’ll be making everyone feel it.
[ 2 ] Careful not to apply too much moisturizer to your body before tanning as it may not react well. Only apply moisturizer to your dry areas. For me this includes hands and feet, elbows, knees and the area around my under arms. Leave this to sink in for around 10 minutes before applying your tan, this will ensure the lotion does not stick to your dry areas and leave them looking darker.
[ 3 ] Application. Always always use a mitt or gloves, brown hands are a tell tale sign your sun-kissed glow might have come for a bottle and are to be avoided at any cost. I favor a mitt which you can pick up from Boots for around $3 as it acts like a foundation sponge and minimizes streaks. The amount of lotion you need will become clear through trial and error but remember less is more, you can always go back and top it up. Start at your feet and work your way up your body to avoid any wrinkle lines on your stomach. Remember you are not trying to run the lotion in but coat your body in a thin layer of it.

[ 4 ] The lotion is best applied at night and left for a minimum, I would recommend, of ten hours. Leaving it for less time can often mean the color doesn't develop as dark and with such a pricey product you want to make sure you get optimum results.

[ 5 ] Always shower in the morning to rinse off the tan, you do not want to be sitting in a brown bath. Don’t be alarmed at the color you see in the mirror, the tan will have developed over night and the majority will wash off in the shower leaving the stain on your body. Use a gentle shower gel and sponge so as not to remove too much of the color.

Are you all tanned out not?? Ready.. set.. get tan!!

Have you tried any of these products? What are your favorite self tanners?

Monday, September 04, 2017

nails of the week xx

Nails of the week!

Sinful Colors 

I love this brand for the price I pay for it-- the polish does not chip easily. I also love how the application is.. the brush adds easily and it doesn't clump up nor streak like some other nail polishes at my local drug stores. 

Image result for spring nails

I am pretty sure this brand is worldwide; if it is not I sure hope they work on becoming so because it is definitely one of my top favorites for drug store brands! Have any of you used this brand yet? Do you have any favorite colors?

Let me know in comments below! I follow for a follow, and comment for comment!! :))

Happiness is a state of being

If you’re serious about changing your life, you’ll find a way. If you’re not, you’ll find an excuse. Money will not bring you happiness. ...