Tuesday, April 04, 2017
life is a gamble
I used to dream up blog ideas while standing in line at the grocery store, or while going on my numerous walks. Topics would hit me in the shower, while driving to work, during long drives to who knows where. And how I have lost this passion is beyond me. I have an idea, I draft it up, get about halfway, and stop. Not sure why, but I am just second guessing myself a lot lately. Jeff and I have been going through so much lately, and I just feel like I am losing control a bit. He is so amazing to be my strength when I am feeling weak, but I am just not sure what it is that is wrong.
In any case, I am working on getting out of this funk. A lot of people cope by relying on close friends to get them through the tough times. I unfortunately do not have friends. I have a few girls I associate with, but no actual best friend. You never really realize how much this sucks until you have patches like this. I often wonder why I was given this hand and whether or not I regret laying down certain cards. But then I think about how Life is all about taking what you are given and making the most of it. I firmly believe that I do this each and every day. And it turns out my writing, not my other bad choices i make, is what ended up hurting me in the end.
Now there is some fucking irony.
When most kids were playing with dolls and toy cars, I was playing with words. Creating stories. Getting lost in worlds that were so much more peaceful than my own. How can I possibly regret this wonderful gift I was given? The answer is I don’t.
Life is a gamble.
There are times when you are up and times when you are down. There are times when the house takes you for all you are worth and you are left broken and alone. But the point is to stay in the game. At casinos, this is point you need to call a gambling addiction hotline. In life, this is the point where you begin to fly.
Also on my mind today…
Summer is coming - and we have a rooftop deck that needs some decor. I already have some items coming, but so excited to get some great furniture for it. Stay tuned as I am trying to do more DIY/Pinterest ideas as opposed to purchasing decorative items..We will see how it geos!
Also, we are adding a new family member to the apartment - and no I am not pregnant. So essited!
Next month is going to be intense. Bring it.