Friday, December 25, 2015

holler if you hear me ...

my life thus far: what a fucking roller coaster.



I love how women talk about women they do not know, but are clearly jealous of. How she has more boyfriends than tampons in a year, and how she dyes her hair a different color every month. well not I. i am not your typical teenager. because i had to grow up fast, i have been able to live independently and comfortable at the age of 16, after making the choice to move out of my mom's house and support. at that time, i had my boyfriend to lean on and to help support me. but now being this age, i managed to gain a lot of independence and make a life and even more important a name for myself. i have felt the need to do a full evaluation on the things i have accomplished.

goals made in 2015: 14
goals achieved: 8


This is not good. I was only able to stick to a little over half of what i promised myself i would be fully committed to. how did i let these goals of mine slip through my fingers? it's about d i s t r a c t i o n s. life is full of distractions. they are so easily distracting. it's insane. and now i am beating myself up for letting these distractions consume my entire mind body and soul which now has affected my life in more aspects than one.


I don't handle failure  very well. I try to live by great expectations, and I know this isn't the best choice to do but it's just the way i am. this could be why i haven't been very happy lately. people just let me down soo much. nothing in this world is as beautiful as they try to instill in your minds growing up in elementary school.

I've dealt with the most turmoil this year by my 'friends'... the most hurt the most betrayal.. I mean that, genuinely. It was harsh. I learned how brutal this world can be. How immoral people really are. How much chivalry is dying and that "A thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers"

straight up.

But, I also gained so much. I gained new friends, who are brilliant.. got closer with ones that came from past years. Became so much wiser, really. i've learned the importance of loyalty and respect, and how to gain it and more importantly, how to keep it. I learned to take hits like a big girl... literally. i learned to not let things affect me badly. These days, people who used to get under my skin, merely scratch the surface now. Made me remember my self worth, that I was doubting with a few people that i'm glad to say are gone..

&& welcome 2016... i think we're gonna be friends ;D

xox rica

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

happy turkey day! < 3


happy thanksgiving !! 

Whether you celebrate this holiday or not, i hope everyone will max out on some amazing food & enjoy the time with their family and/or friends.

Thanksgiving marks the gathering of summer’s harvest, but it’s also a day when we express gratitude. I believe that living a thankful life is good for your mind, body and spirit. Even though these are very trying times, everyone has something they can be thankful for. regardless of where you presently fall on the thankfulness scale, i encourage you to find something, big or small, to be thankful for. my main ones will be listed below in this post. you all should do the same :)  

family 


i am thankful for my family. every family has its own abundance of issues. Mine is no different. This year I am most thankful for my mother and sister. my mother has gotten me through what seems to be the most hardest of times, and has never once given up on me. she has done more for me these past few months than i can ever expect or ask of her to do. my sister is my pride and joy. her laughter brightens any situation. i am trying my hardest to get to be the best i can all because of her. she is my #1 motivation.

Whether they're coming to us or we're going to them, family is often thof love. If family life is more complicated than it is “Leave it to Beaver,” find ways to show your appreciation for the people who raised you the best they could. Good or bad, your family life helped form what you value most in relationships. Be thankful.



friends && enemies 



I do not have many, but my few are something special that is for sure. This year I have received chances to become more social. Instead of being so consumed in my own life, I finally meet that friend for lunch that we talked about months ago. i finally let people in that i was afraid to initially because of all the hurt prior females have caused.

I finally made peace with 2 out of the 3 girls who i had falling outs with. Although there is one more female out there, I can comfortably say i have no hate in my heart. Thanks to the internet, I can look up these girls and to be perfectly honest, I couldn't help but smile when I saw how good they are doing. We all shared some of the same struggles so to know we all got up and through them is truly remarkable. I have no jealousy, no vengeance, no revenge stirring, just pure happiness for them. Unfortunate we could not make our friendships work, but it clearly was for the best.
&& I'll leave it at that. 

my boyfriend-- *
i am so very thankful for having such a wonderful man to call mine. time has gone by very quickly, and i am so blessed to have my angel by my side with me experiencing life and seeing our relationship blossom into something beautiful. While this relationship has been difficult some times, it's been a great learning experience for us both, in a positive way. I've learned that I can handle more than I ever thought possible. i've gained a lot of independence within this past year, and am very content with knowing i am on my way.

  freedom

i am thankful for freedom and opportunity. I have the opportunity to do and become ANY THING i want. That is a good feeling. i am blessed to live in the United States of America. This country DEFINITELY has its down sides and faults; however I would not choose to live any where else. I believe this country is one of the safest, and i also believe we as a people still have a voice, and many of us intend of using that voice.

So I say this -- and reiterate it until you all agree-- Be very THANKFUL to live in a country packed with the freedoms and opportunities so many dream of & even better- achieve!


____________________________________________________________________

i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t
"do you know what that means?? tell em!"


it wouldn't be hard to label me as a very lucky girl. when in reality, luck has little to do with all that i have. i have worked my ass off for what i have & i am always on my grind for that paper. i have walked multiple paths of life so far, and don't plan on stopping any time soon. See below:

  * apartment *
I finally got my own place! No more roommates; no more crappy, unsafe places; no more worrying about creepy neighbors, no more filthy, bug infested apartments, no more instability. I have my own apartmen which is less than 15min from my sister! Being so close to my sister has me jumping for joy. Not to mention my landlords are such wonderful people. I am very blessed to have such ones whom are so great, generous, and caring as they are. They help me more than any landlord ever has before. I will have pictures of the place up soon.


* employment *
I just started a new job a couple months ago, and I am really loving it. My boss is a phenomenal guy who says i have a lot of promise. There is a lot of room for advancement and I definitely see myself going far being under his wing and guidance. Do you have a job? Be thankful. It's hard to find and more importantly KEEP one these days. Be thankful for the freedom and flexibility that your job may offer you. If you're still looking for work, just be thankful for the skills and experience you can bring to the table. Many people do not have the opportunity to even use a keyboard, or file, or work with cars, etc. Americans have so much opportunity and resources that it is literally coming out of our asses-- I hate when I see them not being used to their full advantage!


* clothes, make up, and shoes *
im thankful for all of the material items i own as far as make up, clothes, shoes, purses, etc that i have been blessed with to be able to buy this year. many people are not able to enjoy sure luxury -- and i am very grateful to be one of the few whom has been able to.

I am very sad my favorite store Dots has closed down. However I have been shopping a lot more at outlet stores ..I absolutely love what they have, and most of all -- the prices!! From shopping at Ulta so many times and spending so much, I joined their rewards program. In June of this year I had a total of $96 in rewards I co spend. I was SUPER STO
y was always an issue for me. Thankfully I was able to catch up and get all the work I needed done in my mouth. I have one or two more that I will be doing next February or so when I get my tax refund check back. I am very happy and proud of my pearly whites!
 __________________________________

basic life necessities
i may not always have exactly what i want, but i have more than enough to eat and more than enough choices that over half of this world does not get to have.  my home isn't perfect, i often feel its "too small"  and still renting-- but it's a warm, safe place to live and in a nice, quiet neighborhood in a wonderful community based town. im blessed to have the things i have and to have what i need. ESPECIALLY when knowing that there were times I, myself, have been in situations where I didn't have enough to eat, clothing to wear or a place to sleep- I'm definitely thankful for the blessings of having "enough" and "more than enough."
      ____________________________________
 creativity 
i am thankful for the opportunity to have explored my creative side this year. i have creativity wanting to burst at the seams. i love making things i can either decorate my body or home with. Jewelry, pillows, scarves, clothes, etc. A wonderful lady showed me how to many some, she is absolutely wonderful at it herself. Here are some of both of our masterpieces !!

                  ___________________________________________________________________

my current beautiful town
i am so thankful to live in such an amazing area. i am living right on the river. This town is considered a "rich" town. I hate to say it but you can just tell from walking thru it. You can see how involved members of the community are. You can see how clean and kept this town is. You can tell it is very family oriented with how every house has seasonal decorations on their lawns, or signs in the front yards showing support for what ever group. I enjoy walking to work (yes, i luckily work a mile away from my apartment.) On my walk, i get to see such amazing houses, I pass by runners, dog walkers, etc and they are so friendly. I get offered rides on cold days from little old ladies.. theyre so cute. i love living in this area. i am so glad i had this opportunity, and i hope to stay here for a while.



born & raised in chicago


Although I am living in Wheaton now. I will never forget where my roots are. i am thankful to have been blessed with being born in this wonderful city of Chicago. this is the city that was raised from the ashes (was totally destroyed in a great fire), and with hard work and dedication, Chicago was rebuilt, better taller wider and prouder, welcoming all opportunity to make us a better community... Including the world's first skyscrapers, first feats of pure brick, and even the innovative steel frames that have led to the boom of beautiful skyscrapers of great cities all around world! the streets of Chicago have made me act like a lady, but think like a boss. i have a heart of gold, but sense ulterior motives from miles away in this city. i grew up being exposed to it ALL but i would not have it any other way.

                          ____________________________________________________________



I am thankful for life- i am thankful for yet another day that God has given me to live on his beautiful Earth and value the blessings that God has given me. Too often, we grumble about the world we're living in or the life we have. i have realized that each day is a gift from Him and it becomes what we make of it. there can be good found in anything that happens, we just have to open our eyes and see it. i am very happy with how much i have grown this year & so excited to see where life may lead me in the coming year.

i am DETERMINED to try harder. it is finally that time.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

to be or not to be .. a vegetarian?

After careful consideration, i have decided that i will enter the crazy cat lady phase a little early. why? because at times, I absolutely really cannot stand to be around people.

For starters, they can be selfish, FAKE, JEALOUS, and completely UNTRUSTWORTHY not to mention conceited, and egotistical. In most cases, females are all of those at the same time! how are humans capable of all of this? are our sophisticated brains holding us back from really living life? or do we need this sophistication to propel mankind into some kind of super era? because if you ask me... i'd say animals have the riqht idea. When you think about it, everything I need to know about life I can learn from watching my cat. -- eat when you’re hungry... sleep when you’re sleepy... and most importantly, when you see someone you love hurting...wait until they are done trashing the apartment before making an attempt to cuddle. -- lol


how many times have you heard the same old same old...
"I hate men, but I have a dog that i would marry if i legally could."

"i hate men, but i have five cats that mean the world to me."

"I hate men."

"i hate men."

"i hate men."

i truly believe a lot of this stems from bad experiences in childhood; therefore, many girls find comfort in the innocence of animals to sort of que them from those bad experiences. I think this is mostly because cats & dogs are incapable of judging people. And the most insecure girls get to really appreciate that factor the most. Why? Because when in the company of a pet, there is no need to suck your stomach in to make your boobs look bigger. animals don’t care if you have a little lisp or if you have an odd looking belly button. having that “break” from the pressures of society is revitalizing and relaxing, which is why i feel alot of women in the stripping/adult film industry become actively involved in PETA and vegetarianism. they simply get to the point where I am and that is the realization that there are no good and real people out there. It is truly a sad world. sure, the book “Skinny Bitch” completely horrified me, the documentary “Food, Inc.” made me physically sick, but it didn't stop me from eating meat. I don't think I can ever truly become a vegetarian.. 

Now onto the images. They are great aren't there? LOL They belong to PETA. PETA has been under fire for a number of years for using provocative images to advertise their cause. Mostly of celebrities posing nude such as the images above and below depict. I think this is pure genius. It gets people talking and nothing spreads information faster than a bunch of people that think they should feel offended. lol Let's face it, there will always be that one person who does. Below are some ads on google image search that I think are interesting and if this bothers you, I don’t give a fuck.

Now let's see another side..

men are better than animals because they don’t need to be fed, they clean up after ourselves, and they don’t try to mate with every female who waves her furry little end our way.

Oh wait, that only counts for 25% of the male population.

 
maybe if pets talked, women would hate them.. What if your rat terrier mix sees you scarfing pizza at midnight and says, “uhm yeah, becky. do you really need to be eating that, sweetie?

Or, your cat sees you sneaking in at 4 A.M. after a night out and angrily demands to know, “Where have you BEEN?! You were out with HIM again, weren’t you? Slut!

Nobody likes a controlling, possessive feline, but again, their small brains preclude this annoying behavior. most importantly, remember that your trusted pooch or feline CANNOT change a flat tire, care for you when you are sick, or wine and dine you on your birthday. i don't even want to get into sexual needs...

to get a little deeper, what if just... what if the animals were put on this earth for us to consume. hmm.. ever thought about that ? then by not eating them you are keeping them from fufilling their destiny. I must admit that there is nothing like having a large porterhouse steak brought to your table all sizzling and stuff and cutting into it and it cuts like butter. Slightly pink inside & the meat just melts in your mouth! (I’m talking about steak here you gutter-minded people ;) ]



what are your thoughts ? are you vegetarian ? when did you become one, why did you, and do you hate others who aren't? i personally love meat way too much to give it up...wow that sounded pretty slutty, didn't it? yeeesh! im on a roll tonight ;]

xoxo rica

Friday, September 11, 2015

where were you on 9/11?



September 11th, 2001

i have been wanting to address my thoughts on this horrific day for some time now. I truly hate this time of year because I always find myself googling all of the victim's families, and sending out my prayers and condolences  if any thing, i feel honored to have a post on my blog site dedicated to all of our amazing country's heroes who had given the greatest sacrifice on September 11th, 2001.

my parents' generation will never forget where they were the moment they heard that JFK was shot.. and my generation will never forget where we were on September 11, 2001. Very unfortunate each generation has at lease one of these days in them.

I was so young around the time of the 9/11 disasters. I distinctly remember always following my brothers around..&& that morning was no different.

I went to the workout center with them, placed my headphones on my ears-- blasting 50 cent who at the time just came out with "Stunt 101" with G-Unit. I then started my run on the treadmill while trying to be the first of my girls to remember all the lyrics to the song to which we battle it out later that day at recess. (lol lames) I looked up to see the television in the corner of the room and saw what looked like an airplane that had hit a tall skyscraper. I thought to myself Hollywood was trying to market another blockbuster movie with an airplane that hit a building and it was some sort of evil character involved. I was legit waiting for the Hulk to come around the corner, or for Spider Man to come flying in attached to a web. Rolling my eyes, i continued to run on the treadmill. It never crossed my mind that it could possibly be one of our country's worse days in its history.



People began to gather around the television with faces of shock..and not interest like I was expecting. At this point, I recognized it was the World Trade Center in New York City. It wasn’t a Hollywood movie, this had actually happened. I hopped off the treadmill and headed to my brothers as fast as possible.

We ran back home which was only a few blocks away. My mom was glued to the TV. We all, like so many, wondered how this could possibly be happening. How did these planes get through? How did suicide bombers take control of an airplane? How How How? and then ... Why!!?!?!?!? Just then, we watched the second plane hit and our jaw dropped. For several minutes we were speechless. my mom said "who could do such a thing?" my dad said, “It’s Osama Bin Laden”. then the Pentagon was hit. then the World Trade Center buildings fell, one after the other. we, like all Americans, were horrified, petrified, in shock.


the airports were closed for several days. we were all still in fear and shock that our country had been attacked. i was so young to grasp what had happened.. but all i remember is seeing the wreckage of the World Trade Center on tv.. words cannot describe the feeling of watching the embers still burning months later when news coverage covered all channels of television for months to come today marks 14 years, and the pain, anger, and sadness still remain.

yet i am proud of the heroism of so many citizens on that day, proud of our country’s resilience in the wake of this horrible tragedy, and........

........ so proud to be an American.

Here are some other links if you care to get more into it && read up on other conspiracies and more back ground information on the war.

First Responder

We Always Remember



i want you to find your nearest first responder and give that person a big hug. seriously. say thank you to the cops, the fire fighters, and the emergency technicians in your area. i know we are in tha chi and not new york, but you never know what can happen. just do it cus you know they would do all the can to save you if you were trapped in a burning building. they do amazing jobs as it is, i cannot imagine a situation and tragedy like 9/11 to occur.. not just them but even a nurse, a doctor, etc.. thank them, too. being a first responder is a job, but it’s also a calling. Humanity is not lost. We have people in our society who are willing to step up, risk it all, and help during a crisis. one of those people is my very own blood brother.

we are a great country.

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

real eyes realize real lies


I think that we all forget how great we truly are.

I think sometimes we get caught up in how everyone else is defining us, that we forget to remember that the only thing that really matters is HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF and there is NO REASON for you to be trying to get a guys attention every single day… If he’s too blind to see what’s right in front of him, he’s not worthy of you… plain and simple, because the guy who can’t get you off his mind, the one who can tell you’re beautiful and mean it with all his heart, is the one you want.. not the one who’s with you… while he’s still looking for the next best thing. Take it form me, I am all too familiar.

i know that some times i may not look like I’m not all “put together” as I seem. Yes, everything on the outside of me is always perfectly done. But on the inside I’m truly a fucking mess at times. there is a more to me than what meets the eye. From the looks of me, it is easy to make the following assumptions:

conceited: in fact, i have more insecurities than the next girl. we all do. Does that mean I have to let the world know it? No.  i hold my head up high && come off confident because i am very confident in my knowledge, and ability to accept the fact that I am who I am. I cannot obsess over unrealistic expectations.

know-it-all: i always just give out enough information. (i never disclose it all, that would be my ultimate defeat.)  i am DEEPER than you think. I have been through it all, and therefore help those I know are heading down the path I was on. If I had someone telling me the way at that age I would've very much appreciated it. If you would like to contradict me, I'm game. I can most likely figure you out within 5 minutes of having a conversation with you

Once I do, I thirst for YOU  to figure ME out. I believe myself to be genuine and I would never betray the ones I love. I value my family and those who are REAL. I am constantly thinking and I love to write poetry. i have Loved... Lost... and Learned. (( the three things that every soul should feel. )) i yearn for those that put a smile on my face. I crave for the one that will give to me what I will give to those that give back.

for the past several years i've pretty much kept to myself. too much circulation makes the price go down, if ya catch my drift. The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired.

You must learn when to leave.

Create value through scarcity.. then when you reappear--everyone will be like "wooooww you look amazing!" i've never really accepted the roles that society foists on me. i've recreated myself by forging a new identity-- one that commands attention and never bores my audience.

it took me a while to understand I am  the master of my own image as opposed to letting others define it for me. i believe by doing this my power will be enhanced  and my character will seem larger than life.


xox rica

Monday, August 31, 2015

power struggle

.. i just truly believe there are certain qualities a person must obtain before being considered powerful themselves.. at least in my mind.

Before you ask yourself how you can become powerful, you must first ask yourself the question, what is power? i mean, some may think it is being able to reach what you want, while others think it is having people respect you. i even heard one person say being powerful is the ability to know how to solve all of your problems in no time!

But let's get real.. power is neither this nor that. it's a state of mind. it's being in control whatever happens, it’s the opposite of being broken, of victimizing yourself or being helpless. i think power is the state of mind that allows you to challenge whatever stands in your way, to bear the worst circumstances ever without cracking and to make your dreams come true with disregard to all the obstacles you face.

not only that, but i think power is a state of mind that can be achieved through a combination of different personality traits that together form the sides of the power cube. anddd i don't think any one can be powerful unless they possess each and every one of these key elements:

•managing your emotions: have there ever been times you became scared? How many times panic has taken over you? How many times were you unable to control your temper and so took a wrong decision? How many emotional decisions have you took then regretted them later? Emotions are very powerful, they can control you and force you to do things you never wanted to do. Some people commit suicide right after a strong emotional experience and this shows how powerful emotions can be. a powerful person is the one who knows how to control her emotions and master them instead of letting them control her. i know being a female this is extremely hard to do.. but it is possible.

•paaaaaatienceeee: Impatience is the lack of ability to tolerate a certain emotional stimulus that is currently affecting you- we all become impatient at some point in our lives. personally, i have grown to be more patient over the years as i have become more involved with children. The more powerful you are the more will you be able to bear the worst circumstances while maintaining your rational thinking and self control. Patience is not waiting but its bearing the bad conditions while working your way through them. If you are not patient then you lack one of the vital sides of the power cube.. you cannot be powerful without this important element.

•persistence: to me, the most persistent person is the one that can’t be stopped whatever happened to her. for instance, something a different as when i broke my arm and wore a sling, however this didn’t stop me from going to the gym 3 times a week to train my upper body. Persistence is not commitment but it’s the ability to keep going even if a storm is blowing in your face...some people can't handle that.

•courage: courage is not only fighting back at those who try to bully you or or being 'brave' .. its looking life straight into the eye, its not freaking out when you forget your keys inside the car and its standing still in the face of the new problems you encounter without collapsing or running away. straight to the point, i consider having courage is not so much not ever being scurred, but having the ability to continue going on while ignoring those fears.

remember, this is just my personal views. keep in mind i have no degrees or licenses on any of this shit, but it' just things i've gathered throughout life && my own wisdom on things. don’t feel bad if you found that you lack any of these qualities or even if you found that you lack them all. another part of power is knowledge, now you know what you lack and what you need to learn, i'm always on the hunt for learning. i love it. you can never stop learning and can never get bored of it. knowledge is power. i think by possessing all of the elements i've listed and keep on the path of grasping all the knowledge you can, you can only wrap up your power cube and become powerful.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

interesting life hacks xx


Life Hacks!

I would use this idea in my bathroom for my blow dryer, straightener, curling iron, etc
It works perfectly for both I would have to say.




I have live in a small apartment and think this is just genius. I am so excited to try it as I have very limited counter space, and have a lot of kitchen items on my counters that take up room such as my blender, toaster, coffee maker, etc




I really wonder if this one here works. I am sure you have to have the exact grip and movement. I would probably be there for minutes trying to get it open haha






This is pretty known... news paper or paper towels.. or here's something --
EMPTY ALL LIQUODS PRIOR TO DISPOSING THEM. ;)





YES! I so need to do this as my Zippers go down to regularly because I wear my jeans so tight!






So this looks like it takes up a lot of room in your fridge, but it also holds quite a bit. It can be a good idea, but not one I am willing to try. 




This is a good idea; however I throw my tape rolls in my junk drawer, basement, etc and I could imagine what kind of dirt and dust that exposed sticky part would pick up. It isn't a big deal, but when you're a wuss like me-- id constantly be worried about spiders whenever I go to grab it lol





I actually use the hangers in the picture below this one to hold my boots up on the closet rack; however some times with my leather boots I will get an imprint of the clasp in my boots and that isn't good because it doesnt come out..



Who'da Thunk it!?



I already knew this one as well.. Some are pretty common-place. It works very well!




I am SUPER excited to try this one!! Those bottles are so sturdy and thick, theyd make for EXCELLENT cups. I am determined to do this this weekend!!


This is GENIUS! Some of these are kind of like, DUH moments. Why havent I thought of that!?





At work, this happened to me, and I actually used one of these prior to seeing this image, and it works great! I was bummed when I saw I wasn't the first one to think of doing it LOL






Not really sure if this one works or not.. I wouldnt think the sticky part is strong enough to grab onto all the dust. I will try it and let you all know though!





How cool is this one!? So neat and resourceful. Who needs a baby bath when you have this. Get a tub Pillow for the younger babies, and you're good to go!





I am excited to tell my Boyfriend this one for his yard!






This one below works great, but a lot of dirt and dust gets trapped on the velcro as well believe it or not.





When I worked at a pizza restaurant-- a lot of the drivers told me about this. Unfortunately people tend to order 2 liters and not smaller, so unless you had an empty small size bottle in your car... this wont really help.




My boyfriend uses this one below for his lunch. It works very good. My girl friend also puts sun screen lotion in it for the kids at the beach, easy application, and you wont over use.



I really want to try this one below... Can you imagine how good of a scrub that would get?
I'm a cleaning nut, so I get excited over this stuff! lol




This one below I already knew and used.. I use this for my Bullet & Blender






I am so using this idea very soon. This is so ideal as I am on my laptop for hours at a time, and sometimes my lap or table gets so hot I feel like I should turn my laptop off to give it a break. But when you have a lot to do, its almost impossible to do that. So here is a very good solution!





This works great! I tried it! Who would've thought!?


&& the one I found MOST helpful and am excited to try is ...


Thank you for reading guys and gals! I hope some of these help you out in your day to day lives just as they have me. If you know of any others, please let me know. I would be very happy to add them to the list!

Toodles!! *


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

mid-year reflection

I often take a few minutes out of my hectic days every several months throughout the year to reflect on my progress at completing my new years resolutions, and life goals in general. i think this helps me keep my mind on track on what it should be on track of, and not let myself stray too far away on life's distractions.

The last year has been so full of ups and downs, hills and valleys. Some of the happiest moments of my life, and the very worst. Oprah Winfrey made a good point today, when someone asked her how she was, she talked about how all we know and can cling to is faith. faith.. now that is a word that feels good to say :)

this 2014 new year, a few of my main goals were to get into a more stable job, work on maintaining an excellent relationship with my loved ones, expand my modeling portfolio, and let my creativity run wild.

Stable Job: I moved to the west coast & found an amazing job as an Administrative Assistant and Finance Consultant. I loved it in Arizona. Beautiful views, weather, people, etc. However it was very slow-paced. I am from Chicago, so I need that fast paced atmosphere. I love music, and need to feel it in my soul at least once a week! I moved back home because I was missing my family terribly. I am now living in the house my fiance's grandma left him when she passed away last year, and trying to take it day by day. Thankfully, I was able to get my old job back as the Sales Assistant at Chrysler!

Relationships: anyone who knows my fiance and i know we argue quite a bit. it's almost as if we must do in order to have a normal day. no one else in this world can bring out the absolute worse in me but the very next minute he brings out the best as well. i am still trying to figure us out, but so far this road has been intense but every bit exhilarating. 

As far as expanding my creativity, I wanted to branch off of things my mother in law was doing. Her and I have endless supplies to pretty much do anything I want. I started a few scrapbooks. I am making one just of my life, which kind of turned into mine and my fiance's life LOL and another one of the people in my life, my homes, views, states ive lived in, friends, family, etc etc. Not only that but I also am making holiday cards, which are pretty detailed. i'll upload some pics soon to show you guys a peek. I got the idea from my mommy in law who does such an incredible job on them... and she does it for fun! She eventually began to make lots and sell them, but it started off just for her own fun. Isn't that ironic how the greatest ideas start off not as something serious in the first place? haha

Enough of that, now onto a bit more serious note mentally.. onto something else that has been weighing on my mind..

So there have been a few times that i have started to write, but realized that some of my thoughts were too raw, and didn't want to be too mysterious, making people wonder if it's them i'm talking about, etc. so i did some processing myself .. && i've realized a few things.

1:: i'm in the process of mourning a friendship that will never be the same again. it's hard knowing that you have reached the point where you were the closest, and that that will probably never happen again. it's hard to just fall off each others radars and not feel like a big chunk of you is missing. i don't know how to explain it, but it's been weighing on my heart the last few weeks. it's not like it was an argument that could have been prevented either... i always knew this particular thing about her would have came between us, i just always tried to ignore it but there just comes a time in life where you have to not associate yourself with things of that nature, and i came to it.

2:: i've also realized is that i desperately want to really talk to people I haven't in a while. I want to ask them how they are. I want this in return. I think that if you don't have people asking about you and the state of your heart then it is easy to let that get pushed to the back burner and allows you to not take care of your heart or address it in the state that it is in.

3:: i've realized (i mean, i always knew this but..) i am an excessive talker, it doesn't take a lot of questions to get me rolling, which i guess ties into the previous point. i always find myself, especially on facebook, writing things so vividly and in graphic detail so the other person can visualize what it is i am trying to say. not only that, but i also like to express all of my emotions in my writing, so i always include smiley emoticons, etc and i use repetition of letters to express an emphasis like haaaaaaaaaappy birthday! haha sometimes i walk away from conversations being like "wow, i just dumped that on that person, and they don't even want to know about it", but if they had asked it would've felt like more of a conversation... lol Make sense?

4: lastly, there are only a handful people in my life now that i would consider my close friends that i genuinely care for about enjoy being around. I love this. It would be very easy to dwell on the fact that that number used to be bigger, but that i want to CHOOSE to dwell on how fortunate i am to have even the people that i do have with me to this day. i need to choose to be thankful for those that are there, because dwelling on anything else doesn't help at all.

so dear friends, know that i am thankful for you, probably more than you know.

So as you can see my mid-year reflections are quite excessive, and I tend to blabber on and on and on. So if you're still reading, high five to you girlfren!!! (yes, i am assuming that not a single male read this, i know i am right lol.)

Friday, July 17, 2015

fair warning --


I try not to be spiteful.

But sometimes its the best method of revenge, and I will say it right now I can be a very vengeful person.


You mess with my friends, my relationship, or my family and I will tear you into a million pieces.
Most likely I won't hit you physically, not because I can't, but because I love mental games. You will become a piece I move around and force into self-destruction. If you don't want to deal with me, don't make yourself a part of my life.
Leave my name out of your conversations and out of your mind, otherwise I am involved and

I am going to finish whatever it is you started.

I don't start anything, no not at all. I don't have the time nor the motivation to care about someone else in a malicious manner, but if you involve yourself in my life I'll make the time.

sorry, but ill make your bitchassness is my entertainment for the day.

It is stated OVER and OVER... I will FUCK your shit up.

that's all, have a nice day :))

Monday, July 06, 2015

nails of the week xx


Nails of the week!

Sinful Colors 

 I love this brand for the price I pay for it-- the polish does not chip easily. I also love how the application is.. the brush adds easily and it doesn't clump up nor streak like some other nail polishes at my local drug stores. 



Image result for spring nails


I am pretty sure this brand is worldwide; if it is not I sure hope they work on becoming so because it is definitely one of my top favorites for drug store brands! Have any of you used this brand yet? Do you have any favorite colors?

Let me know in comments below! I follow for a follow, and comment for comment!! :))

Kisses ♡

Sunday, May 24, 2015

... dealing with guilt.

Guilt – the gift that keeps on giving.

The dictionary defines the word "guilt" as a "feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined." Guilt is that part of the human conscience that brings us up short and convicts us for actions and thoughts. Guilt is an inherent human trait that we more often than not naturally attempt to rid our lives of it. Guilt means there is a right and wrong way for us to operate and there are standards of what is good and what is worthy of guilt. thankfully, this guilt "gene" is something that we are born with.


I remember when my younger sister Catfish loved to walk up to any window, and just stare out of it. One specific time, it was a warm day during the summer months, and naturally with a large family home-- we had my 5 brothers and their friends along with 4 Labrador dogs constantly going in and out of the house all throughout the day, least to say flies were a problem. To our luck, Catfish was fascinated with flies and she attempted to catch them almost every time she seen one.. as with any thing else that flied or made a funny noise, and was smaller than her. Whenever I caught her trying to catch the flies, I would smack her hand or mouth (depending on how quick she was lol).

One day, she managed to catch one just as I walked into the room. She quickly put the fly into her mouth. Gross, I know. When I asked her where the fly was, she shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, little shit she is lol Her face was a picture of guilt and I could hear the fly buzzing inside of her pursed lips. I was able to free the fly by prying that little mouth open and the fly flew away. Where she then said "how'd that get in there!?" with her big blue eyes popped wide open. too cute, but not good considering flies are soooo dirty and disgusting. yes, i'd brush her teeth and rinse her mouth out quite thoroughly every time i caught her doing it, which fortunately wasn't THAT  often because she hated the consequences I had for her

My point is, guilt is like that fly, it keeps buzzing until we deal with it. It's a buzzing problem.

There is a right way and a wrong way to deal with guilt. Trying to hide it, as my sister did to that fly, does not work. Strangely enough, the more a person is developed and the more they love and they care, the more they might experience guilt.

I used to consider guilt and shame one in the same. But after really thinking about it... they are very different, very different. Shame is more of that uneasy feeling we might get when we might get caught up for what  ever it is we may have done. We might not care whether it was right or wrong necessarily... but we do care whether anyone knows about it or not. Whereas guilt is more related to right and wrong. It is not so much a matter of what others might think but what we ourselves think. I think the main answer is forgiveness. forgiveness means to stop blaming or being angry at another for what they have done, or just coming to terms with that person as a sort of agreement to let itbe wate r under the bridge. not only that but it is ultimately freeing yourself and sometimes even others from an feeling so down.. you need to realize that forgiveness does not mean thinking that what they did was right. When we forgive we still think that what was done was wrong, but we give up punishing ourselves by holding a grudge for what we or another did. We release && let it go.

dealing with guilt

what i really wanted to point out in this blog was ways to deal with the guilt one may have.  there are many different techniques that some may consider common sense, but believe it or not common sense is not so common these days. not to mention when one's mind has soo much weight on it-- you can't expect that person to be able to think clearly.. one simple, but highly effective way is to list all the things we consider we did wrong.

everrrrrrrything we did. everrrrrrything we said. everrrrrrything we thought. 

we do this until we feel we have emptied our mind of all the considerations related to the guilt. The trick here is to note those things which we might not think, at first glance to be wrong. but these are things we did or said that led to the problem, and to feeling guilty. one time i even added "feeling guilty" to my list.. it is definitely a good candidate! having made a full list and now we feel much better, we review the list and note what we need to do in future to avoid the problem.  i find myself doing this most often when i am feeling upset or have a lot of anger inside... my first coping strategy is to write. i put my pen to the paper and let it bleeeeeed.

you may laugh at this but guilt brought me to the realization that I was a sinner... go ahead like i said.. laugh, like its such a shocker. LOL  I realized I could not do anything about that on my own because we are all sinners. I would clear my mind by saying I was sorry or asking for forgiveness of those I offended, but that did not quiet the guilty feelings. But then I was told that I could bring my emotional feelings into balance by trusting in someone else. When we trust someone else, its typically because we think we need that person in our lives. So we create that bond that will maybe bend, but never break.

...or so we tend to think.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

.. is anybody out there?

I made a pretty big mistake today and though I am not going to go into detail about it I will just say that I aggravated what could possibly be the most important people in my life. This was done simply because I didn't look into the future consequences of my actions and do what I needed to do to have the best result. We have all done this before and with a mistake the size of the one I made today often times we quit. It would be very comfortable for me to just sink back into a sense of safety and obscurity, but that wouldn't make us any better would it?

So what is the plan when we run into a wall as hard as possible to realize we couldn't move it? We clean up our wounds we created first and foremost but then? The answer should be we don't run into it again, and if it is a wall that has to be moved we use the tools we know can accomplish the job to get it done.

Rihanna got a new tattoo that says "no failures in life, only lessons". 

What wise words to instill especially at this time in our present life when more and more people are looking at life from a negative light. We all have lessons we need to learn and incorporate in our daily lives, and the larger the lesson the bigger the game we are playing.


There are times when I feel incredibly alone. Like there is not a soul on this earth that could possibly understand the thoughts in my head. Like I am screaming at the top of my lungs and there isn’t a single person that can hear me. Like I am drowning in frigid, unmerciful waters without any hope of someone throwing me a life saver. And although all of this is a good reason for me to hole up in my apartment and wish for death, it is essentially what makes me alive. What makes me human. We all have our battles and the lifestyles we choose determine just how great our personal war with the world will be. Some people are satisfied with their role as the innocent civilian, while others want nothing but the front lines and an AK-47.

Can you guess where I would be? Deff on the front lines, runnin up on lawns with guns drawn. I also wouldn’t mind going to battle with some of the most daring people the world ever saw. The real fighters. The ones who defied society and basically gave the finger to every social rule there ever was.

I just think it's funny how people never improve unless they look to some standard or example higher or better than themselves. i personally think the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Support The Cause




As mentioned before, I am a strong advocate for Child Abuse Awareness. Children are my everything. The sight of any child being hurt, or a tear running down their cheeck makes me want to do everything in my power to create an everlasting smile.

All children should wear one thing at all times, and that's smile.

below are a few questions most people have asked me on how they can get involved. i started off doing all i do by a simple google search. you have to want to make a change in order to do so. hopefully this blog post is very informational for many of you. comment in the section below if you have any other questions or concerns!! Helping out all boils down to one's responsibility && most importantly, one's courage. The answers to stopping this plague (thats exactly what child abuse is in my eyes) are responsibility and courage. I understand most people don't really know what goes on behind close doors of one's family, which is why I try my best to help other's acknowledge some uncomfortable realities.

How do I help?

1. By learning the facts. Could you spot an abuser? I mean, truly spot one? If you answered yes, you should be shot.

2. By minimizing opportunity. Believe it or not, most abusers groom their victims and their families before they act.

3. By talking about it. Kids don't know they can say no. They are completely ignorant to anything and everything.

4. By staying alert. Learn how to spot signs of abuse... other than physical signs.

5. By having a plan. Believe the child. Very few reported incidents are false. How and Where would a child make this stuff up?

6. By acting on suspicions. Trust your intuition. Ask questions...

7. By getting involved. This is a huge human challenge that can be impacted by collective power if you know what to do...


Sadly, child abuse is a generational CURSEEE!! But it can be stopped if we shine a light on the problem and expose it. Abusers depend on our innocence and our IGNORANCE! They hide in plain sight.. hence my number one step. I hope after reading this one of you might be more aware, I know once I started doing some research, I never looked at the world the same.

I am constantly on a handful of different web sites every day. I copied and pasted the websites that are in my favorites, but you can easily just find other ones by doing a simple google.com search.

Just go to Google.com && copy and paste each title below to go to the website.


Stop Child Trafficking Now
The Kempe Center for the Prevention & Treatment of Child Abuse & Neglect
Klaas Kids Foundation 888-99-KLAAS
Childhelp
Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
Safe Havens for Newborns
drusvoice
The Joyful Child
radKIDS.org
Circle of Trust bill
Orrin Hudson "Be Someone"
Blake's Bright Tomorrow
Carlie's Crusade Foundation
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children
Parents of Murdered Children
CASA
SEX OFFENDER INFORMATION
Darkness to Light
National Sex Offender Registry
The Jessica Marie Lunsford Foundation
Support victims of childhood sexual abuse


____________________________________________________________

one of my favorite little excerpts:

He came into my life when I was just a little girl I was happy and young And then he changed my world One night I was in bed And he came to say goodnight except he took a little longer before he turned out the light He really hurt me that night And I didn't know what to do. I thought it happened to most well every little boy and girl.

I lay in bed that night Hurting inside and out tears streaming down my face I tried hard not to shout out I put that tragic night to the back of my head playing games at school there was nothing to be said A year had passed along and then it happened again. My mum was out at work it was him and me again I was sat next to him just watching the TV when he pulled me close to him and again molested me I thought it only happened once When I had done something bad but now I knew I was wrong I felt alone and sad And 8 years on I got the courage to tell someone the police got involved and stuff I was hated by my mum she kicked me out that day and stuck right by his side saying I was attention seeking and that it was all lies so in the end it got too much and I told the police I lied everything went back to normal I swear I wish I'd died

everything was going well until he sent me those texts saying he would kill himself it was all my fault instead so I went back to the police and told them it all again he's moved out for now. its investigating time again but my mum still hates me and thinks its all a lie. I feel so alone right now I wish I would just die I've told a couple of friends but its hard for them you see, to put up with something as stupid as a teenager like me. all I do is mope and cry because no-one understands what I feel inside each day

please someone take my hand.

I cut myself sometimes. When the pain gets too much I hate him for what he did and where he used to touch I often think I'll run away or step into the road my future seems so black and dim. I'm only 17 years old And if the case is dropped he will come back home again and I'll be back to where I began... In a world of sadness and pain I hope someone hears my cry and says they understand I just don't know what to do anymore I'm scared and on my own... So you see I'm stuck forever I just want to scream and shout But there's something you have to know

That for me, there's no way out 

So for all of you who messaged me wanting to know more information :: i hope this helps.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Sex Toy Party

 hello  my lovely readers!!

Have you ever been to a sex toy party? Yes, you read that right. How many of you just blushed and made sure no one else was looking at your screen? ;) I know, I know.... Often times, when people hear this, they think one word… orgy!! As much as I would love to say I participated in an all-female-sex-a-thon, I did not. We sat around in a circle and watched the hostess demonstrate all of the products. There were pheromone enhanced bath bubbles, vanilla flavored lube, edible body shimmer, and just about every kind of vibrator known to (wo)man. Ever heard of the “Silky Stud”? How about the “Aquasaki”? Not only did I get my hands on all these things, but I also got a crash course in erotic massage and some wild sex positions. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention I won a prize for drawing the best looking penis with my eyes closed. Now there is something I can put on a resume someday. ;)

Basically sex toy parties are just silly fun for girls who are a little more on the adventurous side, which happens to be the only side I have. When the hostess brought The Rabbit out, I couldn’t help but grin. Next came The Mini Tongue, another stress reliever of mine... haha just keeeding. "Who needs a guy when you can just fire up the Hitachi Magic Wand?" said the party hostess. Of course nothing compares to real sex… real GOOD sex. The party hostess asked me if I had a vibrator or ever used one, unfortunately no i have not. I said "why have one, and waste money on one when i have my boyfriend right by my side ready to go?"

And her answer was amazing.

"Because there are about a million things that can go wrong when having sex with someone, I think it is important to have a “sure thing” sitting around just in case. "

Brilliant answer, right? It definitely got a few girls to bite the bait and buy one, but i did not. I only ended up spending about $75.00 at the sex toy party and not a single thing I bought required batteries or penetration... LOL. Instead, I opted for products I thought were very unique. 










Nipple Nibblers by Surprise Parties















Smoothie Massage Cream by Surprise Parties

























Pure Instinct Pheromone Cologne by Surprise Parties





Both lotions taste like candy and make my skin extremely soft. I tested out the pheromone cologne when i went to the bar the other day with my girl friend.. and I didn’t notice too much of a difference considering there are men all over us when we go out as it is.. lol I put spots of it on my chest, wrists, and neck and although it made me smell lovely, it didn’t seem to have an effect on any man. That’s OK though. I still love the scent and I am going to use it all the time.

I understand a lot of this stuff is just a total gimmick and there is some asshole out there making alot of money on the fact that women will buy anything to enhance certain aspects of their life. This is also OK.

Why? Because everything about life is a gimmick.

People tell you they are genuine and trustworthy but they just end up being a faded spot of perfume on your skin with a promise to do so much more than smell good. In saying this, I will take the chance with the sex appeal enhancement simply because I have nothing to lose. 

I will also take the chance in saying I am not the only girl out there that will admit she loves sex.

Pleasure should never be shameful ;-)

xoxo rica

Saturday, April 11, 2015

[[ s.p.r.i.n.g f.a.s.h.i.o.n ]]


:: Spring ::

it's nature's way of saying "dress to impress showing less" ;-)  unfortunately in Chicago IL, we always get lulled into thinking spring is upon us all for us to get bombarded with two feet of snow a day later. Regardless though...  it was nice while it lasted, hopefully its a taste of whats to come. I’m dead set on leaving my winter wardrobe in storage, sexy as it may be, I cant wait to slip into my sexier spring and summer outfits!!

speaking of spring and summer outfits-- the spring trends this year i am going crazy for. emereld is the color of the year -- & i am a big teal fan so meh, close enough. i wanted to share all of the trends i am loving (off the shoulders, halters, pastels, etc) && the trends i am hating (loose shorts, peplums, etc) along with trends that have never went out of style in my book (maxis, short shorts, mini dresses, etc!!)


accessories ::

clear clutches











sixties stripes roger vivier blue striped clutch
stripes clutch























favorite dresses ;;






h&m black hm ruffled dress





    

More Plain, Lounging Dresses:


Hurley Featherweights Mixer Maxi Dress - Women'sDC Convert Dress - Women's



sporty ;;

::  Sweatsuit jumpers -- my two favorite LOVE PINK ones  ::





trends i am so not digging ;;

Dorsel Flats Shoes

 
Mom Jeans:

any one else loving or hating any of the above items? let me know if i missed any thing !!
Rica x0x