Love.

love.

think back to a past love that didn't end so well. We all have that one don't we? do you remember your emotions throughout that relationship? that love that made you so vulnerable; that love that opened your chest and your heart just so someone can get inside you and mess you up; so you then build up all these defenses. You build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you.

Or so you think.

But then that one person wanders into your life and you give them a piece of you. they didn't ask for it, and you'd never offer it but they sort of just magnetized themselves to you. they did something to you one day and that just let you know your life will never be the same.

this  is my current boat. it was so weird, and we both tried to deny it but both couldn't. love wasn't always fuzzy bunnies and smiles. love was the enemy sometimes. it takes hostages. it gets inside you, and it eats you and leaves you crying in the darkness. so a simple phrase like "i don't need this.." turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart, just tearing at your heart valves. not just in the mind.. but in the soul. it's a "real gets inside you and rips you apart" pain that they have yet found an anecdote to.

some times i can honestly say i hate love... but i can't stop myself from denying it. what will it take to get it through my head that this can really end up badly?  i guess i can say i am addicted to the pain. addicted to the excitement. addicted to the unknown. addicted to not knowing what the fuck, when the fuck where the fuck or how the fuck things will end up.. and i guess that and that alone is what keeps me hooked.

It's times like these that make me wonder if love is real. is there really an emotion that can last forever, through the ups and downs of a relationship, through thick and thin? or is "love" something we just make up in our heads to satisfy our emotion we feel at the time? Or maybe we use the word "love" as a safety blanket. love is for sure a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you put into it. so when love comes around, you should def not think of it as so scary, but more enticing, and definitely worth your while.

just as life, love isn't fair either. after a month or so of getting serious, I realized how selfish I was being towards him. He isnt the one who hurt me, who destroyed my entire being yet I was keeping him at arm's length as if he was. Just waiting for me to tell myself "i told you so" He was so patient and so kind, and so understanding. The countless kind gestures made it all clear to me I really can make something work with him.

i am now willing to do anything in the world for him as long as it's good for his well being. im always there by his side, helping him through everything.

You may ask if it is really worth it? Worth possibly losing your individuality for this person? Worth losing the freedom of doing what you want when you want? No one will ever know what you have for another person. It's hard to understand.

All I can recommend is you TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS. 

Something is telling you this for a reason.

LISTEN TO IT!

Be their voice; Child Abuse Awareness Month

One Person Can Make A DIFFERENCE.

i have always been active in spreading child abuse awareness. I have always considered it the absolute least any of us can do. I wanted to re-post this post, as I want to keep it at the forefront of all our minds especially during this holidays season of hope and faith. I want to inform you all on my take, my experience, how you can help, excruciating statistics, and some graphic images.

Warning: 100% chance this post will have you in tears. I am sorry to put a damper on things but talking about it is one way of combating it.


Children are innocent and precious, they are also small and defenseless. Adults have the responsibility to protect them, it is just a given responsibility you cannot say no to. But what happens when the adults in a child's life do not live up to their role? If the child is being abused or neglected, the consequences of not speaking up are extremely harmful, sometimes fatal. How can one live with that possibility on their mind?

Children are our future. Every single child deserves a good start in life. Prevention is a shared responsibility. All it takes is one more person to care, and all it takes for families to remain healthy is for people to take that ONE step! Ordinary people like YOU can change the world- because EVERY CHILD MATTERS. Being a parent is the toughest job on the planet; so try to offer your support to people who are raising children... when you see a stranger having a hard time with their child, do not look away-- smile and say, "I have been there too, it only gets easier." Because IT DOES!! Our communities are the web binding the families together, and to each other. Small steps can make a HUGE difference!

Adults need to speak up when witnessing or suspecting abuse is going on in the home of a child. Because children aren't going to do it themselves. Out of fear or misplaced loyalty to their abuser, a child often won't speak up at all- even when they're going through the most horrible pain imaginable.... why? well, they often don't speak up because they are afraid of losing the love of their abuser or the possibility of bringing more pain onto themselves.

there are many children who do try to 'run away' or get out, but are unsuccessful and only get themselves into even more pain to come...this ultimately leads them to not seeing a point in trying at all.

Of the numerous child abuse cases, about 72% involve *someone* who knew what was happening. In some of these cases, you will hear adults say "I didn't realize how bad it was" or even, "I didn't want to get involved." With every nightly news report telling of another child raped, killed or seriously injured by a person that was supposed to be responsible for them- how can anyone stay silent if they expect a child is being abused?



An abused child is damaged for life, abuse causes scars that will never go away. There are also many cases where an abused child turns into an abuser themselves once they become adults- which only serves to repeat the cycle- thus causing another generation of broken hearts and scarred minds.

It is inexcusable to allow it to continue if an adult knows of any abuse or neglect. A child may never be able to get over the fact that he or she was abused, they may carry the scars through a lifetime- but they will remember that someone cared enough to speak up and try to protect them. And, if you know of abuse and don't speak up- the possible fatal consequences to that child may be more than a conscience can handle.

While the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is often repeated, it also takes a village to protect a child. If you notice a friend or family member is under a lot of stress or making bad choices and they're increasingly short-tempered with their child or not being as attentive to their child's needs as they should, say something.

If you know for a fact that someone you know is abusing their child, speak up!!!!!!!!!

call the proper authorities anonymously if you must. When it comes to a child's safety and well-being, even their life- don't be afraid to speak up or afraid to "get involved." Sometimes a child is saved from further abuse or neglect because someone chose to get involved, and they manage to go on and live normal, happy lives.

And then there are the children who have died needlessly, simply because someone was too afraid to get involved. Even if you happen to witness abuse while out running errands and it's a child you don't know- call the police, get a tag number and physical description of an adult- call Child Protective Services in your city

Here is some food for thought:

[ 1 ] Every day, about four children die in the U.S. because of abuse or neglect, most of them babies or toddlers.

[ 2 ] For every incident of child abuse or neglect that gets reported, it’s estimated that two others go unreported.-- think about it!

[ 3 ] A lot of people told me im an idiot for creating a petition on neglect. little do they fucken know, that neglect is by far the most common form of child abuse, accounting for more than 60% of all cases.


[ 4 ] Physical abuse accounts for between 15% and 20% of documented child abuse cases each year.


[ 5 ] 8 out of 10 sexual abusers are someone in the family or someone the child knows. You cannot trust ANYONE around your children, it's almost ALWAYS the one person you'd NEVER think would be possible.


[ 6 ] Of all prison inmates, 84% were abused as children. Same goes for drug and alcohol addicts and sex addicted female.

EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE WRONG ABOUT A CHILD ABUSE Situation, REPORT IT-- HAVE IT INVESTIGATED, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE!?

Do it for the children.

  

http://www.preventchildabuseillinois.org/

It's important that society no longer tolerates or turns a blind eye to abuse, if we don't protect the children, who will?

speak up, get up & do!


xox rica

Reduce Hate (Start with yourself)

So I've been on Facebook quite a bit lately, and I've been seeing so many different friends of mine saying how much they hate themselves, their lives, their family... And while I am sure all of them have their own version of each reason, I pretty much summed it up to a few reasons why:

rejection. love. acceptance. hitting life's bottom.

(A) Rejection We all must face rejection in our lives. Rejection from members of the opposite sex, rejection over a promotion at work, rejection at a life that does not measure up to the big plans we once had. Rejection will come, but we must not let it consume us. I have learned in the past that when rejection comes, it is not the end of the world. Sure, there are times I am depressed for a little while and there is a lot of self-examination, but over time I learned that rejection is not the end, but the beginning of something else.. something so much more beautiful.

(B): Love and Acceptance It is human nature to want to feel the love and acceptance of others, but when it doesn't happen in our timetable, we often turn to ourselves as the source of our failure. When someone does not accept or show love to you, don't hate yourself for it. Rather, take time to consider the situation surrounding why you were not accepted or loved. In the end, you will realize (like I did) that not everyone is going to accept you and love you. If you stay true to who you are, sooner or later you will find the love and acceptance you are looking for.

(C): Hitting Rock Bottom Have you ever felt like you've hit bottom? I'm talking about those times when you say, "If I only had one break, I know I could get out of this situation I am in." I can't help but think of Eminem's song titled "Rock Bottom." At one time in my life, that song spoke to me clearer than I spoke to myself. I know I have had quite a few times like that in my life and it is not a nice feeling. Many times when we are at rock bottom, we become extremely depressed that can lead to self-pity and self-pity can cause us to say, "I hate myself" for not being able to get out of this... funk. That funk can lead us to a downward spiral of self destruction before we even realize it.

Most of the time when we hit rock bottom it is by circumstances of our own making. In our minds, we feel that since we are the one who caused the problem we should be the ones to get ourselves out of the problem. When things continue to spiral downward, we start to play the blame game which always leads to wrong conclusions about ourselves. In the end, we start to hate ourselves for allowing things to get this bad. When you hit bottom, don't hate yourself. Swallow your pride and seek help ...don't be in denial. Help should always be welcomes with a warm embrace.

Hold yourself accountable for what you did to get to this point.

I know my strengths and weaknesses, and GUESS WHAT? I am going to make more mistakes, but I can't let the mistakes get to me. I know it sounds simple and it will take work, but when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on.

The words "I hate myself" by themselves hold no power over us, but the problem starts when you begin to believe the words. There were times I hated who I was and wanted to change myself so I could be like everyone else. Then one day I realized that I am not like everyone else. I am me, so I set out to be me and I soon found that I really love who I am. I did not take the things that happened to me so personally anymore. I do not know if it will work for you, but isn't it worth a shot?

you can't trust any one, can you?

Trusting people can be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. 

You are hated if you're rich, you're hated if you're poor, you are hated if you have big boobs, or if you're as flat as a board. no matter what you are or have, there will always be one person that will truly try to show you down as they always wish to see themselves in your position.

Let's all admit - listening to juicy gossip is always somewhat exhilarating but always keep in mind that you just have to JUST listen, no speaking in front of such people, because sooner rather than later it will eventually be you that will be the center of their gossip.

People just seem to thrive off of belittling others. this is their ultimate drive as they get very irritated by seeing others progressing in their lives. All these people do not like to make good relationships with the people of higher ranks or their colleagues, so they try to befriend people who they consider "less" than themselves. for instance you always see a pair of friends-- one is obviously considered the pretty one, and she becomes best friends with an ugly duckling. when in reality, that pretty girl has an uglier inside than any other female you've ever met, which in return makes that pretty girl super ugly to the intelligent eye.. but that is just the thing-- how many people really have anything more than common sense?

Imagine what our world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions or skin colors or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions or lack of possessions or religious beliefs or customs or their general tendency to just be whoever the hell they are..

All these people who envy others always try to prove themselves the best amid everyone. They compliment themselves, post dozens of pictures of their face in 20 different angles (ugh, soo annoying) and then post things like "i'm sooo insecure" or "this is such an ugly picture of me" which really makes them sound like fools. We all need that attention, I get it, we are women. But let's not be so dramatic, shall we?

Sometimes it was a female so close to me, it hurt to cope with knowing the fact that she was doing those things I said above. So I'd indiscreetly distant myself from them.. by  skipping their requests to get together, not called them/answered their phone calls or texts, made up excuses as to not hang out with them, etc. because some of the shit they do is just not acceptable. i know this may be considered fake or whatever on my part, but it's really just me not having the ignorance and mean bone in my body to tell them to their face how messed up they are for doing what they are doing to me behind my back. Like I said, this female was close to me. I couldn't understand why she would say such mean things about me and all the other stuff she did. I was at a lost as to what to do really.

I finally came to understand that all the people are different and have different natures. If i make any effort to change them, then i am wasting my time... well my time is done being wasted. i'm done worrying about society, and trying to get into people's minds to 'heal them' if you will. psychology is amazing, and just a little bit of studying can truly open your eyes to the ways people operate and why. and a looooooooot of it revolves around jealousy.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion. it can be the reason you cheat, the reason you tease, and even the reason some kill. so the next time you feel the urge to ridicule Justin Bieber, homosexuals, your friends or anyone else, just think about what your motive is, and the consequences. the world is not perfect and never will it be, but if you fight for the cause--- regardless, one more person will be able to live their life to their potential.

Holding on to my bad feelings about this is doing nothing but harming me, and everyone else, and preventing me from enjoying my life fully. I am an awesome person. I choose to enjoy my life. I choose to let this go and to me, that almost seems worth it considering the meanies probably never will.

power struggle

Power.

Maybe sometimes it's best to put up a shield as you head into the battlefield of love. Because then when we find ourselves defenseless as our hearts become exploited, we wonder where we went wrong?

Who decides its fate? Who decides the direction? what constitutes who has the "power" in a relationship? Is one always held above the other?

a. the one who bases her every decision around what her man will think, the one who does not go somewhere because her man doesn't let her, the one who asks her man if what she is wearing is okay before walking out of the house, the one who will cater to her man not in a loving way like destiny's child meant, but in the puppy dog way where you are a servant behind him picking up after him---well then, maybe it's time to find your voice. Search deep inside for your inner-strength and have the confidence to stand up for your beliefs and opinions. Get some self -respect because while you may claim you have it, you don't. This relationship involves you, which means you are equally as important as your partner. If you truly believe you "aren't good enough" for him - leave.. that kind of attitude isn't doing either of you any good.

b. if you find yourself "dominating" all relationships you become involved in, that isn't good either.
 Are you the sole bread winner, and maintaining the household together? If you are finding yourself being the main decision maker, and he not even attempting to assist, then I see this ending badly soon.

 Relationships are about two people working as a team in a single unit. Both individuals need to be actively involved in decision making. Too often we become consumed in a relationship where we have to "become one." it took me a long time but i realized that dating is not about finding your other half. dating is more about really discovering yourself and accepting that you are already whole. your man's purpose is to complement you, not complete you. I think without that equality of power in a relationship, a couple cannot function successfully. Hearts will be broken and someone will get hurt... like 95% of relationships do.

Relationships like this are damaging for someone will always end up hurt. Maybe you've been on both ends of the spectrum. I have. I had a hard time seeing where i stood. Though when I really listed out scenario by scenario, I realized I was not in a healthy relationship.

self control

i seriously have so many topics going through my mind right now, that i decided to write about none of them and instead turn to something that i have been lacking lately.

&& that is self control.

self-control is a vital part of who we are. Thoughts are our foundation because they direct our feelings. People with high self control don’t react to someone else’s emotions. They are able to think clearly and stay focused under pressure. No one can control the events or the people surrounding them, but they can control their own emotions and actions. I personally like to think i maintain self control in thee situations, but when i am alone i tend to slip.

[ x ] one thing i do to exercise my self control is choosing what i think about. when i feel i am able to control what feelings my thoughts are producing, i feel as if i am able to dictate what i will do or will not do, which in return leads me to be careful on what i dwell on. I started with meditation - this helped my anxiety tremendously.

[ x ]  i try not to let my feelings get the best of me. if, for instance, i know i am upset with someone or i am craving something i know i should not consume or have, i do something to get my mind off the situation; listen to music, write on this blog, scrapbook, write letters to my lil sister, exercise, or read to name a few. And if i still find myself dwelling on those things, i just simply pick up on another activity again.. and yes, this may take me doing this same activity several times before i am able to conquer your feelings but i eventually am able to do it.)

[ x ] this one may seem a bit obvious and silly, but really taking deep breaths is very VERY helpful. it seems to just calm me down, and also takes my mind off of it for a while. this is most helpful when i feel like i am losing my mind!

these basic little things are what i do to give myself a bit more control, and this is where perseverance comes it. it won’t be better the first time you try to have control but like everything else you will be able to control yourself better and faster with practice.

the reason why i wanted to make a blog out of this is because i'd like to point out that i don't think self control is only about keeping your cool when you are angry. its concept is more than that, it can also be about not complaining about a situation or someone, or even waiting to get something you really want now, or even choosing not to eat that extra cookie. these situations can affect our every day lives, and that is why i believe it is important to instill self control into ourselves so our younger generations can fall onto it as well. maybe by doing this we will have less anger impulse shootings and murders going on.

a quote by Aristotle was said to me by my sophomore year English teacher that has stuck with me ever since.. it's “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

the greatest victories we can have in our life is over ourselves. Self-control might be hard, but it is possible. encourage yourself and others to maintain control over themselves.