Love.

love.

think back to a past love that didn't end so well. We all have that one don't we? do you remember your emotions throughout that relationship? that love that made you so vulnerable; that love that opened your chest and your heart just so someone can get inside you and mess you up; so you then build up all these defenses. You build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you.

Or so you think.

But then that one person wanders into your life and you give them a piece of you. they didn't ask for it, and you'd never offer it but they sort of just magnetized themselves to you. they did something to you one day and that just let you know your life will never be the same.

this  is my current boat. it was so weird, and we both tried to deny it but both couldn't. love wasn't always fuzzy bunnies and smiles. love was the enemy sometimes. it takes hostages. it gets inside you, and it eats you and leaves you crying in the darkness. so a simple phrase like "i don't need this.." turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart, just tearing at your heart valves. not just in the mind.. but in the soul. it's a "real gets inside you and rips you apart" pain that they have yet found an anecdote to.

some times i can honestly say i hate love... but i can't stop myself from denying it. what will it take to get it through my head that this can really end up badly?  i guess i can say i am addicted to the pain. addicted to the excitement. addicted to the unknown. addicted to not knowing what the fuck, when the fuck where the fuck or how the fuck things will end up.. and i guess that and that alone is what keeps me hooked.

It's times like these that make me wonder if love is real. is there really an emotion that can last forever, through the ups and downs of a relationship, through thick and thin? or is "love" something we just make up in our heads to satisfy our emotion we feel at the time? Or maybe we use the word "love" as a safety blanket. love is for sure a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you put into it. so when love comes around, you should def not think of it as so scary, but more enticing, and definitely worth your while.

just as life, love isn't fair either. after a month or so of getting serious, I realized how selfish I was being towards him. He isnt the one who hurt me, who destroyed my entire being yet I was keeping him at arm's length as if he was. Just waiting for me to tell myself "i told you so" He was so patient and so kind, and so understanding. The countless kind gestures made it all clear to me I really can make something work with him.

i am now willing to do anything in the world for him as long as it's good for his well being. im always there by his side, helping him through everything.

You may ask if it is really worth it? Worth possibly losing your individuality for this person? Worth losing the freedom of doing what you want when you want? No one will ever know what you have for another person. It's hard to understand.

All I can recommend is you TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS. 

Something is telling you this for a reason.

LISTEN TO IT!

holler if you hear me ...

my life thus far: what a fucking roller coaster.

I love how women talk about women they do not know, but are clearly jealous of. How she has more boyfriends than tampons in a year, and how she dyes her hair a different color every month.

goals made in 2015: 14
goals achieved: 8

I was only able to stick to a little over half of what i promised myself i would be fully committed to. how did i let these goals of mine slip through my fingers? it's about d i s t r a c t i o n s. life is full of distractions. they are so easily distracting. it's insane. and now i am beating myself up for letting these distractions consume my entire mind body and soul which now has affected my life in more aspects than one.

I don't handle failure very well. I try to live by great expectations, and I know this isn't the best choice to do but it's just the way i am. this could be why i haven't been very happy lately. people just let me down soo much. nothing in this world is as beautiful as they try to instill in your minds growing up in elementary school.

I've dealt with the most turmoil this year by my 'friends'... the most hurt the most betrayal.. I mean that, genuinely. It was harsh. I learned how brutal this world can be. How immoral people really are. How much chivalry is dying and that "A thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers"

straight up.

But, I also gained so much. I gained new friends, who are brilliant.. got closer with ones that came from past years. Became so much wiser, really. i've learned the importance of loyalty and respect, and how to gain it and more importantly, how to keep it. I learned to take hits like a big girl... literally. i learned to not let things affect me badly. These days, people who used to get under my skin, merely scratch the surface now. Made me remember my self worth, that I was doubting with a few people that i'm glad to say are gone..

&& welcome 2016... i think we're gonna be friends ;D

a few of my favorite things xx

                      

i know i know.  who doesn't it make happy? lol so i wanted to make a post on a few of my favorite things. ya know.... things i cant live without, things i am in love with, and things i would highly recommend for all to use. which all of the items im going to list fall into each of those lol

so here's a list of  few of my favorite things via posting pictures of all the things i love and cannot live without =) most of the pictures i took myself, but there are a few i got off of google.com searches.
enjoy ;]

***keep in mind i will be adding to this list and/or making a part two, so stay tuned ;] ***

notebook paper.i am constantly writing down my any list you can think of! i often carry this folder which serves as my little daily organizer. This one has my "to do list, grocery list/things to buy list, my short term goals list, my long term goals list, my research list/job duties list" && of course the more colorful, the better. colors are a great way to keep organized!

*** i will be making a DIY blog on "Daily Organizer Binders";; something i came up with to not only be organized, but to stay organized. I'll include how i make the binders, where i buy my colored notebook paper (& what to do when i can't find any in stores), certain binders, and all other supplies needed, and what tabs i use that work best for me, along with different lists/tabs ive thought of that i'll list for you to choose based on which fits your life. I'll also include the importance of having one, and keeping up with it, and the importance of using colors, and much, much more!!  Stay tuned for the blog this month!!!"

 make up brushes.

These are the two biggest vases i'd recommend using, I also have two small square ones, & 1 small circular one not pictured.

 i got the vases at the Target ($3-6.99ea) and the pink sand i got at Hobby Lobby ($2.99).

each of my vases have different colored sand.

For the brushes i have w/a brush on each end, I just lie down in my make up box/chest.

candles.

i am obsessed with my apartment smelling good, and these candles do the trick perfectly. they stay lit long, expel an exuberant smell that makes me want to eat it all up!! haha ;) I get mine for usually $5.99ea at Bed Bath & Beyond, or Bath & Body Works

Ionic Blow Dryer

so light weight, my long ass hair takes 15 minutes to blow dry. as you can assume my arms gets sooo tired after a while. Not this with bad girl. Not only is the heat warm (not super hot burning your ends) but it has an amazing attachment that helps keep the blow dryer at least 4-6 inches away from the head.

brazilian keratin therapy.

okay ladies, if there is ANY hair product i would recommend, it'd be this. Brazilian Keratin Therapy makes your hair feel so amazing. I had really damaged hair, and I don't think I have a single split end any more. I get it thru my salon which has argon & morrocan oil in it as well, but most beauty stores have the ones pictured which I got from Sally's.

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matching bra & panty sets.

when i leave the house, my bra & panties have to match. its an OCD thing, i swear. problem is i wear the same bra more than just once, so i have 10 of the same colored pair to match each diff color/design bra i have amounting to thousands of panties in my dressers lol

Charm Bracelets.
 

i am obsessed with making and wearing . i made this one for my baby sister for her 6th birthday.

jewelry is so easy to make once you get the hang of it-- i make about 30 % of my jewelry!

Garnier Fructis Volume Mousse

this stuff is a miracle worker. it adds volume like you wouldn't believe. Tracy DiMarco recommended it in one of her beaty vlogs, and we alll know Tracy's volume is one to admire. So of course I want whaaaatevs that girl has! ;=]
 i teased the heck out of my hair. it looked so fab < 3
not only that but it smells sooo delicious!
&& pretty cheap too! only $7.95  per bottle!

Skintimate Shaving Gel.

 Thisis perfect for those you who want perfffectly smoooooth skin--- use this!! I give & get massages often, and my therapists always tell me how silky smooth my skin feels. and i just know it's from using this amazing product.

 Mike's Hard Lemonade

since i turned 21 this year, ive been trying to find my signature drink. i've settled with wine coolors are alway nice since they hide that god awful taste of alcohol, but still give you that amaaaazing buzz =p

 dunkin donuts/ mcdonalds mccafe shakes

i get one of these on my way to work eery morning. they wake me up, and just ooses eith strawberry flavor. extra whippppp please =]

hair teasing brush.

this brush works sooo fantastically! it's a Spornette Little Wonder -- you can buy it online at any beauty site for under $10. it works so perfectly with teasing and back combing.

straight sexy hair smoothing balm/heat protectant.

this smells like strawberries, is a pink & black bottle which i LOVE ;) and it works so fabulously. i straighten my hair alot-- even to curl it which i do often as well. this acts as a barrier between my hair and the heat, therefore keeping my strands healthy and vibrasnt as opposed to burnt.

leg warmers.

there was a time when i wore leg warmers every day throughout the fall and winter. i am obsessed with them.

 i have a pair in every color, i really love wearing them with sweater dresses in the fall or winter.

 you can wear them over your knee high boots, or with closed/open toed pumps.

fruit smoothies.

i love fruit smoothies in general but Naked fruit smoothies are sooo yummy.
 this is soo very healthy for your body.

 i believe they are around $4 a bottle but so worth it.

they're super healthy, super yummy, and are sold in any grocery store near the produce section. They have various different flavors as well.

old perfume bottles.

am i the only one who collects all my pretty perfume bottles, even after they are empty? i like setting them up as a display cus they look soo pretty :) i set all of mine on a cake stand holder I got from bed bath & beyond, it's a round glass peice that really looks so elegant.

Flawless Fake Bake Tan.

                       

 if you want the perfect tan but don't want to get skin cancer from tanning beds, and not enough time or patience to sit in the sun --- use this product!! it's my secret to my glowing tan. not only does it smell good, but it smoothes on soo evenly, I cannot get over how great and easy it is too apply it.

 it comes with a professional mitt too. it is kind of on the pricey side at $25.00 per bottle at Ulta, but probably online you can get it for half that--- but defff worth it!

 Magazines.

this is a current pictures of my latest, but I seriously am a magazine addict. i have to buy any latest, and have about four subscriptions to popular magazines including cosmopolitan & people, and even more catelog sibscriptions.

i am very artsy crafty, and am always looking thru mags for things to cut out to put on a poster or in my scrapbook. =)

O.P.I. Nail Polish

this nail polish is obviously known for being non chip, and having the best colors!
They have any color you can think of, and i have about 30 of them! my nail polish collection has expanded tremendouly within the past few months.

victoria's secret beauty products.

the body spray, body butter & body lotion sets are so amazing. not only are they very affordable (which very rarely do you see that word in the same sentence  w/Victoria's secret lol) but they are good quality as well. the fragrance lingers on your body for hours, the body butter moisturizes your skin so intensely, & i can't begin to count how many compliments i get on how great i smell. my favorite is Endless Love(blue liquid bottle) Strawberries In Champagne (purplepink pictured) & Love Spell (purple body butter bottle).

hand sanitizer.

because i am SUCH a clean freak and germophobe, i have hand sanitizer in my purse/pocket at all times. not only that but im constantly washing my hands.

 this also results in extremely dry skin, so that leads to me carrying lotion around at all times too!

fav store sales.

not only sales at stores, but my favorite stores!! nothing makes me smile bigger than when i get the biggest bang for my buck.

 this is especially satisfying when it happens at Victoria's secret since they are normally pretty pricey!

fun slides.

oh em gee. i know this isn't necessarily a thing, but def one of my must do at any festival/carnival/ theme park. fun slides have always been my absolute favorites enter to win. well that one & the big Egyptian boat hehe =P

at stated in the beginning, stay tuned for a part two !!!

self control

i seriously have so many topics going through my mind right now, that i decided to write about none of them and instead turn to something that i have been lacking lately.

&& that is self control.

self-control is a vital part of who we are. Thoughts are our foundation because they direct our feelings. People with high self control don’t react to someone else’s emotions. They are able to think clearly and stay focused under pressure. No one can control the events or the people surrounding them, but they can control their own emotions and actions. I personally like to think i maintain self control in thee situations, but when i am alone i tend to slip.

[ x ] one thing i do to exercise my self control is choosing what i think about. when i feel i am able to control what feelings my thoughts are producing, i feel as if i am able to dictate what i will do or will not do, which in return leads me to be careful on what i dwell on. I started with meditation - this helped my anxiety tremendously.

[ x ]  i try not to let my feelings get the best of me. if, for instance, i know i am upset with someone or i am craving something i know i should not consume or have, i do something to get my mind off the situation; listen to music, write on this blog, scrapbook, write letters to my lil sister, exercise, or read to name a few. And if i still find myself dwelling on those things, i just simply pick up on another activity again.. and yes, this may take me doing this same activity several times before i am able to conquer your feelings but i eventually am able to do it.)

[ x ] this one may seem a bit obvious and silly, but really taking deep breaths is very VERY helpful. it seems to just calm me down, and also takes my mind off of it for a while. this is most helpful when i feel like i am losing my mind!

these basic little things are what i do to give myself a bit more control, and this is where perseverance comes it. it won’t be better the first time you try to have control but like everything else you will be able to control yourself better and faster with practice.

the reason why i wanted to make a blog out of this is because i'd like to point out that i don't think self control is only about keeping your cool when you are angry. its concept is more than that, it can also be about not complaining about a situation or someone, or even waiting to get something you really want now, or even choosing not to eat that extra cookie. these situations can affect our every day lives, and that is why i believe it is important to instill self control into ourselves so our younger generations can fall onto it as well. maybe by doing this we will have less anger impulse shootings and murders going on.

a quote by Aristotle was said to me by my sophomore year English teacher that has stuck with me ever since.. it's “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

the greatest victories we can have in our life is over ourselves. Self-control might be hard, but it is possible. encourage yourself and others to maintain control over themselves.