Saturday, January 31, 2015

i can't be tamed. xx

hey all,
sometimes I go out of town for an extended period of time.. i do because being in the same place for too long really makes me lose touch with myself.  it feels good to break free from the normal routine, and do something nice for some one else while also putting a smile on my face. So my boyfriend and I attended a wedding of a good friend of mine.  she asked me to be a bridesmaid in the wedding so I was thrilled to not only be a part of her special day but to get away from the stress in my town and go to her town to celebrate with her and her family. funny thing is, this particular friend is the exact opposite of me in every way so how we are so close I do not know.... all I do know is that I love her dearly and I want nothing but happiness for her. And by happiness, I mean hot, wild wedding night sex.

So, with that being said I went on the Fredericks of Hollywood website and bought her a little something that looked like this…

Fredericks of Hollywood Erika Hanky Hem Babydoll $22.00

I had to keep in mind that her style is very different from my style. she has a curvy figure and is very modest, so I thought something looser with a halter tie would really flatter her and make her feel sexy. the other bridesmaids were planning on getting her lingerie as well so I was really excited to see what everyone would come up with---- fast forward to the night before the wedding. the maid of honor got her a couple of regular bras, five pairs of multi-colored normal panties, and a floor length silk nightgown with matching robe. The other bridesmaid got her a matching tank top and boy short set along with another silky floor length night gown. && then there was me, the degenerate bridesmaid. as soon as she pulled my gift out of the bag, she looked shocked and definitely blushed while all the other girls started laughing and rooting her on. of course she broke out into smiles eventually, but I couldn’t help but feel totally awkward. are the other girls totally old fashioned or have I completely lost touch with what normal society considers sexy??? i mean in my personal opinion, the gift I got her was incredibly tame.

                                  Leather Bra and G-String by $37.99

So it became obvious I was the wild one without even trying to be. that works. in all actuality, I have been labeled much worse things...

To top it all off, i crashed at one of the bridesmaid’s houses after the ceremony and they decided to put us in Stacy’s bed room. Stacy was her younger sister and just happened to be stunning in a way I rarely see. Her Spanish heritage gave her a beautiful olive complexion and she had big, full lips that would put Angelina Jolie to shame. def gonna be a beauty when she's older.

As soon as I walked into Stacy’s room, however, my attitude completely changed.

Bibles. Crucifixes. Fluffy stuffed animals. Pink. seroiusly the abrupt thought of my entire body bursting into flames sent a chill down my spine and all throughout my body. whaaaaat the hell was all this? as we laid in her bed, surrounded by innocence and purity, my boyfriend and i began talking. i just wondered what led me astray. Growing up, I always went to church every Sunday and even took religious education classes. how come I didn’t turn out like Stacy? how come I feel the need to do what I do? to be such a sinner... i have the good intentions there, it's jst when i go to actually do it i just.. i dont know.. am lead in a different direction.

I guess the answer is because i never fully believed in the first place. if my memory serves me right, when you receive your first communion and you get confirmed, you take an oath of some sort that says you believe in God and everything He represents. I said exactly what everyone wanted me to say, yet deep down I wasn’t buying it. i wanted to believe there was a higher power, but i really wanted to see something to prove it. i know that won't ever happen so  i guess if i just accept jesus christ as my lord and savior, what hurt will it do when the time come. Believe it or not, we slept very well in that sweet, loving bedroom but we were happy to get out of there the next day...

Needless to say, it’s good to be home.

xox fee

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

you are beautiful in your own skin

this is a somewhat controversial post, that I hope plenty of you can sink your teeth into. (do not bite too hard, this is not a debate).
let me start by saying that I am 5'5'' and weigh 160lbs. These past few months I've been gaining weight; however I have been working on my flirty girl fitness as well so it has kept the gained weight at a minimum which luckily for me has beeen pushed towards my breasts  - where I really needed it!  It's even better on my period days.. implants for free for five days ;D

before this weight gain, I'm pretty sure you would have taken one look at me and said "She is too thin", and let me tell you, in some aspects I probably was. Despite what I saw, I had a small B-cup chest and my waist was so tiny it made my lower half look way bigger than it really was. It was as if I had a Pear shaped body, and that's not exactly what I'd call attractive.

"why don't I have boobs like my friends do?" "why do all my bones poke out at every angle?" "where are my hips?" "why am I so skinny?"

I absolutely HATED hearing my friends say things like this about themselves..but i realized i was right there doing the same. I'd also like to point out, I in no way, shape, or form have ever had an eating disorder, those of you who know me, will know I eat whenever I like and whatever I like. instead of small meals every three hours, i ate full course meals twice a day. i love eating-- i eat when im sad, mad, upset, any emotion it is i feel i can eat it. lol it didn't help my boyfriend is an amazing cook and loved cooking for me, and also made killer drinks!

...yet why was I so incredibly skinny?
The answer here is simply "metabolism". my metabolism is what i'd like to call "super metabolism". For those of you who don't know what metabolism is, it's basically a chemical reaction that happens in all your organs to help maintain life.--in non scientific forms, the rate at which your body burns calories and breaks down fat. having a high metabolism means that it is impossible for me to put on weight, and maintain that added weight. my body breaks down fat and burns calories at a fast rate. Now I know for a fact, that many of you will be reading this thinking "Shut up rica, I'd absolutely LOVE to have a high metabolism"..but let me tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

For years, all through my teens, I tried to put on weight, it was almost impossible. It also made me feel like crap. think the reverse of a diet. I was essentially eating fatty foods to try and put weight on; therefore feeling groggy, tired and miserable. i know that is pretty stupid of me to do, but you don't think clearly when in that state of mind. you always hear about larger people going through a tough time trying to lose weight, slim people can go through just as much of a tough time trying to put it on, but nobody ever really thinks of that.

"Are you anorexic", "you need to put some weight on", "You are a bag of bones", "why are you so boney", "why are you so skinny", "get some meat on your bones", "are you okay?"

all this you would kind of expect from curious school children, but what astonishes me, is that every day adults even still ask me these things. People I don't know do it the most. quite strange as now that i have put on the almost 15lb weight gain, my boobs (of a generous size), hips, and this phat bottom ive always had always made me think i have filled out quite noticeably. Yet people still think it's okay to say these things? would you say these things to someone who was noticeably larger than the average person? would you tell a mother of multiple children who is trying to lose weight she needs a lot more to go even if it was the truth? no, you just don't. it's not nice and can truly damage a person in ways you would never expect.

"Are you obese?", "You need to lose weight", "You are a big bag of fat", "why are you so fat?", "You need to get some meat off those bones of yours", "Are you..okay?"

i hate that we have a BODY MASS INDEX, that we must all live by? who cares if i'm "slightly" below average, who cares if you're slightly above it? As long as you feel happy in the skin you are in, is that not all that matters? Yes, I may seem smaller and skinnier than the average person, but I'm happy at the moment.

I recently got upset by someone i know approaching me and saying "you are SO skinny". For a the hell do you even respond to something like that? I think I just stood with my mouth open, wondering what on earth made it okay to say something like that? What was going on in this person's mind? I eventually just walked away. I shouldve said "Omg you are SO FAT!" But... Sometimes saying nothing is the best thing to do. This person then returned to say "You need to put some weight seriously". uhmm excuse me !? legit i was at first very embarrassed, and secondly ready to slap the bitch. would this person have said the same thing to a fat person? more than likely not because a. the fat person would probably plow the shit out of her lol and b. because calling someone fat is seen as an insult, but when it comes to skinny is apparently acceptable? I think commenting on anybodies weight is unacceptable. Who are you to judge someone by the size of them?

"That person is fat, they must eat nothing but mcdonalds and sit on their arse all day"
"That person is skinny, she probably has an eating disorder and needs help"

It's really not fair. nobody ever takes into account genes, metabolism, bone structure, medical problems. there are thousands of reasons people are how they are, and why people are the size they are. the above statements may be true in some cases, but for the majority, it's probably not.
soooo is calling someone skinny really acceptable? or, do you agree with me that it's just as insensitive as calling someone fat? As a naturally skinny person, I can tell you that it's not very nice being called out for being "too skinny", especially as i tried so hard to put weight on, and wanted so desperately to be "of average size" as I was growing up. It's a bit of a touchy subject but one I wanted to address.

moral of the story --I don't really think it's ever acceptable to comment on anybody's weight, skinny or fat. Why should you ever be allowed an opinion on someone else's body or way of life? You can think it in your head, but the minute you open your mouth it becomes very dangerous, that is of course unless you are opening your mouth to give a compliment, by all means do this. :)

If YOU are happy with the way you look, that's all that matters, and if you aren't, chances are you are doing something about it and working towards something you know you will make you happy.

Everybody is different, and nobody is perfect. It would be a very boring place if this wasn't the case.

xox rica

Sunday, January 25, 2015

what goes around comes around xx


i legit don't think my life would be complete if i didn't have a job to go to every day. i think working is one of the things every one must do. you never will know independence until you make your own money, live in your own place with no help from daddy, and pay for all your necessities and wants yourself.

this feeling makes me feel so alive and amazing. words cannot explain.

so i currently work at a car dealership in which I help run the finance and investments department. i'm only the assistant to the manager, but he is so busy playing computer games I am usually the one making sure things are going the way they should, and keeping  his ass from getting fired. which is probably why he pays me so well. LOL i am the assistant finance adviser whom handles financing people who wish to buy vehicles, as well as title work and sometimes sales.


The other day, I watched a girl named "Chrissie" come and interview for a sales position. She was tall, a little thicker, and was lacking any interpersonal skills whatsoever. It was kind of hard to watch and not laugh.

My manager, who is supposed to give the final yay or nay, was hardly even listening to her as she spoke, and was more engrossed in the baseball game on the big screen. As she maneuvered around the show room, showing off her knowledge of the cars in the lot, another new girl we recently hired who goes by the name Gina, stated aloud what we all were thinking. "That girl is out of her mind thinking she is fit for this job." Gina then began to nitpick at every little thing.. and while it was funny at first.. it later began to annoy me how mean she was being.

The courage and confidence required to come in confident to an interview, and then to work in a new environment, with professional females staring you down waiting for you to mess up, and all this especially in sales, is tremendous. So how could a female possibly be so judgmental towards another female when they face and have faced the same demons? I didn’t participate in the conversation and I kept my opinion to myself. Not everyone is meant for sales. To my surprise, Chrissie returned to the floor after she interview and sat among us. This means my manager said YAY.

Apparently her sales pitch was good enough. Then, one of my managers approached me and asked me to do something I have not done in a long time. He wanted to know if I could train her. i've always been the one to train employees who were new, but in this particular department.. this task holds soo much more weight to it than i was used to.

Back in the old days when I worked in a popular clothing store, I was always the one asked to get the new people accustomed to the sales floor. I demonstrated how to up-sell. I showed them how to put outfits together to get good sales, because we are females in the biz--we already have a higher chance on selling to males than males do. Believe it or not, I am right.

And the weird thing was, I had an absolute blast doing it. It was the most satisfying feeling to see my “students” succeed and go on to become great sales people. So you can imagine I was more than happy to sacrifice some money (there were already customers seated) and show this girl how to kick ass.

We took a tour of the showroom, and the service departments, etc. She even mentioned to me that the information I gave her was incredibly helpful. All I could think of was that I wish I had someone to teach me when I first started out. But then again, I took to sales the way normal people take to sports or music. I was a natural.

Chrissie ended up doing well that next day. And Gina?? Yeah, she was fired for lying to a customer about a car's engine problems leading to a sale.

Now that's some irony

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

the emotion that drives us the most

anger is an emotion that our minds use to somewhat justify our actions in such a way that makes sure that we are protecting our well being. This isn't always the case, but in most cases it is. For instance, when I personally lose my temper when my boyfriend tells me he doesn’t like the way i dress--this isn't necessarily preserving my rights but its remembering an old wound which is not being satisfied with my self image, and thats what makes me angry. If I were 100% happy with my looks and my self image then such a comment would never bother me... but being part of the female breed.. it's almost inevitable to not be offended (angered) by that comment. Anger ignites from various different areas of the mind. it brings us back to something inside us that we normally would not go to. for instance when we're trying to:

heal all of our wounds.
personally, i think as long as this wound is there you will become angry whenever someone reminds you of it. & of course the people with numerous wounds, will become angry at much more things being said than some one with just a couple. Unless these people deal with their wounds they will lose their temper for the slightest reason. This is especially seen in men.

control their ego attacks.
men naturally tend to have huge egos.. especially men who are very good looking. my boyfriend, for example, has quite a big ego that often is the core to our arguments. he often becomes arrogant when confronted which results in him treating me pretty badly which of course results in ME lashing back at him. when i do this, it usually involves me questioning his achievements which he will then furiously reply stating all the great things that he has done, blah blah blah -- to which you can then devalue all what he said by either laughing, smiling, or saying something smart. i rarely do this because i'm not an instigator when it comes to arguments with my boyfriend-- i try to communicate & solve our problems-- not extend them..blowing them up into something even more toxic.

now let me pushing my psychology on your asses by breaking down this ego attack thing a bit further.

when someone starts to mention his achievements, he identifies with them by assigning all of his worth to these achievements. therefore, when one undervalues those achievements--he will take it as you are in fact undervaluing himself, as a person. which rsults in an identity crisis where the person can end up questioning the importance of his own achievements and sometimes even his life! does this make sense? this is why no matter how hurt i may get by my boyfriend's actions, i don't think i could ever lash back so severe that he would break down into an identity crisis. Especially considering the bnigger the ego, the more sensitive they are to having one by just a few hurtful words. However when it comes to some one i could give a fuck about, the stronger my devaluation, the more powerful the effect of the attack will be...

reverse psychology.
this is the last point im going to make, reverse psychology is not what you all know it as. when it comes to combating anger, reverse psychology is moreso a reverse attack.  For instance, if someone told me "ay you look so messed up, where'd you get your disgusting clothes from?" i'll reply back with something like "i can change my clothes anytime but your ugly ass face will always look the same." What i did here is pretty much allowed myself to shift the focus from myself to the other person in seconds, and generally results in making him or her become reallllly defensive. & once you got them in defense mode, you pretty much have them wrapped around your finger. haha because once someone gets defensive, you have the choice of using any of the points i made above, or any kind of attack you want really. It will results in the fight or flight response kicking in, and in most cases people will TRY to fight but end up in the FLIGHT response.

.....well, at least that's been my experience hehehe ;]

alright that's enough for today kiddos.

my shows are about to startsoo adios!  :)

xox rica

Thursday, January 15, 2015

a day in my life : )

I cannot  believe I am entertaining this girl, but I have some time on my hands so hey, why not ;) Let's settle the score. What I am doing with my own time is MY business and that’s it. i do not post, brag or inform the world of every little thing in my life because some things are private. I do not like to mention things until they are coming into fruition. I don’t want to hype people up until there is something to show for it. This is my perfectionism at work.

the only time I share things like this is when I am brought news with my modeling career. Well, I wouldn't be so quick to call it a career yet because I am not putting nearly as much time and dedication into it as I should, but when I am given good news about it I really like to share my excitement with my close friends and family, and that is the only time when I bring something up. Not only that but I like to keep a low profile, and I know once I come into the public eye I am going to have a lot of haters, and I don't want my modeling to end before it has even started.

Sorry for my loyal readers, but there is something going around that is annoying me and i just have to address it. I'm so tired of lames running their mouths.

my main point of this blog was to inform this hater  on some of the things i do on a day to day basis since i have crazy stalkers who are so obsessed with me that insist on telling you otherwise.

A: ADULT.  Aside from working a 40-50hr work week as an office administrator,  i also work part time at a spa.  so far so good, i really enjoy it and our customers! plus the discount on spa services is not too shabby as well ;) i will work until the day i die because i am very independent. i need to be able to support myself otherwise i don't feel right. i love having a job,  being at a place that needs me more than i need it. it feels good to make your own paper and be able to provide for yourself and the ones you love. you will never forget the feeling once you have truly felt it. i wish every one in this world can get to feel it. the first step is to stop making excuses for yourself. *coughhhhhh..

B: WRITER. I am currently working on 2 different publishing writing endeavors, one of them being  about a teenager going through relationship problems and suffering an abusive relationship while in and out of youth homes while the other is a sort of "guide-to surviving the female teenage years." It's humorous, and involves ideas on getting past peer pressure, sex, drugs & alcohol, finding your clique or friends, and most importantly.. finding yourself. I have a blog site that I constantly keep up with. I am always reading blogs too.

C: READER. i read. A LOT. i have a plethora of books i have yet to read alongside a big pile i have read at least five times each because I read almost every night before I go to sleep. i have developed a very high vocabulary from reading, believe it or not. i also think 95% of America should do the same considering half the world does not know the difference between "their, they're, and there." if i come across a word I don’t understand, I write it down in a notebook and look up the definition later. i am trying to teach myself to become fluent in Spanish & Italian too.

D: CREATOR i am getting more and more in touch with my creative side. I am constantly dreaming up new ways to create and use my imagination to the best of it’s ability, because to not would be a waste. my mother in law is a big help, and gives me lots of ideas. i recently started making my own holiday cards that i write and send out to family & friends, and i send one letter a week to my baby sister who is just starting to learn to read.i also am starting to make my own jewelry. i'll take pictures of what i have done so far, and maybe even create a tutorial on some things as there isn't much to it when you put your mind to it ;)

E: FITNESS my body is something i am very proud of. I walk daily. i used to walk my two pit bulls daily but since having to find them new homes, i've re homed an adorable baby boy i named Bruno. i don't jog as much as i would like to because i can't stand all the honks and whistles i get, it gets so annoying. i recently found a gorgeous path through the woods behind my house that has recently been worked on-- a park was built and i have been rollerblading on it every afternoon.Flirty girl fitness is something i have been really getting into as well.

F: CLEANER/ ORGANIZER this actually should say obsessive compulsive disorder haha (OCD) which really should be CDO, since that's the correct order the letters come in on the alphabet, but whatevs. i have this uncontrollable desire and need to clean and organize anything i see that needs cleaning or reorganizing. i clean out my huge walk-in closet and dressers every 6 months and drop off unwanted clothes to the salvation army drop off boxes. hay, anything I can do to help, I do, and I do with a smile on my face. I never pass up an opportunity to make somebody happy because it makes ME happy to give something that once made me very happy to a new young girl to draw a smile on her face.

G: BAKER/COOK/DECORATOR. i absolutely love food. i love to bake, i always bake cakes and brownies and cupcakes or muffins, anything under the sun =p for some one's birthday, or whatever holiday it may be --every one knows miss Rica as the one who will come with cupcakes. and not just any cupcakes. i make the most elaborate detailed designs ever. i am just THAT amazing.

thanks to bed bath and beyond for having the most coolest tools to help me out :)) i try to fit baking into my schedule once a week. this week i baked with my mommy in law-->

I: FRIEND. i am the most best friend you can have. when you need some one to listen to you, to not say a word, to not judge, and most of all to BE THERE regardless of what ever may be going on-- i will be there. even if you haven't gotten a chance to contact me in a year, if you call me up and need me to be there for you, i will drop everything and come. it all comes to support. whenever a festival, concert, show, etc arrives, and i personally know who is hosting it, i make it a priority to support my friends and show up for the entire duration of each because it makes me feel good to be there for them when they need it and want it.. not to mention i sincerely find true entertainment in it.

i think i will stop here. this is just a small glimpse into what i do on a day to day basis. So don’t you dare try to sit like a stupid, anonymous log and attempt to know even an ounce of my life because you happen to catch some random status of mine here or there. Just because we were friends on face book or what ever, you think you know me. You know NOTHING about me. It’s just ridiculous that people can assume such outlandish things.

My favorite are when these people like to call me ‘fake’. I’m sorry, I hate to break it to you… but I am as real as they come. The only thing fake about me are my acrylic nails. Thank you for thinking I have had my ass done. What a compliment to know i have implants in a butt that isn't really that big. it just looks big on me cus I'm tiny up top and have a very tiny waist. not to mention, if i did in fact get a fake ass, i would make  sure i got one that's firm and not jello like mine is!! lol

okay that is all, you  can go back to stalking my blog site and social media network pages since you insist on doing so :))

thank you very much *in my best borat voice*

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

living life to tha fullest < 3

this is a random update blog -- 

super long && completely off the wall topics that i feel i want to share. no substance to this post at all. i should also add i have about 14 draft blogs waiting to be posted. i have yet to perfect them, that is why. the next one will be my make up and hair blog Ive been wanting to post for months. i just keep finding new tutorials, etc that i want to add. i follow dozens of girls on YouTube who make tutorials, and am just obsessed with it. YouTube is one of my favorite sites. you can search for literally anything on there. i find myself learning how to do smokey eye, make ice cream, and get out of a DUI arrest all at the same time while bumping some Lil Wayne. ha ha ;D

this year i have learned a lot. i have grown the most this year, i think. i also think i say that every new year.. lol but this is good. you're supposed to grow each year, more than the previous. my most important lesson though would have to be that Ive most of all learned to let my heart guide me, hoping it leads me in the right direction. I've learned so much in my life, and grown so fast. i can't say i don't sometimes find my self in circles.. cus i sure am still am trying to find a meaning to why things happen sometimes but i cant redo the past && i wont regret my mistakes. i just learn from them and build myself up as a human being, as a respectable person, and most of all as a person i want my sister to look up to and see inspiration in.

<3 i want to improve on my social life-- i want to get closer with my side of the family. this is slowly but surely starting to work, i want to gain new friends. i found a new way to do this, and i meet a lot of new girls weekly but I'm really picky on who i let in, its hard for me to get a long with girls who are not somewhat attractive and smart-- call me shallow for saying that but idgf-- lol i don't chill with poor hygiene people, and i absolutely cannot hold a convo with an idiot.

<3: as far as relationships are going, let's just say this: "fiqhtinq: thats what we do ;; u tell me when im being an arrogant asshole & i tell you when you are being a pain in the ass . which you are 99% of the time, im not afraid to hurt your feelings. its going to be really hard. were going to have to work at this everyday, but i want to do that because i want you. i want all of you, forever." this is my fiance &  i perfectly. for those of you who don't know, this quote is from the movie The Notebook. It is one of my favorites, and it reminds me of my life so much. my fiance and i are doing really well. he has changed so much to make me forgive him of almost all the hurt he has laid upon my heart in the past.

<3 <3: I'm taking a personal interest class at the community college near me, it's a psychology course relating to criminology. i am obsessed with it. i got my textbook (which was $80 fucken dollars by the way) and was only supposed to read the first four chapters but i read about triple that!! I'm not yet ready to start on my degree because of personal reasons.. but i am working close to 50hrs per week if not more, and i just am so happy that i am at least doing something with myself. i couldn't imagine living without a job.. i need to make my own money. i love being independent. i love being able to wake up on my day off go to the mall and buy what ever it is i want. thankfully i am not the least bit high maintenance nor am i a shopaholic or go on shopping sprees, but i at least like i buy an outfit a week as a treat to myself for a week's job done at work.. it makes me feel good about myself.

My Gifts This Month:

gorgeous spacious cheetah print clutch. it actually has enough space to fit my cellphone, make up, mini wallet, and hair brush!! haha ;D next are my TRACY DI MARCO earrings!! Hay! they were only $13, and her regular prices are ten times that, so i got a steal!!

<3 <3 <3: improving my self-esteem. i am starting to eat more healthier. i want to become a lot more toned. my ass is just so FAT. i want it to be rock hard ;)  i also love being social.. hence going out and being with my friends. they've been my rock and through times i never thought id see the sunshine again they were the ones to make me smile. i live my life the way I want to. i love routine & having a set plan. I like taking chances on things that i believe are important to me. If you never try. You never succeed.

<3 <3 <3 <3: i have focused so much on conforming myself to society's views that i have lost my self worth. i have discovered new music artists, and truly got into the lyrics. I've attended countless shows and festivals this summer. i am so happy i finally got to make it to all the fireworks festivals this year.. all the ones i wanted to go to at least. This weekend we have the Good Old Days festival that i am actually working at as a promotional model for this new pizza place. i also started hula-hooping! It's amazingly fun and a fantastic workout.. along with working on my flirty girl fitness that i am currently working on a blog explaining my opinions on it including the videos and its background on who founded it, etc. 

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3: not only that but I've started writing so much more. i have a journal that i write in daily, and a journal that i write really happy things and big events in and another one where i write in my anger and pain, and what i do to recover from those. both are very private, but i hope my future daughter gets to read them when she is of age to learn a bit more on life.

that brings my utterly random blog to a close. time to put these eyelids to rest and to snuggle with my boyfriend.. wish me luck ladies on continuing to live life to the fullest<33

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Walk Better In Heels ! xx

Hello my lovely readers!

So it doesn't take a genius to know that any girl loves a pair of heels. it's like something every girl should own a pair of, and is definitely something every girl should have at least worn at one time or another in their lives. therefore this blog is about a few tips of mine i have for girls to tackle the only bad thing about heels ---- learning how to walk in them!!

so if you’re a ballet flats and flip-flops kind of girl, or even rocking Chuck Taylors every day-- you will come across one time that you will need to wear heels. Perhaps your BFF just called and needs you to stand up in her wedding, and that requires, *gasp*, HEELS! lol well, calm down chicadee. There is nothing to be afraid of.... for if you read on, you will find out how you can successfully walk down the aisle or down the street without hurting yourself, & even better --- to look good while you do it!!! =]


As with any project you need to start with a good foundation. One of the keys to walking in high heels is good, strong, solid posture. Make sure your body is relaxed and your arms are loose and at your sides since they will help you balance as you walk. You should be standing up straight, your head high and your feet facing forward.

Get Good well fitting Shoes

It doesn't matter if those shoes look good on you, if they don’t fit right you are going to look more like Bambi on ice rather than Beyonce at the Grammy’s. Start off slow with a moderately sized heel (1-2 inches) and then as you grow accustomed to them, up the size. Try to break your shoes in BEFORE you have to wear them. So they are better fitted to YOUR feet & you don’t wind up with blisters at the end of your night! Remember that you can always make your shoes smaller, but you can’t EVER make your feet smaller.

Make sure they have all the fixings

Your shoes a bit loose? Purchase padding for the inside heel and pad of your shoe, that will help them fit better. Soles a bit slippery? You can buy sole grippers at your local shoe store that will add the perfect amount of traction right where you need it. You should also consider buying gel insoles for a little extra boost to your heels comfort level


Slow and Steady wins the race

Relax your body. Take one step forward, leading with your hips, first toe then heel, distributing your weight as evenly as possible. I do it this way, but others would tell you heel to toe. Try to keep your stride small, making sure you are picking up your feet, not just shuffling them forward. Make sure that your feet are facing forward, legs are close together, and your knees aren’t bending any further than they normally would. As you grow accustomed to wearing heels, your body will naturally up your stride or speed.

Beware the road ahead

Even experienced heel walkers can have some major difficulties on various surfaces, so try to be aware of the surface you are walking on, and adjust your steps accordingly. Super slippery surface? Tiled flooring or boardwalks? Your heel could get stuck inbetween the boards so make sure that your stepping on the flat solid parts of the board. Cobblestones? Use extra caution as the stones are usually not big enough to put your entire foot on at once, and tend to be irregularly shaped.

There you have it ladies!!!!

my few tips to help you walk better in heels. this is mainly for girls who are just starting out. i am sure every girl will have differing thoughts, tips, opinions, etc and i would like it if you'd post those in a comment below (you dont need an account here to leave a comment btw) but these are just from my own experience as i have been wearing heels every day since i was a freshmen in high school.

xox rica

Thursday, January 08, 2015

..dead & gone...

Love is really like a roller coaster because for as many ups and downs you two have went through, you're still ready to throw up after all is said and done.

disclaimer: this is my opinion, not any one else. please refrain from telling me i am wrong on whatever it may be as these opinions are based on my own experience, and experiences of those around me.  i know that's kind of inevitable to not have some sort of opinion, and i would hope you'd share it with me in the comments, but please-- spare me the bullshit.

I have been thinking about break ups, and how females deal with them these days. no longer do i see girls crying about the ones they loved, but now in this anger phase and an almost vengeful manner on a road to fuck him over as hard as possible.. i mean, i know it almost embarrasses some girls to say that they loved their ex, but hey, we got to kiss a few frogs to find our prince right? sucks when the guy has the personality of a toad and the looks of a prince though. But if he's stupid enough to walk away, you have to be smart enough to let go right?

So it starts out as this.. while with him.. you swear the song "With You" by Jessica Simpson was your anthem. That's how happy you were. Everyone knew how insanely in love you were with him, and how he was your world. you cut off a lot of relationships with people for him, and put him in the center of your world. you went against my family for him. you would do anything to spend one minute with him.. ya'll were so happy. Then... **drum roll** everything came crashing down. && i swear this crash was bigger than the world trade center buildings collapsing. now your theme song at this time was "Why do I stay in Love?" by Mariah Carey

Things just got wayyy out of hand. You cant believe the shit you were taking, and it always pissed you off to hear people tell you "oh you deserve better leave leave leave" blah blah blah. seriously. you know this. but at the time, you didn't have options. but the truth was, you were scared. no forget that, you were terrified_ of everything! you were so scared of walking out of that house believing you would never feel again.. believing there would never be another man for you.. believing you could never share all about you with someone else as you did with him.. not only that, but you just felt like you had no one because of all the burned bridges.

So of course, this breakup has to be the most challenging thing in the world. Is there a such thing as an easy break up? not in this world. Then you started thinking about him. family knew it all along, but you purposely ignored them. didnt want to believe it. and you still don't. but you have to. He tried to control the fuck out of you because he lacked stability elsewhere in his life. Because you loved him, you let him do this. Because he was the first and all youve ever knowm; you allowed it. you considered his jealousy his way of "Caring" but really he did not know what he had.

i think break ups are the biggest lessons to learn in life, they build at least 50% of your character, your friends don't understand your position and you didn't understand theirs. i think the funny thing about breakups is they point out what we didn't even know we had, but don't give us the option of going back into battle armed with that knowledge. if u knew what you know now, you would do a few things differently. you wouldn't have been such a fool to change every aspect of your life to suit his wants and needs. don't regret it because, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"..

So after the split, youre stuck listening to all the breakup songs in the world.. hence my list of theme songs within this blog alone. lol i swear if breakups never existed, the music industry would go bankrupt.  Of course, you incessantly cry yourself stupid just figuring out what and how things got sooo bad.. where did it start? was it something you said? was it something we both are guilty of? how did it escalate so high and neither of us notice? but you know what girly?  


they say its never on our side but when it comes down to it -- there's a time for everything.. There's a time to speak up, and a time to be silent... there's a time to learn and a time to teach.. there's a time to listen and a time to be heard.. there's a time to LOSE and a time to gain.. and that time is now. Which is why you should no longer rebound your decision. don't go on saying you gave him up-- cus YOU did not give up ANYTHING-- he gave YOU up by treating you the way he did. he didn't think you'd leave, and took advantage of it and pushed it the furthest extent he could.. til u just snapped. your bond broke in two, beyond repair.

then you find yourself looking at all of your photos with him. pictures are what you have when you have lost everything else.. then it creeps into your dreams (or nightmares rather) but when u give up both the photos and the dreams.. the only thing left is bliss. so why do u still feel so shitty? i think i can take a guess.. because trying to forget about someone who was your world for years and years is like trying to remember somebody you never met. impossible. :( how can this be? I was always the girl that was going to be married before everyone else, settle down.  i never got into the crazy single lifestyle.. i liked being tied down, why? because it felt safe. I was stable in life. i liked knowing what my plans were. i guess i was putting things backwards a bit.

pain is inevitable :: suffering is optional.

I always thought I was one of the lucky ones, ya know when the love was like lightning, short lived and intense. You spent days daydreaming and doodling his name over every inch of your notebook. Just thinking about holding hands was enough to give you butterflies. He asks you to dance and you’re so sure that you’re going to marry this boy. Then one way or another, he breaks your heart, and you feel every single shattered piece tearing you apart. For about a week. Then the next crush comes along and life is amazing again. I never went through the make up break up shit. it was different for me. him and i were together going strong for 8yrs years.

Now it’s more like thunder. It starts off with an explosion and then slowly wears itself out. When you really want it, you can only hear it faintly in the distance, over some other town. And when you just want it to stop, it seems to linger on forever.. why can't it just be over with? do break ups really have to be this way?

there's always room for improvement, and Lord knows I have definitely got to realize what i can deserve, and that's more than an immature asshole.

i now vow to always remember myself and what I want in every situation. I would respect myself enough to consider my own feelings. I’d learn how listen to gut feelings and realize that that’s my heart trying to give me a hint on where to go. I would never ever again allow someone to disrespect, neglect, or make me feel inferior.

I am done feeling inferior, considering I had a firm hand in all of it. Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, and she’s right. I had the power to ensure that I did not feel second best, but I had not yet realized where that power lied nor how to use it. Now I do. And you're done for bitch boy.

You can tell a man 'I hate you,'
and you'll have the best sex of your life,
but tell him, 'I love you' and you'll
probably never see him again.
~Sex and the City


xox rica

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

a few of my favs lately < 3


hello beauties!!

I am posting a quick review of a few products i am loving, and so happy to recommend to all my beauties! please continue reading and let me know if any of you have tried any of these products, and what your opinion on each is! i hope all of you are doing well. i have been so busy with day to day life I have not even had time to get on my blog nor comment back to any of my lovely readers! ill get to it soon, i promise! <3

 Aveeno Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, && Moisturizing Lotion set xx

I've always been a fan of Aveeno products -- their wide range of products at that. I love the baby line they have-- it feels so much more gentle on my skin and hair. i wanted to review them because I am just so thoroughly satisfied with them. I've been really happy with how it moisturizes, but I now have a whole new appreciation for the product as it seriously makes my skin feels smooth all day. Their shampoo and conditioner moisturize great as well. However I will stick to my Redken products as those treat more than just dry hair.

 4 out of 5 smooches xx

 Bio Oil [PurCellin Oil] xx


 I  bought this because of all the buzz about it. It is quite expensive for the little bottle-- but that just told me it must really work! lol I have a number of stretch marks all over my thighs and ass and nothing else worked in clearing them up. I used this for a couple of months and I definitely notice a difference in my scars. It works very very well for that. A+. I will continue to use it and let you know my progress after 6+ months. my only issue is because the stretch marks on my ass and thighs, I cant sit down nor wear any clothing until it dries which can be a huge inconveniance at times.

3 our of 5 smooches xx 

 The Body Shop Shower Cream xx

I am obsessed with the smell of these SO much! I seriously spend a minute just smelling it. I cannot get enough of this fragrance line. After using the shower cream I follow up with the body lotion and body mist to make it last longer. The shower cream leaves me soft and smelling great even after drying off. The only downside is that the suds don't last too long so I have to use more than I would like. In this case, the bottle should be a little bigger. Other than that, it is a great product.

4 out of 5 smooches xx

 Viva La Juicy Perfume xx

I am just in love with this fantastic scent! Personally, the scent does not fade quickly and it is perfect for day and night. It is a very feminie scent and I am totally in love with it. Also,the bottle is very cute and looks great placed on a vanity, shelf, wherever. I would recommend it to everyone looking for a new fresh, feminine, scent. 

5 out of 5 smooches xx

Garniers Caffiene Eye Roll xx

Garniers new Caffeine Eye Roll on with a touch of concealer. My under-eyes are definitely one of my key problem areas and I like the fact this product not only conceals dark circles, but works to reduce them. Ive heard a good way of reducing discoloration around the eye area is to tap the skin around your eyes gently with your finger tips to stimulate the circulation, and I expect the roller ball on this product works in the same way.

I`ve been using it for a couple of weeks now, and have yet to notice big difference. I do, however, love the concealer touch as it makes me look more "awake" and "fresh" in the mornings when I haven`t had much sleep the night prior.

3 out of 5 smooches.

My New Chi Ionic Chameleon Hair Dryer xx
I went to Ulta, and came across a variety of ones--I seriously had no idea where to even start. I knew I wanted the ionic ones though. CHI also uses what`s called FAR Infrared technology. What this pretty much does is dries the hair from inside out due to its ionic charge. The negative ions produced by the CHI hair dryer diffuse water molecules into microfine particles improving moisture, balance and shine, reducing frizz, and eliminating static electricity. Thus leaving my hair super duper silky smooth.

I didn`t even go to my straightener afterwards becuse it was sooo smooth. Overall, I am thoroughy impressed with it. I`ve read a lot of reviews and some say they blow out on you within months. I hope that isn`t the case for me as I spent $179.99 on it!!

5 out of 5 smooches xx

Ed Hardy Hearts && Daggers Perfume xx

I am OBSESSED with Ed HARDY`s Hearts && Daggers perfume. I bought the combo with the body lotion with it as pictured above, and use it every single day.

I am not a big fan of Ed Hardy`s trashy clothing, but their perfumes are to.die.for. I have bought two different kinds this one and the born wild one, and both are uniquely different but still smell soo amazing and yummy!

If you`re looking for a new scent to kick start summer that is tangy, yummy, and sweet -- this is definitely the perfume for you. I get sooo many compliments every single day. One guy even smelled me from the McDonald`s drive thru window, and wanted to know what I was wearing so he can buy it for his girl friend!! LOL

Urban Decay Naked Pallet

Everybody wants to look good NAKED! Far from a group of boring beige shadows, Naked Palette's long, lean, seductive case is packed with TWELVE gorgeous bronze-hued neutrals, and includes Urban Decay's pro-quality Good Karma Shadow Brush. "You can look great NAKED!" I love the shade names! delicate champagnes to dark, gritty gunmetal, with names like Dark horse, Virgin and Buck. Urban Decay also included a range of textures: everything from glitter to shimmer to matte.

This is a shadow palette EVERYONE can use, and a truly spectacular gift. Experiment with office-appropriate neutrals, summertime bronzy looks, or sultry smokiness. With such a diversity of neutral shades at your fingertips, there's more to neutral than meets the eye.

Tangle Free!

I have two of these a black and purple. I have natural hair so it's the best things I've found to detangle my hair without pulling out my hair at the same time!

I bought it from Sally's for $9.99 best deal ever!! Would highly recommend it! The only down fall is after a while the bristles do tend to bend, but that can also be to the thickness of my hair!

Beauty Blender Sponge

I cannot even begin to explain how amazing this little sponge is. It's so awesome & cute I could cuddle with it! (JUST KIDDING.. but it's great).

I've bought knock off versions at TJ MAXX & they even sell them at Wal Mart now too, but none of them come close to the real thang. Simply soak your BB in water, squeeze all excess water out & you're ready to go. Apply  concealer & gently dab BB repeatedly over to blend.

Most sponges will absorb up all your make up resulting in uneven application. Because of the soft lightweight material & dampness of the BB sponge, makeup repels off the sponge & directly onto your skin.

 Concealer brushes can do the same as flat foundation brushes mentioned above (streaky lines.. ain't nobody got time for that).

Too Faced Brow Envy Kit

Hands down, one of my favorite products! I never worried about my eyebrows before, until seeing a beauty guru on YouTube talking about her eye brow kit, and so after a quick search under my favorite make up brand (too faced, duh) I came across this baby, and never looked back! It has every thing you need for the most uhMAYzing eye brows ever! to pluck those few over grown strands, to fill in the inner point, or what ever it is you may need- this kit has got you covered!! this complete kit is filled with all the essentials needed to shape, define, fill, and set brows. Includes tweezers, three stencils, angled brush and brow comb. With this kit you can customize color with two shades of brow powder and hold brows in place with the conditioning wax.

MAC Pigment

I would choose a MAC pigment over an eye shadow any day, any week, and any life time. These pigments are definitely one of the few things I can't live without. My very first pigment from MAC is Shimmer-Time and it's a really pretty peachy, white color. It works great as a highlight color, for the inner corners or for the eyelid if youre really going for a ore subtle natural look. 

There is just so much product in the canister as well! It is definitely worth the money especially if you are very avid in using and perhaps, even just collecting makeup. And using it with water really makes the color pop-it really is an amazing, versatile product that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

As for using the pigment, it can get messy. What I usually do is I take off the little clear covering that covers the pigment and use my brush to pick up the pigment off of it instead of dipping my brush straight into the pigment. That way I have more control over how much product I use and it doesn't waste anything.

Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream SPF 35

This is definitely one of my favorite creams. It feels amazing on my skin. I use it every day. The only negative I can think of is it's price.. kinda pricey for the budget I have. I usually spend more money on products I like Mascara or foundation.
A five-in-one set secret for achieving flawless skin on camera and beyond. This multitasking tinted cream formula with SPF 35 hydrates, primes, perfects, controls oil, and protects for flawless skin on set and beyond. Formulated with emollients and optical pearl pigments, this BB Cream gives skin a glowing, ethereal look and provides a hydrating veil for the complexion to maintain moisture on the surface of the skin. With its ultra-smoothing finish, it instantly re-texturizes to create a smooth canvas. Especially when worn under foundation, it enhances the wear of makeup for up to eight hours. Ideal even for oily complexions, this expert formula with UVA/UVB protection helps inhibit oil to prevent the complexion from getting shiny throughout the day without the typical chalky matte finish.

L'Oréal EverCreme Cleansing Conditioner

My pros: It smells great! It leaves my hair nice and smooth, tangle free when I get out of the shower. My cons: It's a pretty small size, and I hate the dispenser... It's as if I have to squeeze the bottle with alllll my might to get a bit out..

I shower every single day, and wash my hair with shampoo, conditioner, and a few rinse products every day as well. I have a few Pantene weekly treatments I use too. This means my hair was on oil overload with producing because it had to compensate for the amount of stripping I was doing.
Therefore, within the first few days of using this product, my scalp wasn't aware of the new products I was using, and still use to producing the amount of oil it has been. So it took a few days to get used to to say the least...

However after about a week, I was so very pleased with the results. My hair felt amazing, looked amazing, and wasn't too soft/silky to the point where it didn't stay in the places I styled it in. With a bit of hair spray, and a few pumps of my Pantene Voluminous Pump, My volume lasted way into the evening from the morning shower I took the same day.

I highly recommend it-- just be patient and wait a full week before making your decision, and be sure to do the right application and make sure you are getting your Full head covered. Do not lather, as lathering is bad.

MAKE UP FOR EVER Sculpting Kit

i love these Sculpting Kits. These kits are comprised of two complimentary micronized powders that you can use to contour, sculpt and correct/change a face shape. In my opinion, contouring is an art unto itself, and there really are a limited amount of products out there that concentrate on this specific area of application.
You can create a very soft sculpted appearance or you can use these powders. I actually only own a couple sculpting kits; but rarely use them.  I just feel I have a very sculpted face already; so only use this when I have the extra time to do so.

However because the powder is so finely milled, wonderfully pigmented and easy to blend; these save you time like you'd not believe. Even the heaviest handed individual would find it hard to apply too much of this product: It's so wonderfully lightweight and blend-able.

The only possible drawback, it's a bit pricey: $45. In my opinion, it's worth every penny. I have yet to come by a Make Up For Ever product that wasn't phenomenal.

Matte Long Lasting Lipsticks

Dupe of MAC Lipsticks? Rimmel Lasting Finish by Kate Moss $4.97 !!! I picked this up at CVS the other day after making Jeff wait a half hour in the car for me on a "quick" makeup run. And I have to say, I am very impressed with this lipstick-- creamy & yet matte, stays on ALL DAY. No touch ups needed. I see myself purchasing the whole collection in the near future. Double snaps! to Rimmel & Kate Moss.

thanks for reading baby dolls! 

Fee x0x

jealousy is the root of all evil

Jealousy can make people truly evil. I write about the insane antics of jealous friends all the time. I really think  jealousy can only make a person look weak in the end. I have no sympathy for such a tragic character flaw. I do have sympathy, however, for my friend that I went to visit out of town, and is now visiting me from out of town. Let’s call her Erica.

Erica and I met in high school and I was immediately drawn to her outgoing, fun personality. We made our otherwise boring classes go by fast with lots of inside jokes and funny stories. I truly fell in love with everything about her. One thing that was apparent from the very beginning was that Erica was extremely self conscious about her weight. She always made awkward comments about how fat she was and that no man would ever love her. Of course I disagreed and honestly meant it, but no person could ever convince her that she was beautiful. I tried and I tried but I always ended up failing.

Last night, we got dressed up in really hot outfits and headed to the river walk bars for new years. After a couple of strong mixed drinks at the house, of course, thankfully my boyfriend was there to drive us, because the moment we stepped out my door, the world began to spin and there was nothing the two of us didn’t find hilarious. (( Note: it was just her and I in Naperville - Not sure why we chose that town, but hey .. )) We danced and we sang and we even found a stage to dance on all in a matter of 45 minutes. It was shaping up to be a perfect night out with a good friend… until a really hot guy hit on me.

We were taking a breather from all the fun when he approached me from out of no where and began talking to me. I typically shrug guys off that hit on me because I am so used to bitching them out from being in a relationship for ..uh my entire life. lol But because of the fighting with my boyfriend, i was beginning to think of how many nice guys i've turned down and to see if maybe i should be more open to finding some one  else....that's a post for another time. 😌

This guy though.. There was an instant connection and no sooner than I could blink, he pulled me out on the dance floor and the two of us began breaking it down Dirty Dancing style. I was in absolute heaven. He smelled good, he was in great shape, and he knew how to move… a deadly combination if you are looking to get my attention. I almost felt inferior because it had been so long that I danced with a MALE. I mean, it's only natural and fun to rub my ass into my best friend's body without her thinking twice about it. I mean hell, I could strip naked in front of my bestie and she could still carry on a conversation with me like I were fully clothed... lol

I only stayed with him for few minutes or so because i started feeling guilty because i was after all in a relationship.. i know i shouldn't have but i just figured there has to be another way.. i almost felt like i was cheating. I also didn’t want to leave Erica by herself so when I returned to the table, I was dying to know if she caught a glimpse of he and I with each other. After being given what was quite possibly the dirtiest look on earth, she turned her head away from me and continued watching the dance floor.

OK then.

A few minutes later, the hot guy returned and after acknowledging me with a hug, he introduced himself to her and the two of them began chatting. I thought maybe i can turn into playing cupid, and the two of them can get to know each other better. He left again and she told me that she told him she would leave the two of us alone so we could go have sex somewhere.


.... Flashback time

Crazy bitch Michelle, and her delusional idea of me trying to fuck her boyfriend when she knows i'm taken && not into black men either way.... Crazy bitch Riley and the threats she posted on my locker at work cus i made more money than her. Crazy bitch Nina (PERIOD) My sweet friend Erica had fallen into the crazy bitch category and I completely and totally lost it. I stormed out of the bar and when she followed me, I turned around and I let her have it. Yes people, I was the girl screaming at another girl outside of a bar. Real typical. Basically if the situation was different and the guy hit on her, I would be expected to take pictures of them dancing, ask every detail about him, and sit around while they made out for an hour. When the guy talks to me, I get nothing but dirty looks and snide comments. I said all of this but made it as mean as possible, making sure to throw in some “how dare you’s” and some “I can’t believe you’s”. My angry, drunk ass then stormed down the street, tripping over side walk cracks, swinging my purse dramatically, trying to answer a text. I was a fucking hurricane.

Erica lingered behind and when I got to the car with -him- waiting for me, I held the door for her but continued my walk of rage all the way to my house 20mins away. It was here where the storms calmed and I passed out in exactly what I was wearing in a position that suggested I may have actually screwed the hot guy.😂 The next morning was awkward and all that was mentioned about the previous night was an “I’m sorry” from her. I never accepted it but I didn’t act pissy the entire next day either. There was really no point.

So here I sit, writing this absurdly long blog post about a rather absurd evening, and all I can hear is the soft breathing of my friend. Erica. She is sleeping on my bed and every time some idiot blasts his horn or slams on his brakes, she awakens with the intensity of an on-call firefighter. Country girls… ha! I glance over every time she shuffles and I can’t help but feel overwhelming guilt for the reaction I had last night. She didn’t deserve that rage. Susan did. So did Riley and Nina. But I held it all in and took it out on a loved one who unintentionally tapped into her own inner demons at the very same time I did. God damn booze.

But if we weren’t drunk, would we have just fantasized about strangling each other? Was it even necessary to show our true emotions? Or is this… how crazy bitches are born?