Love is really like a roller coaster because for as many ups and downs you two have went through, you're still ready to throw up after all is said and done.
I have been thinking about break ups, and how females deal with them these days. no longer do i see girls crying about the ones they loved, but now in this anger phase and an almost vengeful manner on a road to fuck him over as hard as possible.. i mean, i know it almost embarrasses some girls to say that they loved their ex, but hey, we got to kiss a few frogs to find our prince right? sucks when the guy has the personality of a toad and the looks of a prince though. But if he's stupid enough to walk away, you have to be smart enough to let go right?
So it starts out as this.. while with him.. you swear the song "With You" by Jessica Simpson was your anthem. That's how happy you were. Everyone knew how insanely in love you were with him, and how he was your world. you cut off a lot of relationships with people for him, and put him in the center of your world. you went against my family for him. you would do anything to spend one minute with him.. ya'll were so happy. Then... **drum roll** everything came crashing down. && i swear this crash was bigger than the world trade center buildings collapsing. now your theme song at this time was "Why do I stay in Love?" by Mariah Carey.
Things just got wayyy out of hand. You cant believe the shit you were taking, and it always pissed you off to hear people tell you "oh you deserve better leave leave leave" blah blah blah. seriously. you know this. but at the time, you didn't have options. but the truth was, you were scared. no forget that, you were terrified_ of everything! you were so scared of walking out of that house believing you would never feel again.. believing there would never be another man for you.. believing you could never share all about you with someone else as you did with him.. not only that, but you just felt like you had no one because of all the burned bridges.
So of course, this breakup has to be the most challenging thing in the world. Is there a such thing as an easy break up? not in this world. Then you started thinking about him. family knew it all along, but you purposely ignored them. didnt want to believe it. and you still don't. but you have to. He tried to control the fuck out of you because he lacked stability elsewhere in his life. Because you loved him, you let him do this. Because he was the first and all youve ever knowm; you allowed it. you considered his jealousy his way of "Caring" but really he did not know what he had.
i think break ups are the biggest lessons to learn in life, they build at least 50% of your character, your friends don't understand your position and you didn't understand theirs. i think the funny thing about breakups is they point out what we didn't even know we had, but don't give us the option of going back into battle armed with that knowledge. if u knew what you know now, you would do a few things differently. you wouldn't have been such a fool to change every aspect of your life to suit his wants and needs. don't regret it because, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"..
So after the split, youre stuck listening to all the breakup songs in the world.. hence my list of theme songs within this blog alone. lol i swear if breakups never existed, the music industry would go bankrupt. Of course, you incessantly cry yourself stupid just figuring out what and how things got sooo bad.. where did it start? was it something you said? was it something we both are guilty of? how did it escalate so high and neither of us notice? but you know what girly?
time.
they say its never on our side but when it comes down to it -- there's a time for everything.. There's a time to speak up, and a time to be silent... there's a time to learn and a time to teach.. there's a time to listen and a time to be heard.. there's a time to LOSE and a time to gain.. and that time is now. Which is why you should no longer rebound your decision. don't go on saying you gave him up-- cus YOU did not give up ANYTHING-- he gave YOU up by treating you the way he did. he didn't think you'd leave, and took advantage of it and pushed it the furthest extent he could.. til u just snapped. your bond broke in two, beyond repair.
then you find yourself looking at all of your photos with him. pictures are what you have when you have lost everything else.. then it creeps into your dreams (or nightmares rather) but when u give up both the photos and the dreams.. the only thing left is bliss. so why do u still feel so shitty? i think i can take a guess.. because trying to forget about someone who was your world for years and years is like trying to remember somebody you never met. impossible. :( how can this be? I was always the girl that was going to be married before everyone else, settle down. i never got into the crazy single lifestyle.. i liked being tied down, why? because it felt safe. I was stable in life. i liked knowing what my plans were. i guess i was putting things backwards a bit.
pain is inevitable :: suffering is optional.
I always thought I was one of the lucky ones, ya know when the love was like lightning, short lived and intense. You spent days daydreaming and doodling his name over every inch of your notebook. Just thinking about holding hands was enough to give you butterflies. Then one way or another, he breaks your heart, and you feel every single shattered piece tearing you apart. For about a week. Then the next crush comes along and life is amazing again. I never went through the make up break up shit. it was different for me. him and i were together going strong for 8yrs years. Now it’s more like thunder. It starts off with an explosion and then slowly wears itself out. When you really want it, you can only hear it faintly in the distance, over some other town. And when you just want it to stop, it seems to linger on forever.. why can't it just be over with? do break ups really have to be this way?
there's always room for improvement, and Lord knows I have definitely got to realize what i can deserve, and that's more than an immature asshole. i now vow to always remember myself and what I want in every situation. I would respect myself enough to consider my own feelings. I’d learn how listen to gut feelings and realize that that’s my heart trying to give me a hint on where to go. I would never ever again allow someone to disrespect, neglect, or make me feel inferior.
I am done feeling inferior, considering I had a firm hand in all of it.
Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, and she’s right.
I had the power to ensure that I did not feel second best, but I had not yet realized where that power lied nor how to use it.
