Reduce Hate (Start with yourself)

So I've been on Facebook quite a bit lately, and I've been seeing so many different friends of mine saying how much they hate themselves, their lives, their family... And while I am sure all of them have their own version of each reason, I pretty much summed it up to a few reasons why:

rejection. love. acceptance. hitting life's bottom.

(A) Rejection We all must face rejection in our lives. Rejection from members of the opposite sex, rejection over a promotion at work, rejection at a life that does not measure up to the big plans we once had. Rejection will come, but we must not let it consume us. I have learned in the past that when rejection comes, it is not the end of the world. Sure, there are times I am depressed for a little while and there is a lot of self-examination, but over time I learned that rejection is not the end, but the beginning of something else.. something so much more beautiful.

(B): Love and Acceptance It is human nature to want to feel the love and acceptance of others, but when it doesn't happen in our timetable, we often turn to ourselves as the source of our failure. When someone does not accept or show love to you, don't hate yourself for it. Rather, take time to consider the situation surrounding why you were not accepted or loved. In the end, you will realize (like I did) that not everyone is going to accept you and love you. If you stay true to who you are, sooner or later you will find the love and acceptance you are looking for.

(C): Hitting Rock Bottom Have you ever felt like you've hit bottom? I'm talking about those times when you say, "If I only had one break, I know I could get out of this situation I am in." I can't help but think of Eminem's song titled "Rock Bottom." At one time in my life, that song spoke to me clearer than I spoke to myself. I know I have had quite a few times like that in my life and it is not a nice feeling. Many times when we are at rock bottom, we become extremely depressed that can lead to self-pity and self-pity can cause us to say, "I hate myself" for not being able to get out of this... funk. That funk can lead us to a downward spiral of self destruction before we even realize it.

Most of the time when we hit rock bottom it is by circumstances of our own making. In our minds, we feel that since we are the one who caused the problem we should be the ones to get ourselves out of the problem. When things continue to spiral downward, we start to play the blame game which always leads to wrong conclusions about ourselves. In the end, we start to hate ourselves for allowing things to get this bad. When you hit bottom, don't hate yourself. Swallow your pride and seek help ...don't be in denial. Help should always be welcomes with a warm embrace.

Hold yourself accountable for what you did to get to this point.

I know my strengths and weaknesses, and GUESS WHAT? I am going to make more mistakes, but I can't let the mistakes get to me. I know it sounds simple and it will take work, but when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on.

The words "I hate myself" by themselves hold no power over us, but the problem starts when you begin to believe the words. There were times I hated who I was and wanted to change myself so I could be like everyone else. Then one day I realized that I am not like everyone else. I am me, so I set out to be me and I soon found that I really love who I am. I did not take the things that happened to me so personally anymore. I do not know if it will work for you, but isn't it worth a shot?

making choices

choices.

most people today do not realize just how important making choices in life is. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you make a decision. maybe you won't know for twenty years, or maybe you find out in a few seconds.. && sometimes you'll never ever be able to trace it to its source when other times it'll be right in front of your face. in most cases, you only get one chance to play it out. because after all, your fate is what you create. i know i know, that is debatable.


Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved... so many people waste their lives in regret and i just think it's such a waste of life, a waste of valuable time others would give a million dollars for..

i know i talk about life being wasted, while i turn around and do it. but it's like i want to achieve perfection and try to avoid bad things, but there’s a devil in everyone.. we can't all be the way we want to be. we can't be [the person we preach to be entirely... and most of all, i can't please anyone, nor do i try anymore.


i became this way because of trust.

yep. trust- the word is just plain half ignorance applied to the concept that nobody can use it correctly, and in fact often abused. i can't do anything when my back is turned, i am blind. i am afraid of myself and every human being that has the power in their hands to deceive me.

&& what many don't know is it corrupts my mind, and way of thinking. that's where i start to dig, i dig myself a hole, a hole that i don't plan on ever getting out of.. what is this hole ?

this hole is wisdom. 

For everyone that lies or turns their back on me, I become wise and more observant. you make me stronger. yep. put that in your pipe and smoke it ;)

all jokes aside, let's face it-- i don’t get the option of picking or choosing when ill excite you, bore you or piss you off.

i’m a chick to wrapped up in her own business to notice your jealousy most of the time, and when i do, i become so consumed in what's wrong with you that i don't even know what to start to say to you. i can't help that i got that attitude where if I don’t mean shit to you, then you don’t mean shit to me, its not being bitchy -- its being wise, don't get it twisted.

lesson to learn: pretty faces can be monsters in masks. i can either be the cancer or the light of your life.

you decide <3

holler if you hear me ...

my life thus far: what a fucking roller coaster.

I love how women talk about women they do not know, but are clearly jealous of. How she has more boyfriends than tampons in a year, and how she dyes her hair a different color every month.

goals made in 2015: 14
goals achieved: 8

I was only able to stick to a little over half of what i promised myself i would be fully committed to. how did i let these goals of mine slip through my fingers? it's about d i s t r a c t i o n s. life is full of distractions. they are so easily distracting. it's insane. and now i am beating myself up for letting these distractions consume my entire mind body and soul which now has affected my life in more aspects than one.

I don't handle failure very well. I try to live by great expectations, and I know this isn't the best choice to do but it's just the way i am. this could be why i haven't been very happy lately. people just let me down soo much. nothing in this world is as beautiful as they try to instill in your minds growing up in elementary school.

I've dealt with the most turmoil this year by my 'friends'... the most hurt the most betrayal.. I mean that, genuinely. It was harsh. I learned how brutal this world can be. How immoral people really are. How much chivalry is dying and that "A thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers"

straight up.

But, I also gained so much. I gained new friends, who are brilliant.. got closer with ones that came from past years. Became so much wiser, really. i've learned the importance of loyalty and respect, and how to gain it and more importantly, how to keep it. I learned to take hits like a big girl... literally. i learned to not let things affect me badly. These days, people who used to get under my skin, merely scratch the surface now. Made me remember my self worth, that I was doubting with a few people that i'm glad to say are gone..

&& welcome 2016... i think we're gonna be friends ;D

real eyes realize real lies

I think that we all forget how great we truly are.

I think sometimes we get caught up in how everyone else is defining us, that we forget to remember that the only thing that really matters is HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF and there is NO REASON for you to be trying to get a guys attention every single day… If he’s too blind to see what’s right in front of him, he’s not worthy of you… plain and simple, because the guy who can’t get you off his mind, the one who can tell you’re beautiful and mean it with all his heart, is the one you want.. not the one who’s with you… while he’s still looking for the next best thing. Take it form me, I am all too familiar.

i know that some times i may not look like I’m not all “put together” as I seem. Yes, everything on the outside of me is always perfectly done. But on the inside I’m truly a fucking mess at times. there is a more to me than what meets the eye. From the looks of me, it is easy to make the following assumptions:

conceited: in fact, i have more insecurities than the next girl. we all do. Does that mean I have to let the world know it? No.  i hold my head up high && come off confident because i am very confident in my knowledge, and ability to accept the fact that I am who I am. I cannot obsess over unrealistic expectations.

know-it-all: i always just give out enough information. (i never disclose it all, that would be my ultimate defeat.)  i am DEEPER than you think. I have been through it all, and therefore help those I know are heading down the path I was on. If I had someone telling me the way at that age I would've very much appreciated it. If you would like to contradict me, I'm game. I can most likely figure you out within 5 minutes of having a conversation with you

Once I do, I thirst for YOU  to figure ME out. I believe myself to be genuine and I would never betray the ones I love. I value my family and those who are REAL. I am constantly thinking and I love to write poetry. i have Loved... Lost... and Learned. (( the three things that every soul should feel. )) i yearn for those that put a smile on my face. I crave for the one that will give to me what I will give to those that give back.

for the past several years i've pretty much kept to myself. too much circulation makes the price go down, if ya catch my drift. The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired.

You must learn when to leave.

Create value through scarcity.. then when you reappear--everyone will be like "wooooww you look amazing!" i've never really accepted the roles that society foists on me. i've recreated myself by forging a new identity-- one that commands attention and never bores my audience.

it took me a while to understand I am  the master of my own image as opposed to letting others define it for me. i believe by doing this my power will be enhanced  and my character will seem larger than life.

Self Reflection

this year has opened my eyes to so much, i do not even know where to begin. i am just so much happier, so much more .. free. i feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i am finally that person i've been dying to be. last year was full of setting goals, and wanting them-- but not having the motivation nor the means to meet them. it's like Tracy DiMarco explains .. "it's like my dream dress. i see it in the window, i want it so bad.. but when i reach out to grab it-- i just can't.." word for word what my year last year was like.

When I began dating my new boyfriend, I was more determined than ever to get my shit together. I wanted to be a person I am proud to give to someone. After my previous relationship, my self confidence and respect were tarnished to such a degree. With that being said, I created a post on listing things i love and dislike about myself. My point is to list everything out-- get it all in print. Then one by one start finding solutions to things i dislike about myself, and to eventually have nothing to list under that list. I know I'm hoping for a lot but hey, we got to start somewhere right? =]

** i recommend any of my readers to really do this as well. you might think it's ridiculous, but when you actually read things you like or hate about yourself-- it's as if it hits you that much harder. maybe it's just me. **

((disclaimer: now girls, this cannot be something you know you can't change. for instance, your nose or the size of your chest. plastic surgery is not a solution i want you to pursue. && if you think it is, then truly ask yourself who you're doing it for and why you want it done?))

1. i love the fact that i am a people person. i can get along with just about any one, my personality is so diverse. I am great at entertaining, putting a genuine smile on someone's face is such a rewarding feeling. i can make even the grumpiest of people laugh.. even if it is a laughing AT me laugh.. ;)

2. i love that i am the first person to offer the shirt off my back to the ones i love, and the ones that i think deserve it. i don't mind sharing my last piece of gum nor last $10 to a friend who needs to buy diapers for her baby girl. As stated above, that truly warms my heart.

3. i love that i am able to differentiate between people who appreciate my generosity and people who take my kindness for weakness & try to take advantage of me without thinking i notice. i have a knack for reading people down to their cores. This isn't always the case, and sometimes I allow people to do so because I feel for them, and know it's not hurting me to help them even if they are taking advantage -- but that never lasts very long.

4. I love that I wake up super positive! Every day! I am happy to see the sun, and to see life!

Now what I want is for all of my readers to do the same. You will be surprised with what you may find out about yourself. You will begin to realize "hey, I do have some killer legs. Maybe I'll sport those capri pants I've been neglecting." or "hey, i can get a job--and will refuse to let my background define who I am, whether in my eye's or in my future employer's eyes."

Go do it ladies!!

Sex Toy Party

 hello  my lovely readers!!

Have you ever been to a sex toy party? Yes, you read that right. How many of you just blushed and made sure no one else was looking at your screen? ;) I know, I know.... Often times, when people hear this, they think one word… orgy!! As much as I would love to say I participated in an all-female-sex-a-thon, I did not. We sat around in a circle and watched the hostess demonstrate all of the products. There were pheromone enhanced bath bubbles, vanilla flavored lube, edible body shimmer, and just about every kind of vibrator known to (wo)man. Ever heard of the “Silky Stud”? How about the “Aquasaki”? Not only did I get my hands on all these things, but I also got a crash course in erotic massage and some wild sex positions. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention I won a prize for drawing the best looking penis with my eyes closed. Now there is something I can put on a resume someday. ;)

Basically sex toy parties are just silly fun for girls who are a little more on the adventurous side, which happens to be the only side I have. When the hostess brought The Rabbit out, I couldn’t help but grin. Next came The Mini Tongue, another stress reliever of mine... haha just keeeding. "Who needs a guy when you can just fire up the Hitachi Magic Wand?" said the party hostess. Of course nothing compares to real sex… real GOOD sex. The party hostess asked me if I had a vibrator or ever used one, unfortunately no i have not. I said "why have one, and waste money on one when i have my boyfriend right by my side ready to go?"

And her answer was amazing.

"Because there are about a million things that can go wrong when having sex with someone, I think it is important to have a “sure thing” sitting around just in case. "

Brilliant answer, right? It definitely got a few girls to bite the bait and buy one, but i did not. I only ended up spending about $75.00 at the sex toy party and not a single thing I bought required batteries or penetration... LOL. Instead, I opted for products I thought were very unique. 

Nipple Nibblers by Surprise Parties

Smoothie Massage Cream by Surprise Parties

Pure Instinct Pheromone Cologne by Surprise Parties

Both lotions taste like candy and make my skin extremely soft. I tested out the pheromone cologne when i went to the bar the other day with my girl friend.. and I didn’t notice too much of a difference considering there are men all over us when we go out as it is.. lol I put spots of it on my chest, wrists, and neck and although it made me smell lovely, it didn’t seem to have an effect on any man. That’s OK though. I still love the scent and I am going to use it all the time.

I understand a lot of this stuff is just a total gimmick and there is some asshole out there making alot of money on the fact that women will buy anything to enhance certain aspects of their life. This is also OK.

Why? Because everything about life is a gimmick.

People tell you they are genuine and trustworthy but they just end up being a faded spot of perfume on your skin with a promise to do so much more than smell good. In saying this, I will take the chance with the sex appeal enhancement simply because I have nothing to lose. 

I will also take the chance in saying I am not the only girl out there that will admit she loves sex.

Pleasure should never be shameful ;-)

..dead & gone...

Love is really like a roller coaster because for as many ups and downs you two have went through, you're still ready to throw up after all is said and done.

I have been thinking about break ups, and how females deal with them these days. no longer do i see girls crying about the ones they loved, but now in this anger phase and an almost vengeful manner on a road to fuck him over as hard as possible.. i mean, i know it almost embarrasses some girls to say that they loved their ex, but hey, we got to kiss a few frogs to find our prince right? sucks when the guy has the personality of a toad and the looks of a prince though. But if he's stupid enough to walk away, you have to be smart enough to let go right?

So it starts out as this.. while with him.. you swear the song "With You" by Jessica Simpson was your anthem. That's how happy you were. Everyone knew how insanely in love you were with him, and how he was your world. you cut off a lot of relationships with people for him, and put him in the center of your world. you went against my family for him. you would do anything to spend one minute with him.. ya'll were so happy. Then... **drum roll** everything came crashing down. && i swear this crash was bigger than the world trade center buildings collapsing. now your theme song at this time was "Why do I stay in Love?" by Mariah Carey.

Things just got wayyy out of hand. You cant believe the shit you were taking, and it always pissed you off to hear people tell you "oh you deserve better leave leave leave" blah blah blah. seriously. you know this. but at the time, you didn't have options. but the truth was, you were scared. no forget that, you were terrified_ of everything! you were so scared of walking out of that house believing you would never feel again.. believing there would never be another man for you.. believing you could never share all about you with someone else as you did with him.. not only that, but you just felt like you had no one because of all the burned bridges.

So of course, this breakup has to be the most challenging thing in the world. Is there a such thing as an easy break up? not in this world. Then you started thinking about him. family knew it all along, but you purposely ignored them. didnt want to believe it. and you still don't. but you have to. He tried to control the fuck out of you because he lacked stability elsewhere in his life. Because you loved him, you let him do this. Because he was the first and all youve ever knowm; you allowed it. you considered his jealousy his way of "Caring" but really he did not know what he had.

i think break ups are the biggest lessons to learn in life, they build at least 50% of your character, your friends don't understand your position and you didn't understand theirs. i think the funny thing about breakups is they point out what we didn't even know we had, but don't give us the option of going back into battle armed with that knowledge. if u knew what you know now, you would do a few things differently. you wouldn't have been such a fool to change every aspect of your life to suit his wants and needs. don't regret it because, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"..

So after the split, youre stuck listening to all the breakup songs in the world.. hence my list of theme songs within this blog alone. lol i swear if breakups never existed, the music industry would go bankrupt.  Of course, you incessantly cry yourself stupid just figuring out what and how things got sooo bad.. where did it start? was it something you said? was it something we both are guilty of? how did it escalate so high and neither of us notice? but you know what girly?  

time. 

they say its never on our side but when it comes down to it -- there's a time for everything.. There's a time to speak up, and a time to be silent... there's a time to learn and a time to teach.. there's a time to listen and a time to be heard.. there's a time to LOSE and a time to gain.. and that time is now. Which is why you should no longer rebound your decision. don't go on saying you gave him up-- cus YOU did not give up ANYTHING-- he gave YOU up by treating you the way he did. he didn't think you'd leave, and took advantage of it and pushed it the furthest extent he could.. til u just snapped. your bond broke in two, beyond repair.

then you find yourself looking at all of your photos with him. pictures are what you have when you have lost everything else.. then it creeps into your dreams (or nightmares rather) but when u give up both the photos and the dreams.. the only thing left is bliss. so why do u still feel so shitty? i think i can take a guess.. because trying to forget about someone who was your world for years and years is like trying to remember somebody you never met. impossible. :( how can this be? I was always the girl that was going to be married before everyone else, settle down.  i never got into the crazy single lifestyle.. i liked being tied down, why? because it felt safe. I was stable in life. i liked knowing what my plans were. i guess i was putting things backwards a bit.

pain is inevitable :: suffering is optional.

I always thought I was one of the lucky ones, ya know when the love was like lightning, short lived and intense. You spent days daydreaming and doodling his name over every inch of your notebook. Just thinking about holding hands was enough to give you butterflies. Then one way or another, he breaks your heart, and you feel every single shattered piece tearing you apart. For about a week. Then the next crush comes along and life is amazing again. I never went through the make up break up shit. it was different for me. him and i were together going strong for 8yrs years. Now it’s more like thunder. It starts off with an explosion and then slowly wears itself out. When you really want it, you can only hear it faintly in the distance, over some other town. And when you just want it to stop, it seems to linger on forever.. why can't it just be over with? do break ups really have to be this way?

there's always room for improvement, and Lord knows I have definitely got to realize what i can deserve, and that's more than an immature asshole. i now vow to always remember myself and what I want in every situation. I would respect myself enough to consider my own feelings. I’d learn how listen to gut feelings and realize that that’s my heart trying to give me a hint on where to go. I would never ever again allow someone to disrespect, neglect, or make me feel inferior.

I am done feeling inferior, considering I had a firm hand in all of it.

Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, and she’s right. 

I had the power to ensure that I did not feel second best, but I had not yet realized where that power lied nor how to use it.

a few of my favorite things xx

                      

i know i know.  who doesn't it make happy? lol so i wanted to make a post on a few of my favorite things. ya know.... things i cant live without, things i am in love with, and things i would highly recommend for all to use. which all of the items im going to list fall into each of those lol

so here's a list of  few of my favorite things via posting pictures of all the things i love and cannot live without =) most of the pictures i took myself, but there are a few i got off of google.com searches.
enjoy ;]

***keep in mind i will be adding to this list and/or making a part two, so stay tuned ;] ***

notebook paper.i am constantly writing down my any list you can think of! i often carry this folder which serves as my little daily organizer. This one has my "to do list, grocery list/things to buy list, my short term goals list, my long term goals list, my research list/job duties list" && of course the more colorful, the better. colors are a great way to keep organized!

*** i will be making a DIY blog on "Daily Organizer Binders";; something i came up with to not only be organized, but to stay organized. I'll include how i make the binders, where i buy my colored notebook paper (& what to do when i can't find any in stores), certain binders, and all other supplies needed, and what tabs i use that work best for me, along with different lists/tabs ive thought of that i'll list for you to choose based on which fits your life. I'll also include the importance of having one, and keeping up with it, and the importance of using colors, and much, much more!!  Stay tuned for the blog this month!!!"

 make up brushes.

These are the two biggest vases i'd recommend using, I also have two small square ones, & 1 small circular one not pictured.

 i got the vases at the Target ($3-6.99ea) and the pink sand i got at Hobby Lobby ($2.99).

each of my vases have different colored sand.

For the brushes i have w/a brush on each end, I just lie down in my make up box/chest.

candles.

i am obsessed with my apartment smelling good, and these candles do the trick perfectly. they stay lit long, expel an exuberant smell that makes me want to eat it all up!! haha ;) I get mine for usually $5.99ea at Bed Bath & Beyond, or Bath & Body Works

Ionic Blow Dryer

so light weight, my long ass hair takes 15 minutes to blow dry. as you can assume my arms gets sooo tired after a while. Not this with bad girl. Not only is the heat warm (not super hot burning your ends) but it has an amazing attachment that helps keep the blow dryer at least 4-6 inches away from the head.

brazilian keratin therapy.

okay ladies, if there is ANY hair product i would recommend, it'd be this. Brazilian Keratin Therapy makes your hair feel so amazing. I had really damaged hair, and I don't think I have a single split end any more. I get it thru my salon which has argon & morrocan oil in it as well, but most beauty stores have the ones pictured which I got from Sally's.

`

matching bra & panty sets.

when i leave the house, my bra & panties have to match. its an OCD thing, i swear. problem is i wear the same bra more than just once, so i have 10 of the same colored pair to match each diff color/design bra i have amounting to thousands of panties in my dressers lol

Charm Bracelets.
 

i am obsessed with making and wearing . i made this one for my baby sister for her 6th birthday.

jewelry is so easy to make once you get the hang of it-- i make about 30 % of my jewelry!

Garnier Fructis Volume Mousse

this stuff is a miracle worker. it adds volume like you wouldn't believe. Tracy DiMarco recommended it in one of her beaty vlogs, and we alll know Tracy's volume is one to admire. So of course I want whaaaatevs that girl has! ;=]
 i teased the heck out of my hair. it looked so fab < 3
not only that but it smells sooo delicious!
&& pretty cheap too! only $7.95  per bottle!

Skintimate Shaving Gel.

 Thisis perfect for those you who want perfffectly smoooooth skin--- use this!! I give & get massages often, and my therapists always tell me how silky smooth my skin feels. and i just know it's from using this amazing product.

 Mike's Hard Lemonade

since i turned 21 this year, ive been trying to find my signature drink. i've settled with wine coolors are alway nice since they hide that god awful taste of alcohol, but still give you that amaaaazing buzz =p

 dunkin donuts/ mcdonalds mccafe shakes

i get one of these on my way to work eery morning. they wake me up, and just ooses eith strawberry flavor. extra whippppp please =]

hair teasing brush.

this brush works sooo fantastically! it's a Spornette Little Wonder -- you can buy it online at any beauty site for under $10. it works so perfectly with teasing and back combing.

straight sexy hair smoothing balm/heat protectant.

this smells like strawberries, is a pink & black bottle which i LOVE ;) and it works so fabulously. i straighten my hair alot-- even to curl it which i do often as well. this acts as a barrier between my hair and the heat, therefore keeping my strands healthy and vibrasnt as opposed to burnt.

leg warmers.

there was a time when i wore leg warmers every day throughout the fall and winter. i am obsessed with them.

 i have a pair in every color, i really love wearing them with sweater dresses in the fall or winter.

 you can wear them over your knee high boots, or with closed/open toed pumps.

fruit smoothies.

i love fruit smoothies in general but Naked fruit smoothies are sooo yummy.
 this is soo very healthy for your body.

 i believe they are around $4 a bottle but so worth it.

they're super healthy, super yummy, and are sold in any grocery store near the produce section. They have various different flavors as well.

old perfume bottles.

am i the only one who collects all my pretty perfume bottles, even after they are empty? i like setting them up as a display cus they look soo pretty :) i set all of mine on a cake stand holder I got from bed bath & beyond, it's a round glass peice that really looks so elegant.

Flawless Fake Bake Tan.

                       

 if you want the perfect tan but don't want to get skin cancer from tanning beds, and not enough time or patience to sit in the sun --- use this product!! it's my secret to my glowing tan. not only does it smell good, but it smoothes on soo evenly, I cannot get over how great and easy it is too apply it.

 it comes with a professional mitt too. it is kind of on the pricey side at $25.00 per bottle at Ulta, but probably online you can get it for half that--- but defff worth it!

 Magazines.

this is a current pictures of my latest, but I seriously am a magazine addict. i have to buy any latest, and have about four subscriptions to popular magazines including cosmopolitan & people, and even more catelog sibscriptions.

i am very artsy crafty, and am always looking thru mags for things to cut out to put on a poster or in my scrapbook. =)

O.P.I. Nail Polish

this nail polish is obviously known for being non chip, and having the best colors!
They have any color you can think of, and i have about 30 of them! my nail polish collection has expanded tremendouly within the past few months.

victoria's secret beauty products.

the body spray, body butter & body lotion sets are so amazing. not only are they very affordable (which very rarely do you see that word in the same sentence  w/Victoria's secret lol) but they are good quality as well. the fragrance lingers on your body for hours, the body butter moisturizes your skin so intensely, & i can't begin to count how many compliments i get on how great i smell. my favorite is Endless Love(blue liquid bottle) Strawberries In Champagne (purplepink pictured) & Love Spell (purple body butter bottle).

hand sanitizer.

because i am SUCH a clean freak and germophobe, i have hand sanitizer in my purse/pocket at all times. not only that but im constantly washing my hands.

 this also results in extremely dry skin, so that leads to me carrying lotion around at all times too!

fav store sales.

not only sales at stores, but my favorite stores!! nothing makes me smile bigger than when i get the biggest bang for my buck.

 this is especially satisfying when it happens at Victoria's secret since they are normally pretty pricey!

fun slides.

oh em gee. i know this isn't necessarily a thing, but def one of my must do at any festival/carnival/ theme park. fun slides have always been my absolute favorites enter to win. well that one & the big Egyptian boat hehe =P

at stated in the beginning, stay tuned for a part two !!!

self control

i seriously have so many topics going through my mind right now, that i decided to write about none of them and instead turn to something that i have been lacking lately.

&& that is self control.

self-control is a vital part of who we are. Thoughts are our foundation because they direct our feelings. People with high self control don’t react to someone else’s emotions. They are able to think clearly and stay focused under pressure. No one can control the events or the people surrounding them, but they can control their own emotions and actions. I personally like to think i maintain self control in thee situations, but when i am alone i tend to slip.

[ x ] one thing i do to exercise my self control is choosing what i think about. when i feel i am able to control what feelings my thoughts are producing, i feel as if i am able to dictate what i will do or will not do, which in return leads me to be careful on what i dwell on. I started with meditation - this helped my anxiety tremendously.

[ x ]  i try not to let my feelings get the best of me. if, for instance, i know i am upset with someone or i am craving something i know i should not consume or have, i do something to get my mind off the situation; listen to music, write on this blog, scrapbook, write letters to my lil sister, exercise, or read to name a few. And if i still find myself dwelling on those things, i just simply pick up on another activity again.. and yes, this may take me doing this same activity several times before i am able to conquer your feelings but i eventually am able to do it.)

[ x ] this one may seem a bit obvious and silly, but really taking deep breaths is very VERY helpful. it seems to just calm me down, and also takes my mind off of it for a while. this is most helpful when i feel like i am losing my mind!

these basic little things are what i do to give myself a bit more control, and this is where perseverance comes it. it won’t be better the first time you try to have control but like everything else you will be able to control yourself better and faster with practice.

the reason why i wanted to make a blog out of this is because i'd like to point out that i don't think self control is only about keeping your cool when you are angry. its concept is more than that, it can also be about not complaining about a situation or someone, or even waiting to get something you really want now, or even choosing not to eat that extra cookie. these situations can affect our every day lives, and that is why i believe it is important to instill self control into ourselves so our younger generations can fall onto it as well. maybe by doing this we will have less anger impulse shootings and murders going on.

a quote by Aristotle was said to me by my sophomore year English teacher that has stuck with me ever since.. it's “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

the greatest victories we can have in our life is over ourselves. Self-control might be hard, but it is possible. encourage yourself and others to maintain control over themselves.

mid-year reflection

I often take a few minutes out of my hectic days every several months throughout the year to reflect on my progress at completing my new years resolutions, and life goals in general. i think this helps me keep my mind on track on what it should be on track of, and not let myself stray too far away on life's distractions.

The last year has been so full of ups and downs, hills and valleys. Some of the happiest moments of my life, and the very worst. Oprah Winfrey made a good point today, when someone asked her how she was, she talked about how all we know and can cling to is faith. faith.. now that is a word that feels good to say :)

this new year, a few of my main goals were to get into a more stable job, work on maintaining an excellent relationship with my loved ones, expand my modeling portfolio, and let my creativity run wild.

Stable Job: I moved to the west coast & found an amazing job as an Administrative Assistant. I loved it in Arizona. Beautiful views, weather, people, etc. However it was very slow-paced. I am from Chicago, so I need that fast paced atmosphere. I love music, and need to feel it in my soul at least once a week! I moved back home because I was missing my family terribly. I am now living in the house my fiance's grandma left him when she passed away last year, and trying to take it day by day. Thankfully, I was able to get my old job back as the Sales Assistant!

Relationships: anyone who knows my ex and i know we argue quite a bit. it's almost as if we must do in order to have a normal day. no one else in this world can bring out the absolute worse in me but the very next minute he brings out the best as well. i am still trying to figure us out, but so far this road has been intense but every bit exhilarating. 

As far as expanding my creativity, I wanted to branch off of things my mother in law was doing. Her and I have endless supplies to pretty much do anything I want. I started a few scrapbooks. I am making one just of my life, which kind of turned into mine and my fiance's life LOL and another one of the people in my life, my homes, views, states ive lived in, friends, family, etc etc. Not only that but I also am making holiday cards, which are pretty detailed. i'll upload some pics soon to show you guys a peek. I got the idea from my mommy in law who does such an incredible job on them... and she does it for fun! She eventually began to make lots and sell them, but it started off just for her own fun. Isn't that ironic how the greatest ideas start off not as something serious in the first place? haha

Enough of that, now onto a bit more serious note mentally.. onto something else that has been weighing on my mind..

So there have been a few times that i have started to write, but realized that some of my thoughts were too raw, and didn't want to be too mysterious, making people wonder if it's them i'm talking about, etc. so i did some processing myself .. && i've realized a few things.

1:: i'm in the process of mourning a friendship that will never be the same again. it's hard knowing that you have reached the point where you were the closest, and that that will probably never happen again. it's hard to just fall off each others radars and not feel like a big chunk of you is missing. i don't know how to explain it, but it's been weighing on my heart the last few weeks. it's not like it was an argument that could have been prevented either... i always knew this particular thing about her would have came between us, i just always tried to ignore it but there just comes a time in life where you have to not associate yourself with things of that nature, and i came to it.

2:: i've also realized is that i desperately want to really talk to people I haven't in a while. I want to ask them how they are. I want this in return. I think that if you don't have people asking about you and the state of your heart then it is easy to let that get pushed to the back burner and allows you to not take care of your heart or address it in the state that it is in.

3:: i've realized (i mean, i always knew this but..) i am an excessive talker, it doesn't take a lot of questions to get me rolling, which i guess ties into the previous point. i always find myself, especially on facebook, writing things so vividly and in graphic detail so the other person can visualize what it is i am trying to say. not only that, but i also like to express all of my emotions in my writing, so i always include smiley emoticons, etc and i use repetition of letters to express an emphasis like haaaaaaaaaappy birthday! haha sometimes i walk away from conversations being like "wow, i just dumped that on that person, and they don't even want to know about it", but if they had asked it would've felt like more of a conversation... lol Make sense?

4: lastly, there are only a handful people in my life now that i would consider my close friends that i genuinely care for about enjoy being around. I love this. It would be very easy to dwell on the fact that that number used to be bigger, but that i want to CHOOSE to dwell on how fortunate i am to have even the people that i do have with me to this day. i need to choose to be thankful for those that are there, because dwelling on anything else doesn't help at all.

so dear friends, know that i am thankful for you, probably more than you know.

So as you can see my mid-year reflections are quite excessive, and I tend to blabber on and on and on. So if you're still reading, high five to you girlfren!!! (yes, i am assuming that not a single male read this, i know i am right lol.)