mid-year reflection

I often take a few minutes out of my hectic days every several months throughout the year to reflect on my progress at completing my new years resolutions, and life goals in general. i think this helps me keep my mind on track on what it should be on track of, and not let myself stray too far away on life's distractions.

The last year has been so full of ups and downs, hills and valleys. Some of the happiest moments of my life, and the very worst. Oprah Winfrey made a good point today, when someone asked her how she was, she talked about how all we know and can cling to is faith. faith.. now that is a word that feels good to say :)

this new year, a few of my main goals were to get into a more stable job, work on maintaining an excellent relationship with my loved ones, expand my modeling portfolio, and let my creativity run wild.

Stable Job: I moved to the west coast & found an amazing job as an Administrative Assistant. I loved it in Arizona. Beautiful views, weather, people, etc. However it was very slow-paced. I am from Chicago, so I need that fast paced atmosphere. I love music, and need to feel it in my soul at least once a week! I moved back home because I was missing my family terribly. I am now living in the house my fiance's grandma left him when she passed away last year, and trying to take it day by day. Thankfully, I was able to get my old job back as the Sales Assistant!

Relationships: anyone who knows my ex and i know we argue quite a bit. it's almost as if we must do in order to have a normal day. no one else in this world can bring out the absolute worse in me but the very next minute he brings out the best as well. i am still trying to figure us out, but so far this road has been intense but every bit exhilarating. 

As far as expanding my creativity, I wanted to branch off of things my mother in law was doing. Her and I have endless supplies to pretty much do anything I want. I started a few scrapbooks. I am making one just of my life, which kind of turned into mine and my fiance's life LOL and another one of the people in my life, my homes, views, states ive lived in, friends, family, etc etc. Not only that but I also am making holiday cards, which are pretty detailed. i'll upload some pics soon to show you guys a peek. I got the idea from my mommy in law who does such an incredible job on them... and she does it for fun! She eventually began to make lots and sell them, but it started off just for her own fun. Isn't that ironic how the greatest ideas start off not as something serious in the first place? haha

Enough of that, now onto a bit more serious note mentally.. onto something else that has been weighing on my mind..

So there have been a few times that i have started to write, but realized that some of my thoughts were too raw, and didn't want to be too mysterious, making people wonder if it's them i'm talking about, etc. so i did some processing myself .. && i've realized a few things.

1:: i'm in the process of mourning a friendship that will never be the same again. it's hard knowing that you have reached the point where you were the closest, and that that will probably never happen again. it's hard to just fall off each others radars and not feel like a big chunk of you is missing. i don't know how to explain it, but it's been weighing on my heart the last few weeks. it's not like it was an argument that could have been prevented either... i always knew this particular thing about her would have came between us, i just always tried to ignore it but there just comes a time in life where you have to not associate yourself with things of that nature, and i came to it.

2:: i've also realized is that i desperately want to really talk to people I haven't in a while. I want to ask them how they are. I want this in return. I think that if you don't have people asking about you and the state of your heart then it is easy to let that get pushed to the back burner and allows you to not take care of your heart or address it in the state that it is in.

3:: i've realized (i mean, i always knew this but..) i am an excessive talker, it doesn't take a lot of questions to get me rolling, which i guess ties into the previous point. i always find myself, especially on facebook, writing things so vividly and in graphic detail so the other person can visualize what it is i am trying to say. not only that, but i also like to express all of my emotions in my writing, so i always include smiley emoticons, etc and i use repetition of letters to express an emphasis like haaaaaaaaaappy birthday! haha sometimes i walk away from conversations being like "wow, i just dumped that on that person, and they don't even want to know about it", but if they had asked it would've felt like more of a conversation... lol Make sense?

4: lastly, there are only a handful people in my life now that i would consider my close friends that i genuinely care for about enjoy being around. I love this. It would be very easy to dwell on the fact that that number used to be bigger, but that i want to CHOOSE to dwell on how fortunate i am to have even the people that i do have with me to this day. i need to choose to be thankful for those that are there, because dwelling on anything else doesn't help at all.

so dear friends, know that i am thankful for you, probably more than you know.

So as you can see my mid-year reflections are quite excessive, and I tend to blabber on and on and on. So if you're still reading, high five to you girlfren!!! (yes, i am assuming that not a single male read this, i know i am right lol.)