Self Reflection

this year has opened my eyes to so much, i do not even know where to begin. i am just so much happier, so much more .. free. i feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i am finally that person i've been dying to be. last year was full of setting goals, and wanting them-- but not having the motivation nor the means to meet them. it's like Tracy DiMarco explains .. "it's like my dream dress. i see it in the window, i want it so bad.. but when i reach out to grab it-- i just can't.." word for word what my year last year was like.

When I began dating my new boyfriend, I was more determined than ever to get my shit together. I wanted to be a person I am proud to give to someone. After my previous relationship, my self confidence and respect were tarnished to such a degree. With that being said, I created a post on listing things i love and dislike about myself. My point is to list everything out-- get it all in print. Then one by one start finding solutions to things i dislike about myself, and to eventually have nothing to list under that list. I know I'm hoping for a lot but hey, we got to start somewhere right? =]

** i recommend any of my readers to really do this as well. you might think it's ridiculous, but when you actually read things you like or hate about yourself-- it's as if it hits you that much harder. maybe it's just me. **

((disclaimer: now girls, this cannot be something you know you can't change. for instance, your nose or the size of your chest. plastic surgery is not a solution i want you to pursue. && if you think it is, then truly ask yourself who you're doing it for and why you want it done?))

1. i love the fact that i am a people person. i can get along with just about any one, my personality is so diverse. I am great at entertaining, putting a genuine smile on someone's face is such a rewarding feeling. i can make even the grumpiest of people laugh.. even if it is a laughing AT me laugh.. ;)

2. i love that i am the first person to offer the shirt off my back to the ones i love, and the ones that i think deserve it. i don't mind sharing my last piece of gum nor last $10 to a friend who needs to buy diapers for her baby girl. As stated above, that truly warms my heart.

3. i love that i am able to differentiate between people who appreciate my generosity and people who take my kindness for weakness & try to take advantage of me without thinking i notice. i have a knack for reading people down to their cores. This isn't always the case, and sometimes I allow people to do so because I feel for them, and know it's not hurting me to help them even if they are taking advantage -- but that never lasts very long.

4. I love that I wake up super positive! Every day! I am happy to see the sun, and to see life!

Now what I want is for all of my readers to do the same. You will be surprised with what you may find out about yourself. You will begin to realize "hey, I do have some killer legs. Maybe I'll sport those capri pants I've been neglecting." or "hey, i can get a job--and will refuse to let my background define who I am, whether in my eye's or in my future employer's eyes."

Go do it ladies!!

dealing with resentful bitches.

i've dealt with the most turmoil last year. i don't know how the people i've considered my heart can be so judgmental, deceitful, and most of all resentful. i wanted to dig into resentment because i think it can come from all different types of people you associate yourself with -- not just family but coworkers, friends, or even neighbors.. even people you only considered acquaintances. however first, i think in order to learn how to deal with all of this, one must truly have a good understanding of what resentment is, its causes and the thoughts that linger in the resentful person’s mind.

i think resentful people have this constant belief that someone or something has harmed his or her well being on intention, and therefore has to be a spiteful bitch in return in order to feel even and/or happy. Personally, i think resentful bitches are usually an indication of weakness as the resentful person is someone who has failed to defend herself or has failed to stop others from harming her and therefore have no better way than becoming resentful towards them... assuming this is the way to go.

in order for these people not to hurt their egos, to admit failure or to carry responsibility lots of people decide to become resentful in order to throw the blame of all the bad things that happened to them on someone else. Because , ya know, after all is said and done, its hurts wayy less to say "life is unfair or evil" than to say I should have worked harder or i am a lazy fat slob.

oh and, keep in mind i am talking about resentful haters who you have NOT hurt intentionally but they think you have.. if you are dealing with a resentful person who you have intentionally screwed, then you can deal with that your own way on your own, sorry but karma is a bitch.

but i think that in many cases a person can incorrectly perceive some facts and become resentful without even making sure of the information he or she has in the least bit factual.

when it comes to preventing resentment, your role should really be on making sure that you don’t let the other people get you wrong, after all good communication skills is about not being misunderstood as much as you can even if you are doing nothing wrong.

but in my case, a lot of the resentment stems from jealousy. i truly believe underlying resentment can be feelings of jealousy from one person to another. for instance, having a girl believe that your success has proved them to be failures (how can someone's success bring pain?) or how she believes you may be in possession of things like a job that you don't deserve or that she should have..

communication is the number one way to combat these type of females.

you have to be able to give an explanation of your actions as much as you can if your actions will affect them directly.. whether you realize it initially or not. the way i prevent resentment is all about being clear so that you don’t get misunderstood. when the resentment comes to a point that i am not sure why or have not done anything intentionally, that's when you really have to sit that person down and just c.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.e !!!!!!!