Sunday, May 24, 2015

... dealing with guilt.

Guilt – the gift that keeps on giving.

The dictionary defines the word "guilt" as a "feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined." Guilt is that part of the human conscience that brings us up short and convicts us for actions and thoughts. Guilt is an inherent human trait that we more often than not naturally attempt to rid our lives of it. Guilt means there is a right and wrong way for us to operate and there are standards of what is good and what is worthy of guilt. thankfully, this guilt "gene" is something that we are born with.


I remember when my younger sister Catfish loved to walk up to any window, and just stare out of it. One specific time, it was a warm day during the summer months, and naturally with a large family home-- we had my 5 brothers and their friends along with 4 Labrador dogs constantly going in and out of the house all throughout the day, least to say flies were a problem. To our luck, Catfish was fascinated with flies and she attempted to catch them almost every time she seen one.. as with any thing else that flied or made a funny noise, and was smaller than her. Whenever I caught her trying to catch the flies, I would smack her hand or mouth (depending on how quick she was lol).

One day, she managed to catch one just as I walked into the room. She quickly put the fly into her mouth. Gross, I know. When I asked her where the fly was, she shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, little shit she is lol Her face was a picture of guilt and I could hear the fly buzzing inside of her pursed lips. I was able to free the fly by prying that little mouth open and the fly flew away. Where she then said "how'd that get in there!?" with her big blue eyes popped wide open. too cute, but not good considering flies are soooo dirty and disgusting. yes, i'd brush her teeth and rinse her mouth out quite thoroughly every time i caught her doing it, which fortunately wasn't THAT  often because she hated the consequences I had for her

My point is, guilt is like that fly, it keeps buzzing until we deal with it. It's a buzzing problem.

There is a right way and a wrong way to deal with guilt. Trying to hide it, as my sister did to that fly, does not work. Strangely enough, the more a person is developed and the more they love and they care, the more they might experience guilt.

I used to consider guilt and shame one in the same. But after really thinking about it... they are very different, very different. Shame is more of that uneasy feeling we might get when we might get caught up for what  ever it is we may have done. We might not care whether it was right or wrong necessarily... but we do care whether anyone knows about it or not. Whereas guilt is more related to right and wrong. It is not so much a matter of what others might think but what we ourselves think. I think the main answer is forgiveness. forgiveness means to stop blaming or being angry at another for what they have done, or just coming to terms with that person as a sort of agreement to let itbe wate r under the bridge. not only that but it is ultimately freeing yourself and sometimes even others from an feeling so down.. you need to realize that forgiveness does not mean thinking that what they did was right. When we forgive we still think that what was done was wrong, but we give up punishing ourselves by holding a grudge for what we or another did. We release && let it go.

dealing with guilt

what i really wanted to point out in this blog was ways to deal with the guilt one may have.  there are many different techniques that some may consider common sense, but believe it or not common sense is not so common these days. not to mention when one's mind has soo much weight on it-- you can't expect that person to be able to think clearly.. one simple, but highly effective way is to list all the things we consider we did wrong.

everrrrrrrything we did. everrrrrrything we said. everrrrrrything we thought. 

we do this until we feel we have emptied our mind of all the considerations related to the guilt. The trick here is to note those things which we might not think, at first glance to be wrong. but these are things we did or said that led to the problem, and to feeling guilty. one time i even added "feeling guilty" to my list.. it is definitely a good candidate! having made a full list and now we feel much better, we review the list and note what we need to do in future to avoid the problem.  i find myself doing this most often when i am feeling upset or have a lot of anger inside... my first coping strategy is to write. i put my pen to the paper and let it bleeeeeed.

you may laugh at this but guilt brought me to the realization that I was a sinner... go ahead like i said.. laugh, like its such a shocker. LOL  I realized I could not do anything about that on my own because we are all sinners. I would clear my mind by saying I was sorry or asking for forgiveness of those I offended, but that did not quiet the guilty feelings. But then I was told that I could bring my emotional feelings into balance by trusting in someone else. When we trust someone else, its typically because we think we need that person in our lives. So we create that bond that will maybe bend, but never break.

...or so we tend to think.

1 comment:

  1. You have a gift at writing. I have been dealing with some guilt issues of my own. If you want to talk more about it, email me at coreyjames@yahoo.com thank you

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