Monday, February 09, 2015
break up schmake up.. it aint no thang
I swear whoever wrote the lyrics to "breaking up is hard to do" was right on the money. unfortunately the odds are not in us ladies' favors when it comes to this traumatic experience, lol. in fact, most of us will experience at least one heart breaking break up sometime in our lines, and 1 out of every 3 female experience one that leads them to having mental issues that can severely affect her life. although no one can fully prepare you for and there are a few breakup words that will ease your pain, i can at least try to.. lol i'll always still believe advice goes a long way.
So listen up biiiiiits!!! here is how you can be closer to healing your broken heart.
Here are my stages of grief that i think girls will most likely experience throughout a break up.. the five stages of grief as they apply to a breakup that is:
denial: && "no it's not just a river in across seas". you deny the break-up has happened and isolate yourself from your loved ones. to help get through this stage, accept what has happened and don’t be afraid to ask for support from those who love you and are there for you.. i know you might not want to hear it but face the fucken truth && do it. without doing this first step, you will not make it to the second. you might tell yourself this is just a temporary separation; you’re bound to kiss and make up.
resisting the urge: i knowwww it’s difficult to fight the urge to get in touch with your ex, but you have to resist it. && yes, this means no making up excuses to see him (I have to get back my one sock back or you know he’ll be at that party on Saturday night). etc. been there done that .. and the visits only lead to super hot, yet amazingly amazing sex that gives him the upper hand yet again.You have to say NO.
anger: it's only natural to become angry with your ex and maybe even with yourself for the cause or circumstances of the breakup. personally, what i did to help deal with my anger was wrote a letter addressed to my ex, without the intention of giving it to him of course, cus i'd probably hit a nerve no girl wants to hit. It is amazing how you can really get down and dirty with your feelings, and how you end up pouring your heart out once the point of your pen leaks onto the paper. After you’re done, put it aside and come back to it another day, reread it once, then toss it if you want. i actually saved all of mine, mainly because i didn't really write them when we broke up because we only have once, but more so when we got into an argument or at a time i felt incredibly hurt by him.. i go back to them after a while and it's weird how i have a totally new perspective on things. this eventually lead to me keeping a journal of my feelings. Looking back on the things I wrote reminded me of our low points. I needed that reminder to get away from him, and stay.
Ladies, this method works best for me because i think writing can be incredibly therapeutic. i know most not feel this way, but obviously with my having my own blog site, i'm going to feel taht way.
bargaining: this is probably the most common thing females tend to do.. i can almost guarantee it, don't deny it. you bargain with your ex to take you back, telling him that you were wrong, what changes you’ll make, and so on. Or, you get others involved in trying to get him back for you. This stage often involves irrational actions such as calling him no matter how trivial the reason. i couldnt tell you how many times i went "oh well i stopped dressing like a hoe cus i knew that pissed him off more than anything. etc. come on. don't fall lame to the game baby girls! you have to be on top of it, have HIM come crawling back to you!
acceptance: this is about the final stage of grief i think we all endure. the female typically comes to terms with the breakup, and she no longer feels anger or deep sadness about it. While thinking about your ex is still normal, you’re able to move on with your life to be productive and emotionally healthy again. Some females have a hard time coming to this stage, I think it takes an incredible amount of strength and dignity to even follow through with passing this stage. With acceptance comes the ability to move on.
But you shouldn’t expect all of the above to happen overnight. It will take time, faith in yourself and a supportive group of friends and family to get you through.
the most important thing i can say ladies is back away from zeee ex!!! real talk! i know you're in the bargaining stage of grieving the demise of a what seemed to be an amazing relationship, so you may try to get in touch with him. But, there are two reasons why calling, emailing or visiting his crib is a BAD idea. why? because just because you convince yourself that your ex is thinking about you just as much as you're thinking about him. he's not. but the next reason is the more contact you have with him, the less likely you’ll be able to move on. Every time you write to him, talk to him or visit his house, you’re taking a step backward instead of forward. not only that but it makes you look completely desperate and gives him the upper hand.
i seriously only think of these two specific quotes when i think of getting over a break up and/or when healing a broken heart: “Time heals all wounds” and “Where one door closes, another one opens.” i know, kind of cheesy but absolutely true . while you may not be able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel now, ii can guarantee that the day will come when you’ll know that your broken heart has officially healed.
good luck girls