FUCK LOVE

People that let go in the beginning, i give you props. Because people who wrap their lives up in someone only end up broken-hearted in the end. So what if you fall into that group? The one time you let your guard down, you're proven right. The one person you've always relied on, who has always been there, says "have a nice life."

EASILY. you find yourself someone you don't even know, you chance without even realizing it, your views, the way you operate-- all of it has been busted.

it's crazy how people can put so much into you && take that much more out. you watch what you say, watch what you do, put all your energy into it;; falling asleep && waking up to the same thoughts-- && all you end up doing is breaking down in the process.

In creeps the paranoia, the fear, the pain-- which is all too much for a person to take. All it puts into you it hate... for everything around you.

All it does it show you the FOOL you are, the IDIOT who fell in love.

FUCK TRUST
Fuck anyone who has had a problem with it, whose feelings were non-existent
&& now you're just stuckkk.....

WAKE UP
You come out of your coma, but hate yourself for letting someone change you so much.

ANGRY
You wasted all this hopelessness.

FURIOUS
that you were genuine with your feelings when he wasn't.

DAMAGED
because it was all taken away, slipped right through your fingers without either of you noticing.

WONDERING
why the FUCK did i even try so hard?


Pardon my paranoia. I just returned from a trip to hell and I haven’t unpacked my baggage yet

FUCK LOVE.

my favorite good girls < 3

If the world did some gnarly Freaky Friday shit tomorrow and made every girl a lesbian, I’d pray to God I could get stuck with one of these yummies.

Kate Beckinsale

This woman is such an amazing woman. She is involved with so much GOOD, I don't know where to start. She is involved with a lot of charity work, mainly charities for Heart disease and Animal Cruelty. She is more so a action heroine actress.
She stays out of the limelight for the sole purpose of providing a life as normal as possible for her only child, her daughter Lily. She has only been with three men her entire life, and does not do any nude work.
She is just a beautiful person inside and out.

Maria Menounos

She is a T.V. personality, and I have always thought she was very pretty. Every time I wanted to do some thing new with my hair, I always look her up to see what she has going on because she ALWAYS has an absolute perfect hair style going on. Clearly -->

Charlize Thereon

Wow, talk about a woman who can transform herself into any thing she commits herself to. Charlize is a true chameleon. she defied preconceptions to become one of Hollywood's most versatile actresses by being able to adept at comedy as  perfectly as she was at drama like her portrayal of the serial killer Aileen Wournos in "Monster" --one of my favorite movies.

I am not that big into light hair and eyes on women (obviously given the dark beauties posted above) but she is that one exception I cannot ignore. I have yet to find a flaw in her statuesque figure, piercing eyes, and perfectly symmetrical face.








Jennifer Love Hewitt

Her performance in Heart Breakers was what drew me in, and I have been hooked ever since. Not only am I absolutely addicted the The Client List on Lifetime both the TV show and movie (have both!) But she is just the epitome of perfection.

Even when she was very heavy, she never succumbed to Hollywood's pressure of losing baby weight super quick, etc. she said FUCK YOU and did her thing!

I really love her without the bangs she has been known for -- this hair style is perfect for her face shape I think.

Eva Longoria

she has been my all time favorite latina, from even before desperate housewives. she was a soap opera star and that is where I first saw her and fell in love. She is now one of the most known actresses in shows and movies, and huge food enthusiast including owning a restaurant Beso. She's a diehard Texas fan, and very much involved with charities due to her younger sister who is mentally and physically handicapped. she is a tiny little firecracker and so sassy. I love her!

-------------------

I know I’m missing a lot, but this is all my 1 a.m. brain can muster up at the moment. Given the fact that there are so many, I think I’d have maybe a C+ shot at nabbing one of them if this Freaky Friday Armageddon should ever occur, no? C+ is not so bad, at least it is passing. haha!

All jokes aside, I think beauty has no definition. It truly is in the eye of its beholder. Every culture has a different definition for what they consider beautiful -- and what may be downright gorgeous in one culture, can be ugly in another. What is most important is just to be Y.O.U.

jerseylicious;; tracy dimarco < 33

This is where my Goudy crazy spice I love but do not have the guts to wear comes in. i absolutely love this girl. for those of you whom have been living under a rock the past couple of years, this is tracy dimarco.

she is on the Style network's #1 show called Jerseylicious. most people know tracy for her "tracy dimarco hair" and her "tracy dimarco nails" and her "tracy dimarco style". these three things have made her infamous in reality television. I recently got into the show when i caught it on my style network one weekend when it was in its second season.. i was instantly addicted.

jerseylicious, big rich texas, etc all of those shows all in a row on my TiVo. least to say, mix it in with desperate housewives, lifetime's the client list--- i wouldn't bother me at all on sunday nights!!
If you don't know what Jerseylicious is about, it is an American reality tv show about a beautiful salon, called The Gatsby, located in New Jersey, & the Jersey girls working as hairstylists and make up artists and all the drama that comes with it.

The main characters are Tracy DiMarco, Olivia, Gayle & Christina (owners of salon), GiGi, and the glam fairy, Alexa (whom recently branched off into her own salon The Glam Factory. Alexa is another favorite gal of mine! =]-- then there is the ever so sexy shampoo assistant but he's not so relevant as he is sweet! ;)

So anyway, one of the girls, Tracy Dimarco, was donning these nails with wide-flair tips, & i  fell in love with them the minute i saw them!! tracy dimarco's wide tip flair nails are to die for. they are different, noticeable, and you can do soo many different styles wth them. i absolutely loved them !!! she normally does the white tips and pink nail beds, she says the white matches every outfit of hers as opposed to dramatic colors or patterns like olivia does with her nails. my nail beds are already super pink, so i don't need them. i just do the white flairs-- recently have been doing white glitter and pink glitter. it was my first time getting them done like that, and i think your nail beds need some getting used to.

For those who thought the "Jersey fad" was running out of steam, they better get a clue !! jersey shore is back in its fourth season, and more hilarious than ever && this show is still running. this defff proved them wrong. Its first season was the highest rated new series on the Style Network and now it returns for Season 4 premiering in a few months! i am super stoked that i am making it a huge deal--can you say  jerseylicious premiere party?!? i made a list of food i want and am gonna dedicate the whole night to Jerseylicious with my girls & of course make sure i dress the part as well :)) 

So back to Tracy.. she's a hair stylist but does amazing make up as well && has a great sense of fashion. she wears stuff i WISH i could get away with but i def dont have the balls too. as stated before, she has been dubbed the vixen of the show and her big hair and penchant for animal print makes her hard to ignore - not to mention she brings the drama.. which brings the ratings. lol so she makes the show soo much better.



when it comes down to it, the show mainly promotes that jersey girls are all about BIG hair, animal prints, fake nails, and big boobs.
............... which is A-OK in my book! hehe =]


oh and letts not forget tracy's jewelry. she is always sporting some type of amazing jewelry-- i am most in love with all of her earrings!! she actually has a line, i have only been able to buy one pair because they are quite expensive.

Here are some clips available on the show's network's web site: http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/videos/v50485_jerseylicious.html  

this list is a few things my favorite girl believes in & is always sure to reinforce on the show:

1.) a real girl loves having attitude but being sweet at the same time. She always sticks up for her girls no matter what!!! Chicks before d**ks!

2.) you need to love big hair and have a good tan -- spray tan, because its healthier -- and always leaves the house done up, looking your best!

3.) A REAL Jersey girl knows the real Jersey Shore... before it got turned into a huge joke TV show.

4.) you have to love animal print (of any kind) and has at least one room dedicated to the print in her house. -- I have always loved Leopard/Cheetah print, but lately am buying any animal print I see !! < 3
5.) you have to have fake eyelashes, fake nails, fake tan, fake hair (extensions)... but are the most honest and realest girl you'll ever meet! - that's so me ;D

6.) you gotta can rock any outfit you want and hold your head high, because you're confident.

7.) && you gotta know every bouncer in NJ clubs and they all know youu!! VIP all the wayyyy.

8.) oh, and she believes in you always being able to change from work attire to a club outfit in your car because you always carry around a full makeup kit, teasing comb, hairspray, shoes and clothes.
 
9.) A normal girl takes one item of jewelry off before leaving her house, but me? i put on three more pieces of jewelry on before leaving! --haha i love that one ;D

10.) "The higher the hair, the closer to God." nuff said.

work it baby girl, work it!!
okay my lesbian obsession post is finally come to an end.

self control

i seriously have so many topics going through my mind right now, that i decided to write about none of them and instead turn to something that i have been lacking lately.

&& that is self control.

self-control is a vital part of who we are. Thoughts are our foundation because they direct our feelings. People with high self control don’t react to someone else’s emotions. They are able to think clearly and stay focused under pressure. No one can control the events or the people surrounding them, but they can control their own emotions and actions. I personally like to think i maintain self control in thee situations, but when i am alone i tend to slip.

[ x ] one thing i do to exercise my self control is choosing what i think about. when i feel i am able to control what feelings my thoughts are producing, i feel as if i am able to dictate what i will do or will not do, which in return leads me to be careful on what i dwell on. I started with meditation - this helped my anxiety tremendously.

[ x ]  i try not to let my feelings get the best of me. if, for instance, i know i am upset with someone or i am craving something i know i should not consume or have, i do something to get my mind off the situation; listen to music, write on this blog, scrapbook, write letters to my lil sister, exercise, or read to name a few. And if i still find myself dwelling on those things, i just simply pick up on another activity again.. and yes, this may take me doing this same activity several times before i am able to conquer your feelings but i eventually am able to do it.)

[ x ] this one may seem a bit obvious and silly, but really taking deep breaths is very VERY helpful. it seems to just calm me down, and also takes my mind off of it for a while. this is most helpful when i feel like i am losing my mind!

these basic little things are what i do to give myself a bit more control, and this is where perseverance comes it. it won’t be better the first time you try to have control but like everything else you will be able to control yourself better and faster with practice.

the reason why i wanted to make a blog out of this is because i'd like to point out that i don't think self control is only about keeping your cool when you are angry. its concept is more than that, it can also be about not complaining about a situation or someone, or even waiting to get something you really want now, or even choosing not to eat that extra cookie. these situations can affect our every day lives, and that is why i believe it is important to instill self control into ourselves so our younger generations can fall onto it as well. maybe by doing this we will have less anger impulse shootings and murders going on.

a quote by Aristotle was said to me by my sophomore year English teacher that has stuck with me ever since.. it's “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

the greatest victories we can have in our life is over ourselves. Self-control might be hard, but it is possible. encourage yourself and others to maintain control over themselves.

dealing with resentful bitches.

i've dealt with the most turmoil last year. i don't know how the people i've considered my heart can be so judgmental, deceitful, and most of all resentful. i wanted to dig into resentment because i think it can come from all different types of people you associate yourself with -- not just family but coworkers, friends, or even neighbors.. even people you only considered acquaintances. however first, i think in order to learn how to deal with all of this, one must truly have a good understanding of what resentment is, its causes and the thoughts that linger in the resentful person’s mind.

i think resentful people have this constant belief that someone or something has harmed his or her well being on intention, and therefore has to be a spiteful bitch in return in order to feel even and/or happy. Personally, i think resentful bitches are usually an indication of weakness as the resentful person is someone who has failed to defend herself or has failed to stop others from harming her and therefore have no better way than becoming resentful towards them... assuming this is the way to go.

in order for these people not to hurt their egos, to admit failure or to carry responsibility lots of people decide to become resentful in order to throw the blame of all the bad things that happened to them on someone else. Because , ya know, after all is said and done, its hurts wayy less to say "life is unfair or evil" than to say I should have worked harder or i am a lazy fat slob.

oh and, keep in mind i am talking about resentful haters who you have NOT hurt intentionally but they think you have.. if you are dealing with a resentful person who you have intentionally screwed, then you can deal with that your own way on your own, sorry but karma is a bitch.

but i think that in many cases a person can incorrectly perceive some facts and become resentful without even making sure of the information he or she has in the least bit factual.

when it comes to preventing resentment, your role should really be on making sure that you don’t let the other people get you wrong, after all good communication skills is about not being misunderstood as much as you can even if you are doing nothing wrong.

but in my case, a lot of the resentment stems from jealousy. i truly believe underlying resentment can be feelings of jealousy from one person to another. for instance, having a girl believe that your success has proved them to be failures (how can someone's success bring pain?) or how she believes you may be in possession of things like a job that you don't deserve or that she should have..

communication is the number one way to combat these type of females.

you have to be able to give an explanation of your actions as much as you can if your actions will affect them directly.. whether you realize it initially or not. the way i prevent resentment is all about being clear so that you don’t get misunderstood. when the resentment comes to a point that i am not sure why or have not done anything intentionally, that's when you really have to sit that person down and just c.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.e !!!!!!!

people annoy me

May I rant?

Thanks!

I'm DONE with dumb, self-absorbed, selfish, stupid, mind draining, so-called 'friends', relatives, neighbors, etc. To them, THEIR life is the only life, THEIR illness is the only illness, THEIR child is the only child. Nobody in creation has ever been ripped off like them, back stabbed like them, hurt like them, pained like them, had a rotten childhood like them, had worse parents than them, had no parents like them, had a unique illness like them, had a holiday like theirs, had a life learning experience like them, had a bad boss like them - in fact, NOBODY has lived before in the whole of human history EXCEPT them. You get migraines - oh nothing like THEIR migraines, you have a problem - oh THEY had that happen but worse. I want to know something. How come they even know that anything was worse, better, more or ANYTHING at all when they are completely incapable of listening to anybody else for more than 5 secs. Their problems, their woes, THEIR fcken life story.

I can't stand two-faced people. I can't stand people who back stab. I can't stand people who lie. I can't stand people who have no spine. I can't stand people who only exist to make others feel less than. I can't stand people who compete for no good reason. I can't stand pretentious morons who have nothing to be pretentious about. I can't stand people who think they have all the answers after their life has proven to be a bleeding mess. I can't stand people who don't stand up for themselves. I can't stand people who ostracize those who do. I can't stand people who shrug at others' discomfort. I can't stand people who are hypocrites. I can't stand people who are selfish and self-centered. I can't stand people who never admit when they are wrong. I can't stand people who wreak havoc in others' lives and then distance themselves from the spoilage. I can't stand people who never understand anything you say to them, no matter how bluntly you make your statement. I can't stand people who behave as though you just killed ten grandmothers because you said a curse word, especially when they know it was deserved. I can't stand judgmental idiots. I can't stand people who only see the bottom line. I can't stand people who don't see the bigger picture. I can't stand people who are ignorant and want to be. I can't stand people who never heard of standing by a person, right or wrong, unless of course, they've raped or killed someone.

I am angry that so many assholes get away with so much evil bullshit in this stupid world of ours. Why do things have to be this way? Can't we just build a big catapult and toss all the assholes out into space? Right into the sun so they can burn into ashes. That would make me feel a lot better, for sure. Of course, yeah, I know, some asshole out there is going to say, how do you define who's an asshole and who's not? well, for one thing, i have my own personal shit-list, and you'll just have to trust me, it's 100% accurate about all the people on it being assholes. But, okay, say that's not quite good enough for you (what are you, some kind of asshole or something?). say you want to at least test people before sticking them on the catapult, to make absolutely sure they're assholes. Fortunately, nothing could be easier. Here's the simple answer:

a: if someone is a pathological liar, that's a prime symptom of assholeness.

b: if someone treats you like absolute shit absolutely all the time, that's them being an asshole.

c: if someone treats you nice all the time, but then goes and says something mean about you to someone else, then they belong on the honor roll in the hall of shame for worthless assholes.

d: just about anybody who works for a telemarketing firm is a stinky, hairy, shit-ringed asshole.

i can go on &&& on but i don't want to overload the catapult. :)

&& lastly, what i really cannot stand are fake friends. friends tell you they're there for you, but when you try to vent, they get pissed off at you and turn it around so you end up comforting them. THANK GOODNESS FOR THIS BLOG. lol I am annoyed by friends that say they will never judge you, but when shit hits the fans they talk so much shit about how fucked up you are. well news flash sweetie-- we're allllllll fucked up one way or another. && what i hate is when people assume shit and start talking shit when they have no validity to their statements at all whatsoever.

with all this hate, i still manage to have a heart of gold & wear a smile at all times.

especially now that my venting is over ;D Thanks guys!

a day in my life : )

Just a few things about me ....


A: WRITER. I am currently working on 2 different publishing writing endeavors, one of them being  about a teenager going through relationship problems and suffering an abusive relationship while in and out of youth homes while the other is a sort of "guide-to surviving the female teenage years." It's humorous, and involves ideas on getting past peer pressure, sex, drugs & alcohol, finding your clique or friends, and most importantly.. finding yourself. I obviously have a blog site that I constantly keep up with. I am always reading blogs too.

C: READER. i read. A LOT. i have a plethora of books i have yet to read alongside a big pile i have read at least five times each because I read almost every night before I go to sleep. i also think 95% of America should do the same considering half the world does not know the difference between "their, they're, and there." if i come across a word I don’t understand, I write it down in a notebook and look up the definition later. i am trying to teach myself to become fluent in Spanish too.




D: CREATOR i am getting more and more in touch with my creative side. I am constantly dreaming up new ways to create and use my imagination to the best of it’s ability, because to not would be a waste. my mother in law is a big help, and gives me lots of ideas. i recently started making my own holiday cards that i write and send out to family & friends, and i send one letter a week to my baby sister who is just starting to learn to read. i also am starting to make my own jewelry. i'll take pictures of what i have done so far, and maybe even create a tutorial on some things as there isn't much to it when you put your mind to it ;)


E: FITNESS I walk daily. i don't jog as much as i would like to. i recently found a gorgeous path through the woods behind my house that has recently been worked on-- a park was built and i have been rollerblading on it every afternoon. Flirty girl fitness is something i have been really getting into as well. It is hard to find motivation when by yourself, so becoming part of a program was huge for me.

F: CLEANER/ ORGANIZER this actually should say obsessive compulsive disorder haha (OCD) which really should be CDO, since that's the correct order the letters come in on the alphabet, but whatevs. i have this uncontrollable desire and need to clean and organize anything i see that needs cleaning or reorganizing. i clean out my huge walk-in closet and dressers every 6 months and drop off unwanted clothes to the salvation army. 

H: FRIEND. i am a damn good friend to have. when you need some one to listen to you, to not say a word, to not judge, and most of all to BE THERE regardless of what ever may be going on-- i will be there. even if you haven't gotten a chance to contact me in a year, if you call me up and need me to be there for you, i will drop everything and come. it all comes to support. whenever a festival, concert, show, etc arrives, and i personally know who is hosting it, i make it a priority to support my friends and show up for the entire duration of each because it makes me feel good to be there for them when they need it and want it.. not to mention i sincerely find true entertainment in it.

thank you very much *in my best borat voice*