forgetting the past & looking towards the future xx

 Hey there bloggers,

So i'm not where I want to be but thank GOD, I'm not where I used to be. I'm OK, and i'm on my way. && that makes me VERY content right now.

As I am waiting for the honey to get home from work, I turn on my TV to catch a few minutes of a program about the children of convicts on E! channel. I believe the message of this program was that you don’t have to follow in your parents’ footsteps. The program ended with the following comment made by one of the children: “It’s not where you come from… it’s where you choose to go.”

as I heard that comment, I was reminded of all the people who feel trapped in their present life due to their past. I’m sure there are many of you reading this today who feel like a prisoner because of your past. Well, I’m here to challenge that belief and reiterate the wisdom I heard on that TV program. So regardless of where you come from, the question really is… where are you choosing to go?

i know when it comes to letting go of the past, there are so many challenges that can arise from even trying to do so. But I wanted to point out at least a few reasons why i think you should just go for it, and see where it takes you!

reason #1: you SURVIVED.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. no matter what you have been through! if you are reading this, then you have survived your troubles! that should be a good enough reason to move on and make yourself a better person for the future. never let anyone bring you down and tell you that you should be sad over anything.

disclaimer: unfortunately, there have been some people who went through just as much as you went through and didn't make it out of the situation. i have not completely disregarded these people, so please don't consider me being ignorant that i assumed we all have survived each trial and tribulation because that is soo not the case..i am merely trying to point out that one should be glad and rejoice that he or she has made it to another stage in their life.

reason #2: resentment = more problems

Just face it. Nobody likes to be around a person who is always dwelling over the past. When you are just beginning to move on from any situation that may have happened to you and you make better situations worse by comparing them to your past. That is not the way to go. If you start to notice things are getting better, then take them for what they are. Do not try to nit-pick them and make them into bad situations when they are not. It is logical, that when you start to appreciate all the good around you and let go of resentment, that more good will follow for you.

reason #3: you're more than likely the ONLY person lingering on this.

I can almost guarantee someone, somewhere let this issue go a loooooong time ago. Usually, if you've had a bad experience with another person that caused you pain and betrayal, they do not hold the problem over their heads like you may. This is bad, because it may mean that they let it go and may have had indifferent emotions towards what you call pain. So, the best thing for you to do is to act indifferent towards it. If not, then it shows that the person still has some sort of power over you that you just cannot seem to let go. So, prove to yourself that you have complete control over your emotions. You are the only person that you may need to prove that to.

i hope all that makes sense. i know i should practice what i preach, but for some reason i have always been better at giving advice as opposed to listening to it. i seem to deal with this quite often myself. i'm going through a difficult time right now, but i am not dwelling on playing the victim role-- i am dwelling on the fact that i have SURVIVED. i have made it through the hardest part of this ordeal, and only the best is yet to come. what has been does not have to affect what could be, and i really have to let that seep through my brain. ;)

Thank you all for baring with me with this post. After all self reflection is the best way to move forward in life. I have been reflecting on my life quite a bit lately; and rather than feeling unfulfilled or upset with it, i realize life is a roller coaster. It is a roller coaster that I am sometimes very frightened by-- so much that i do not want to open my eyes at what is in front of me. As well as at other times I am opening my arms wide open ready to take in all that is coming my way. Either way it goes, this is a roller coaster I am NOT getting off any time soon.

Thanks for reading lovelies <3

..a few of my favorite things (part two)

Hello Loves!

As stated in my previous post regarding my favorite items, I would post a part TWO because I simply could not post them all in one post! Without further or do, I bring to you .... My Second List!

Urban Decay Naked Pallet

Everybody wants to look good NAKED! Far from a group of boring beige shadows, Naked Palette's long, lean, seductive case is packed with TWELVE gorgeous bronze-hued neutrals, and includes Urban Decay's pro-quality Good Karma Shadow Brush. "You can look great NAKED!" I love the shade names! delicate champagnes to dark, gritty gunmetal, with names like Dark horse, Virgin and Buck. Urban Decay also included a range of textures: everything from glitter to shimmer to matte.

This is a shadow palette EVERYONE can use, and a truly spectacular gift. Experiment with office-appropriate neutrals, summertime bronzy looks, or sultry smokiness. With such a diversity of neutral shades at your fingertips, there's more to neutral than meets the eye.

Tangle Free!



I have two of these a black and purple. I have natural hair so it's the best things I've found to detangle my hair without pulling out my hair at the same time!

I bought it from Sally's for $9.99 best deal ever!! Would highly recommend it! The only down fall is after a while the bristles do tend to bend, but that can also be to the thickness of my hair!






Beauty Blender Sponge

I cannot even begin to explain how amazing this little sponge is. It's so awesome & cute I could cuddle with it! (JUST KIDDING.. but it's great).

I've bought knock off versions at TJ MAXX & they even sell them at Wal Mart now too, but none of them come close to the real thang. Simply soak your BB in water, squeeze all excess water out & you're ready to go. Apply concealer & gently dab BB repeatedly over to blend.

Most sponges will absorb up all your make up resulting in uneven application. Because of the soft lightweight material & dampness of the BB sponge, makeup repels off the sponge & directly onto your skin.

 Concealer brushes can do the same as flat foundation brushes mentioned above (streaky lines.. ain't nobody got time for that).





Too Faced Brow Envy Kit

Hands down, one of my favorite products! I never worried about my eyebrows before, until seeing a beauty guru on YouTube talking about her eye brow kit, and so after a quick search under my favorite make up brand (too faced, duh) I came across this baby, and never looked back! It has every thing you need for the most uhMAYzing eye brows ever! to pluck those few over grown strands, to fill in the inner point, or what ever it is you may need- this kit has got you covered!! this complete kit is filled with all the essentials needed to shape, define, fill, and set brows. Includes tweezers, three stencils, angled brush and brow comb. With this kit you can customize color with two shades of brow powder and hold brows in place with the conditioning wax.


MAC Pigment

I would choose a MAC pigment over an eye shadow any day, any week, and any life time. These pigments are definitely one of the few things I can't live without. My very first pigment from MAC is Shimmer-Time and it's a really pretty peachy, white color. It works great as a highlight color, for the inner corners or for the eyelid if youre really going for a ore subtle natural look.

There is just so much product in the canister as well! It is definitely worth the money especially if you are very avid in using and perhaps, even just collecting makeup. And using it with water really makes the color pop-it really is an amazing, versatile product that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

As for using the pigment, it can get messy. What I usually do is I take off the little clear covering that covers the pigment and use my brush to pick up the pigment off of it instead of dipping my brush straight into the pigment. That way I have more control over how much product I use and it doesn't waste anything.

Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream SPF 35

This is definitely one of my favorite creams. It feels amazing on my skin. I use it every day. The only negative I can think of is it's price.. kinda pricey for the budget I have. I usually spend more money on products I like Mascara or foundation.

A five-in-one set secret for achieving flawless skin on camera and beyond. This multitasking tinted cream formula with SPF 35 hydrates, primes, perfects, controls oil, and protects for flawless skin on set and beyond. Formulated with emollients and optical pearl pigments, this BB Cream gives skin a glowing, ethereal look and provides a hydrating veil for the complexion to maintain moisture on the surface of the skin. With its ultra-smoothing finish, it instantly re-texturizes to create a smooth canvas. Especially when worn under foundation, it enhances the wear of makeup for up to eight hours. Ideal even for oily complexions, this expert formula with UVA/UVB protection helps inhibit oil to prevent the complexion from getting shiny throughout the day without the typical chalky matte finish.


L'Oréal EverCreme Cleansing Conditioner


My pros: It smells great! It leaves my hair nice and smooth, tangle free when I get out of the shower. My cons: It's a pretty small size, and I hate the dispenser... It's as if I have to squeeze the bottle with alllll my might to get a bit out..

I shower every single day, and wash my hair with shampoo, conditioner, and a few rinse products every day as well. I have a few Pantene weekly treatments I use too. This means my hair was on oil overload with producing because it had to compensate for the amount of stripping I was doing.

Therefore, within the first few days of using this product, my scalp wasn't aware of the new products I was using, and still use to producing the amount of oil it has been. So it took a few days to get used to to say the least...

However after about a week, I was so very pleased with the results. My hair felt amazing, looked amazing, and wasn't too soft/silky to the point where it didn't stay in the places I styled it in. With a bit of hair spray, and a few pumps of my Pantene Voluminous Pump, My volume lasted way into the evening from the morning shower I took the same day.

I highly recommend it-- just be patient and wait a full week before making your decision, and be sure to do the right application and make sure you are getting your Full head covered. Do not lather, as lathering is bad.


MAKE UP FOR EVER Sculpting Kit

i love these Sculpting Kits. These kits are comprised of two complimentary micronized powders that you can use to contour, sculpt and correct/change a face shape. In my opinion, contouring is an art unto itself, and there really are a limited amount of products out there that concentrate on this specific area of application.

I own all of the sculpting kits and i use them each and every day. You can create a very soft sculpted appearance or you can use these powders to create a more intense and deeply chiseled contour. These kits save me a good amount of time. Why? Because the powder is so finely milled, wonderfully pigmented and easy to blend. Even the heaviest handed individual would find it hard to apply too much of this product: It's so wonderfully lightweight and blend-able.

The only possible drawback, it's a bit pricey: $45. In my opinion, it's worth every penny. I have yet to come by a Make Up For Ever product that wasn't phenomenal.




Matte Long Lasting Lipsticks


Dupe of MAC Lipsticks? Rimmel Lasting Finish by Kate Moss $4.97 !!! I picked this up at CVS the other day after making Sam wait a half hour in the car for me on a "quick" makeup run. And I have to say, I am very impressed with this lipstick-- creamy & yet matte, stays on ALL DAY. No touch ups needed. I see myself purchasing the whole collection in the near future. Double snaps! to Rimmel & Kate Moss.





Thank you all for reading my posts! I truly appreciate it!

Be their voice; Child Abuse Awareness Month

One Person Can Make A DIFFERENCE.

i have always been active in spreading child abuse awareness. I have always considered it the absolute least any of us can do. I wanted to re-post this post, as I want to keep it at the forefront of all our minds especially during this holidays season of hope and faith. I want to inform you all on my take, my experience, how you can help, excruciating statistics, and some graphic images.

Warning: 100% chance this post will have you in tears. I am sorry to put a damper on things but talking about it is one way of combating it.


Children are innocent and precious, they are also small and defenseless. Adults have the responsibility to protect them, it is just a given responsibility you cannot say no to. But what happens when the adults in a child's life do not live up to their role? If the child is being abused or neglected, the consequences of not speaking up are extremely harmful, sometimes fatal. How can one live with that possibility on their mind?

Children are our future. Every single child deserves a good start in life. Prevention is a shared responsibility. All it takes is one more person to care, and all it takes for families to remain healthy is for people to take that ONE step! Ordinary people like YOU can change the world- because EVERY CHILD MATTERS. Being a parent is the toughest job on the planet; so try to offer your support to people who are raising children... when you see a stranger having a hard time with their child, do not look away-- smile and say, "I have been there too, it only gets easier." Because IT DOES!! Our communities are the web binding the families together, and to each other. Small steps can make a HUGE difference!

Adults need to speak up when witnessing or suspecting abuse is going on in the home of a child. Because children aren't going to do it themselves. Out of fear or misplaced loyalty to their abuser, a child often won't speak up at all- even when they're going through the most horrible pain imaginable.... why? well, they often don't speak up because they are afraid of losing the love of their abuser or the possibility of bringing more pain onto themselves.

there are many children who do try to 'run away' or get out, but are unsuccessful and only get themselves into even more pain to come...this ultimately leads them to not seeing a point in trying at all.

Of the numerous child abuse cases, about 72% involve *someone* who knew what was happening. In some of these cases, you will hear adults say "I didn't realize how bad it was" or even, "I didn't want to get involved." With every nightly news report telling of another child raped, killed or seriously injured by a person that was supposed to be responsible for them- how can anyone stay silent if they expect a child is being abused?



An abused child is damaged for life, abuse causes scars that will never go away. There are also many cases where an abused child turns into an abuser themselves once they become adults- which only serves to repeat the cycle- thus causing another generation of broken hearts and scarred minds.

It is inexcusable to allow it to continue if an adult knows of any abuse or neglect. A child may never be able to get over the fact that he or she was abused, they may carry the scars through a lifetime- but they will remember that someone cared enough to speak up and try to protect them. And, if you know of abuse and don't speak up- the possible fatal consequences to that child may be more than a conscience can handle.

While the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is often repeated, it also takes a village to protect a child. If you notice a friend or family member is under a lot of stress or making bad choices and they're increasingly short-tempered with their child or not being as attentive to their child's needs as they should, say something.

If you know for a fact that someone you know is abusing their child, speak up!!!!!!!!!

call the proper authorities anonymously if you must. When it comes to a child's safety and well-being, even their life- don't be afraid to speak up or afraid to "get involved." Sometimes a child is saved from further abuse or neglect because someone chose to get involved, and they manage to go on and live normal, happy lives.

And then there are the children who have died needlessly, simply because someone was too afraid to get involved. Even if you happen to witness abuse while out running errands and it's a child you don't know- call the police, get a tag number and physical description of an adult- call Child Protective Services in your city

Here is some food for thought:

[ 1 ] Every day, about four children die in the U.S. because of abuse or neglect, most of them babies or toddlers.

[ 2 ] For every incident of child abuse or neglect that gets reported, it’s estimated that two others go unreported.-- think about it!

[ 3 ] A lot of people told me im an idiot for creating a petition on neglect. little do they fucken know, that neglect is by far the most common form of child abuse, accounting for more than 60% of all cases.


[ 4 ] Physical abuse accounts for between 15% and 20% of documented child abuse cases each year.


[ 5 ] 8 out of 10 sexual abusers are someone in the family or someone the child knows. You cannot trust ANYONE around your children, it's almost ALWAYS the one person you'd NEVER think would be possible.


[ 6 ] Of all prison inmates, 84% were abused as children. Same goes for drug and alcohol addicts and sex addicted female.

EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE WRONG ABOUT A CHILD ABUSE Situation, REPORT IT-- HAVE IT INVESTIGATED, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE!?

Do it for the children.

  

http://www.preventchildabuseillinois.org/

It's important that society no longer tolerates or turns a blind eye to abuse, if we don't protect the children, who will?

speak up, get up & do!


xox rica

green jello theory xx

i have been a writer my entire life. i try to consistently behave with as much class, style & humor in every situation, but as always we as human beings have a tendency to slip off the path we want.. regardless it is safe to assume that no matter where i go, no matter who i meet, i find inspiration in everything. the work place is no exception to this.

i observe what is around me at all times, because i think it's important to be weary and expect the worse while hoping for the best; i try to interpret the deeper meaning behind what I see. popular society tells us that most of us are fuck ups. losers, good-for-nothing sluts.. & because following what every one else thinks is the safe thing to do, many people blindly support this fact and immediately assume there is no deeper meaning to a girl who hasn't been able to hold a job lately. this is very wrong in many more ways than one.. but rather than getting into those reasons i have formulated something a bit more easier to interpret.

Fellow "fuck ups, losers, and sluts", get ready for a theory that would probably make a licensed psychologist roll his/her eyes...

the most inner layer of a person involves the morals, or the system of ethics which is unique to each person. Some girls can’t even get naked in front of their own boyfriend much less an entire crowd of strangers. I am thankful to be capable of both... sort of. not in the way you think.. there's been times when i've had to do photo shoots that made me wear little to nothing and i have no problem doing so in front of the entire group of people on the set. I just think in today's society, that is considered OK.

The next layer is the self esteem, which has to be strong in order to endure the pain inflicted by the outside world. it is hard, like an egg, but can be cracked if the correct pressure is applied. this is the reason people make bad decisions… their morals leak and they become hollow inside. they just stop caring...

On top of self esteem, there is the layer in which love, hate, and all of the emotions thrive. This is a very active area of someone’s mind, with many ups and downs and twists and turns. It is very honest, but gets filtered through the fourth layer......which is our invisible screen. This layer weeds out what is worth the trouble and what isn’t. The meaningless, stupid aspects of life are too big to slip through, like waiting longer than normal at a red light or overpaying at a restaurant. Sure they get your attention when they bounce off your defenses, but it’s nothing compared to the real issues in life. Getting married. A DWI. Receiving a thoughtful gift. These things slip right through the barrier and begin reeking havoc on your emotions to the point where they are purged in the form of tears, laughter, complete bullshit, etc.. Is there anyone out there who is truly honest with him or herself? Probably not. I make an attempt to be as true as possible, but I often find myself full of doubt. This doubt is something I never display on my most outer level, or how I present myself to the world.  This is also true for the most beautiful girls. They get so caught up with being hot that the slightest rejection from any person blows their screen into a thousand pieces. This leads to feelings of vulnerability that are very dangerous to the psyche.

To combat this, I picture the words of every person stuck in a big blob of green jello.yep, jello.

Compliments. Insults. Negativity. All of it is incapable of influencing my bottom layers and that is how I have survived this world for so long. I do not let it consume me. Of course I also push away most people who attempt to get close to me, but that is not entirely because of this green jello thing. Anger has been overwhelming my emotions lately and it’s about time I got rid of it. Crying doesn’t work. Neither does punching stuff or venting to a friend. I am able to weaken the emotion, however, by writing. When I am putting words together, nothing about the world is ugly. In fact, it is truly breathtaking.

I guess this is my way of saying I will never, ever stop writing. I can write about whatever I want whenever I want and the more people I piss off, the stronger I become.

Bring it on.

Reduce Hate (Start with yourself)

So I've been on Facebook quite a bit lately, and I've been seeing so many different friends of mine saying how much they hate themselves, their lives, their family... And while I am sure all of them have their own version of each reason, I pretty much summed it up to a few reasons why:

rejection. love. acceptance. hitting life's bottom.

(A) Rejection We all must face rejection in our lives. Rejection from members of the opposite sex, rejection over a promotion at work, rejection at a life that does not measure up to the big plans we once had. Rejection will come, but we must not let it consume us. I have learned in the past that when rejection comes, it is not the end of the world. Sure, there are times I am depressed for a little while and there is a lot of self-examination, but over time I learned that rejection is not the end, but the beginning of something else.. something so much more beautiful.

(B): Love and Acceptance It is human nature to want to feel the love and acceptance of others, but when it doesn't happen in our timetable, we often turn to ourselves as the source of our failure. When someone does not accept or show love to you, don't hate yourself for it. Rather, take time to consider the situation surrounding why you were not accepted or loved. In the end, you will realize (like I did) that not everyone is going to accept you and love you. If you stay true to who you are, sooner or later you will find the love and acceptance you are looking for.

(C): Hitting Rock Bottom Have you ever felt like you've hit bottom? I'm talking about those times when you say, "If I only had one break, I know I could get out of this situation I am in." I can't help but think of Eminem's song titled "Rock Bottom." At one time in my life, that song spoke to me clearer than I spoke to myself. I know I have had quite a few times like that in my life and it is not a nice feeling. Many times when we are at rock bottom, we become extremely depressed that can lead to self-pity and self-pity can cause us to say, "I hate myself" for not being able to get out of this... funk. That funk can lead us to a downward spiral of self destruction before we even realize it.

Most of the time when we hit rock bottom it is by circumstances of our own making. In our minds, we feel that since we are the one who caused the problem we should be the ones to get ourselves out of the problem. When things continue to spiral downward, we start to play the blame game which always leads to wrong conclusions about ourselves. In the end, we start to hate ourselves for allowing things to get this bad. When you hit bottom, don't hate yourself. Swallow your pride and seek help ...don't be in denial. Help should always be welcomes with a warm embrace.

Hold yourself accountable for what you did to get to this point.

I know my strengths and weaknesses, and GUESS WHAT? I am going to make more mistakes, but I can't let the mistakes get to me. I know it sounds simple and it will take work, but when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on.

The words "I hate myself" by themselves hold no power over us, but the problem starts when you begin to believe the words. There were times I hated who I was and wanted to change myself so I could be like everyone else. Then one day I realized that I am not like everyone else. I am me, so I set out to be me and I soon found that I really love who I am. I did not take the things that happened to me so personally anymore. I do not know if it will work for you, but isn't it worth a shot?

fall is in the air .. xx

Fall is my favorite season.

It's very similar to Spring, just instead of cold easing into warm, it's warm easing into cold. In most cases, Summer puts up a good fight at the end trying to stay longer throughout the days.. but Winter truly gets its revenge in Spring when we should be expecting warm sun and get sun but no warmth.. Springs lately have been so cold it is as if it goes from Winter to Summer. However, Fall is beautiful. It has such a beautiful transformation. The changing leave colors are amazing to see. Then by the time the snow hits, the trees are naked and it looks a whole lot cleaner, i think any way.

Pumpkin Flavored.. EVERYTHING !!

Is it really a surprise that when I say I love fall that that also means I love pumpkin spice anything? I also loveee cider mills.  You can go to cider mills to pick apples or pumpkins. Soon enough we can also head through corn mazes and haunted houses, and munch on caramel apples and donuts. :) To be honest, anything pumpkin makes me drool. Pumpkin pies, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin spiced lattes, pumpkin cream cheese and bagels from Trader Joe's, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin Jamba juice smoothies, everything pumpkin is sooo delish!








Fall Colors

I love the colors of autumn, the smell of burning leaves that people make a bonfire of in their gardens, the crunchy sound the leaves make when you walk through them and when you get those beautiful Indian summer days at times in the autum

Farmer's Markets.

I LOVE famers markets! One went on last weekend in the town next to me, and I just love being able to take advantage of some fresh (and cheap) summer harvest fruits and vegetables. It's a great way to eat healthy, maybe grab some for home for a future dinner or salad, and not to mention it’s also a great way to support the local farm industry as well. 

Sonny Acres.

Yes it's mainly for children, but one of  my favorite things to do there is the haunted hay ride. It's best to go at night time, on a full moon w/cloudy skies to add to the suspense. i also loooove Halloween decor. i love glitter!. my pumpkins-- i pick the medium sized roundest ones & transform them into amazingly glittery masterpieces lol

Football Season !!

well, not for everyone but football is defff my favorite season so of course im going to plan a great event around it. ot has been so long since I have seen them at soldier field nut  must this season.

Apple Orchards!

I have never been to one in my life, but I am so excited to do so! just imagine . We had so much fun having competitions on who can get the most apples, we got apple cidar for soooo cheap, and drank hot chocolate like it's going out of style-- We took soo many pictures and I just am so excited to get them into my scrapbook.

Fall Fashion 

another favorite of mine is deff the fashion this season. the sweater, vests, scarfs, boots, uggs, Oh my I can go on and on :)

Arent these booties to. die. for? They were on sale at this new shoe port on north avenue in villa park for only $39 !!! Since I bought 4 pairs of shoes, I got 25% off. This is legit my new favorite show store next to shoedazzle.com online ;-)

As much as I love bathing suits and shorts, it is nice to get back into cozy sweaters and scarves. It's so fun to see other fall outfit ideas to see what I can come up with out of my closet. I love the knee high boots, the scarves, and the purses. I love wearing sweater dresses and mittens; leopard print, plaid, patterns.. dark purples and reds, oranges and browns; penny loafers, camel coats, longer hemline.. All of it!




the boots, with tight pants, and long knit sweaters. I love adding layers. Big oversized purses, and long loose waves. IDEAL for fall. 

These two images are perfect examples of ideal fall wear


I also love collecting fall leaves, I store them in my big dictionary so they are flattened and then use them in an envelope to look at. i love baking fall desserts, brewing cider, raking leaves into big piles and jumping into them ;]

remembering memorial day < 3

Happy Memorial Day !!!!!!

I'm usually all fun and games, but I want to take a moment here to write about the true meaning of Memorial Day.

First, if any veteran, or current soldier is reading this, thank you VERY much for your service to our country. Thank you for putting yourself in the line of fire, for millions of Americans, so we all can have the freedoms we have.

To some, this weekend is nothing more than liquidation sales, BBQ's, and just another three day weekend. But do we really remember WHY we fly the flag out in the front yard? WHY we're even celebrating in the first place?

It's not really a happy holiday. It's to remember those who have died serving in the armed forces for OUR freedom. The men and women who have spent months away from their families to stay up for hours patrolling the jungles of Vietnam or streets of Baghdad, only to die in battle.

For what purpose? To keep us free.

We celebrate it to not mourn their death, but celebrate their life.

Take time this year to thank a Veteran. Or if you happen to see a memorial for a fallen soldier, pay some respects to it. They're the reason we're still the country we are.

steady on my grind

a true independent woman n.e.v.e.r stops. not for one second. she is steady on her grind.

i am all too familiar when it comes to being on my grind. i have always had to be. i work hard for the money i get, and for my possessions. I feel very blessed to have walked various different roads of life thus far. i have had the chance to work with & for some of the most amazing people, of all class and stature. i have gained so much experience that is very beneficial to me career wise as well as personally. Not to mention how great it feels to enjoy the feeling of success. 

Unfortunately there will be people around you who want you to fail. in fact, they will do every thing in their power to do so just to make sure you do not exceed them. i've dealt with it first hand. "how can someone else's success bring pain?" You have to keep moving though. you have made the decision to get on that road, put the keys in the ignition, and start the car and go. It is your foot on the accelerator. You determine how fast you want to go. The question is – how soon do you want to get there?

If you have something you want to do or somewhere you want to go then hit the gas, pedal to the  medal. just.... make sure you have extra gas in the tank. ;] Make sure you have your course plotted and planned and an alternate route in case there is trouble along the way. When you have done all that – smash on the accelerator.

It is the only way you are going to get where you want to go before everyone else.... with time to spare. i'm sure all my readers have been able to tell that im from chicago, with out having read my profile of course. the way i talk, act, write, and most of all the way i hustle all have ChiCaGo written all over it. lol

I most definitely think it takes a unique mindset. you have to plan while others are playing. you have to study while every one else is partying. you have to decide when every one else is delaying. you have to prepare when others are day dreaming. you must begin when every one else is procrastinating. you must be persistent when others are giving up. you must listen while others are speaking. you must save when others are wasting.

"if you had one shot; one opportunity to seize everything that you ever wanted; one moment--would you capture it or just let it slip?" 

there are times in life where you make a decision to move and make money moves or stay where you are and let the moment slip. The challenge to this scenario is that we don't usually see the opportunity until it has... well, passed. believe it or not, your brain is powerful enough to take in a lot of info if you teach is to filter out the negative!

what means the world to you?

loyalty && respect are the two most important elements to me. 

not to be confused with my most important tangible objects, people, or responsibilities. i read everyone && pay attention to things you wouldn't. i have an eye for observing && a knack for uncovering things people tend or try to hide. i study EVERY ONE. i like to know as much information as possible about someone, and i gather this information just from reading you. you spill out a lot about yourself with every movement you take && every comment you make. the type of clothes you wear and car you drive say a lot about yourself all the way down to what type of shoes you wear and whether or not they are kept clean.
 
it's not right to make judgments, but get real-- it's human nature && what we all do! upon my initial first impression of you, i set a judgment on you. then i leave it up to you to disprove that judgment. do you? more than half of them times, no. i'm almost always right && when i'm wrong, i accept that. in fact, i like it when i'm wrong because it makes my last thread of hope that there are still amazing people in this world that consider loyalty and respect as important as i do.

one thing i won't do is ever desert people.. it has been done to me recently and it is a never ending worry that you may never talk to them again or ever find out what happened. Never desert your friends. the best we can hope for are good, honest companions. They stick by you through thick and thin and won't judge you based on your crazy family. life is better the first time around. often imitated, never duplicated. The original is always the best... but the worst enemies you'll face are those you bring with you.

i always go with my gut feeling. it never fails. when i sense a shady motherfucker, i'll be the first to watch the person on all he or she does. i won't call him or her out though. why? cus i like to see how far people think they can go. this goes for people who try to lie to me.. it's amusing. like i'm really that stupid && don't know. i've been turned onto a lot of the scandalous and manipulative ways people can turn down.. and won't for any thing in the world let my guard down. i always expect the worse from people.. and when they prove their best, that's when i let them in my circle.. but just because they got pass the outlying blockades doesn't mean they are into my circle of besties. they have to prove themselves more than twice. i'm a picky eater, but even more of a picky friend chooser and an even worse dater.

&& i'm not saying this to be cocky, but i am one DAMN good friend to have. i am down for all my girls. i will do anything to put a smile on their face. i don't steal, lie, or cheat when it comes to the ones i love. i am very knowledgeable on how scandalous people can and will be, this is why i never let my guard down.. because i have before and only got hurt in the end.

perhaps i'm just a cynical bitch.. i doubt it but then again if i were, why am i always proven right?

you can't trust any one, can you?

Trusting people can be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. 

You are hated if you're rich, you're hated if you're poor, you are hated if you have big boobs, or if you're as flat as a board. no matter what you are or have, there will always be one person that will truly try to show you down as they always wish to see themselves in your position.

Let's all admit - listening to juicy gossip is always somewhat exhilarating but always keep in mind that you just have to JUST listen, no speaking in front of such people, because sooner rather than later it will eventually be you that will be the center of their gossip.

People just seem to thrive off of belittling others. this is their ultimate drive as they get very irritated by seeing others progressing in their lives. All these people do not like to make good relationships with the people of higher ranks or their colleagues, so they try to befriend people who they consider "less" than themselves. for instance you always see a pair of friends-- one is obviously considered the pretty one, and she becomes best friends with an ugly duckling. when in reality, that pretty girl has an uglier inside than any other female you've ever met, which in return makes that pretty girl super ugly to the intelligent eye.. but that is just the thing-- how many people really have anything more than common sense?

Imagine what our world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions or skin colors or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions or lack of possessions or religious beliefs or customs or their general tendency to just be whoever the hell they are..

All these people who envy others always try to prove themselves the best amid everyone. They compliment themselves, post dozens of pictures of their face in 20 different angles (ugh, soo annoying) and then post things like "i'm sooo insecure" or "this is such an ugly picture of me" which really makes them sound like fools. We all need that attention, I get it, we are women. But let's not be so dramatic, shall we?

Sometimes it was a female so close to me, it hurt to cope with knowing the fact that she was doing those things I said above. So I'd indiscreetly distant myself from them.. by  skipping their requests to get together, not called them/answered their phone calls or texts, made up excuses as to not hang out with them, etc. because some of the shit they do is just not acceptable. i know this may be considered fake or whatever on my part, but it's really just me not having the ignorance and mean bone in my body to tell them to their face how messed up they are for doing what they are doing to me behind my back. Like I said, this female was close to me. I couldn't understand why she would say such mean things about me and all the other stuff she did. I was at a lost as to what to do really.

I finally came to understand that all the people are different and have different natures. If i make any effort to change them, then i am wasting my time... well my time is done being wasted. i'm done worrying about society, and trying to get into people's minds to 'heal them' if you will. psychology is amazing, and just a little bit of studying can truly open your eyes to the ways people operate and why. and a looooooooot of it revolves around jealousy.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion. it can be the reason you cheat, the reason you tease, and even the reason some kill. so the next time you feel the urge to ridicule Justin Bieber, homosexuals, your friends or anyone else, just think about what your motive is, and the consequences. the world is not perfect and never will it be, but if you fight for the cause--- regardless, one more person will be able to live their life to their potential.

Holding on to my bad feelings about this is doing nothing but harming me, and everyone else, and preventing me from enjoying my life fully. I am an awesome person. I choose to enjoy my life. I choose to let this go and to me, that almost seems worth it considering the meanies probably never will.

making choices

choices.

most people today do not realize just how important making choices in life is. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you make a decision. maybe you won't know for twenty years, or maybe you find out in a few seconds.. && sometimes you'll never ever be able to trace it to its source when other times it'll be right in front of your face. in most cases, you only get one chance to play it out. because after all, your fate is what you create. i know i know, that is debatable.


Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved... so many people waste their lives in regret and i just think it's such a waste of life, a waste of valuable time others would give a million dollars for..

i know i talk about life being wasted, while i turn around and do it. but it's like i want to achieve perfection and try to avoid bad things, but there’s a devil in everyone.. we can't all be the way we want to be. we can't be [the person we preach to be entirely... and most of all, i can't please anyone, nor do i try anymore.


i became this way because of trust.

yep. trust- the word is just plain half ignorance applied to the concept that nobody can use it correctly, and in fact often abused. i can't do anything when my back is turned, i am blind. i am afraid of myself and every human being that has the power in their hands to deceive me.

&& what many don't know is it corrupts my mind, and way of thinking. that's where i start to dig, i dig myself a hole, a hole that i don't plan on ever getting out of.. what is this hole ?

this hole is wisdom. 

For everyone that lies or turns their back on me, I become wise and more observant. you make me stronger. yep. put that in your pipe and smoke it ;)

all jokes aside, let's face it-- i don’t get the option of picking or choosing when ill excite you, bore you or piss you off.

i’m a chick to wrapped up in her own business to notice your jealousy most of the time, and when i do, i become so consumed in what's wrong with you that i don't even know what to start to say to you. i can't help that i got that attitude where if I don’t mean shit to you, then you don’t mean shit to me, its not being bitchy -- its being wise, don't get it twisted.

lesson to learn: pretty faces can be monsters in masks. i can either be the cancer or the light of your life.

you decide <3

new years 2015

2015, a year full of surprises- some good, some bad. What's important is to be able to reflect on all of it. We ALL have room to grow. We ALL have things we can change, things we are working towards, etc.

This year I have so much to spill that is different from last year and so much to be thankful for! In this year, I've found a sense of peace that I never before imagined existed. What was SO appealing to me last year does not even get a peek from me this year. The demons I was fighting last year finally gave up. We're on the same side now  (lol totally kidding.) Things that got under my skin merely scratch the surface now. While I'd be the first to admit that my life is stressful, I've learned that I can live each day with a sense of hope and I can remain positive about anything that may happen.

this new year keeps getting better and better as the days pass. i haven't had time for my new years' resolutions, but wanted to give an update blog on things that i really want to improve on this year, as well as a few words of wisdom I have gained from the past year.

self;;
i have realized if we wait until we are ready, we can be waiting our whole lives. you need to take that leap .. whats the most you can lose? no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. i have learned to ask myself .. "will this matter a year from now?" i saw a really funny picture that had a picture of a girl doing bad habits, and a quote saying "I'm changing for the new year" and the next year,, it had the same image of her with the same quote. How true is that? LOL we try to change but end up back in our ways. I am set on making changes, and following up with them throughout the year!

family;;
I have become closer to my family these past few months than we have in the past few years. things fell into place over a huge ordeal I had on my shoulders but like I said, they fell into place and things are not the best right now but they are headed in that direction. it is so nice to know I have people I can truly call family now. no matter how much you may feel you are doing the right thing -- abandoning your family is not the way to go. they are the ones who will be the first to catch you in your fall from grace. not every one in your family, but there will at least be one person who will. I found that out the hard way so do not make the same mistakes as I have.

friends;;
my heart is so full. i am making and meeting new friends that have enriched my life in ways I never thought possible. it's awesome to have friends who are all about moving forward and being ambitious!


note to self::
you have enough . you do enough . you ARE enough. end of story.  i am on my way && i know the best is yet to come

Let's do this 2016 <3