you can't trust any one, can you?

Trusting people can be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. 

You are hated if you're rich, you're hated if you're poor, you are hated if you have big boobs, or if you're as flat as a board. no matter what you are or have, there will always be one person that will truly try to show you down as they always wish to see themselves in your position.

Let's all admit - listening to juicy gossip is always somewhat exhilarating but always keep in mind that you just have to JUST listen, no speaking in front of such people, because sooner rather than later it will eventually be you that will be the center of their gossip.

People just seem to thrive off of belittling others. this is their ultimate drive as they get very irritated by seeing others progressing in their lives. All these people do not like to make good relationships with the people of higher ranks or their colleagues, so they try to befriend people who they consider "less" than themselves. for instance you always see a pair of friends-- one is obviously considered the pretty one, and she becomes best friends with an ugly duckling. when in reality, that pretty girl has an uglier inside than any other female you've ever met, which in return makes that pretty girl super ugly to the intelligent eye.. but that is just the thing-- how many people really have anything more than common sense?

Imagine what our world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions or skin colors or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions or lack of possessions or religious beliefs or customs or their general tendency to just be whoever the hell they are..

All these people who envy others always try to prove themselves the best amid everyone. They compliment themselves, post dozens of pictures of their face in 20 different angles (ugh, soo annoying) and then post things like "i'm sooo insecure" or "this is such an ugly picture of me" which really makes them sound like fools. We all need that attention, I get it, we are women. But let's not be so dramatic, shall we?

Sometimes it was a female so close to me, it hurt to cope with knowing the fact that she was doing those things I said above. So I'd indiscreetly distant myself from them.. by  skipping their requests to get together, not called them/answered their phone calls or texts, made up excuses as to not hang out with them, etc. because some of the shit they do is just not acceptable. i know this may be considered fake or whatever on my part, but it's really just me not having the ignorance and mean bone in my body to tell them to their face how messed up they are for doing what they are doing to me behind my back. Like I said, this female was close to me. I couldn't understand why she would say such mean things about me and all the other stuff she did. I was at a lost as to what to do really.

I finally came to understand that all the people are different and have different natures. If i make any effort to change them, then i am wasting my time... well my time is done being wasted. i'm done worrying about society, and trying to get into people's minds to 'heal them' if you will. psychology is amazing, and just a little bit of studying can truly open your eyes to the ways people operate and why. and a looooooooot of it revolves around jealousy.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion. it can be the reason you cheat, the reason you tease, and even the reason some kill. so the next time you feel the urge to ridicule Justin Bieber, homosexuals, your friends or anyone else, just think about what your motive is, and the consequences. the world is not perfect and never will it be, but if you fight for the cause--- regardless, one more person will be able to live their life to their potential.

Holding on to my bad feelings about this is doing nothing but harming me, and everyone else, and preventing me from enjoying my life fully. I am an awesome person. I choose to enjoy my life. I choose to let this go and to me, that almost seems worth it considering the meanies probably never will.

making choices

choices.

most people today do not realize just how important making choices in life is. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you make a decision. maybe you won't know for twenty years, or maybe you find out in a few seconds.. && sometimes you'll never ever be able to trace it to its source when other times it'll be right in front of your face. in most cases, you only get one chance to play it out. because after all, your fate is what you create. i know i know, that is debatable.


Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved... so many people waste their lives in regret and i just think it's such a waste of life, a waste of valuable time others would give a million dollars for..

i know i talk about life being wasted, while i turn around and do it. but it's like i want to achieve perfection and try to avoid bad things, but there’s a devil in everyone.. we can't all be the way we want to be. we can't be [the person we preach to be entirely... and most of all, i can't please anyone, nor do i try anymore.


i became this way because of trust.

yep. trust- the word is just plain half ignorance applied to the concept that nobody can use it correctly, and in fact often abused. i can't do anything when my back is turned, i am blind. i am afraid of myself and every human being that has the power in their hands to deceive me.

&& what many don't know is it corrupts my mind, and way of thinking. that's where i start to dig, i dig myself a hole, a hole that i don't plan on ever getting out of.. what is this hole ?

this hole is wisdom. 

For everyone that lies or turns their back on me, I become wise and more observant. you make me stronger. yep. put that in your pipe and smoke it ;)

all jokes aside, let's face it-- i don’t get the option of picking or choosing when ill excite you, bore you or piss you off.

i’m a chick to wrapped up in her own business to notice your jealousy most of the time, and when i do, i become so consumed in what's wrong with you that i don't even know what to start to say to you. i can't help that i got that attitude where if I don’t mean shit to you, then you don’t mean shit to me, its not being bitchy -- its being wise, don't get it twisted.

lesson to learn: pretty faces can be monsters in masks. i can either be the cancer or the light of your life.

you decide <3

new years 2015

2015, a year full of surprises- some good, some bad. What's important is to be able to reflect on all of it. We ALL have room to grow. We ALL have things we can change, things we are working towards, etc.

This year I have so much to spill that is different from last year and so much to be thankful for! In this year, I've found a sense of peace that I never before imagined existed. What was SO appealing to me last year does not even get a peek from me this year. The demons I was fighting last year finally gave up. We're on the same side now  (lol totally kidding.) Things that got under my skin merely scratch the surface now. While I'd be the first to admit that my life is stressful, I've learned that I can live each day with a sense of hope and I can remain positive about anything that may happen.

this new year keeps getting better and better as the days pass. i haven't had time for my new years' resolutions, but wanted to give an update blog on things that i really want to improve on this year, as well as a few words of wisdom I have gained from the past year.

self;;
i have realized if we wait until we are ready, we can be waiting our whole lives. you need to take that leap .. whats the most you can lose? no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. i have learned to ask myself .. "will this matter a year from now?" i saw a really funny picture that had a picture of a girl doing bad habits, and a quote saying "I'm changing for the new year" and the next year,, it had the same image of her with the same quote. How true is that? LOL we try to change but end up back in our ways. I am set on making changes, and following up with them throughout the year!

family;;
I have become closer to my family these past few months than we have in the past few years. things fell into place over a huge ordeal I had on my shoulders but like I said, they fell into place and things are not the best right now but they are headed in that direction. it is so nice to know I have people I can truly call family now. no matter how much you may feel you are doing the right thing -- abandoning your family is not the way to go. they are the ones who will be the first to catch you in your fall from grace. not every one in your family, but there will at least be one person who will. I found that out the hard way so do not make the same mistakes as I have.

friends;;
my heart is so full. i am making and meeting new friends that have enriched my life in ways I never thought possible. it's awesome to have friends who are all about moving forward and being ambitious!


note to self::
you have enough . you do enough . you ARE enough. end of story.  i am on my way && i know the best is yet to come

Let's do this 2016 <3

holler if you hear me ...

my life thus far: what a fucking roller coaster.

I love how women talk about women they do not know, but are clearly jealous of. How she has more boyfriends than tampons in a year, and how she dyes her hair a different color every month.

goals made in 2015: 14
goals achieved: 8

I was only able to stick to a little over half of what i promised myself i would be fully committed to. how did i let these goals of mine slip through my fingers? it's about d i s t r a c t i o n s. life is full of distractions. they are so easily distracting. it's insane. and now i am beating myself up for letting these distractions consume my entire mind body and soul which now has affected my life in more aspects than one.

I don't handle failure very well. I try to live by great expectations, and I know this isn't the best choice to do but it's just the way i am. this could be why i haven't been very happy lately. people just let me down soo much. nothing in this world is as beautiful as they try to instill in your minds growing up in elementary school.

I've dealt with the most turmoil this year by my 'friends'... the most hurt the most betrayal.. I mean that, genuinely. It was harsh. I learned how brutal this world can be. How immoral people really are. How much chivalry is dying and that "A thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers"

straight up.

But, I also gained so much. I gained new friends, who are brilliant.. got closer with ones that came from past years. Became so much wiser, really. i've learned the importance of loyalty and respect, and how to gain it and more importantly, how to keep it. I learned to take hits like a big girl... literally. i learned to not let things affect me badly. These days, people who used to get under my skin, merely scratch the surface now. Made me remember my self worth, that I was doubting with a few people that i'm glad to say are gone..

&& welcome 2016... i think we're gonna be friends ;D

it's beginning to feel a lot like christmas < 3

 Christmas is the most amazing time of year.

Despite the cold weather, i truly enjoy Christmas and everything is has to offer. I couldn't wait to put up all my X-Mas decor, i have so much stuff I love to show off. i also put up a tree at my mother-in-law's place. My new place is really coming together. I can't wait until it is all ready and set. So far I have my trees up, see below =)

As I am putting up my tree, decorating my fireplace mantle, putting lights around the door and window trim, hanging snowflakes in the windows, and covering every table with knick knacks--- I warm up hot chocolate with extra marshmallows while listening to the X-Mas station, 93.9 The Lite, which plays nothing but X-Mas music all day and night long. I start a fire in my fire place, and the sheer warmth and smells flowing throughout my home just brings such bliss.  It really puts me in a loving and giving mood. 

Shortly after I finish with all my decor on the inside, I head outside, and put up Christmas lights anywhere I can. On Christmas, i go as far as putting reindeer tracks in the snow so i can REALLY fool all the kiddies!! I also decorate my stair railings with garters, lights, tinsel, and anything my landlord allows! Then of course the sexy lingerie ;-)

so now, about this blog .. I wanted to write about things i love about this season and am curious to know what my readers' favorites are as well. i don't know any one who doesn't enjoy this season. and if they are, well BAH HUMBAG to you too, cus you're nothing but a GRINCH. ;D

Chrismas Season Must Do's!

downtown chicago is definitely the place to be! sure, it's cold && snowy, but that is part of the appeal.. especially for visitors from parts of the world who do not experience seasons in the way we do here.. there are even people within the US that do not.. Chicago has it's own weather control that's for sure.  with a mix of dark nights .. bright lights.. and the HUGE christmas tree Chicago puts up every year are some of the few things that make downtown such a great place to be.

my #1 favorite thing to do is ice skating.  there are some people who just have to get their fitness/sports fix, and ice skating is the best sport to find it. It is a classic chicago winter activity. The famous Grant Park is its backdrop.. so while your skating thereis nothing but beautiful scenary all around. it's also free to the public but i think you have to pay to rent the skates which shouldnt be more than $10 bucks.

food :: of course chicago is known for its amazing melting pot of different cuisines. but i personally go for the bakeries along michigan and congress because my sweet tooth is huuuuuuuuge and always aching for more. not only that but i am a fabulous baker myself && am always looking for new recipes or ideas to try out myself. the cookies pictured below i baked with my mom - these cookies came out very good but only problem was we did such a good job on them  i didnt want to eat them up!! i just wanted them to sit there and be complimented by everyone who came over .. haha ;D

chicago's broadway scene. when i went to school in chicago, my ballet team always made it a point to bring us to the theater to see the Nutcracker and a handful of other plays. i really think the winter season is not complete without seeing at least one play.  there is an annual Christmas Spectacular, which is my personal favorite because its over 100 performers at least! and just a huge combination of music and dance. my fiance's family and i really enjoy Chicago's broadway scene.

 parades. the magnificent mile lights parade is before thanksgiving and known for its HUGE blimps illuminating over thousands of lights on Michigan avenue.  this is pretty much the most famous parade, but there is also a toys for tots one that i go to every year. check out the picture to the right --- >>

Elmo!--whose the infamous MC of the parade is usually first and leads the illumination of more lights than any one can count on the The Magnificent Mile district on michigan ave.. i forget what street its from but i know it starts at wacker drive and i would assume goes all the way to clark or oak st. there is an insane fireworks show over the river at the end which brings just an amazing event to an even more amazing end.

brookfield and Lincoln park zoo: lincoln park zoo is more common to go to because its in downtown chicago and its also free to get into. it also hosts the "zoo lights" which is really popular to attend throughout the holiday season. they have santa claus there to visit each child, super amazing ice-carving demonstrations, all the while enjoying a musical light show. while brookfield zoo is a more nicer zoo, but cost money to get into, besides on christmas day they are free to enter and is a holiday tradition with my boyfriend and I to attend every year because it holds a very special moment in both of our hearts-- brookfield hosts the holiday magic event that is pretty much  both a laser and light show along with ice carving demonstrations as well and live music and magician performances. i like this one a little better than the Zoo Lights at Lincoln park zoo, but again its what you pay for. brookfield zoo also hosts a "breakfast with santa" pretty much every weekend throughout december i think. i went to it once but it was the weekend before christmas so don't hold me to it, but im pretty sure its every weekend.

christmas tree at the museum o science and industry! ;D

every museum is great in its own way. my favorites are the museum of science and industry and the field museum because they are most informational along with them both having things that relate more to my interests but the Shedd Aquarium and the Adler planetarium are also very cool to walk through, as they have great visual displys.  i also really enjoy the chicago children's museum..they really go all out for the children!!  i remeber going iinside a firehouse, walking through the sahara desert, and a whole bunch of other control centers. it really shows you a lot, all pertaining to fun and education of course.




now alongside the children's museum is the Navy Pier's LEGOLAND!! Lol.. it's seriously  like entering the world’s biggest box of Legos.  there is a HUGE medieval Lego castle-- includes dragons!! There is also pretty much every major landmark throughout Chicago is remade in legos like the water tower, Sears' tower, etc. && last but not least, you have the opportunity to build your own lego creation! of course i always took full advantage =) i wish i still had my pictures. i put them in one of my scrapbooks that one of my friend's accidentally throughout when she lived with me =(

Now to end this super long, what felt like endless, blog i just wanted to say chicago is a very great city. it has a lot to offer, and is magnificently beautiful from an architextural aspect especially. i know there are many, MANY areas that are very bad and crime ridden but for every bad neighborhood there is a good neighborhod, and as with any city--there is always going to be a Skidd Row. Just how this human race is unfortunately. so if you've never been to these places, please try to get to them this winter. they are very inexpensive, if not free, and really there is not excuse not to make it to them if you really want to. 

Chicago is also known for it's insane weather. upon attending any of these events, please make sure you dress apropriately!! i myself just bought these super cute zebra glittens because every morning when i leave for work at 6am, my car is frozen inside so my boyfriend started to run out 20mins before i leave so it can warm up but what doesn't seem to get warm quick enough is my steering wheel!! so i put on my xmas list i want a warm and fuzzy steering wheel cover, but until i get that i will just drive sporting my uber cute glittens :

i know, i am obsessed with zebra print! =) i like the glittens because i can always free my fingers if i need to do something like put on make up or tie something or text quickly, etc. Anyway, try to stay warm this holiday season, but also try to really make your life feel like a winter wonderland.

thanks for reading =]

what does beauty mean to you?

beauty.

reading this seventeen ultimate guide to beauty really got me thinking... who decides if something is beautiful or ugly--- how does society play a role into the answer to this question ? i asked one of the clients as she walked into the salon i work at the other day what she thinks of beauty..

"... i'm sure you're looking for me to say something like "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder" but i'm going to keep it real with you, whether we like it or not, our outer appearance is going to be the first deciding factor as to if we fall into the beautiful category or not."-- Shondra [[ girl, i gave you my link, better hit me up if you read this!! ;o) ]]

no surprise there. pretty much everyone these days will tell you are considered beautiful if you're physically good looking and that it is 'sad' it has to be that way, but thats how society said it has to be. she then asked me "what do you think? what's beautiful to you?"

"beauty isn’t just about having a pretty face. It’s about having a beautiful mind, a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul to go with it cus when it comes down to it-- that's what we all want to see in this world. i truly think there is something really magnetic about a woman who carries her beauty well enough for others to perceive it as kindness and sincerity." I responded in my most miss america way possible. lol


Many companies want to invest in beautiful women. However with the modeling industry, most of these models will NEVER be remembered for their minds, things they say, etc. it's all going to be her full lips, piercing eyes, long locks of hair, tight abs, or perfect breasts. & straiqht up this makes me sickk. i wiish we lived in a society where It’s okay to be yourself--fitting into society's perception of beautiful will not make you special. i mean, sure you may be beautiful by society's standards but you'll be e.m.p.t.y ;;

beauty with character is always better to take in & look through.



my younger sister is, i think, very pretty & i'm not being bias when i say this either. lol i'm saying this because she has genuine love in her heart, and she thrives off of happiness and love given back to her. I've always told her she was beautiful, she always did the same to me. It wasn't until recently I started thinking does a focus on a person’s outward beauty devalue their inner beauty? Does teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tell them that looks are more important that anything?

my sister came over the other day, and she immediately goes to my closet and picks out whatever she wants to try on. she LOVES playing dress up, and we pretty much wear the same size LOL she picked out something for her, and something for me.. as we were both getting undressed she said "look my tummy is getting smaller, i play outside alot and mommy says i get good exercise n will get tall n skinny like u!" and it really hurt my heart because i couldnt help but think i was the one who put the thought of having a flat tummy being ideal into her head. before i knew it, i felt like i pretty much had set her up for dieting at the age of 7, foundation at age 11, boob job at 17 and botox at 23!!

have i been doing the exact thing i always warned myself not too?

as our cultural impact on girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new norm, American women have become increasingly unhappy. it's not like we couldn't foresee this. this is why from now on i am going to be very persistant with teaching my sister how much more important it is to have a life of meaning, a life of ideas---to enjoy reading books and being valued for her thoughts and accomplishments instead of her beauty. i know she is still young, and her peers will definitely convince her otherwise, but i will try my best considering i am still the main role model in her life.

i can't let her down.

I am not saying looks are not important. Because I think they are... to an extent. Actually, i think that keeping up appearances is just good manners plain & simple. i work in customer service. i wear makeup, only mascara and lip gloss to accentuate my best features on days i really am running late or just don't feel like slathering away at my face with pounds of make up. i think this makes me look at least presentable. i wear nice clothes, but don't spend a fortune on them. The world would be a perfect place if strangers could peer into our souls and tell that we have integrity, that we’re intelligent and caring individuals.

Unfortunately, this isn’t how customer service works.

You are judged upon your presentation. Oh and this applies to other social situations too, if not most. I admire any girl who has the guts to walk past the mirror in the morning and be completely comfortable in her skin, head held high with a natural self confidence. however, I just haven’t reached that point yet (and I also really, really love wearing lipgloss!! LOL)

What are your opinions? How much makeup do you wear to work? What about your hair, how long do you take getting it preped for the day? What about your outfits ? How long does it take you to get your outfit picked out, and dressed in it?

boobies month xx

breast cancer research and awareness month

I love the month of October. not only does it have my #1 baby girl's birthday in it, but it also has Halloween which is one of my favorite holidays, and it's Breast Cancer Awareness & Research Month!! This is the month you will see PiNK every where!! You also get to see Boobies In public and not get looked at weird .... not like that ever stopped me ;)

Of course to commemorate this special month, I had to pink-tify a few things. Not only did I rock all the pink jewelry I had at work every day, including my pink ribbon earrings, my big pink rock ring pictured below, and my boobies wristband pictured above, but also wore elaborate pink eye shadow as well.

                                         
The pink ribbon -- nationally known symbol for breast cancer and awareness. they are widely used to demonstrate our support for women (and men) who have Breast Cancer, and were first handed out by the Susan G. Komen Foundation in 1991 at the Race for the Cure in New York City. Over the years, we have seen this pink ribbon displayed in all shapes and styles:

breast cancer statistics and information

According to the National Cancer Institute, there are over 194,000 new cases and 40,000 deaths per year in the U.S. In addition, there are currently over 2.5 million women alive who have had a history of breast cancer. Here are a couple other quick facts:

-- 12% of women will be diagnosed with breast cancer some time in their life
-- 60% of breast cancer cases are diagnosed while the cancer is still confined to the primary site

-- From 2002-2006, the median age at diagnosis for cancer of the breast was 61 years of age
-- The overall 5-year relative survival rate is about 90%

breast cancer video: show your support

There are many things you can do to get involved and show your support such as donating money, wearing a pink ribbon or volunteering your time at a local fundraising event. 

 Check out this video of The Johns Hopkins Hospital and how they are showing their support:

 

Other Breast Cancer Resources:

Download the Choose You Breast Health e-Kit

Learn about protecting yourself from breast cancer.

Watch a video “Mammograms Matter.”

Read a Breast Cancer Guide.

Inform yourself about breast cancer early detection.

Take time to sign up for a Mammogram Reminder.

Discover medicines that can help reduce breast cancer risk.

Understand what you need to know about cancer and women’s health.

Get answers by reading “What Causes Cancer?

Remember girls!