Saturday, January 31, 2015

i can't be tamed. xx

hey all,
sometimes I go out of town for an extended period of time.. i do because being in the same place for too long really makes me lose touch with myself.  it feels good to break free from the normal routine, and do something nice for some one else while also putting a smile on my face. So my boyfriend and I attended a wedding of a good friend of mine.  she asked me to be a bridesmaid in the wedding so I was thrilled to not only be a part of her special day but to get away from the stress in my town and go to her town to celebrate with her and her family. funny thing is, this particular friend is the exact opposite of me in every way so how we are so close I do not know.... all I do know is that I love her dearly and I want nothing but happiness for her. And by happiness, I mean hot, wild wedding night sex.

So, with that being said I went on the Fredericks of Hollywood website and bought her a little something that looked like this…

Fredericks of Hollywood Erika Hanky Hem Babydoll $22.00

I had to keep in mind that her style is very different from my style. she has a curvy figure and is very modest, so I thought something looser with a halter tie would really flatter her and make her feel sexy. the other bridesmaids were planning on getting her lingerie as well so I was really excited to see what everyone would come up with---- fast forward to the night before the wedding. the maid of honor got her a couple of regular bras, five pairs of multi-colored normal panties, and a floor length silk nightgown with matching robe. The other bridesmaid got her a matching tank top and boy short set along with another silky floor length night gown. && then there was me, the degenerate bridesmaid. as soon as she pulled my gift out of the bag, she looked shocked and definitely blushed while all the other girls started laughing and rooting her on. of course she broke out into smiles eventually, but I couldn’t help but feel totally awkward. are the other girls totally old fashioned or have I completely lost touch with what normal society considers sexy??? i mean in my personal opinion, the gift I got her was incredibly tame.

                                  Leather Bra and G-String by $37.99

So it became obvious I was the wild one without even trying to be. that works. in all actuality, I have been labeled much worse things...

To top it all off, i crashed at one of the bridesmaid’s houses after the ceremony and they decided to put us in Stacy’s bed room. Stacy was her younger sister and just happened to be stunning in a way I rarely see. Her Spanish heritage gave her a beautiful olive complexion and she had big, full lips that would put Angelina Jolie to shame. def gonna be a beauty when she's older.

As soon as I walked into Stacy’s room, however, my attitude completely changed.

Bibles. Crucifixes. Fluffy stuffed animals. Pink. seroiusly the abrupt thought of my entire body bursting into flames sent a chill down my spine and all throughout my body. whaaaaat the hell was all this? as we laid in her bed, surrounded by innocence and purity, my boyfriend and i began talking. i just wondered what led me astray. Growing up, I always went to church every Sunday and even took religious education classes. how come I didn’t turn out like Stacy? how come I feel the need to do what I do? to be such a sinner... i have the good intentions there, it's jst when i go to actually do it i just.. i dont know.. am lead in a different direction.

I guess the answer is because i never fully believed in the first place. if my memory serves me right, when you receive your first communion and you get confirmed, you take an oath of some sort that says you believe in God and everything He represents. I said exactly what everyone wanted me to say, yet deep down I wasn’t buying it. i wanted to believe there was a higher power, but i really wanted to see something to prove it. i know that won't ever happen so  i guess if i just accept jesus christ as my lord and savior, what hurt will it do when the time come. Believe it or not, we slept very well in that sweet, loving bedroom but we were happy to get out of there the next day...

Needless to say, it’s good to be home.

xox fee

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

you are beautiful in your own skin

this is a somewhat controversial post, that I hope plenty of you can sink your teeth into. (do not bite too hard, this is not a debate).
let me start by saying that I am 5'5'' and weigh 160lbs. These past few months I've been gaining weight; however I have been working on my flirty girl fitness as well so it has kept the gained weight at a minimum which luckily for me has beeen pushed towards my breasts  - where I really needed it!  It's even better on my period days.. implants for free for five days ;D

before this weight gain, I'm pretty sure you would have taken one look at me and said "She is too thin", and let me tell you, in some aspects I probably was. Despite what I saw, I had a small B-cup chest and my waist was so tiny it made my lower half look way bigger than it really was. It was as if I had a Pear shaped body, and that's not exactly what I'd call attractive.

"why don't I have boobs like my friends do?" "why do all my bones poke out at every angle?" "where are my hips?" "why am I so skinny?"

I absolutely HATED hearing my friends say things like this about themselves..but i realized i was right there doing the same. I'd also like to point out, I in no way, shape, or form have ever had an eating disorder, those of you who know me, will know I eat whenever I like and whatever I like. instead of small meals every three hours, i ate full course meals twice a day. i love eating-- i eat when im sad, mad, upset, any emotion it is i feel i can eat it. lol it didn't help my boyfriend is an amazing cook and loved cooking for me, and also made killer drinks!

...yet why was I so incredibly skinny?
The answer here is simply "metabolism". my metabolism is what i'd like to call "super metabolism". For those of you who don't know what metabolism is, it's basically a chemical reaction that happens in all your organs to help maintain life.--in non scientific forms, the rate at which your body burns calories and breaks down fat. having a high metabolism means that it is impossible for me to put on weight, and maintain that added weight. my body breaks down fat and burns calories at a fast rate. Now I know for a fact, that many of you will be reading this thinking "Shut up rica, I'd absolutely LOVE to have a high metabolism"..but let me tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

For years, all through my teens, I tried to put on weight, it was almost impossible. It also made me feel like crap. think the reverse of a diet. I was essentially eating fatty foods to try and put weight on; therefore feeling groggy, tired and miserable. i know that is pretty stupid of me to do, but you don't think clearly when in that state of mind. you always hear about larger people going through a tough time trying to lose weight, slim people can go through just as much of a tough time trying to put it on, but nobody ever really thinks of that.

"Are you anorexic", "you need to put some weight on", "You are a bag of bones", "why are you so boney", "why are you so skinny", "get some meat on your bones", "are you okay?"

all this you would kind of expect from curious school children, but what astonishes me, is that every day adults even still ask me these things. People I don't know do it the most. quite strange as now that i have put on the almost 15lb weight gain, my boobs (of a generous size), hips, and this phat bottom ive always had always made me think i have filled out quite noticeably. Yet people still think it's okay to say these things? would you say these things to someone who was noticeably larger than the average person? would you tell a mother of multiple children who is trying to lose weight she needs a lot more to go even if it was the truth? no, you just don't. it's not nice and can truly damage a person in ways you would never expect.

"Are you obese?", "You need to lose weight", "You are a big bag of fat", "why are you so fat?", "You need to get some meat off those bones of yours", "Are you..okay?"

i hate that we have a BODY MASS INDEX, that we must all live by? who cares if i'm "slightly" below average, who cares if you're slightly above it? As long as you feel happy in the skin you are in, is that not all that matters? Yes, I may seem smaller and skinnier than the average person, but I'm happy at the moment.

I recently got upset by someone i know approaching me and saying "you are SO skinny". For a the hell do you even respond to something like that? I think I just stood with my mouth open, wondering what on earth made it okay to say something like that? What was going on in this person's mind? I eventually just walked away. I shouldve said "Omg you are SO FAT!" But... Sometimes saying nothing is the best thing to do. This person then returned to say "You need to put some weight seriously". uhmm excuse me !? legit i was at first very embarrassed, and secondly ready to slap the bitch. would this person have said the same thing to a fat person? more than likely not because a. the fat person would probably plow the shit out of her lol and b. because calling someone fat is seen as an insult, but when it comes to skinny is apparently acceptable? I think commenting on anybodies weight is unacceptable. Who are you to judge someone by the size of them?

"That person is fat, they must eat nothing but mcdonalds and sit on their arse all day"
"That person is skinny, she probably has an eating disorder and needs help"

It's really not fair. nobody ever takes into account genes, metabolism, bone structure, medical problems. there are thousands of reasons people are how they are, and why people are the size they are. the above statements may be true in some cases, but for the majority, it's probably not.
soooo is calling someone skinny really acceptable? or, do you agree with me that it's just as insensitive as calling someone fat? As a naturally skinny person, I can tell you that it's not very nice being called out for being "too skinny", especially as i tried so hard to put weight on, and wanted so desperately to be "of average size" as I was growing up. It's a bit of a touchy subject but one I wanted to address.

moral of the story --I don't really think it's ever acceptable to comment on anybody's weight, skinny or fat. Why should you ever be allowed an opinion on someone else's body or way of life? You can think it in your head, but the minute you open your mouth it becomes very dangerous, that is of course unless you are opening your mouth to give a compliment, by all means do this. :)

If YOU are happy with the way you look, that's all that matters, and if you aren't, chances are you are doing something about it and working towards something you know you will make you happy.

Everybody is different, and nobody is perfect. It would be a very boring place if this wasn't the case.

xox rica

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

the emotion that drives us the most

anger is an emotion that our minds use to somewhat justify our actions in such a way that makes sure that we are protecting our well being. This isn't always the case, but in most cases it is. For instance, when I personally lose my temper when my boyfriend tells me he doesn’t like the way i dress--this isn't necessarily preserving my rights but its remembering an old wound which is not being satisfied with my self image, and thats what makes me angry. If I were 100% happy with my looks and my self image then such a comment would never bother me... but being part of the female breed.. it's almost inevitable to not be offended (angered) by that comment. Anger ignites from various different areas of the mind. it brings us back to something inside us that we normally would not go to. for instance when we're trying to:

heal all of our wounds.
personally, i think as long as this wound is there you will become angry whenever someone reminds you of it. & of course the people with numerous wounds, will become angry at much more things being said than some one with just a couple. Unless these people deal with their wounds they will lose their temper for the slightest reason. This is especially seen in men.

control their ego attacks.
men naturally tend to have huge egos.. especially men who are very good looking. my boyfriend, for example, has quite a big ego that often is the core to our arguments. he often becomes arrogant when confronted which results in him treating me pretty badly which of course results in ME lashing back at him. when i do this, it usually involves me questioning his achievements which he will then furiously reply stating all the great things that he has done, blah blah blah -- to which you can then devalue all what he said by either laughing, smiling, or saying something smart. i rarely do this because i'm not an instigator when it comes to arguments with my boyfriend-- i try to communicate & solve our problems-- not extend them..blowing them up into something even more toxic.

now let me pushing my psychology on your asses by breaking down this ego attack thing a bit further.

when someone starts to mention his achievements, he identifies with them by assigning all of his worth to these achievements. therefore, when one undervalues those achievements--he will take it as you are in fact undervaluing himself, as a person. which rsults in an identity crisis where the person can end up questioning the importance of his own achievements and sometimes even his life! does this make sense? this is why no matter how hurt i may get by my boyfriend's actions, i don't think i could ever lash back so severe that he would break down into an identity crisis. Especially considering the bnigger the ego, the more sensitive they are to having one by just a few hurtful words. However when it comes to some one i could give a fuck about, the stronger my devaluation, the more powerful the effect of the attack will be...

reverse psychology.
this is the last point im going to make, reverse psychology is not what you all know it as. when it comes to combating anger, reverse psychology is moreso a reverse attack.  For instance, if someone told me "ay you look so messed up, where'd you get your disgusting clothes from?" i'll reply back with something like "i can change my clothes anytime but your ugly ass face will always look the same." What i did here is pretty much allowed myself to shift the focus from myself to the other person in seconds, and generally results in making him or her become reallllly defensive. & once you got them in defense mode, you pretty much have them wrapped around your finger. haha because once someone gets defensive, you have the choice of using any of the points i made above, or any kind of attack you want really. It will results in the fight or flight response kicking in, and in most cases people will TRY to fight but end up in the FLIGHT response.

.....well, at least that's been my experience hehehe ;]

alright that's enough for today kiddos.

my shows are about to startsoo adios!  :)

xox rica

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

a few of my favs lately < 3


hello beauties!!

I am posting a quick review of a few products i am loving, and so happy to recommend to all my beauties! please continue reading and let me know if any of you have tried any of these products, and what your opinion on each is! i hope all of you are doing well. i have been so busy with day to day life I have not even had time to get on my blog nor comment back to any of my lovely readers! ill get to it soon, i promise! <3

 Aveeno Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, && Moisturizing Lotion set xx

I've always been a fan of Aveeno products -- their wide range of products at that. I love the baby line they have-- it feels so much more gentle on my skin and hair. i wanted to review them because I am just so thoroughly satisfied with them. I've been really happy with how it moisturizes, but I now have a whole new appreciation for the product as it seriously makes my skin feels smooth all day. Their shampoo and conditioner moisturize great as well. However I will stick to my Redken products as those treat more than just dry hair.

 4 out of 5 smooches xx

 Bio Oil [PurCellin Oil] xx


 I  bought this because of all the buzz about it. It is quite expensive for the little bottle-- but that just told me it must really work! lol I have a number of stretch marks all over my thighs and ass and nothing else worked in clearing them up. I used this for a couple of months and I definitely notice a difference in my scars. It works very very well for that. A+. I will continue to use it and let you know my progress after 6+ months. my only issue is because the stretch marks on my ass and thighs, I cant sit down nor wear any clothing until it dries which can be a huge inconveniance at times.

3 our of 5 smooches xx 

 The Body Shop Shower Cream xx

I am obsessed with the smell of these SO much! I seriously spend a minute just smelling it. I cannot get enough of this fragrance line. After using the shower cream I follow up with the body lotion and body mist to make it last longer. The shower cream leaves me soft and smelling great even after drying off. The only downside is that the suds don't last too long so I have to use more than I would like. In this case, the bottle should be a little bigger. Other than that, it is a great product.

4 out of 5 smooches xx

 Viva La Juicy Perfume xx

I am just in love with this fantastic scent! Personally, the scent does not fade quickly and it is perfect for day and night. It is a very feminie scent and I am totally in love with it. Also,the bottle is very cute and looks great placed on a vanity, shelf, wherever. I would recommend it to everyone looking for a new fresh, feminine, scent. 

5 out of 5 smooches xx

Garniers Caffiene Eye Roll xx

Garniers new Caffeine Eye Roll on with a touch of concealer. My under-eyes are definitely one of my key problem areas and I like the fact this product not only conceals dark circles, but works to reduce them. Ive heard a good way of reducing discoloration around the eye area is to tap the skin around your eyes gently with your finger tips to stimulate the circulation, and I expect the roller ball on this product works in the same way.

I`ve been using it for a couple of weeks now, and have yet to notice big difference. I do, however, love the concealer touch as it makes me look more "awake" and "fresh" in the mornings when I haven`t had much sleep the night prior.

3 out of 5 smooches.

My New Chi Ionic Chameleon Hair Dryer xx
I went to Ulta, and came across a variety of ones--I seriously had no idea where to even start. I knew I wanted the ionic ones though. CHI also uses what`s called FAR Infrared technology. What this pretty much does is dries the hair from inside out due to its ionic charge. The negative ions produced by the CHI hair dryer diffuse water molecules into microfine particles improving moisture, balance and shine, reducing frizz, and eliminating static electricity. Thus leaving my hair super duper silky smooth.

I didn`t even go to my straightener afterwards becuse it was sooo smooth. Overall, I am thoroughy impressed with it. I`ve read a lot of reviews and some say they blow out on you within months. I hope that isn`t the case for me as I spent $179.99 on it!!

5 out of 5 smooches xx

Ed Hardy Hearts && Daggers Perfume xx

I am OBSESSED with Ed HARDY`s Hearts && Daggers perfume. I bought the combo with the body lotion with it as pictured above, and use it every single day.

I am not a big fan of Ed Hardy`s trashy clothing, but their perfumes are to.die.for. I have bought two different kinds this one and the born wild one, and both are uniquely different but still smell soo amazing and yummy!

If you`re looking for a new scent to kick start summer that is tangy, yummy, and sweet -- this is definitely the perfume for you. I get sooo many compliments every single day. One guy even smelled me from the McDonald`s drive thru window, and wanted to know what I was wearing so he can buy it for his girl friend!! LOL

Urban Decay Naked Pallet

Everybody wants to look good NAKED! Far from a group of boring beige shadows, Naked Palette's long, lean, seductive case is packed with TWELVE gorgeous bronze-hued neutrals, and includes Urban Decay's pro-quality Good Karma Shadow Brush. "You can look great NAKED!" I love the shade names! delicate champagnes to dark, gritty gunmetal, with names like Dark horse, Virgin and Buck. Urban Decay also included a range of textures: everything from glitter to shimmer to matte.

This is a shadow palette EVERYONE can use, and a truly spectacular gift. Experiment with office-appropriate neutrals, summertime bronzy looks, or sultry smokiness. With such a diversity of neutral shades at your fingertips, there's more to neutral than meets the eye.

Tangle Free!

I have two of these a black and purple. I have natural hair so it's the best things I've found to detangle my hair without pulling out my hair at the same time!

I bought it from Sally's for $9.99 best deal ever!! Would highly recommend it! The only down fall is after a while the bristles do tend to bend, but that can also be to the thickness of my hair!

Beauty Blender Sponge

I cannot even begin to explain how amazing this little sponge is. It's so awesome & cute I could cuddle with it! (JUST KIDDING.. but it's great).

I've bought knock off versions at TJ MAXX & they even sell them at Wal Mart now too, but none of them come close to the real thang. Simply soak your BB in water, squeeze all excess water out & you're ready to go. Apply  concealer & gently dab BB repeatedly over to blend.

Most sponges will absorb up all your make up resulting in uneven application. Because of the soft lightweight material & dampness of the BB sponge, makeup repels off the sponge & directly onto your skin.

 Concealer brushes can do the same as flat foundation brushes mentioned above (streaky lines.. ain't nobody got time for that).

Too Faced Brow Envy Kit

Hands down, one of my favorite products! I never worried about my eyebrows before, until seeing a beauty guru on YouTube talking about her eye brow kit, and so after a quick search under my favorite make up brand (too faced, duh) I came across this baby, and never looked back! It has every thing you need for the most uhMAYzing eye brows ever! to pluck those few over grown strands, to fill in the inner point, or what ever it is you may need- this kit has got you covered!! this complete kit is filled with all the essentials needed to shape, define, fill, and set brows. Includes tweezers, three stencils, angled brush and brow comb. With this kit you can customize color with two shades of brow powder and hold brows in place with the conditioning wax.

MAC Pigment

I would choose a MAC pigment over an eye shadow any day, any week, and any life time. These pigments are definitely one of the few things I can't live without. My very first pigment from MAC is Shimmer-Time and it's a really pretty peachy, white color. It works great as a highlight color, for the inner corners or for the eyelid if youre really going for a ore subtle natural look. 

There is just so much product in the canister as well! It is definitely worth the money especially if you are very avid in using and perhaps, even just collecting makeup. And using it with water really makes the color pop-it really is an amazing, versatile product that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

As for using the pigment, it can get messy. What I usually do is I take off the little clear covering that covers the pigment and use my brush to pick up the pigment off of it instead of dipping my brush straight into the pigment. That way I have more control over how much product I use and it doesn't waste anything.

Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream SPF 35

This is definitely one of my favorite creams. It feels amazing on my skin. I use it every day. The only negative I can think of is it's price.. kinda pricey for the budget I have. I usually spend more money on products I like Mascara or foundation.
A five-in-one set secret for achieving flawless skin on camera and beyond. This multitasking tinted cream formula with SPF 35 hydrates, primes, perfects, controls oil, and protects for flawless skin on set and beyond. Formulated with emollients and optical pearl pigments, this BB Cream gives skin a glowing, ethereal look and provides a hydrating veil for the complexion to maintain moisture on the surface of the skin. With its ultra-smoothing finish, it instantly re-texturizes to create a smooth canvas. Especially when worn under foundation, it enhances the wear of makeup for up to eight hours. Ideal even for oily complexions, this expert formula with UVA/UVB protection helps inhibit oil to prevent the complexion from getting shiny throughout the day without the typical chalky matte finish.

L'Oréal EverCreme Cleansing Conditioner

My pros: It smells great! It leaves my hair nice and smooth, tangle free when I get out of the shower. My cons: It's a pretty small size, and I hate the dispenser... It's as if I have to squeeze the bottle with alllll my might to get a bit out..

I shower every single day, and wash my hair with shampoo, conditioner, and a few rinse products every day as well. I have a few Pantene weekly treatments I use too. This means my hair was on oil overload with producing because it had to compensate for the amount of stripping I was doing.
Therefore, within the first few days of using this product, my scalp wasn't aware of the new products I was using, and still use to producing the amount of oil it has been. So it took a few days to get used to to say the least...

However after about a week, I was so very pleased with the results. My hair felt amazing, looked amazing, and wasn't too soft/silky to the point where it didn't stay in the places I styled it in. With a bit of hair spray, and a few pumps of my Pantene Voluminous Pump, My volume lasted way into the evening from the morning shower I took the same day.

I highly recommend it-- just be patient and wait a full week before making your decision, and be sure to do the right application and make sure you are getting your Full head covered. Do not lather, as lathering is bad.

MAKE UP FOR EVER Sculpting Kit

i love these Sculpting Kits. These kits are comprised of two complimentary micronized powders that you can use to contour, sculpt and correct/change a face shape. In my opinion, contouring is an art unto itself, and there really are a limited amount of products out there that concentrate on this specific area of application.
You can create a very soft sculpted appearance or you can use these powders. I actually only own a couple sculpting kits; but rarely use them.  I just feel I have a very sculpted face already; so only use this when I have the extra time to do so.

However because the powder is so finely milled, wonderfully pigmented and easy to blend; these save you time like you'd not believe. Even the heaviest handed individual would find it hard to apply too much of this product: It's so wonderfully lightweight and blend-able.

The only possible drawback, it's a bit pricey: $45. In my opinion, it's worth every penny. I have yet to come by a Make Up For Ever product that wasn't phenomenal.

Matte Long Lasting Lipsticks

Dupe of MAC Lipsticks? Rimmel Lasting Finish by Kate Moss $4.97 !!! I picked this up at CVS the other day after making Jeff wait a half hour in the car for me on a "quick" makeup run. And I have to say, I am very impressed with this lipstick-- creamy & yet matte, stays on ALL DAY. No touch ups needed. I see myself purchasing the whole collection in the near future. Double snaps! to Rimmel & Kate Moss.

thanks for reading baby dolls! 

Fee x0x


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