making choices

choices.

most people today do not realize just how important making choices in life is. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you make a decision. maybe you won't know for twenty years, or maybe you find out in a few seconds.. && sometimes you'll never ever be able to trace it to its source when other times it'll be right in front of your face. in most cases, you only get one chance to play it out. because after all, your fate is what you create. i know i know, that is debatable.


Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved... so many people waste their lives in regret and i just think it's such a waste of life, a waste of valuable time others would give a million dollars for..

i know i talk about life being wasted, while i turn around and do it. but it's like i want to achieve perfection and try to avoid bad things, but there’s a devil in everyone.. we can't all be the way we want to be. we can't be [the person we preach to be entirely... and most of all, i can't please anyone, nor do i try anymore.


i became this way because of trust.

yep. trust- the word is just plain half ignorance applied to the concept that nobody can use it correctly, and in fact often abused. i can't do anything when my back is turned, i am blind. i am afraid of myself and every human being that has the power in their hands to deceive me.

&& what many don't know is it corrupts my mind, and way of thinking. that's where i start to dig, i dig myself a hole, a hole that i don't plan on ever getting out of.. what is this hole ?

this hole is wisdom. 

For everyone that lies or turns their back on me, I become wise and more observant. you make me stronger. yep. put that in your pipe and smoke it ;)

all jokes aside, let's face it-- i don’t get the option of picking or choosing when ill excite you, bore you or piss you off.

i’m a chick to wrapped up in her own business to notice your jealousy most of the time, and when i do, i become so consumed in what's wrong with you that i don't even know what to start to say to you. i can't help that i got that attitude where if I don’t mean shit to you, then you don’t mean shit to me, its not being bitchy -- its being wise, don't get it twisted.

lesson to learn: pretty faces can be monsters in masks. i can either be the cancer or the light of your life.

you decide <3

new years 2015

2015, a year full of surprises- some good, some bad. What's important is to be able to reflect on all of it. We ALL have room to grow. We ALL have things we can change, things we are working towards, etc.

This year I have so much to spill that is different from last year and so much to be thankful for! In this year, I've found a sense of peace that I never before imagined existed. What was SO appealing to me last year does not even get a peek from me this year. The demons I was fighting last year finally gave up. We're on the same side now  (lol totally kidding.) Things that got under my skin merely scratch the surface now. While I'd be the first to admit that my life is stressful, I've learned that I can live each day with a sense of hope and I can remain positive about anything that may happen.

this new year keeps getting better and better as the days pass. i haven't had time for my new years' resolutions, but wanted to give an update blog on things that i really want to improve on this year, as well as a few words of wisdom I have gained from the past year.

self;;
i have realized if we wait until we are ready, we can be waiting our whole lives. you need to take that leap .. whats the most you can lose? no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. i have learned to ask myself .. "will this matter a year from now?" i saw a really funny picture that had a picture of a girl doing bad habits, and a quote saying "I'm changing for the new year" and the next year,, it had the same image of her with the same quote. How true is that? LOL we try to change but end up back in our ways. I am set on making changes, and following up with them throughout the year!

family;;
I have become closer to my family these past few months than we have in the past few years. things fell into place over a huge ordeal I had on my shoulders but like I said, they fell into place and things are not the best right now but they are headed in that direction. it is so nice to know I have people I can truly call family now. no matter how much you may feel you are doing the right thing -- abandoning your family is not the way to go. they are the ones who will be the first to catch you in your fall from grace. not every one in your family, but there will at least be one person who will. I found that out the hard way so do not make the same mistakes as I have.

friends;;
my heart is so full. i am making and meeting new friends that have enriched my life in ways I never thought possible. it's awesome to have friends who are all about moving forward and being ambitious!


note to self::
you have enough . you do enough . you ARE enough. end of story.  i am on my way && i know the best is yet to come

Let's do this 2016 <3