Tuesday, October 22, 2013

the EX factor xx

have you ever had an issue of your man's ex wanting to be friends with him again?
 do you agree with your man should be friends with a past lover?
what about his feelings on you being good friends with a man you have once been intimate with
Image result for boyfriend friends with femaleI personally am not for it. i also don't agree with males having female BEST friends to begin with. i’m especially miffed by MARRIED men who have female best friends. i mean, forgive me if i am crazy for saying so but isn't that who your wife is supposed to be? I think having someone of the opposite sex to lean on, well unless it's a sibling/relative.. is an unnecessary temptation and a potential leak of intimacy between partners. temptation is a natural feeling, and very VERY easy to break into. So why even put yourself in that position?

Although it may be possible to have casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of the intimate encounters will always be triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or say a moment him and his new girl say something sexual, etc. or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to. Anything can trigger that awkward moment, which is what I would HATE if I were that new girl, and knew my man and this chick just got reminded of a time they had sex--Right?

And as thick-skinned as you are, it's hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other's skin and sharing a moment of complete pleasure with one another-- especially if it was AMAZING SEX.

Not to mention, there will always be one-sided bitterness. this is mainly because breakups are rarely one-sided, one person will always feel resentment or bitterness toward the other. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend. If it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be... and that's when jealousy comes into play.

&& where there's bitterness, there's jealousy.
And the truth of the matter is that it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when she's just found the new love of her life.

Image result for boyfriend friends with female

However, just because one person may have moved onto another person does not necessarily mean she is over her past lover... It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom because that passion still exists. Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists.

This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new "friendship" premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you'll end up in "one more" night of unbridled "goodbye" sex, for old times' sake. This brings you right back to square one -- how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well with movin on..

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share but having that person lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It's almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible. Unless the two of you were the best of friends before, both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a policy of total honesty, you're better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.

Regardless of what anyone says, I will always believe the idea of a man and a woman being best friends is charming but improbable. it always leads to something else.. meaning that the relationship eventually becomes romantic or physically intimate.

What do you think? Does your guy have a female best friend? Are you okay with it?

xox rica

1 comment:

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