Wednesday, March 06, 2013

.... hitting the rebound.

to my exboyfriend,

i have lived in a fairytale for so long and now i sit in silence to try and overcome the pain and hurt you have caused me. you have given me every emotion but the one i have craved for so long. i've legit invested sooo much into you--giving you my mind, body and soul in hopes of receiving the same compassion... only to find out i would never receive any true compassion at all.

i have lost all strength.

i am not and will not ever be whole again, nor will my heart ever beat the same beat it once had.
when I see you, my world falls apart knowing you’re not a part of me any more && all that’s left is a scar reminding me a piece of me is gone forever. But after all the tears have left my eyes && when my heart is at ease for those few moments, i feel pretty sure i made the right decision.

this life is not easy, and in the end I can only hope someone will give me the true love you only stopped giving me this past year. you’ve torn me apart && I will never be healed completely. But i thank you for showing me there is only happy endings in fairytales, something i would've never known if otherwise.

you can't kill your feelings with alcohol and you can't stuff your emotions with cupcakes.... that's another thinq that i've learned from being with you.

however the most important thing i have learned from you would be that there comes a time when you need to say goodbye. i've tried to avoid this for so long when i was only putting myself in denial the entire time. as much as you want it to work, its unhealthy to keep trying and all you can do is know you are doing what is good for you and only you, not what's good for someone i've came to terms with myself on this && think i'm ready.

i'm ready to leave behind the people who do nothing but bring me down && i'm ready to do something amazing with myself & my life. you really can't count on any one but yourself.

with that being said, the rest of you can all stop trying to read me or figure me out. maybe I like to be unnavigable. I don’t want to be a doll on a shelf or a trophy in a case. I’m an actual person with real thoughts and feelings and as cliché as that sounds, no one can define me but ME.

watching every move that I make, you will fail. trying to get to know the real me, you will fail. trying to know the girl behind all of them fake smiles, you will fail.

so let me make this simple for you---

get off of my ass and stay out of my life.

if I wanted you in my life, I would have not pushed you away.

you will never get the chance to know me again because you've ruined any chance there could ever be. i hope I made it clear enough for you.


xox rica

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