need to get out of this funk --

If you ever been depressed, then maybe you know where I’m coming from. It’s like one minute you’re fine, and the next minute something happens that makes you think— i mean really think — and then you’re totally empty. The only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel totally done, like you don’t mean anything to anyone.

All you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but you don’t want their pity, even if you could tell someone, nothing would come out right. You don’t want to laugh, or smile, or whine, or argue or be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope this feeling passes, and sometimes it does, but it always seems to come back.

You think that all your friends hate you and only talk to you because they feel bad for you. You know complete strangers judge you just because of how you look and act, and when you think about how you’re not as beautiful as the crowd that surrounds you, it makes you feel even worse. And of the two people that are supposed to love you the most in the world, one left you, and the other is exceptional, but at the same time is still that you can love forever, who will never cheat on you or play you, who will go out of his way to make you happy but then again not get past his own pride when it comes to certain situations.

Sometimes you just want to give up, you want so desperately to be alone, but at the same time fear it so much. You know how it feels to know that your not a bad person, just sometimes do bad things, just sometimes have bad habits, just some times let your emotions get the better of you... that you desperately do not want to let your friends down and always try your hardest not to be selfish, isolated, self conscious, bitter, whiny, or obsessive.

so you listen to what everyone else has to say, but you never tell them how you feel, because that would mean revealing part of yourself, and you just can’t do that; you can’t let anyone really know you. And your opinions wouldn’t matter to them anyways, and most of all if you took the time to sit down and try to get all your feelings out for the first time in your life, it would be completely over whelming.

Gosh.. I need to get out of this funk.