Tuesday, October 22, 2013

the EX factor xx

have you ever had an issue of your man's ex wanting to be friends with him again?
 do you agree with your man should be friends with a past lover?
what about his feelings on you being good friends with a man you have once been intimate with
Image result for boyfriend friends with femaleI personally am not for it. i also don't agree with males having female BEST friends to begin with. i’m especially miffed by MARRIED men who have female best friends. i mean, forgive me if i am crazy for saying so but isn't that who your wife is supposed to be? I think having someone of the opposite sex to lean on, well unless it's a sibling/relative.. is an unnecessary temptation and a potential leak of intimacy between partners. temptation is a natural feeling, and very VERY easy to break into. So why even put yourself in that position?

Although it may be possible to have casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of the intimate encounters will always be triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or say a moment him and his new girl say something sexual, etc. or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to. Anything can trigger that awkward moment, which is what I would HATE if I were that new girl, and knew my man and this chick just got reminded of a time they had sex--Right?

And as thick-skinned as you are, it's hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other's skin and sharing a moment of complete pleasure with one another-- especially if it was AMAZING SEX.

Not to mention, there will always be one-sided bitterness. this is mainly because breakups are rarely one-sided, one person will always feel resentment or bitterness toward the other. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend. If it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be... and that's when jealousy comes into play.

&& where there's bitterness, there's jealousy.
And the truth of the matter is that it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when she's just found the new love of her life.

Image result for boyfriend friends with female

However, just because one person may have moved onto another person does not necessarily mean she is over her past lover... It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom because that passion still exists. Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists.

This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new "friendship" premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you'll end up in "one more" night of unbridled "goodbye" sex, for old times' sake. This brings you right back to square one -- how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well with movin on..

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share but having that person lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It's almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible. Unless the two of you were the best of friends before, both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a policy of total honesty, you're better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.

Regardless of what anyone says, I will always believe the idea of a man and a woman being best friends is charming but improbable. it always leads to something else.. meaning that the relationship eventually becomes romantic or physically intimate.

What do you think? Does your guy have a female best friend? Are you okay with it?

xox rica

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

hi hater xx

hey babes!

disclaimer:: i am a city girl. i grew up in 'the hood' i refuse to be a product of my environment, but sometimes i do get down to my roots. this post is an example of that. =P this is a very blunt and profane post discussing the affects some females are having on me right now. i do not need you to tell me how i should not let them affect me, etc. this is my blog, i post what i want.

I am getting really sick and tired of this female talking shit about me every chance she may get. Last time I checked, we were done with high school and all the bullshit games that were played throughout those years. We are all adults now, and whether your living quality is different from while you were in high school or not, your mentality should be.

This 'he said she said' talk is soo juvenile. One thing that annoys me is when someone hears something through the grapevine and assume there is a tiny bit of even the smallest fraction of truth behind it. That just makes you look highly idiotic. i feel i need to address some aspects of your hating, and this will be the one and only time you will hear me do so.

It is so annoying when a girl reads something and ASSUMES its about her. if it were to you, it would have YOUR NAME on it. When I want to say something, I will be the first to let YOU know I am talking about YOU. I don't do what you do and hide behind your statuses and posts. Grow a pair && let me know when you have a problem with me. Stop playing these guessing games.


To me, a hater is someone who is jealous and envious of another and spends all their time trying to make that person look small so they can look tall. Well, I got news for you. I am ALWAYS standing ten toes tall. Haters are very negative people to say the least && therefore try to bring their negativity all up in and around your world to bring you to their level. Well here is some more news -- you are not even ON my level and there is no way I am going down a few steps to make things more clearer for your incompetent no education having ass to understand.

So what do I do to keep to myself and the haters level at a minimum? Here are a few ideas:

[x] knowing who I AM, as well as who my true friends are.. which i realized some of the ones who were last year are no longer this year.. not by my decision, by their actions. end of story.

[x] having a purpose to my life, a direction and following it, maintaining my path and not letting roadblocks stop me permanently. i'm sorry your life is so out of wack & you don't even know which way is up and down; but do not push that shit on me. i have enough of my own hurdles to jump over, and do not need yours.

[x] By remembering what i have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

[x] by reminding myself, you do not really hate me. you hate yourself because i am a relfection of what you wish you were.

Some of us focus so much on having haters that we ultimately turn into one ourselves. People just love to talk. Why? because if you notice, the person who talks the most, is the one who people go to the most. they go to that one person to know if certain rumors are true, etc. the biggest gossiper sort of creates this credibility that is only factual in the hater world. As far as i am concerned, this person is a bottom feeder and is so insecure with her pathetic self that she needs to point out negative things on others to make herself feel good about herself.. ya know the typical 13 year old-- but unfortunately there are 30 yr olds with that same mentality.

But let's face it .. when you make your mark, you will always attract some haters. and when you got haters, that means you've stood up for something in your life. You are doing some thing right. That is why you have to be careful with who you share your blessings and your dreams with because some people cannot handle seeing you blessed. How do you handle your undercover haters? Do not show any emotions. which is why i do not comment on your every mesg and post you post about me because i want it to be clear that my life comes first, not yours.

You seriously think you affect me? By not responding to your pathetic messages is my way of showing you that you do not exist in my world. You do not matter, and I refuse to feed into your bullshit. You all are a whirlwind of D R A M A that will not ever slow down even if you DO become renters, MOMS, career people, etc. that mentality is still going to be in you because why? that is just how you are. You cannot stand to see a finer girl, a smarter girl, a richer girl, etc. So when one comes along, you try your hardest to affect her when she is LITERALLY so above you.

So as a closing to this much needed blog post, i will say this. . . .

You mean N O T H I N G to me.

lastly, i suggest you get over yourself, realize you have OTHER responsibilities in your life that you should focus your energy into like hmm.. your child!!!!

And lastly, I have SOOOO much more for you to be jealous of. be patient.

Rica Marie ..... *