Wednesday, March 13, 2013

a work of art

ii just recently returned from a lovely trip. A trip to visit a fellow writer, in fact. Instead of drinking til we vomit and having promiscuous sex, the two of us opted for more ordinary activities. We went for a walk thru Grant Park, on the day of a music festival. We had a nice outdoor patio lunch, and then returned to her condo for a movie and junk food night. It was just us two girlies, and i don't remember the last time i have had so much fun. we talked about everything that was going on in our lives, but this time i did something different and that is i did more of the listening instead of the speaking.

... didn't work out to well to say the least, haha.

i found myself wanting to burst at the seams with taking over the conversations, lol, so i made sure to control myself and keep myself quiet and give her all the attention to express herself as much as possible. the reason why i decided to do this was because i was thinking about my past few conversations with friends and always notice i am always the one to talk and talk.. it's not that i am annoying and only talk about me me me, it's just that a lot of my friends come to me with questions and expect me to tell them all types of answers.. and i am by no means a know it all, but a lot of my friends seem to think so and therefore i am always forced to give my best advice and opinions as possible which leads me to be the main speaker throughout the entire conversation. i realized this isn't a good quality to have, and i wanted to see how i'd do if i were not the main speaker, and in fact kept most of what i would normally say to myself. well, haha, i didn't do so good. i found myself more focused on controlling my mouth than on what was being said. i found myself having to say "what" " huh" more often than i should have, and so i am not still determined to work on this and soon enough be able to conquer this task haha

I also received a wonderful "just because, long time no see" present that I just can not stop looking at. I was given a painting, not of an animal or a place, but of myself.

On one side, there is me holding one of my books, dressed in a conservative button up shirt and sweater. On the other side, I am donning a sexy school girl outfit equipped with a garter and some fantastic cleavage, given my current situation and all this was a pretty important factor =) I can not express how touched I was by how much work was put into it and I am so thrilled to add it to my collection of erotic pictures.

One degenerate can paint. the other can write.  && we both look like we belong to two seperate social groups.  Is this really possible?
My painting is not the only work of art I laid my eyes on this past weekend. We were wandering around Barnes and Noble the other day and a book caught my eye.

 Suicide Girls: Beauty Redefined.

It was larger than all of the other paperbacks in its section and I was immediately intrigued by its cover. A punky looking cartoon girl with a very sexy smirk on her face. I knew it had to be photography of some sort by the shape of the book so I wasted no time taking a look. What I saw within the pages completely blew me away. Suicide Girls: Beauty Redefined turned out to be a collection of erotic photography, but it was not your typical female models. Most of these girls were covered in tattoos and had piercings in spots I didn’t know one could pierce... lol

They were dark with the occasional blast of color, either in the hair, make up, or background, and best of all, they were completely naked. And sexy. Unbelievably sexy. I was then asked if I would pose for anything like that. My answer… in a heart beat. However, there are certain things that would have to fall into place before I would be able to take on such an endeavor.

First of all, I would have to be sure my reputation could take such a blow.. haha but then again at this point who am i realy rtying to impress any more?? a photograph can follow you everywhere though.. and second of all, I am not as bad ass as the Suicide Girls. I have no tats, but have always wanted a small, modest tattoo and I think a lot of make up overwhelms my features, so i don't wear much. Of course I can rock out in front of a camera so I think I would be OK regardless of the rather “bare” exterior... hehe

If I ever did something like this, I would want people to have the same reaction I did when I opened the book. & that is.. she is not just a nude body. seh is a rule breaker.. a symbol of strength . radiant .fierce as tyra banksss. she spreads her legs for the sake of art. for the sake of beauty. && those uncovered lips are shouting fuck you. while the other set of lips are screaming fuck me. it's art. she is aware of the consequences, yet takes the risk. i guess it's because nothing is as tragic as a girl that gives in..


xox rica

the movie SpUn xox

Just recently, I watched a movie that completely blew me away. I was intrigued by the four stars it received on Netflix and I am a big Brittany Murphy fan (RIP), so I decided to give it a try. It is entitled “Spun” and here is the synopsis.

"unique glimpse into the world of methamphetamines has wowed audiences since its debut at the 2002 Toronto International Film Festival, with outstanding performances from Jason Schwartzman, Mena Suvari, John Leguizamo, Brittany Murphy and more. The fast-paced, hard-hitting drama expertly combines the gritty reality of drug addiction with occasional biting humor for an unforgettable look at frantic lives spinning out of control."

The film is a very interesting, unique look into the lives of drug addicts and I honestly loved every second of it. Most of the scenes were very choppy and fast paced and there was also some random images thrown in here and there that made you feel like you were tweeking right along with the characters. Very well done.

So how does this movie fit in with me? Not only do I LOVE Brittney Murphy, Rest In Peace Britney Murphy. But you can’t have a movie about drugs without some hardcore strip club scenes. my kinda movieee ;)) Despite my intense love for the style of this film, I felt it played on stereotypes that I really don't believe to be 100% true. For example, in the first club scene, the dancers are walking around with exposed breasts. Although this isn’t a huge deal, it’s not very realistic. In most clubs, you must be completely covered by an outfit while hanging out with customers on the floor. I think this makes sense because why would you show the goods for free? Second of all, the main character goes home with a really beautiful stripper and ends up having wild sex with her. He then keeps her hand cuffed to the bed for three days while he does work for the drug dealer. They don’t really go into detail as to how he knew the dancer prior to this fuck session, but this does not happen. Yes some dancers sleep with customers for a fix or a quick buck, but there was no exchange of any of this (maybe a little drug use). Also, is she really that big of a loser that no one would realize she was missing for three days? And lastly, Nikki, the character played by Brittany Murphy, was dating the drug dealer and seemed more strung out than any of them. Surprise surprise she was also a dancer. I understand that it is only a movie and alot of things are exaggerated for a dramatic effect. But I feel that every movie that has a club scene features a stripper or group of strippers that are completely fucked up to the point where people feel confident saying all dancers suck at life. Some of them definitely do, don’t get me wrong.

What you see in the movies is not always what happens in real life, dude. If that were the case, music would start magically playing through imaginary speakers when we kissed our significant other for the first time. Us ladies would wake up with make up on and you men would always have the perfect pick-up line. And most importantly, everyone would have a happy ending. That, in my opinion, is the biggest joke of all.

xox rica

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

my getaway xx

 hello beauty queens!

At the moment, life is very good. I have come to terms with a lot of people, and a lot of things that I was stressin' very hard about. I have realized there are just some things that are beyond my control, and I can not and should not try to please every one.

I just got back from a mini-vacation. I didn't go away physically, but mentally. I promise I am not a psycho, but what I did was some sight-seeing, and shopped my hot little ass off. Now that is what I call a good time.

In amongst all the fun, the real reason for me going there was because I have had to make certain decisions that were life-altering. Often times, I get in these moods when I am done with everyone and everything and just get into this "i just don't give a fuck" mood. I just want to have a normal life.. with normal problems..the problems a typical girl my age should be having. I would love to tell someone about what is going on in my life but instead, I have to keep secrets and lie to people I care about. This has become incredibly exhausting and depressing over the months. Maybe if I didn’t distance myself from all my friends, I wouldn’t be going on a vacation mentally.. but physically with all my friends.

In all actuality, it was the best vacation I have had in a while. I love not talking to anyone. I love doing what I want when I want to do it. I love people watching. Silence is golden. And quite frankly, I do not give a shit what you do or what you'd like to order, fat ass.

The job interview went well. For some reason, I have always been good at making stuff up off the top of my head. Stuff that makes me look good, at least. Come to think of it, I have always gotten every job I have interviewed for so I am pretty confident in my skills. One thing that was totally weird was to see myself in real work clothes again. Black slacks. Button up blouse. Sweater. I hardly recognized the girl in the mirror. I felt sexy. But then I realized.. why am I always the one to wear things like this? In order to counteract this feeling of alienation with my own body, I went to Lover's Lane that I passed on the way back from the interview site and I tried on some clothing I did feel comfortable in. See below.

(( Asymmetrical Plunge Gown by Body Zone $44.99 )) I tried this one on in black and absolutely loved the fit and the style. I love sexy clothes :) I also bought a purple garter so I wouldn’t look like a vampire (black hair, black dress, black shoes, black soul…). After this fun little shopping trip, I then went wild with my GPS and started finding similar stores in the area. I had no intention of doing this while I was there, but I found myself punching in the addresses anyways and what I found was a total gold mine. Slowly and steadily, the thought of my awesome interview faded from memory and was taken over by the reality of how much fun I was having and how hot i felt in these clothes.

In all actuality, I have no idea what life is going to throw my way. I’ve had my hurdles and my brick walls, but I have also had many doors of opportunity open right when I need them. I am so thankful I will have a degree to fall back on as well as the body and the mind to be successful in the world. It’s kind of rare, really. I have worried about dealing with all the responsibilities I thought I had when really, they ain't shit compared to others. I don’t have to worry about 10 bills each month, raising or paying for a child, or keeping myself fed.. I don’t have to wake up early, sit through boring meetings, or waste away at a desk all day long like before.

I am truly free and it feels amazing.

So then I decided to go on a physical vacation. I think vacations always help shift perceptions away from the drone of our everyday existence. Exploring other cities and other cultures is the most amazing awaken er. A ‘normal’ life, full or routine and mundane regularity, but still filled with insignificant detractors. I’d rather be creative and not buy in to corporate conformity. To live life like I am now is the utmost release and energizer. I have your strength and intelligence to fall back on beyond the piece of paper my degree will be printed on. Therefore, I can choose to be academic but that isn’t for everyone.

xox Rica

Monday, March 11, 2013

my style xx

my style is very versatile.

 i always want my waist, collar bone, and hips to be accentuated; whether by a waist belt, a hips chain,  etc. i have an amazing wardrobe, but am very stingy with it as i do not like going to wear a specific outfit and it not being there! I also more often than not am rocking a deigo t and ripped/distressed jeans, jean shorts, or athletic shorts, but on special occasions-- oh i go allllll out ;)

my closet is pretty much my sanctuary. i have always had a large walk-in closet, and a walk in closet is #3 on my must-haves when apartment hunting. I just love decorating it the way i want, and stepping back and just feeling so proud of my wardrobe. =D

i am currently writing a post on items i think every girl should have in their closet from clothes to shoes to purses to accessories--- all of it. that of course is taking me f.o.r.e.v.e.r so until then i wanted to create this mini post of the style i am transforming into. =0]

These two outfits above are pretty much my style to the T.

Outfit #1 :: i'm usually in jeans when not at work, a light under shirt with a gorgeous sweater like wrap. the one in the picture is TO. DIE. FOR. light jewelry, there is too much going on in the chest area with the bow-tie for a long necklace like i usually wear therefore, a shorter, 12inch, necklace would be more fit. mix in a pair of flats, or flipflops. && you got a perfect outfit for a casual day out w/ the girls or fam.

Outfit # 2: ideal for work. always in dress pants, usually black. a deep red makes me look really professional, yet fun. all the way down to the heels-- i have a pair identical to those. the only thing i wouldn't normally rock is the purse. it's a little too small for me. now for just one night out, then by all means yes. but i carry my life in my purse, and as few beg to differ, i have a pretty big and busy life haha ;D

When it comes to make up, i usually am always on the go so i keep it light. I do all my crazy experimenting when i am going to be at a very special event, or where i will be photographed alot. therefore, just light cover-up mascara and a lipgloss will suffice.

Now ever since I got this job back in February, I've been kind of transforming my look into something more professional, and a bit more calm. I have done this because when attending all of these various meetings & gatherings, I am always the loudest girl in the room. && i don't mean my voice-- i mean my outfits! i wear such bold & loud colors, that I really have been keeping it calm & neutral lately. here are two outfits i put together on that really scream the new me.

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i know what most of you are probably thinking-- pearls!! what the?! lol but yes, my boyfriend's grandmother passed away a few years ago & i've really been trying to put her jewelry to good use--- funny how now 3 years later I do so but hey, better late than never right ?? ;]

my favorite colors to wear are black, white, and red, and my latest favorite clothing color is yellow! i just did my annual lightening of my hair && have been tanning so yellow looks really good on my tan skin. i've been buying alot more color lately.

Kohls has some really cute color tops. I bought the same shirt in four different colors the other day, and a pair of white jeans. I cannot express how stinkin cute i look in each color, i cant decide which one to pick ever! lol Due to my job clothes, lately, i've really been tuning into grays, browns/tans, and off-whites almost beiges. So with a mix of those two, come my latest trends i've been rockin' .....

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bold colors + calm & tranquility= rica marie <3

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

.... hitting the rebound.

to my exboyfriend,

i have lived in a fairytale for so long and now i sit in silence to try and overcome the pain and hurt you have caused me. you have given me every emotion but the one i have craved for so long. i've legit invested sooo much into you--giving you my mind, body and soul in hopes of receiving the same compassion... only to find out i would never receive any true compassion at all.

i have lost all strength.

i am not and will not ever be whole again, nor will my heart ever beat the same beat it once had.
when I see you, my world falls apart knowing you’re not a part of me any more && all that’s left is a scar reminding me a piece of me is gone forever. But after all the tears have left my eyes && when my heart is at ease for those few moments, i feel pretty sure i made the right decision.

this life is not easy, and in the end I can only hope someone will give me the true love you only stopped giving me this past year. you’ve torn me apart && I will never be healed completely. But i thank you for showing me there is only happy endings in fairytales, something i would've never known if otherwise.

you can't kill your feelings with alcohol and you can't stuff your emotions with cupcakes.... that's another thinq that i've learned from being with you.

however the most important thing i have learned from you would be that there comes a time when you need to say goodbye. i've tried to avoid this for so long when i was only putting myself in denial the entire time. as much as you want it to work, its unhealthy to keep trying and all you can do is know you are doing what is good for you and only you, not what's good for someone i've came to terms with myself on this && think i'm ready.

i'm ready to leave behind the people who do nothing but bring me down && i'm ready to do something amazing with myself & my life. you really can't count on any one but yourself.

with that being said, the rest of you can all stop trying to read me or figure me out. maybe I like to be unnavigable. I don’t want to be a doll on a shelf or a trophy in a case. I’m an actual person with real thoughts and feelings and as cliché as that sounds, no one can define me but ME.

watching every move that I make, you will fail. trying to get to know the real me, you will fail. trying to know the girl behind all of them fake smiles, you will fail.

so let me make this simple for you---

get off of my ass and stay out of my life.

if I wanted you in my life, I would have not pushed you away.

you will never get the chance to know me again because you've ruined any chance there could ever be. i hope I made it clear enough for you.


xox rica


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