Monday, November 19, 2012

FUCK LOVE

People that let go in the beginning, i give you props. Because people who wrap their lives up in someone only end up broken-hearted in the end. So what if you fall into that group? The one time you let your guard down, you're proven right. The one person you've always relied on, who has always been there, says "have a nice life."

EASILY. you find yourself someone you don't even know, you chance without even realizing it, your views, the way you operate-- all of it has been busted.

it's crazy how people can put so much into you && take that much more out. you watch what you say, watch what you do, put all your energy into it;; falling asleep && waking up to the same thoughts-- && all you end up doing is breaking down in the process.

In creeps the paranoia, the fear, the pain-- which is all too much for a person to take. All it puts into you it hate... for everything around you.

All it does it show you the FOOL you are, the IDIOT who fell in love.

FUCK TRUST
Fuck anyone who has had a problem with it, whose feelings were non-existent
&& now you're just stuckkk.....

WAKE UP
You come out of your coma, but hate yourself for letting someone change you so much.

ANGRY

You wasted all this hopelessness.

FURIOUS
that you were genuine with your feelings when he wasn't.

DAMAGED
because it was all taken away, slipped right through your fingers without either of you noticing.

WONDERING

why the FUCK did i even try so hard?


Pardon my paranoia. I just returned from a trip to hell and I haven’t unpacked my baggage yet

FUCK LOVE.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

getting out of my own way..

so i've been kind of in this cloud, that more often than not decides to release a big bucket of fuck you rain droplets on my head from time to time, for about the past 2 months. granted i was going through a shitload of life changes, so of course i am bound to be stressed as haillll.

but it wasn't until recently that i figured out i am more motivated than EVER to start changing up my life now that i am finally PHYSICALLY where i want to be. after the news this weekend I realize with michele that life is too fucking short and fragile to not be happy, do what you love and spend it the way you want to.

SO. now instead of taking the slow and steady approach to change i normally do, i'm in the mood to that fast quickness chicago path. (youuu knowwww.) which, or me, means facing and tearing down the roadblocks i put up for myself when facing big, life altering choices over the past few years.. eek! So to get myself to where I want to be, I’m going to have to get past a few key issues..listed below are the ones i think are going to be my main ones:

exhibit a :: aversion to risk. yup, i know. MEEE afraid of RISK? sure when it comes to rollercoasters that are faster than the speed of light and throw you up and down and every which way possible, i am going to be alll up over and inside that (that's what she said.) But when it comes down to my own i am not a risk-tolerant person. i am always ten steps ahead because it makes me feel safe. i follow the rules because it is stable. i feel like i can’t take risks because i’ve got to pay bills, have insurance, need a guaranteed job, etc. And yet. And yet, and yet and yet. Sometimes, when you’re confronting life that is unhappy (but safe) or happy (but risky)–well, risk is starting to sound much more appealing. I can always find a way to pay my bills. but i'm starting to realize..i can’t always let my happiness and fulfillment fall at the feet of what’s safe. a fear of not being good enough. my social status was kind of weird-- i was popular enough to where everyone knew who i was, but smart enough to not get close to anyone too much & had one boyfriend straight thru high school which saved me from soooo much drama--anyway, i’ve never been the bottom of the heap, but I’m rarely at the top either. i woulod consider myself super witty, funny, charming, outgoing, smart, and respectful... but for some reason i don't think that all of those qualities are enough for the kinds of things i dream up. i mean, coupled with my risk aversion, my fear of not being good enough at the things I want to do has held me at bay for a long time. why? cus it has just always been easier to stay where I am, where i know i'm OK, than it is to put myself out there and be faced with the reality that i don’t have what it takes. but honestly, I’m strong enough to face rejection. ive got enough support to face the struggle. i would rather TRY and not be enough than not try.

exhibit b :: obsessive compulsive person. i absolutely need to have EVERY.LITTLE.DETAIL. in place before I can so much as begin. Maybe it’s my years of marketing plans that require every little piece to be in place before you launch. Maybe it’s the obsessive, detail person in me coming out. Or maybe it’s just a stall tactic. But I always feel like I have to have every little tiny thing worked out before I can begin. I have to have it perfect before I can let it go into the world. Which has its place, admittedly. I’m never going to get rid of that impulse entirely. But at the same time, there are instances where just jumping in and figuring it out along the way can be a better solution. Like when you’re aching for a change in your life. Maybe now is the time to just throw some of this out into the universe and figure out the little details as I go.

exhibit c :: the feeling that I have to be the grown-up. i love my boyfriend, i love that he is the water sprinkling on me as the flowers. he is what helps me bloom. BUT. i sometimes feel because of our situation that i will not disclose-- that i have to be on top of things. by that I mean I feel like I have to be the one to maintain the stability of a traditional job.. he has a good job but he works soo many hours each week that it interferes with time for eachother, he hates that and threatens to leave it almost every other week.  but then that just feels like it puts more pressure on me to maintain my current one because it is in fact a very stable job.

i've actually been feeling this for quite a while now.. but this week is what really put me in a big giant spotlight. this is my one and only life. this is it. if i'm not happy, than how will i ever be ? if i want something diff for my life, i am the ONLY person who can make it happen. which means i need to get out of my own way, tear down those stupid roadblocks, and just jump in. here’s to a life that makes me happy and fulfilled and that’s worth looking forward to. Because only I can make it that way.

what about yall ?? what roadblocks are youuuu putting in the way of your happiness?

xox rica

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

what does beauty mean to you?

beauty.

reading this seventeen ultimate guide to beauty really got me thinking... who decides if something is beautiful or ugly--- how does society play a role into the answer to this question ? i asked one of the clients as she walked into the salon i work at the other day what she thinks of beauty..

"... i'm sure you're looking for me to say something like "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder" but i'm going to keep it real with you, whether we like it or not, our outer appearance is going to be the first deciding factor as to if we fall into the beautiful category or not."-- Shondra [[ girl, i gave you my link, better hit me up if you read this!! ;o) ]]

no surprise there. pretty much everyone these days will tell you are considered beautiful if you're physically good looking and that it is 'sad' it has to be that way, but thats how society said it has to be. she then asked me "what do you think? what's beautiful to you?"

"beauty isn’t just about having a pretty face. It’s about having a beautiful mind, a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul to go with it cus when it comes down to it-- that's what we all want to see in this world. i truly think there is something really magnetic about a woman who carries her beauty well enough for others to perceive it as kindness and sincerity." I responded in my most miss america way possible. lol


Many companies want to invest in beautiful women. However with the modeling industry, most of these models will NEVER be remembered for their minds, things they say, etc. it's all going to be her full lips, piercing eyes, long locks of hair, tight abs, or perfect breasts. & straiqht up this makes me sickk. i wiish we lived in a society where It’s okay to be yourself--fitting into society's perception of beautiful will not make you special. i mean, sure you may be beautiful by society's standards but you'll be e.m.p.t.y ;;

beauty with character is always better to take in & look through.



my younger sister is, i think, very pretty & i'm not being bias when i say this either. lol i'm saying this because she has genuine love in her heart, and she thrives off of happiness and love given back to her. I've always told her she was beautiful, she always did the same to me. It wasn't until recently I started thinking does a focus on a person’s outward beauty devalue their inner beauty? Does teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tell them that looks are more important that anything?

my sister came over the other day, and she immediately goes to my closet and picks out whatever she wants to try on. she LOVES playing dress up, and we pretty much wear the same size LOL she picked out something for her, and something for me.. as we were both getting undressed she said "look my tummy is getting smaller, i play outside alot and mommy says i get good exercise n will get tall n skinny like u!" and it really hurt my heart because i couldnt help but think i was the one who put the thought of having a flat tummy being ideal into her head. before i knew it, i felt like i pretty much had set her up for dieting at the age of 7, foundation at age 11, boob job at 17 and botox at 23!!

have i been doing the exact thing i always warned myself not too?

as our cultural impact on girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new norm, American women have become increasingly unhappy. it's not like we couldn't foresee this. this is why from now on i am going to be very persistant with teaching my sister how much more important it is to have a life of meaning, a life of ideas---to enjoy reading books and being valued for her thoughts and accomplishments instead of her beauty. i know she is still young, and her peers will definitely convince her otherwise, but i will try my best considering i am still the main role model in her life.

i can't let her down.

I am not saying looks are not important. Because I think they are... to an extent. Actually, i think that keeping up appearances is just good manners plain & simple. i work in customer service. i wear makeup, only mascara and lip gloss to accentuate my best features on days i really am running late or just don't feel like slathering away at my face with pounds of make up. i think this makes me look at least presentable. i wear nice clothes, but don't spend a fortune on them. The world would be a perfect place if strangers could peer into our souls and tell that we have integrity, that we’re intelligent and caring individuals.
Unfortunately, this isn’t how customer service works.
You are judged upon your presentation. Oh and this applies to other social situations too, if not most. I admire any girl who has the guts to walk past the mirror in the morning and be completely comfortable in her skin, head held high with a natural self confidence. however, I just haven’t reached that point yet (and I also really, really love wearing lipgloss!! LOL)
What are your opinions? How much makeup do you wear to work? What about your hair, how long do you take getting it preped for the day? What about your outfits ? How long does it take you to get your outfit picked out, and dressed in it?
xox rica

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

thinspo && flirty girl fitness

obese . ugly . awkward

it's a girl's worse fear to be considered any of these. in the past you either had beauty and appeal.. or you didn't. but now people are really trying to do something about it. there are so many different types of physical fitness routines people are doing.

fitness. this is some thing i have always been interested in. there was a time i wanted to be a personal trainer even! A lot of girls can't stand when I talk about working out because i am already so thin. I really cannot stand it when THEY say that-- do you think i stay this way by earing cheeseburgers and sitting on my ass all day? No. You have to work for the perfect body you want. Skinny bitches aren't born, they're made. i personally don't think i have a weight problem at all, so don't confuse this post with me thinking I do. i have begun working on my physical appearance for the following reasons.



1. i want to stay this fit for my entire life, and not "lose it" like most girls my age and older (especially girls who have had children) 

2. i love feeling good about myself   
3. it energizes me & my days are therefore more productive  
4. i truly enjoy doing the moves flirty girl fitness teaches. i used some of them in the bedroom, & i can assure my boyfriend loves them as well ;)  
5. i am always up for a challenge, and love working towards a goal.


My eating habits in the past few years have been so bad that I am surprised I don't weight over 300 lbs. I'm like a bottomless pit when it comes to food. Especially when drunk. what sparked my interest to start a diet wasn't really a new years resolution. It was more of wanting to see definition and being tone when looking in the mirror.  I cannot stress enough the purpose of this isn't because I think I am fat. I posted a  note on facebook, and that's the exact reaction I got. Below is a graphic of meals I eat throughout the day. I always have one cheat meal every two days. this usually is pizza, or mexican food. Otherwise I eat a shitload of meat, fruits, and applesauce lol Oatmeal is one food I have every day, and don't get sick of. The hummus dip is disgusting, but I found  a flavor I can at least tolerate. 

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the real reason behind the torture is my new job. i am an administrative assistant to the CFO of a company-- but one of his companies is a promotional marketing company that I definitely want to be a part of. I hope to run it on my own one day. Any way, it hosts so many events but a lot of them are in the Caribbean and involve bikinis. lol So I really need to get my body perfect if i plan on going far with this. I scheduled a photo shoot to really see my progress in three months. I'm determined to get toned for it because it's semi-nude, mostly lingerie and bikini. i requested no editing as well because I want to see how they come out so i can see what areas i need to work on more. so I decided to take before and after photos to document my progress.&& i BETTER see some damn results!!

               


so let's start by informing you all on what i call my "problem areas".

[x] my stomach has always been insanely toned. it's one of my favorite features. lately however, i have been really wanting to get my bottom two abs more formed. if you look at it now, i have only a four pack. i want the definition. If possible, I want that "V" as well.

[x] my legs are so thick. my thighs especially. i really want to get the "gap" in the middle more into the grand canyon instead of well, no space at all like i have now. working on these will also get my butt into a more toned shape. i am afraid i will work off all of my ass, but it really needs it so i don't even care at this point.

before and after pics will be posted at the end of the every month.


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Flirty Girl Fitness

to help me achieve my goals of a toned body, i was seeking different classes i can start taking, or a gym i can join. well my apartment has  fitness center so i don't really care to pay for a membership. What I did find was find Flirty Girl Fitness. 

this is a new type of aerobic dance fitness routine similar to Zumba. Like Zumba, you use fun dance moves to help you exercise while having fun at the same time. I will admit what got me was the commercial they have... come on, we all know it "Long.. Lean.. Tight.. Beautiful" lol this grabs the attention of female viewers thinking, "That's just what I want!" and makes them believe that Flirty Girl Fitness can give this to them! using the words "sexy, slender and awesome" to describe a body really gets into the heads of the insecure female viewers making them believe they need this product.  It's not hard to see  how the designers of the commercial work -- they know that women are mostly uncomfortable with--  their stomach, legs and butt --- so they emphasize how this dance routine targets these areas to "flatten your abs, thin your hips and thighs and lift and firm your booty.


They even appeal to females on a budget. In an economy like this people cannot be bothered with expensive gym membership or fancy equipment. Flirty Girl Fitness allows women to get the bodies they have dreamed of for only $20, I got a fitness pole and an extra dvd because i called within a certain amount of minutes from the infomercial. So i recommend you all do this as well to get the biggest bang for your buck! 

For most women the idea of getting the body of their dreams is something they desire most and with such a low cost they would definitely take advantage of it. Also even if they do not get the results they desire they will not have wasted hundreds of dollars so there is nothing to lose from this. 

I personally love all of their dances. I feel like I am dancing, not working at all. I love to dance, so it truly suites me so well. i highly recommend them to every one trying to get into thin mode.


Stay tuned for more posts I am making on my favorite work outs including daily work outs, weekly, my diet, meals, cheat days, and other things I do to help me on my way to making my perfect body a reality.

xox rica