Thursday, December 20, 2012

it's beginning to feel a lot like christmas < 3

 Christmas is the most amazing time of year.

 despite the cold weather, and how the woods that surround my house are now basically see-thru from the road, totally killing my privacy and giving my neighbors a free show when i sleep lol, i truly enjoy Christmas and everything is has to offer. I couldn't wait to put up all my X-Mas decor, i have so much stuff I love to show off. i also put up a tree at my mother-in-law's place. My new place is really coming together. I can't wait until it is all ready and set. So far I have my trees up, see below =)

As I am putting up my tree, decorating my fireplace mantle, putting lights around the door and window trim, hanging snowflakes in the windows, and covering every table with knick knacks--- I warm up hot chocalate with extra marshmellows while listening to the X-Mas station, 93.9 The Lite, which plays nothing but X-Mas music all day and night long. I start a fire in my fire place, and the sheer warmth and smells flowing throughout my home just brings such bliss.  It really puts me in a loving and giving mood.

My mother in law's xmas tree

Shortly after I finish with all my decor on the inside, I head outside, and put up Christmas lights anywhere I can. On Christmas, i go as far as putting reindeer tracks in the snow so i can REALLY fool all the kiddies!! I also decorate my stair railings with garters, lights, tinsel, and anything my landlord allows :)

Don't forget myself now.. I buy a new santa baby lingerie suit to sport for my baby as a xmas present to him.. hehe We always make sure to have a verrrrrrry merrrrry christmas. It is one of our favorite holidays... definitely means a lot to our relationship.

so now, about this blog .. I wanted to write about things i love about this season and am curious to know what my readers' favorites are as well. i don't know any one who doesn't enjoy this season. and if they are, well BAH HUMBAG to you too, cus you're nothing but a GRINCH. ;D

Chrismas Season Must Do's!

downtown chicago is definitely the place to be! sure, it's cold && snowy, but that is part of the appeal.. especially for visitors from parts of the world who do not experience seasons in the way we do here.. there are even people within the US that do not.. Chicago has it's own weather control that's for sure.  with a mix of dark nights .. bright lights.. and the HUGE christmas tree Chicago puts up every year are some of the few things that make downtown such a great place to be.

my #1 favorite thing to do is ice skating.  there are some people who just have to get their fitness/sports fix, and ice skating is the best sport to find it. It is a classic chicago winter activity. The famous Grant Park is its backdrop.. so while your skating thereis nothing but beautiful scenary all around. it's also free to the public but i think you have to pay to rent the skates which shouldnt be more than $10 bucks.

food :: of course chicago is known for its amazing melting pot of different cuisines. but i personally go for the bakeries along michigan and congress because my sweet tooth is huuuuuuuuge and always aching for more. not only that but i am a fabulous baker myself && am always looking for new recipes or ideas to try out myself. the cookies pictured below i baked with my mother in law, whom by now if you haven't figured it out is pretty much my mother and best friend-- we are always together and she has done so much for me its impossible to list everything, and i wouldn't even know where to begin-- but anywho, these cookies came out very good but only problem was we did such a good job on them  i didnt want to eat them up!! i just wanted them to sit there and be complimented by everyone who came over .. haha ;D

chicago's broadway scene. when i went to school in chicago, my ballet team always made it a point to bring us to the theater to see the Nutcracker and a handful of other plays. i really think the winter season is not complete without seeing at least one play.  there is an annual Christmas Spectacular, which is my personal favorite because its over 100 performers at least! and just a huge combination of music and dance. my fiance's family and i really enjoy Chicago's broadway scene.

 parades. the magnificent mile lights parade is before thanksgiving and known for its HUGE blimps illuminating over thousands of lights on Michigan avenue.  this is pretty much the most famous parade, but there is also a toys for tots one that i go to every year. check out the picture to the right --- >>

Elmo!--whose the infamous MC of the parade is usually first and leads the illumination of more lights than any one can count on the The Magnificent Mile district on michigan ave.. i forget what street its from but i know it starts at wacker drive and i would assume goes all the way to clark or oak st. there is an insane fireworks show over the river at the end which brings just an amazing event to an even more amazing end.

brookfield and Lincoln park zoo: lincoln park zoo is more common to go to because its in downtown chicago and its also free to get into. it also hosts the "zoo lights" which is really popular to attend throughout the holiday season. they have santa claus there to visit each child, super amazing ice-carving demonstrations, all the while enjoying a musical light show. while brookfield zoo is a more nicer zoo, but cost money to get into, besides on christmas day they are free to enter and is a holiday tradition with my boyfriend and I to attend every year because it holds a very special moment in both of our hearts-- brookfield hosts the holiday magic event that is pretty much  both a laser and light show along with ice carving demonstrations as well and live music and magician performances. i like this one a little better than the Zoo Lights at Lincoln park zoo, but again its what you pay for. brookfield zoo also hosts a "breakfast with santa" pretty much every weekend throughout december i think. i went to it once but it was the weekend before christmas so don't hold me to it, but im pretty sure its every weekend.

christmas tree at the museum o science and industry! ;D

every museum is great in its own way. my favorites are the museum of science and industry and the field museum because they are most informational along with them both having things that relate more to my interests but the Shedd Aquarium and the Adler planetarium are also very cool to walk through, as they have great visual displys.  i also really enjoy the chicago children's museum..they really go all out for the children!!  i remeber going iinside a firehouse, walking through the sahara desert, and a whole bunch of other control centers. it really shows you a lot, all pertaining to fun and education of course.

now alongside the children's museum is the Navy Pier's LEGOLAND!! Lol.. it's seriously  like entering the world’s biggest box of Legos.  there is a HUGE medieval Lego castle-- includes dragons!! There is also pretty much every major landmark throughout Chicago is remade in legos like the water tower, Sears' tower, etc. && last but not least, you have the opportunity to build your own lego creation! of course i always took full advantage =) i wish i still had my pictures. i put them in one of my scrapbooks that one of my friend's accidentally throughout when she lived with me =(

Now to end this super long, what felt like endless, blog i just wanted to say chicago is a very great city. it has a lot to offer, and is magnificently beautiful from an architextural aspect especially. i know there are many, MANY areas that are very bad and crime ridden but for every bad neighborhood there is a good neighborhod, and as with any city--there is always going to be a Skidd Row. Just how this human race is unfortunately. so if you've never been to these places, please try to get to them this winter. they are very inexpensive, if not free, and really there is not excuse not to make it to them if you really want to. 

Chicago is also known for it's insane weather. upon attending any of these events, please make sure you dress apropriately!! i myself just bought these super cute zebra glittens because every morning when i leave for work at 6am, my car is frozen inside so my boyfriend started to run out 20mins before i leave so it can warm up but what doesn't seem to get warm quick enough is my steering wheel!! so i put on my xmas list i want a warm and fuzzy steering wheel cover, but until i get that i will just drive sporting my uber cute glittens :

i know, i am obsessed with zebra print! =) i like the glittens because i can always free my fingers if i need to do something like put on make up or tie something or text quickly, etc. Anyway, try to stay warm this holiday season, but also try to really make your life feel like a winter wonderland.

thnks for reading =]
Rica xx

xox rica

Monday, December 10, 2012

my year long wish list

i am currently writing a blog post on my "Life Update" which will inform you all on my new job I got. Don't want to say too much, but let's just say I am getting paid insanely good. Because of this, I wanted to make a "wish list" of things I want now that i will have all that disposable income, lol. I also want to document when I get each item, my review on it, and pictures of it. Just because I'm making a lot of money doesn't mean I am still not a cheap-freak. I am obsessed with clearance items, and am always on the hunt for a good deal. I of course will let you all know the price/deal I get on each item, and where you can get it as well.

Items Added: November 2012

First are things I really need, then are things I prefer to have, and lastly beauty items I really want:

[ x ] apartment

my new job requires me to move a lot closer just so it's easier on all parties involved. lol i found a very nice complex that i am ecstatic about moving into. move in date is december 15th 2012. I'm renting a two bedroom one bath because i have a lot of over night guests, not too mention i need the extra storage space. The picture above shows the pool which is right outside of my balcony. It also comes with a fitness center, spa, sundeck, computer room, and a bunch more. i think i should just make a separate post on it lol include pictures of my place, the move in, and all that good stuff ;)

 [ x ] new vehicle

i currently drive a jeep liberty, and hate it. my boyfriend paid 13k cash for this car, and I was in school at the time and was so upset I wasn't there to deter him from buying it. He really likes it though. I want a small vehicle with better gas mileage. One of the perks of the job was either a new apartment or a new car, I picked the apartment. && I will just sell my current car, and buy a new one with my own salary. I have no idea what I want, as there are soo many choices. It's definitely going to be a new car, but undecided on a small car or a small SUV -- so either an acura TL as pictured or an Acura MDX. Something similar to that..

[x] expand make up collection

I've already started doing this. I've graduated from a small basket holding everything (above picture to left) to five different containers holding each type of make up individually. For instance, all my mascaras are in one, lip glosses in the second (see pictured to right), and so on and so forth.  I'm making a blog on make up storage as i have a make up forever storage kit on my amazing wish list i am going to get very soon. i really like the make up kits they have at sephora, etc. too... one of those would be ideal for all my make up storage!! 

[x] shoes shoes shoes shoes

i have always been obsessed with a good pair of heels. you think diamonds are a girls' best friend? try buying heels for her, and see her eyes light up. I'm currently obsessing over thigh high boots--- ohhh weee! but will soon expand my shoe collection from just this one behind the door rack to hopefully a few of them!!

[x] expand nail polish collection

i legit do this on the daily. i am always walking out of a store with nail polishes in my bag. i just bought the above pictured in august, and have only used the two dark purples for fall season. I also have all my nail polishes on a spice rack i got from Ikea. #Resourceful =] i have an obsession but thankfully nail polishes are so cheap so it's ok 

[x] louis vuitton never full bag

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I want this so bag-- mainly for the exact reason of being able to fit soo much into it !!
i am always carrying my life in my purse, so this would truly be ideal for me!!

[x] GHD hair staightener 

I already have an amazing Platinum straightener pictured to the right and it works amazingly well!! However this GHD one i really want because not only does it come in an adorable little case, but you can seriously fit it any where and i am always wanting to touch up my hair throughout the night at events, so this would be perfect for me to do just that.

Monday, November 19, 2012


People that let go in the beginning, i give you props. Because people who wrap their lives up in someone only end up broken-hearted in the end. So what if you fall into that group? The one time you let your guard down, you're proven right. The one person you've always relied on, who has always been there, says "have a nice life."

EASILY. you find yourself someone you don't even know, you chance without even realizing it, your views, the way you operate-- all of it has been busted.

it's crazy how people can put so much into you && take that much more out. you watch what you say, watch what you do, put all your energy into it;; falling asleep && waking up to the same thoughts-- && all you end up doing is breaking down in the process.

In creeps the paranoia, the fear, the pain-- which is all too much for a person to take. All it puts into you it hate... for everything around you.

All it does it show you the FOOL you are, the IDIOT who fell in love.

Fuck anyone who has had a problem with it, whose feelings were non-existent
&& now you're just stuckkk.....

You come out of your coma, but hate yourself for letting someone change you so much.


You wasted all this hopelessness.

that you were genuine with your feelings when he wasn't.

because it was all taken away, slipped right through your fingers without either of you noticing.


why the FUCK did i even try so hard?

Pardon my paranoia. I just returned from a trip to hell and I haven’t unpacked my baggage yet


Thursday, November 15, 2012

getting out of my own way..

so i've been kind of in this cloud, that more often than not decides to release a big bucket of fuck you rain droplets on my head from time to time, for about the past 2 months. granted i was going through a shitload of life changes, so of course i am bound to be stressed as haillll.

but it wasn't until recently that i figured out i am more motivated than EVER to start changing up my life now that i am finally PHYSICALLY where i want to be. after the news this weekend I realize with michele that life is too fucking short and fragile to not be happy, do what you love and spend it the way you want to.

SO. now instead of taking the slow and steady approach to change i normally do, i'm in the mood to that fast quickness chicago path. (youuu knowwww.) which, or me, means facing and tearing down the roadblocks i put up for myself when facing big, life altering choices over the past few years.. eek! So to get myself to where I want to be, I’m going to have to get past a few key issues..listed below are the ones i think are going to be my main ones:

exhibit a :: aversion to risk. yup, i know. MEEE afraid of RISK? sure when it comes to rollercoasters that are faster than the speed of light and throw you up and down and every which way possible, i am going to be alll up over and inside that (that's what she said.) But when it comes down to my own i am not a risk-tolerant person. i am always ten steps ahead because it makes me feel safe. i follow the rules because it is stable. i feel like i can’t take risks because i’ve got to pay bills, have insurance, need a guaranteed job, etc. And yet. And yet, and yet and yet. Sometimes, when you’re confronting life that is unhappy (but safe) or happy (but risky)–well, risk is starting to sound much more appealing. I can always find a way to pay my bills. but i'm starting to realize..i can’t always let my happiness and fulfillment fall at the feet of what’s safe. a fear of not being good enough. my social status was kind of weird-- i was popular enough to where everyone knew who i was, but smart enough to not get close to anyone too much & had one boyfriend straight thru high school which saved me from soooo much drama--anyway, i’ve never been the bottom of the heap, but I’m rarely at the top either. i woulod consider myself super witty, funny, charming, outgoing, smart, and respectful... but for some reason i don't think that all of those qualities are enough for the kinds of things i dream up. i mean, coupled with my risk aversion, my fear of not being good enough at the things I want to do has held me at bay for a long time. why? cus it has just always been easier to stay where I am, where i know i'm OK, than it is to put myself out there and be faced with the reality that i don’t have what it takes. but honestly, I’m strong enough to face rejection. ive got enough support to face the struggle. i would rather TRY and not be enough than not try.

exhibit b :: obsessive compulsive person. i absolutely need to have EVERY.LITTLE.DETAIL. in place before I can so much as begin. Maybe it’s my years of marketing plans that require every little piece to be in place before you launch. Maybe it’s the obsessive, detail person in me coming out. Or maybe it’s just a stall tactic. But I always feel like I have to have every little tiny thing worked out before I can begin. I have to have it perfect before I can let it go into the world. Which has its place, admittedly. I’m never going to get rid of that impulse entirely. But at the same time, there are instances where just jumping in and figuring it out along the way can be a better solution. Like when you’re aching for a change in your life. Maybe now is the time to just throw some of this out into the universe and figure out the little details as I go.

exhibit c :: the feeling that I have to be the grown-up. i love my boyfriend, i love that he is the water sprinkling on me as the flowers. he is what helps me bloom. BUT. i sometimes feel because of our situation that i will not disclose-- that i have to be on top of things. by that I mean I feel like I have to be the one to maintain the stability of a traditional job.. he has a good job but he works soo many hours each week that it interferes with time for eachother, he hates that and threatens to leave it almost every other week.  but then that just feels like it puts more pressure on me to maintain my current one because it is in fact a very stable job.

i've actually been feeling this for quite a while now.. but this week is what really put me in a big giant spotlight. this is my one and only life. this is it. if i'm not happy, than how will i ever be ? if i want something diff for my life, i am the ONLY person who can make it happen. which means i need to get out of my own way, tear down those stupid roadblocks, and just jump in. here’s to a life that makes me happy and fulfilled and that’s worth looking forward to. Because only I can make it that way.

what about yall ?? what roadblocks are youuuu putting in the way of your happiness?

xox rica

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

what does beauty mean to you?


reading this seventeen ultimate guide to beauty really got me thinking... who decides if something is beautiful or ugly--- how does society play a role into the answer to this question ? i asked one of the clients as she walked into the salon i work at the other day what she thinks of beauty..

"... i'm sure you're looking for me to say something like "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder" but i'm going to keep it real with you, whether we like it or not, our outer appearance is going to be the first deciding factor as to if we fall into the beautiful category or not."-- Shondra [[ girl, i gave you my link, better hit me up if you read this!! ;o) ]]

no surprise there. pretty much everyone these days will tell you are considered beautiful if you're physically good looking and that it is 'sad' it has to be that way, but thats how society said it has to be. she then asked me "what do you think? what's beautiful to you?"

"beauty isn’t just about having a pretty face. It’s about having a beautiful mind, a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul to go with it cus when it comes down to it-- that's what we all want to see in this world. i truly think there is something really magnetic about a woman who carries her beauty well enough for others to perceive it as kindness and sincerity." I responded in my most miss america way possible. lol

Many companies want to invest in beautiful women. However with the modeling industry, most of these models will NEVER be remembered for their minds, things they say, etc. it's all going to be her full lips, piercing eyes, long locks of hair, tight abs, or perfect breasts. & straiqht up this makes me sickk. i wiish we lived in a society where It’s okay to be yourself--fitting into society's perception of beautiful will not make you special. i mean, sure you may be beautiful by society's standards but you'll be e.m.p.t.y ;;

beauty with character is always better to take in & look through.

my younger sister is, i think, very pretty & i'm not being bias when i say this either. lol i'm saying this because she has genuine love in her heart, and she thrives off of happiness and love given back to her. I've always told her she was beautiful, she always did the same to me. It wasn't until recently I started thinking does a focus on a person’s outward beauty devalue their inner beauty? Does teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tell them that looks are more important that anything?

my sister came over the other day, and she immediately goes to my closet and picks out whatever she wants to try on. she LOVES playing dress up, and we pretty much wear the same size LOL she picked out something for her, and something for me.. as we were both getting undressed she said "look my tummy is getting smaller, i play outside alot and mommy says i get good exercise n will get tall n skinny like u!" and it really hurt my heart because i couldnt help but think i was the one who put the thought of having a flat tummy being ideal into her head. before i knew it, i felt like i pretty much had set her up for dieting at the age of 7, foundation at age 11, boob job at 17 and botox at 23!!

have i been doing the exact thing i always warned myself not too?

as our cultural impact on girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new norm, American women have become increasingly unhappy. it's not like we couldn't foresee this. this is why from now on i am going to be very persistant with teaching my sister how much more important it is to have a life of meaning, a life of ideas---to enjoy reading books and being valued for her thoughts and accomplishments instead of her beauty. i know she is still young, and her peers will definitely convince her otherwise, but i will try my best considering i am still the main role model in her life.

i can't let her down.

I am not saying looks are not important. Because I think they are... to an extent. Actually, i think that keeping up appearances is just good manners plain & simple. i work in customer service. i wear makeup, only mascara and lip gloss to accentuate my best features on days i really am running late or just don't feel like slathering away at my face with pounds of make up. i think this makes me look at least presentable. i wear nice clothes, but don't spend a fortune on them. The world would be a perfect place if strangers could peer into our souls and tell that we have integrity, that we’re intelligent and caring individuals.
Unfortunately, this isn’t how customer service works.
You are judged upon your presentation. Oh and this applies to other social situations too, if not most. I admire any girl who has the guts to walk past the mirror in the morning and be completely comfortable in her skin, head held high with a natural self confidence. however, I just haven’t reached that point yet (and I also really, really love wearing lipgloss!! LOL)
What are your opinions? How much makeup do you wear to work? What about your hair, how long do you take getting it preped for the day? What about your outfits ? How long does it take you to get your outfit picked out, and dressed in it?
xox rica

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

thinspo && flirty girl fitness

obese . ugly . awkward

it's a girl's worse fear to be considered any of these. in the past you either had beauty and appeal.. or you didn't. but now people are really trying to do something about it. there are so many different types of physical fitness routines people are doing.

fitness. this is some thing i have always been interested in. there was a time i wanted to be a personal trainer even! A lot of girls can't stand when I talk about working out because i am already so thin. I really cannot stand it when THEY say that-- do you think i stay this way by earing cheeseburgers and sitting on my ass all day? No. You have to work for the perfect body you want. Skinny bitches aren't born, they're made. i personally don't think i have a weight problem at all, so don't confuse this post with me thinking I do. i have begun working on my physical appearance for the following reasons.

1. i want to stay this fit for my entire life, and not "lose it" like most girls my age and older (especially girls who have had children) 

2. i love feeling good about myself   
3. it energizes me & my days are therefore more productive  
4. i truly enjoy doing the moves flirty girl fitness teaches. i used some of them in the bedroom, & i can assure my boyfriend loves them as well ;)  
5. i am always up for a challenge, and love working towards a goal.

My eating habits in the past few years have been so bad that I am surprised I don't weight over 300 lbs. I'm like a bottomless pit when it comes to food. Especially when drunk. what sparked my interest to start a diet wasn't really a new years resolution. It was more of wanting to see definition and being tone when looking in the mirror.  I cannot stress enough the purpose of this isn't because I think I am fat. I posted a  note on facebook, and that's the exact reaction I got. Below is a graphic of meals I eat throughout the day. I always have one cheat meal every two days. this usually is pizza, or mexican food. Otherwise I eat a shitload of meat, fruits, and applesauce lol Oatmeal is one food I have every day, and don't get sick of. The hummus dip is disgusting, but I found  a flavor I can at least tolerate. 

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the real reason behind the torture is my new job. i am an administrative assistant to the CFO of a company-- but one of his companies is a promotional marketing company that I definitely want to be a part of. I hope to run it on my own one day. Any way, it hosts so many events but a lot of them are in the Caribbean and involve bikinis. lol So I really need to get my body perfect if i plan on going far with this. I scheduled a photo shoot to really see my progress in three months. I'm determined to get toned for it because it's semi-nude, mostly lingerie and bikini. i requested no editing as well because I want to see how they come out so i can see what areas i need to work on more. so I decided to take before and after photos to document my progress.&& i BETTER see some damn results!!


so let's start by informing you all on what i call my "problem areas".

[x] my stomach has always been insanely toned. it's one of my favorite features. lately however, i have been really wanting to get my bottom two abs more formed. if you look at it now, i have only a four pack. i want the definition. If possible, I want that "V" as well.

[x] my legs are so thick. my thighs especially. i really want to get the "gap" in the middle more into the grand canyon instead of well, no space at all like i have now. working on these will also get my butt into a more toned shape. i am afraid i will work off all of my ass, but it really needs it so i don't even care at this point.

before and after pics will be posted at the end of the every month.

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Flirty Girl Fitness

to help me achieve my goals of a toned body, i was seeking different classes i can start taking, or a gym i can join. well my apartment has  fitness center so i don't really care to pay for a membership. What I did find was find Flirty Girl Fitness. 

this is a new type of aerobic dance fitness routine similar to Zumba. Like Zumba, you use fun dance moves to help you exercise while having fun at the same time. I will admit what got me was the commercial they have... come on, we all know it "Long.. Lean.. Tight.. Beautiful" lol this grabs the attention of female viewers thinking, "That's just what I want!" and makes them believe that Flirty Girl Fitness can give this to them! using the words "sexy, slender and awesome" to describe a body really gets into the heads of the insecure female viewers making them believe they need this product.  It's not hard to see  how the designers of the commercial work -- they know that women are mostly uncomfortable with--  their stomach, legs and butt --- so they emphasize how this dance routine targets these areas to "flatten your abs, thin your hips and thighs and lift and firm your booty.

They even appeal to females on a budget. In an economy like this people cannot be bothered with expensive gym membership or fancy equipment. Flirty Girl Fitness allows women to get the bodies they have dreamed of for only $20, I got a fitness pole and an extra dvd because i called within a certain amount of minutes from the infomercial. So i recommend you all do this as well to get the biggest bang for your buck! 

For most women the idea of getting the body of their dreams is something they desire most and with such a low cost they would definitely take advantage of it. Also even if they do not get the results they desire they will not have wasted hundreds of dollars so there is nothing to lose from this. 

I personally love all of their dances. I feel like I am dancing, not working at all. I love to dance, so it truly suites me so well. i highly recommend them to every one trying to get into thin mode.

Stay tuned for more posts I am making on my favorite work outs including daily work outs, weekly, my diet, meals, cheat days, and other things I do to help me on my way to making my perfect body a reality.

xox rica

Monday, October 29, 2012

i know better but don't do better

I'm going through a lot right now, there are going to be a lot of changes in my lifestyle these next few months. i'm very excited about them, but kind of worried as well. This change can either ruin a person's life or better it. i know it's hard to get sucked in, but i refuse to become another statistic.

everything makes sense in my mind but for some reason, it doesn't make sense when i lay it all out in front of me. it makes things much more challenging.

I view ANY experience that I can learn and grow from, and possibly help someone else grow as a positive thing but I'm facing my own internal struggles, along with putting the weight of the world on my shoulders because I want to help everyone, be there for everyone and not for a second do I stop and think , what about me? I've become such a selfless person with my time, money and my heart that a part of me feels that it's to a fault.. it's becoming my downfall.

So I flip modes. But hell, I'm certainly no angel but my intentions these days for myself as well as others have been nothing but good.. i never meant to hurt anybody; but fuck we can't satisfy everyone.

I even have this new drive to want to do REALLY well in life, i've always settled for less. I didn't care about "making something of my life." I've seen too many instances where a person works really hard for a certain position, all for nothing but a huge downfall. I guess the reason why I didn't care about it was because of my own fear of failure.

But somehow it made a wrong turn and I'm terrified of failure even more, I never lived up to my potential up until now, and soon i will be blowing people's minds, but i know exactly what is going to happen. These -people- will begin to expect things and I feel like I have to exceed their expectations, you never know what it feels like to actually let someone down when you aren't doin shit in the first place, if that makes sense..

I'm soo hard on myself now because I can't go back to what I was. I'm having trouble even embracing my own ambitious side, probably because I just found it. I know that I need patience and faith, but I feel like I lack the time it takes to attain those things. I've become what i've always claimed to never be, a procrastinator. Now that I don't have the same resources I had, I'm fucked.

I know who I am, what I am, where I'm from and what I want, so why the hell is everything so hard? I know what I got to do, but financially it kills me.

Well pretty soon here, things are going to change. && I aint letting anyone know my goals now, they'll find out after i achieve them && i aint going to be the one to tell them. If they think I am going to share my happiness over my success, they are out their rabbit ass minds. They don't deserve to share those moments with me, why? Because they did nothing to help me achieve it. I asked for a little bump in the right direction, to help me get this and get that, && i didn't get SHIT. So i will absolutely not involve any of you, you know who you are, on any of my future events.

It's a lot harder when you have to go through things by yourself, but I appreciate the strong woman that I've become. I'm still growing, I'm still finding myself. I still have a lot to learn about this world.

It just bothers me when people say they understand, but haven't been through what I've been through. I've realized that if it doesn't affect another person they really don't care half as much as you do. This doesn't go for everything, but once I get close enough to someone and explain a certain problem I have, I feel like they think i'm some insane female with crazy problems. I don't blame them, why? Because they're ignorant. They are ignorant to my lifestyle, to my background, to what people in my situation have been through, and we learn to cope with our experiences. The people I am surrounded by lately are from a completely different world.. they don't know the least bit about real struggle. I wish I can explain this further, but it is just pointless. You only can truly understand if you share the same background, which about 98% of you on here more than likely don't.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode from being so overwhelmed, good and bad. and I never talk about my feelings because I used to think that's what it meant to be strong, not crying and not showing that I'm vulnerable sometimes. I'm a very serious person and I think a lot but I use being funny to mask that.

I feel like I'm unappreciative of my blessings a lot, because I always want more, I always need more. Maybe because I'm reaching for instant gratification and I need to aim a little higher? I don't know how to express my gratitude, I don't know how to be a woman without being emotional, because that was always my impression of a woman. I have to find that balance/ that center if I can't find Waldo, or anything else lol.

I'm a fighter, it's in my blood and I barely sleep at night because my mind is constantly going.

God, help me...

"i gotta go i gotta get me"

Saturday, October 27, 2012

boobies month xx

breast cancer research and awareness month

I love the month of October. not only does it have my #1 baby girl's birthday in it, but it also has Halloween which is one of my favorite holidays, and it's Breast Cancer Awareness & Research Month!!

This is the month you will see PiNK every where!! You also get to see Boobies In public and not get looked at weird .... not like that ever stopped me ;)

Of course to commemorate this special month, I had to pink-tify a few things. Not only did I rock all the pink jewelry I had at work every day, including my pink ribbon earrings, my big pink rock ring pictured below, and my boobies wristband pictured above, but also wore elaborate pink eye shadow as well.

                                           I also took the liberty of bedazzling my entire phone.

And who can resist buying this adorably precious teddy bear in the Hallmark store ??

The pink ribbon -- nationally known symbol for breast cancer and awareness. they are widely used to demonstrate our support for women (and men) who have Breast Cancer, and were first handed out by the Susan G. Komen Foundation in 1991 at the Race for the Cure in New York City. Over the years, we have seen this pink ribbon displayed in all shapes and styles:


      breast_cancer_ribbon      breast-cancer-run-ribbon

breast cancer statistics and information

According to the National Cancer Institute, there are over 194,000 new cases and 40,000 deaths per year in the U.S. In addition, there are currently over 2.5 million women alive who have had a history of breast cancer. Here are a couple other quick facts:

-- 12% of women will be diagnosed with breast cancer some time in their life
-- 60% of breast cancer cases are diagnosed while the cancer is still confined to the primary site
-- From 2002-2006, the median age at diagnosis for cancer of the breast was 61 years of age
-- The overall 5-year relative survival rate is about 90%

breast cancer video: show your support

There are many things you can do to get involved and show your support such as donating money, wearing a pink ribbon or volunteering your time at a local fundraising event. 

 Check out this video of The Johns Hopkins Hospital and how they are showing their support:


Other Breast Cancer Resources:

Watch a video “Mammograms Matter.”
Inform yourself about breast cancer early detection.
Take time to sign up for a Mammogram Reminder.
Discover medicines that can help reduce breast cancer risk.
Understand what you need to know about cancer and women’s health.
Get answers by reading “What Causes Cancer?

Remember girls!

Friday, October 19, 2012

power struggle

So i was thinking.. maybe sometimes it's best to put up a shield as you head into the battlefield of love. Because then when we find ourselves defenseless as our hearts become exploited, we wonder where we went wrong?

I was thinking about the power in relationships.. who decides its fate? Who decides the direction? what constitutes who has the "power" in a relationship? Is one always held above the other?

a. the one who bases her every decision around what her man will think, the one who does not go somewhere because her man doesn't let her, the one who asks her man if what she is wearing is okay before walking out of the house, the one who will cater to her man not in a loving way like destiny's child meant, but in the puppy dog way where you are like a fucken servant behind him picking up after him and getting shit for him---well then, maybe it's time to find your voice. Search deep inside for your inner-strength and have the confidence to stand up for your beliefs and opinions. Get some fucken self -respect because while you may claim you have it, you don't. This relationship involves you, which means you are equally as important as your partner. If you truly believe you "aren't good enough" for him - leave.. that kind of attitude isn't doing either of you any good.

b. if you find yourself "dominating" all relationships you become involved in, that isn't good either. Relationships are about two people working as a team in a single unit. Both individuals need to be actively involved in decision making. Too often we become consumed in a relationship where we "become one". it took me a long time but i realized that dating is not about finding your other half. dating is more about really discovering yourself and accepting that you are already whole. your man's purpose is to compliment you, not complete you. I think without that equality of power in a relationship, a couple cannot function successfully. Hearts will be broken and someone will get hurt... like 95% of relationships do.

Relationships like this are damaging, for someone will always end up hurt. Maybe you've been on both ends of the spectrum. I have.

Although with this curent relationship, I am having a hard time seeing where i stood.

xox rica

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

death ;; you cannot avoid it.

no matter who we are, where we live, or what we do, death will touch all of us in some way or another. although there is a lot to learn and understand about death-- much more than i can everrr express in this blog-- it's still important to express your feelings on death because i've learned this can help others cope with it when it may happen to them. a friend of mine recently had a close family friend die unexpectedly and it just hit me that we all take life for granted way too much. i am so happy that i am able to breathe in fresh air every day, to be able to eat what i want, do what i want, wear what i want, etc are all gifts that cannot be measured.

unfortunate as it may be, death is an inevitable part of life && we will all be touched by the reaper at some point in our lives. I, personally, am soooo blessed to not have dealt with a single close death to me that had literally touched me to the point of extreme depression.
i do know that death is a difficult thing to work through though.. it leaves you feeling so empty and alone but there are a lot of ways one can find peace after a recent death of a close one. when you lose someone close to you , your senses are flooded with multiple emotions.. there's anger, denial, depression, frustration, and above all just plain sadness.

it is perfectly normal to feel anger toward the person you lost. after all, they left you alone. Someday that anger will subside and you will have overcome the frustration of loss. Sadness and grief will probably be with you for life, but they get easier to deal with over time. Even though you may feel that you cannot survive another day because the grief is so overwhelming, you can and you will. Face each day and conquer it!

many people let grief win and overtake their lives. they become consumed in their sorrow and almost cease to function. this actually becomes detrimental to their health. i jus cannot stress it enoug hthat no matter how hard it may seem, you need to move forward. i always tell the people that have lost someone close to them to jus think about what they would want. would they want you to suffer endlessly because of their lost. but when it comes down to it... only time will help you overcome the anger and will dull the pain of loss.

the reason why I really wanted to touch on this topic was because there was a recent death of a very young man this past week, and i couldnt help but think what awful timing it was. i mean, of course there is no good timing, but dealing with death of close ones I'm sure makes things a lot harder.

Rest In Paradise to all of those to have lost a loved one this year. pour out a little liq & smoke a lil reefer for those special people <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">

xox rica

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

the most important element.


i've been a total shut-in lately. which some people may say that i need that, lol but i do need some human interaction every now and then to feel normal.. even if it’s by phone and internet.  i haven't been doing much of that lately, either.. which means when I do go out, I feel kind of out-of-sorts. like i'm visiting a foreign land instead of just hanging out with friends/people I know..

so that's when i decided to go out yesterday. i went out with my boyfriend's boys and hung out with their girlfriends, there were two of them and me. least to say, i had a very nice night full of laughs and it became kind of bittersweet because i have wanted so long to be around friends who were couples. they prove to be better friends than former friends of mine.

so point is, my boyfriend and i decided to take a walk on the river on the way home  when i overheard a distraught women telling a friend about a recent fight with her boyfriend. she went on to tell her friend a long list of horrible things the guy had said to her. And they were pretty awful. Hateful, mean things that were intended to hurt. but something she said stuck with me... "his words were like fists." i instantly felt her pain. emotional abuse can be so much worse than physical some times. you'd think it would be the opposite but with physical pain, the wounds heal. emotional pain leaves scars that can be so unbearable you wouldn't know what to do to feel better again. i can’t imagine patching things up after a fight like that... and i have been in some pretty awful fights lol

Which got me to thinking of the most painful thing a man has ever said to me...i can't even pinpoint it to one thing but i thought about it all last night. And, in the end, and i realized that the most hurtful thing a man can ever say without truly meaning it is "iloveyou." Cus for me, the worst thing a man can do or say is to make me feel wanted and needed and i put my trust and all into him for him to catch me when i fall but really he would have just let me fall on my ass.

So today i would like to address one of the most important elements that must exist in any healthy relationship. this is not something you can buy, borrow or steal because this basic necessity can only be earned. what is this thing that bonds couples together and helps to create a healthy relationship between two committed people? come on.. it's not that hard people ;)

one word--it's trust!

By definition, trust is “a firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity and reliability of another person.” We all are familiar with the warmth and safety trust can provide; however, we also know the intense emotional pain and agony of having experienced trust broken. since trust is a basic necessity in a healthy relationship, I find it rather curious that the word “us” sits comfortably in the midst of the word trust. the truth is that there can be no us if there is no trust, because trust is one of the critical bonds that connect and endear two people to one another. so with this as our foundation today, i'd like you to think about two questions today regarding trust:

Who do you trust the most? And are YOU trustworthy?

i trust you will find these two questions a bit challenging, insightful and enlightening. are you trustworthy in one sense but not in another ?? are you more bound to be trusted in or doing the trusting in another?? there are so many different aspects of this word. so i want you to really think about them, and afterwards really think about that person and make sure they know just how much they mean to you.. because afterall we are never promised tomorrow and you may never get another chance to do so.

xox rica

Sunday, July 15, 2012

inside im dying

i am hurting so bad. no one sees the pain behind the face because i hide it sooo well. i cry myself to sleep almost every other night. i just don't understand why some people have to be so judgmental and so cold-hearted. don't they see that this is when i need you the most? you're leaving me and i'm all alone. that's like kicking a girl when she's down. i don't get why you guys are doing this to me, and i don't like to talk about it or bring it up at any time because i am soo afraid of confrontation.

i try to hard to fit in, to be like you want me to be. i want to be loved so bad that i conform to society's norms, and it's just not me. i don't have a skin that i fit in, and whenever i think i do, i always end up feeling naked. naked in public. i feel like people see right through me. so this is when i put on a facade that blocks any one from being able to do so. my inner soul is so opaque that even i have lost sight of it.

as soon as i think things are going well, i always end up doing something to fuck up. when will this pattern end. when will i learn. when will i get it. when will i fucken understand that this is not who i am. when will i understand that this is always going to end the same.

i have no question marks at the ends of those statements because i am not asking any questions, im stating sentences that are on constant replay in my mind on the fucken daily. i don't get why i don't think things through any more. i don't get why i don't see the end result before it happens. i don't get why i surround myself with these people and get myself into these situations when i am always the first to stay aware of them.

i have lost sight of who i am, of who i am turning into, and who i am trying to not ever be.

what am i going to do ?? what is it going to take ?? god, i need you now.

xox rica

jerseylicious;; tracy dimarco < 33

Isn't she gorgeous ?? i think so. i absolutely love this girl. for those of you whom have been living under a rock the past couple of years, this is tracy dimarco, i like to spell it as traci cus it's cuter :)

she is on the Style network's #1 show called Jerseylicious. most people know tracy for her "tracy dimarco hair" and her "tracy dimarco nails" and her "tracy dimarco style". these three things have made her infamous in reality television. I recently got into the show when i caught it on my style network one weekend when it was in its second season.. i was instantly addicted.

jerseylicious, big rich texas, guiliana and bill, all of those shows all in a row on my TiVo. least to say, mix it in with desperate housewives, lifetime's the client list, and Keeping up with the kardashians--- i wouldn't bother me at all on sunday nights!!
If you don't know what Jerseylicious is about, it is an American reality tv show about a beautiful salon, called The Gatsby, located in New Jersey, & the Jersey girls working as hairstylists and make up artists and all the drama that comes with it.

The main characters are Tracy DiMarco, Olivia, Gayle & Christina (owners of salon), GiGi, and the glam fairy, Alexa (whom recently branched off into her own salon The Glam Factory. Alexa is another favorite gal of mine! =]-- then there is the ever so sexy shampoo assistant but he's not so relevant as he is sweet! ;)

So anyway, one of the girls, Tracy Dimarco, was donning these nails with wide-flair tips, & i  fell in love with them the minute i saw them!! tracy dimarco's wide tip flair nails are to die for. they are different, noticeable, and you can do soo many different styles wth them. i absolutely loved them !!! but you know me, i always have to jazz it up a bit so below i showed you a bit more on what i did. to the right is a picture of her nails the way she normally gets them. she normally does the white tips and pink nail beds, she says the white matches every outfit of hers as opposed to dramatic colors or patterns like olivia does with her nails. my nail beds are already super pink, so i don't need them. i just do the white flairs-- recently have been doing white glitter and pink glitter. it was my first time getting them done like that, and i think your nail beds need some getting used to.  i'll post a picture when i can && below there is a picture of miss traytease flaunting her amazing flair / wide tipped nails < 3

For those who thought the "Jersey fad" was running out of steam, they better get a clue !! jersey shore is back in its fourth season, and more hilarious than ever && this show is still running. this defff proved them wrong. Its first season was the highest rated new series on the Style Network and now it returns for Season 4 premiering in a few months! i am super stoked that i am making it a huge deal--can you say  jerseylicious premiere party?!? i made a list of food i want and am gonna dedicate the whole night to Jerseylicious with my girls & of course make sure i dress the part as well :)) hehe

So back to Tracy.. she's a hair stylist but does amazing make up as well && has a great sense of fashion. she wears stuff i WISH i could get away with but i def dont have the balls too. as stated before, she has been dubbed the vixen of the show and her big hair and penchant for animal print makes her hard to ignore - not to mention she brings the drama.. which brings the ratings. lol so she makes the show soo much better.

when it comes down to it, the show mainly promotes that jersey girls are all about BIG hair, animal prints, fake nails, and big boobs.
............... which is A-OK in my book! hehe =]
oh and letts not forget tracy's jewelry. she is always sporting some type of amazing jewelry-- i am most in love with all of her earrings!! she actually has a line, i have only been able to buy one pair because they are quite expensive. i have them pictured in a post back in december of 2011. not for too long though, as i will try to save money to buy more cus im in love with them all!! Here is a pair of Tracy's favorite shoes that I want soo badly!!!

my thing is earrings-- i have a gazillion pairs & am always wearing them.

Here are some clips available on the show's network's web site:  

this list is a few things my favorite girl believes in & is always sure to reinforce on the show:

1.) a real girl loves having attitude but being sweet at the same time. She always sticks up for her girls no matter what!!! Chicks before d**ks!

2.) you need to love big hair and have a good tan -- spray tan, because its healthier -- and always leaves the house done up, looking your best!

3.) A REAL Jersey girl knows the real Jersey Shore... before it got turned into a huge joke TV show.

4.) you have to love animal print (of any kind) and has at least one room dedicated to the print in her house. -- I have always loved Leopard/Cheetah print, but lately am buying any animal print I see !! < 3
5.) you have to have fake eyelashes, fake nails, fake tan, fake hair (extensions)... but are the most honest and realest girl you'll ever meet! - that's so me ;D

6.) you gotta can rock any outfit you want and hold your head high, because you're confident.

7.) && you gotta know every bouncer in NJ clubs and they all know youu!! VIP all the wayyyy.

8.) oh, and she believes in you always being able to change from work attire to a club outfit in your car because you always carry around a full makeup kit, teasing comb, hairspray, shoes and clothes.
9.) A normal girl takes one item of jewelry off before leaving her house, but me? i put on three more pieces of jewelry on before leaving! --haha i love that one ;D

10.) "The higher the hair, the closer to God." nuff said.

work it baby girl, work it!!
okay my lesbian obsession post is finally come to an end.

xox rica

Friday, February 03, 2012

thoughts on SOPA

For the past few weeks, and especially over the past few days, everyone is talking about the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), new legislation in the United States that seeks to punish people for posting pirated content. I didn’t pay much attention at first. I heard what it was, and thought  "well, that's pretty cool considering i dont support illegal downloading, n i certainly dont want people illegally distributing the content i create.. so my first impression definitely was that people were mad that they’d have to pay for things they should have been buying in the first place..?  Boy was I wrong.

i got home and googled sopa and was amaaaaazed at what i found.

If passed, this legislation will scare people from sharing any link or user-created content at all because if the government doesn’t like it--- you can & will be shut down. it instantly reminded me of that movie v for vendetta, where government controls the message at all times. i mean, that might sound a little dramatic, but those type of imagined futures don’t happen overnight.. they happen bit by bit, starting with legislation that seems like it’s meant to protect us (or so we’re led to believe) and then boom. we're stuck in a dystopian like society where our every move is controlled. legislation like SOPA, i think at least, will be the birth of that society if enacted.

&; not just that, but frankly, a lot of the people in charge of the government and even most business owners DONT EVEN USE the internet to much.  they have interns who answer their emails and support staff who update their websites.  so technically it's like we’re putting our faith to make good decisions about our industry in the hands of people who have no clue what this industry is about. that makes sense. . not!

SOPA doesn’t give you a second chance. I’m not advocating that a piracy site should get one, but i am advocating that a social sharing site, including forums, blogs that allow comments, social media networks, so on and so forth be given the chance to rectify any infringement problems, rather than just being shut down because a reader/user/member/etc. posted something that a content creator doesn’t like.

has any one even began to thikn about the gray area when it coes to infringement ??  SOPA will squash creativity like song mash-ups, spoofs, covers by amateurs, and more. so Karmin? ya, white girl who can rap as fast as busta rhymes who has three lungs? ya you would still be a nobody. even stuff that is technically allowed by law could be at risk because people will be scared  to do a daaaamn thing!! today, they’re taking down videos of someone covering a pop song. tomorrow, they’re showing up at the small-town bar we’re you’re singing karaoke. yeah, sounds ridiculous but like I said, complete government control doesn’t happen overnight. Baby steps lead us down that path, a path where free speech is no longer allowed as we know it!!!

&& to take things a step further…what about opinion pieces like I’m writing right now? yeah it’s deff a leap, but if SOPA passes, could someone in the future read this post and categorize it as content that promotes piracy just because I disagree with an anti-piracy bill? that is pretty outlandish but you never really know with this bill.
REMEMBER: Baby steps.

Let me not forget to mention how ridiculous the penalties are for someone suspected of promoting piracy in any way. A content creator can completely cut you off financially in as little as five days, which is not enough time for most people to defend themselves. You could even go to jail!! that’s right-- jaillllllllllll. i believe it was up to five years or something.

Up until now, I’ve been pretty outlandish with some of my what-ifs, but something that is very real and that absolutely will happen if SOPA is passed is that really cool start-ups won’t have a chance to succeed simply because they don’t have the manpower to fight lawsuits or police what users are creating to the high standards that will be legally required.

Get out there and write to your congressmen and women. Blog about it. Support companies speaking out against it. Educate people who are, like me, in need of education about the topic. Let it be known, even if it passes, that you don’t agree.

I think I’ve ranted long enough, so now I want to hear your opinions. are you for or against SOPA ? what are you doing about it if you are or are not?  && lastly, what do you think would be a better answer to online piracy? haha i don't expect any one to really answer that cus if you knew then we wouldn't have this issue in the first place :)

xox rica

xox rica

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Cheerleading < 3

I have had a love for cheerleading for almost half my life. When I was younger, my mom wouldn't let me join the tackle football teams so I began loving the cheer leading squads. I learned and memorized all the routines and cheers, and even began making ones up myself. There is a common misconception about us cheerleaders though.

Being a cheerleader isn't just how high you jump, how loud you yell, or how much spirit you have.

Being a cheerleader requires the right attitude, a positive attitude. With all the intensity between squads cheerleaders must have a lot of sportsmanship.

I have it.  Do you?

So last summer I posted an ad on to gather a group of girls for some sports during the summer. I made a local ad in the community section. I got soo many responses! After about two weeks, I had narrowed it down to 8 girls, and we all lived within 20 miles of eachother. The first time we went to Madison Meadows, we ran into another group of girls (oddly enough there were 8 of them too) and we decided to join forces and play together. We did everything from softball to volleyball to football, and especially cheerleading for the boy's baseball and football teams at the Commons & Madison Meadows.

We had an awesome routine & the difficulty level was higher than any other real squad, atleast i thought so hehe =]

This squad is amazing, and I am seeking more routines and cheers.

So if any of my readers have any that they recall from their younger years, let me know pleaseee!!

Thanks ladies!!

Felicia xx