Sunday, May 19, 2013

a formal fuck you.

F.U.C.K. Y.O.U.
I like how the people who are supposed to be there for you through any type of weather are no where to be found for me. there are times when i am in desperate help, and not a single soul would help me, or try to help me. i believe in karma, and my karma should be excellent with the way i treat my family and friends. so why is this happening to me? is this God's way of trying to keep me strong? well what the fuck God, i am not liking this one bit! i have been on my own since I was 16 years old, and have always promised myself i would make it and that i was making the absolute right decision. i did. i am glad i moved out, and am glad i had to deal with all of the responsibilities i have at this age while all of my peers were still partying at mommy and daddy's house on mommy and daddy's money.

i grew up quick, and love it. i am soo much more wise than people my age, and because of it a lot of them come to me for help. what do i do? of course i help them out. why? because that is the type of person i am. i love helping people, and being there for people. it makes me feel good inside. but lately, i have been noticing i am not following my own advice. i am not practicing what i am preaching. this is when i found out that...

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.

as much as i want to deny it, i can't. if i followed all that i tell others, i wouldn't be so partially unhappy with the people i am unhappy with. i find myself always being there for my friends. i always give them advice, i listen ot them. and the one thing i wont ever do under any any ANY circumstances is judge them. So why don't i get that in return?

it's one thing to turn down someone who came to you for help, but to completely ignore them is another. funny how when i go to ask other things that don't ask for help or their advice on something, they are quick to respond. but when it comes to me asking them for something, or to help me with something, they are missing in fucken action!! i don't get it! at least have enough dignity to fucken tell me NO, i'd rather hear that than continuing to message or contact you via whatever means possible and become an annoying nuisance and eventually leading me to look very stupid and desperate.

but its all good. there is only one person that keeps me around. its hard to give that up, but i don't think i would be able to handle this very much longer. i have given them numerous chances to switch things, to make things right between everyone of us, but it is still always my fault and it is always ME that fucks things back up. this is sooo far from the truth. they just can't get over that i am making it without them, and am going to continue making it. they can't stand to see my happiness, so they try to point things out on my life that aren't supposed to be the way they are. they must think i am stupid, and think for one second they know what goes on in my life when they don't because they never take the time to hear me, to listen to me, to see me, let alone to even remember me! i am always forgotten on big events/vacations, etc. and never know about any news until wayyy after the fact. i just am not a part of the circle any more, and finally am giving up on trying to be.

people are going to want you. need you. exceed you. take you. love you. hate you. play you. rate you. save you and break you. but that's what makes you

i'm not doing SHIT for any one any more. im done with being ignored, forgotten, and a disappointment to all of you. from now on, i am doing my own thing. deuces.

hugs.. one size fits all. i can really use one right now.


  1. Girl you are an amazing writer. I love that you talk about you problems, and arent afraid of those judging you. Keep your head up

  2. I am sorry for your situation, you seem to be handling it prety well tho, so stay up gorgeous. theres people that will kill to see you fall


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