Wednesday, January 21, 2015
the emotion that drives us the most
anger is an emotion that our minds use to somewhat justify our actions in such a way that makes sure that we are protecting our well being. This isn't always the case, but in most cases it is. For instance, when I personally lose my temper when my boyfriend tells me he doesn’t like the way i dress--this isn't necessarily preserving my rights but its remembering an old wound which is not being satisfied with my self image, and thats what makes me angry. If I were 100% happy with my looks and my self image then such a comment would never bother me... but being part of the female breed.. it's almost inevitable to not be offended (angered) by that comment. Anger ignites from various different areas of the mind. it brings us back to something inside us that we normally would not go to. for instance when we're trying to:
heal all of our wounds.
personally, i think as long as this wound is there you will become angry whenever someone reminds you of it. & of course the people with numerous wounds, will become angry at much more things being said than some one with just a couple. Unless these people deal with their wounds they will lose their temper for the slightest reason. This is especially seen in men.
control their ego attacks.
men naturally tend to have huge egos.. especially men who are very good looking. my boyfriend, for example, has quite a big ego that often is the core to our arguments. he often becomes arrogant when confronted which results in him treating me pretty badly which of course results in ME lashing back at him. when i do this, it usually involves me questioning his achievements which he will then furiously reply stating all the great things that he has done, blah blah blah -- to which you can then devalue all what he said by either laughing, smiling, or saying something smart. i rarely do this because i'm not an instigator when it comes to arguments with my boyfriend-- i try to communicate & solve our problems-- not extend them..blowing them up into something even more toxic.
now let me pushing my psychology on your asses by breaking down this ego attack thing a bit further.
when someone starts to mention his achievements, he identifies with them by assigning all of his worth to these achievements. therefore, when one undervalues those achievements--he will take it as you are in fact undervaluing himself, as a person. which rsults in an identity crisis where the person can end up questioning the importance of his own achievements and sometimes even his life! does this make sense? this is why no matter how hurt i may get by my boyfriend's actions, i don't think i could ever lash back so severe that he would break down into an identity crisis. Especially considering the bnigger the ego, the more sensitive they are to having one by just a few hurtful words. However when it comes to some one i could give a fuck about, the stronger my devaluation, the more powerful the effect of the attack will be...
this is the last point im going to make, reverse psychology is not what you all know it as. when it comes to combating anger, reverse psychology is moreso a reverse attack. For instance, if someone told me "ay you look so messed up, where'd you get your disgusting clothes from?" i'll reply back with something like "i can change my clothes anytime but your ugly ass face will always look the same." What i did here is pretty much allowed myself to shift the focus from myself to the other person in seconds, and generally results in making him or her become reallllly defensive. & once you got them in defense mode, you pretty much have them wrapped around your finger. haha because once someone gets defensive, you have the choice of using any of the points i made above, or any kind of attack you want really. It will results in the fight or flight response kicking in, and in most cases people will TRY to fight but end up in the FLIGHT response.
.....well, at least that's been my experience hehehe ;]
alright that's enough for today kiddos.
my shows are about to startsoo adios! :)