super long && completely off the wall topics that i feel i want to share. no substance to this post at all. i should also add i have about 14 draft blogs waiting to be posted. i have yet to perfect them, that is why. the next one will be my make up and hair blog Ive been wanting to post for months. i just keep finding new tutorials, etc that i want to add. i follow dozens of girls on YouTube who make tutorials, and am just obsessed with it. YouTube is one of my favorite sites. you can search for literally anything on there. i find myself learning how to do smokey eye, make ice cream, and get out of a DUI arrest all at the same time while bumping some Lil Wayne. ha ha ;D
this year i have learned a lot. i have grown the most this year, i think. i also think i say that every new year.. lol but this is good. you're supposed to grow each year, more than the previous. my most important lesson though would have to be that Ive most of all learned to let my heart guide me, hoping it leads me in the right direction. I've learned so much in my life, and grown so fast. i can't say i don't sometimes find my self in circles.. cus i sure am still am trying to find a meaning to why things happen sometimes but i cant redo the past && i wont regret my mistakes. i just learn from them and build myself up as a human being, as a respectable person, and most of all as a person i want my sister to look up to and see inspiration in.
<3: lately i have been thinking so much about life and where i want to be in the next five years.. basically on all aspects of my life i want to improve on. i don't want to start a family until i am financially stable enough to do so. i know i would be well off either way it goes because i have an amazing family who would give everything they have to make sure the child has everything he or she needs and wants.. but i would really like to be able to take care of the child on my and my boyfriend's own salaries. i don't want to be asking for money for diapers every week, or living barely pay check to paycheck. i applaud all the mothers that are able to give the best for their babies that exact way, i admire their strength and ability to hold it together for their family, but it's really tough and upsetting to me to see and witness and i am therefore not going to put myself in that situation. i want to be able to have disposable income to do as i please. i also want to get into a more stable job. i have been blessed with some amazing jobs, and i truly enjoy my job now. but i just don't consider it as stable as i would like to, and in order for me to start my new life i need to be in a career choice that i feel comfortable enough to be in for years and years.
<3 <3: i also want to improve on my social life-- i want to get closer with my side of the family. this is slowly but surely starting to work, i want to gain new friends. i found a new way to do this, and i meet a lot of new girls weekly but I'm really picky on who i let in, its hard for me to get a long with girls who are not somewhat attractive and smart-- call me shallow for saying that but idgf-- lol i don't chill with poor hygiene people, and i absolutely cannot hold a convo with an idiot.
<3 <3 <3: as far as relationships are going, let's just say this: "fiqhtinq: thats what we do ;; u tell me when im being an arrogant asshole & i tell you when you are being a pain in the ass . which you are 99% of the time, im not afraid to hurt your feelings. its going to be really hard. were going to have to work at this everyday, but i want to do that because i want you. i want all of you, forever." this is my fiance & i perfectly. for those of you who don't know, this quote is from the movie The Notebook. It is one of my favorites, and it reminds me of my life so much. my fiance and i are doing really well. he has changed so much to make me forgive him of almost all the hurt he has laid upon my heart in the past. he has never done me wrong, never cheated nor lied or done any thing to truly affect my well being.. im talking specifics here.. but any way, it was mainly just hurting my feelings with some of the things he said and did.. thank god i have never had to deal with heart break on cheating or anything like that.. id probably die.
<3 <3 <3 <3 :: I'm taking a personal interest class at the community college near me, it's a psychology course relating to criminology. i am obsessed with it. i got my textbook (which was $80 fucken dollars by the way) and was only supposed to read the first four chapters but i read about triple that!! I'm not yet ready to start on my degree because of personal reasons.. but i am working close to 50hrs per week if not more, and i just am so happy that i am at least doing something with myself. i couldn't imagine living without a job.. i need to make my own money. i love being independent. i love being able to wake up on my day off go to the mall and buy what ever it is i want. thankfully i am not the least bit high maintenance nor am i a shopaholic or go on shopping sprees, but i at least like i buy an outfit a week as a treat to myself for a week's job done at work.. it makes me feel good about myself.
My Gifts This Month:
gorgeous spacious cheetah print clutch. it actually has enough space to fit my cellphone, make up, mini wallet, and hair brush!! haha ;D next are my TRACY DI MARCO earrings!! Hay! they were only $13, and her regular prices are ten times that, so i got a steal!!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3: improving my self-esteem. i am starting to eat more healthier. i want to become a lot more toned. my ass is just so FAT. i want it to be rock hard ;) i also love being social.. hence going out and being with my friends. they've been my rock and through times i never thought id see the sunshine again they were the ones to make me smile. i live my life the way I want to. i love routine & having a set plan. I like taking chances on things that i believe are important to me. If you never try. You never succeed.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3: i have focused so much on conforming myself to society's views that i have lost my self worth. i have discovered new music artists, and truly got into the lyrics. I've attended countless shows and festivals this summer. i am so happy i finally got to make it to all the fireworks festivals this year.. all the ones i wanted to go to at least. This weekend we have the Good Old Days festival that i am actually working at as a promotional model for this new pizza place. i also started hula-hooping! It's amazingly fun and a fantastic workout.. along with working on my flirty girl fitness that i am currently working on a blog explaining my opinions on it including the videos and its background on who founded it, etc.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3: not only that but I've started writing so much more. i have a journal that i write in daily, and a journal that i write really happy things and big events in and another one where i write in my anger and pain, and what i do to recover from those. both are very private, but i hope my future daughter gets to read them when she is of age to learn a bit more on life.
that brings my utterly random blog to a close. time to put these eyelids to rest and to snuggle with my boyfriend.. wish me luck ladies on continuing to live life to the fullest<33